No such thing as a simple life on my one acre in Tasmania with my two dogs.I try to grow food, wrangle chickens and the native and non native wildlife share the land I call home. Life with CPTSD and ADHD not been easy so I share about it all. Low income, a bit frugal, real life My Life.
When your live is the southern most state of Australia Tasmania, (island State) and your home is in the southern most council region of that state and the latitude is -43’01, and that island is in the Roaring Forties. “During the Age of Sail (circa 15th to 19th centuries), these strong prevailing winds propelled ships across the Pacific, often at breakneck speed. Nevertheless, sailing west into heavy seas and strong headwinds could take weeks, especially around Cape Horn at the southern tip of South America, making it one of the most treacherous sailing passages in the world.” https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/roaring-forties.html
The Ocean Chief Samuel Walters (British, 1811-1882) The Black Ball Line clipper ship Ocean Chief reducing sail on her Australian run. Australian Maritime Board
The Roaring Forties in the Northern Hemisphere don’t pack the same punch that they do in the Southern Hemisphere. This is because the large land masses of North America, Europe, and Asia obstruct the airstream, whereas, in the southern hemisphere, there is less land to break the wind in South America, Australia, and New Zealand. https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/roaring-forties.html
Living here for over two decades I used to see that the winds would pick up generally for a week or so before and after the equinoxes, and solstices. Equinox occur in Spring and Autumn, it is where the day is equally 12 hours of sun and 12 hours of dark. The solstice dates this year for the Southern Hemisphere Autumn was 21st March 8.24am. Spring will be 23rd Sept 16:49. For those in the Northern Hemisphere the dates are the same but opposite seasons. The solstice for me Winter June 22, 2023, 12:57 AM, and Summer will be December 22, 2023, 2:27 PM. Again for Northern hemisphere same dates opposite seasons. https://greenwichmeantime.com/longest-day/equinox-solstice-2021-2030/ So on the evening of the last day of Winter my dogs and I listened to the wind howling through the trees, and I had to draw the curtains as Busby was very anxious. I on the other hand was marveling at how far my Blackwood and Eucalyptus trees could bend and sway without breaking. For which I am very thankful. We also had heavy rains and in two days my water tanks have gone from being 3/4 empty to overflowing and the one I accidentally almost emptied is nearly full. With predictions by our Bureau of Metorology but called the BOM of a dry summer it is always good to have full or almost full rain water tanks throughout winter and more so at the beginning of summer.
I swear a moat was forming about part of my home. I could not see across the river let alone to the mountains to see if snow was covering their tops. Kunyani (Mt Wellington) in Hobart did have alight dusting of snow.
My day was spent basically as normal, though neither Miss Treacle or Busby were too keen to go for a run in the gale winds, with cold rain temp was -1dC/30dF and only went half way. Returning home to eat and spend the rest of the day by on the sofa, enjoying the warmth of the wood heater. I did feel for my chooks who were looking rather bedraggled, who spent the majority of their day under the house.
I however found myself sorting and folding the clothes and linen that had been laying on the stairs and on the top of my drawers and floor to be honest of my bedroom, away. I then put a mountain of books or maybe several mountains that had been about my bed into a bookshelf. I picked up the electrical fan I had failed to put together before summer and obviously had not achieved over summer and placed all the pieces in the corner, along with the summer window covers I use to keep the room cool in the summer heat I vacuumed all the cobwebs and dead insects of the ceiling, along with doing the carpet. WHAT? Who am I? I am in awe of how my brain is changing on the medication I am on for ADHD. There was no thought, I had taken a few clothes that had been on the drying rack and were now dry up stairs, and well just began. Is this how people who do not have ADHD manage? I mean it took me about 3 hours to do it all such a seemingly small amount of time. For stuff that I have not done in months yes months.
My dogs had stayed down stairs the whole time, and I guess I had missed meal time which is 14:00hrs, I have not a clue what time it was when I went upstairs. I was rather shocked when it turned out it was almost 16:30 and my poor starving abandoned dogs were so relieved that they had not been forgotten.
I too was a bit hungry so made some food. I then went and bought wood inside to dry for tomorrow and stack some more in the covered wood area. I guess there is now 4.85tonnes left to move.
As the sun set the temperature dropped drastically a chilly blast seemed to fill the house. I put more wood on the fire and opened it as it had burnt down low whilst I was up stairs. I and my wonderful dogs then settled on the couch for the evening. All with full tummies, and a sense of contentment and peace. My home has not suffered any damage in the storm and gale force winds that have come early it seems this year. My garden and chook shed also have been undamaged. Very thankful for that. I know how much my heating will cost me, and I have paid for it in full. My thoughts turn to so many Australians who will be concerned over their heating costs, to those who have no home, or will not be able to afford to run their heaters all winter. I have seen how hard it was for many people in UK, Europe and USA many in much colder climates than where I am through there winter.
Today a necessitiy to do some shopping for chook food and dog meat and bones. A few items for me. I loaded my two dogs into the car and noted battery was a bit flat as I have like many others been driving less due the increase in petrol prices (along with everything else almost). I am thankful it did turn over, ( I do own a battery charger just in case ) and after doing the shopping and having a lovely lunch at one of my favourite cafes in Huonville, DS Cafe where normally the dogs and I sit in the laneway. Today was gray and very cold I chose to sit inside by the fire. It would seem that my dogs waiting in the car, were not too happy at that. Having done all needed in town I needed to fill the car, in Huonvile price of petrol is $2.19 a Litre ($1.49US/1.25GBP/1.45euro/1.95CAD, for those in the USA a litre is almost 1/4 of a gallon making the price $8.80USD a gallon. I drove out of town filled up the car. as it was a 10cents a litre cheaper, but more to get the battery charged too win win. In the smaller town closer to where I live there is a wonderful couple of petrol stations that still serve you, and of course this makes the petrol more expensive. I do fill my car there if I have no need to go to Huonville. As I imagine the difference in price is lost by the 40+km return trip. However as a boost of my car battery was a necessity today and it has been quite a while since I have been for a real drive out of my local area(and I am only talking a 50km drive here lol) I went out to Crabtree, and found some new places I had not been before. A new campground on the side of the river. I also took the dogs for a walk along the beautiful riverside, my photos below share our day.
As I was driving back towards Huonville I was traveling slowly past the apple orchards and saw some movement: I found an area to turn around and came back to check what I had seen. These Cygnets are very early and relatively old as they are beginning to get their feathers. I was so thrilled to have noticed them and even more to have had my camera with me, even though I was a way away Mamma or Pappa Swan was not comfortable having photos of the babies being taken. Sensible swan, and rounded them up and wadled off throught the apple orchard.
Not many would have their trip to the shops end like this. Or have such gorgeous places so close to them to drive and enjoy the beauty. I am so very thankful to live in this beautiful valley on a very special island called Tasmania.
Looking SouthWestFresh Water enting Pebbles Hunting sea glassNorthEast Time was 11;30ishMy dogs love it Amazing strata
This is one of our favourite beach/riverside walks which is pretty close and if we take the long way home, it is on the way home. The rocks have many fossils, though over the years I have lived here, the rock cliff has eroded so much.
Rock rivers side cliffSunshine on RocksHappy DogsSniffing rock poolsSo many fossils in the rocksI love the geological formation and strata found here along with fossils
It was a beautiful winters day though it was a little windy we all enjoyed it.
Strata with top soil clifftree root embedded in soft rock
The following photos are the northern end of this beach it is very different on this day as it was sandy.
Heck here it is July, I feel as if I have been on a different planet over the last few months. Its is all good just nary a post. Winter here in glorious Southern Tasmania the wood fire is going, and snow is on the distant mountains, as I sit writing listening to my two dogs are chomping on bones. We have all been on a short walk. The frost is still present and the sun has not reached my place as yet.
However today is going to be glorious and whilst I wait for the sun to come over the trees(how I wished I lived on top of the hill and not down near the river lol, though in summer I am happy in this position). I aim to get back into the garden, to clear an area of my ‘veggie growing area’. I also aim to dig at least one hole a day for about 10 days for the new fruit plants I have purchased that will be coming soon as bare rooted stock.
My mental health on the whole is good, I have no regrets about coming off my medication (with support) for me it was such a wonderful thing to get me through the really bad period, as I had and continue to have support from my psychologist. I knew it was time. I have not had an ADHD assessment done, yet in my heart I believe it is a fact, and wow if I had known years ago what a difference it would have made in lots of ways. Now this knowledge lets me relax about so many things that often would cause me anxiety and distress.
I took a break of several hours and worked outside in the garden. Winter gardening is all about the weeds and planning. Preparing and dreaming. I am just pottering attending to so many things slowly that have been neglected or forgotten in the last few years. Self care was my highest priority as I adjusted to life with a mental illness, asking for help (hard to do for me) and utilising the help both medication and professional. I feel right now as if I know what I need. I am working towards this and as I do I am content, even with any discontent.
Today lovely sunny one down here in the Huon still and just one of those great winter days. I decided to begin on an area of neglect in between the chicken run and my veggie garden. I had attempted to before I became ill create a pathway for the chooks out to the paddock, so they could not be tempted into the veggie garden. Well that all fell by the wayside and what I was left with is blue steel fencing embedded into the soil (that had made itself over the last 5 years and impaled by the most horrendous grass ever. (I call it onion grass because it bulbs and spreads and its a nightmare).
The Beginning Help is always appreciatedDreaded onion grasstaking a breakBusby checking out my work looking better more to doMore to do so not the end
In the final photo you can get an idea of how deeply buried the fencing wire mesh was. Still more to do. I sort of got sidetracked when I popped into the veggie area and decided to weed a bed. I did come back and pick up all the onion grass and all bulbits I could (little buggers always miss one or many!) Used the top of the old dog house to through all these horrible pulled and cut out grass bulbs, which means no touching the dirt. Tool of choice was a serrated edge steak knife!
The garden bed I was distracted by. A lovely weed filled bed with grass growing around it and weeds. is the one on the left of first photo, completed clearing around the edges and inside. Winter is proving to be the time the weeds are sprouting here at my place. I may not have dug a hole and prepared for a new or older plant to go in today, I did weed a bed, always choices when you have a garden and always manyana.
I am now looking forward to tomorrow, as the weather is again meant to be lovely as today. I have my eager helpers the dog/s and chickens and I hope to do more of the buried treasure recovery.
This morning I was awake early for a Saturday morning. I lay in bed watching the sunrise, and listening my two cockerels crowing. My dogs and I are sleeping on my mattress down stairs(Bubsy was not allowed to go up stairs when he had his cruciate ligament operation). He has recovered but it is cooler down stairs and I have hope I will get my bedroom painted, before the cold weather arrives.
So the three of us were on the mattress, Ms Treacle and Busby asleep; I noticed movement on the stairs on my deck and saw a small wallaby. A incredible way to begin a morning.
Good Morning what are you doing in there?
I was meeting up with someone who was giving me a mother for making Kombucha,it was a transaction to be carried out in the car park of a business in Cygnet. After my morning wake up visitor, I headed to the shower. Then the dogs went for a run. Loaded them up into the car and we headed into Cygnet. As I was driving a grey Goshawk(which is actually white) flew up off the edge of the road, and flew in front of my car. Sadly I did not have my mobile or camera to hand. Yet sometimes the lived experience memory far outweighs the image. I can still see the bird quite a large one flying up. I imagine it’s breakfast was laying in the long grass alongside the road. I could not help but appreciate how incredibly lucky I was.
On arrival into the small village near where I live, I saw several other folk who were ‘loitering’ at 9am on a very quiet Saturday morning in Cygnet. A vehicle pulled in and jars were handed out. We thanked the wonderful woman who was sharing her mother with us. Off we went onto our day. As I had not eaten or had a coffee at home, along with it being a truly stunning Autumn morning, I chose to have breakfast at one of the wonderful cafes in our village.
Hardly a car or person in Cygnet. 9am on Saturday morning of a long weekend.
One of the many businesses lots of local artists and creative work sold here.
It was a short walk to the cafe. We arrived and were the first outdoor customers. The Port Hole Cafe uses locally grown vegetables and all deserts are gluten free. Cater for vegans too. They do serve meat meals. Wonderful coffee and is a lovely out door area, with herbs and flowers growing around the perimeter. As I sat waiting for my order, other people began to arrive for breakfast. Many bringing their dogs. Most eating places in town with out door areas are dog friendly. Huon Valley is a wonderful dog friendly community.
What a day to be out with your dogs.
You are supposed to have your dogs on lead in all public areas (unless other wise noted) Miss Treacle was sitting under our table in the shade. I was thrilled to meet up with two wonderful women and as the cafe began to fill enjoyed a couple of hours catching up and sharing with the ladies, meeting and greeting for my dogs, and saying hi to many people I knew. The cafe was filling up fast. I discovered it was Regatta Day and the local sailing club were conducting a race from another bay further around (quite a way ) called Kettering. This is where you catch the ferry across to the wonderful Bruny Island. The sailing club was racing from there back to Cygnet. A lot of other activities were happening. I had intended to drive down and take some photographs, alas I was running close to another meet up I had this morning. We all said our see you’s and my dogs and I went for a walk up the road and back to the car. I had to do some grocery shopping, and did this quickly. We headed home.
I had surprised myself two days before I had offered some rose hips to some one on the local crop swap Facebook page. She no longer needed them another person did. Without thinking I invited her to my place to pick as many as she liked. WOAHH no anxiety, no what if, and today no regret. I was so amazed that I did not cancel, or have somatic reactions to knowing a person I had met only a couple of times in the community was coming to my place. MY PLACE. No one has been to my home in so long even in the garden. Especially someone I did not know very well. Yet I felt no anxiousness, of feeling of wanting to cancel of flee. It seemed strange that not one iota was present. When the woman arrived We walked around the outside of my home, (which is not neat and tidy or beautiful to share with others), as a hoarder working to resolve this, a lot of things are waiting to be dealt with and things that I have managed to move out of the house in the last two plus weeks are waiting for a friend who has offered to help me take stuff to the tip. Two things in this paragraph seem so extraordinary to me. Someone came to my home no anxiety, I have moved stuff to get rid of out of the house.! Only someone who is a hoarder, loves a hoarder, or is wondering if they still wish to be with the hoarder or is fed up and wants to help the hoarder get rid of the hoard. How is this possible? As someone who has been diagnosed with CPTSD, my hoarding became another symptom of my mental illness. By having things in such a situation and way for me, (and each person who is a hoarder is dealing with their own issues and recovering is a very individual experience). You can not MAKE a hoarder change, You can not get rid of the Hoarders ‘hoard or rush the individual. As frustrating as that seems, we are fragile. The hoard whilst not necessarily valuable or as in my case in the best of condition or even seemingly rational to other people, even those closest to the person who is hoarding. For me cardboard and newspapers were a huge thing, my carport is full of cardboard boxes. They are for my garden but when they were coming into the house and taking up space and growing, that was a huge problem. I managed to get them outside and for me, now, I know I will be using them for the garden over the next few months Autumn and Winter. My visitor saw all this, she saw the two arm chairs outside and other items making my drive area what it is. I felt ok with that. There are two boxes in my living room at the moment and they are being filled with smaller bits and pieces that need to be moved outside to be taken to the tip
I am so happy so incredibly happy I have been saying for months to my previous GP, that I was feeling like my starter motor would not turn over. This GP disagreed saying I was not motivated. I was flawed by this insensitive comment. I responded to her, I have managed to have a shower, get in my car and drive 70km/ 44miles one way to this appointment. I am motivated. I want to get into my home…I cant’.
I left this GPs office and was fortunate that at this moment the GPs closest to me was taking new patients. It was meant to be.
If you have not read previous posts in regard to my accidental cold turkey coming off Desvenalfaxine (Pristiq), one month ago today. I do not recommend it, I have been incredibly fortunate with my withdrawal process. You really need to do it with support and being taken off it slowly. I am still experiencing odd symptoms of withdrawal.
The importance of having someone I don’t really know come to my home and see how it really is was horrifying to me, the hoard meant no one came to visit, it kept /keeps me safe and no one comes into my home, or garden. Yet today they did, and it was wonderful. Not to feel anxious but to enjoy sharing about her garden and small business (she and her hubby grow organic veggies and salad mix sell it to the cafe I had breakfast at and other places). I shared with her that I was a hoarder and working towards recovery, a very slow process. That was all that was shared about it. we just chatted as she picked the rose hips. In exchange I received three organic eggplants/aubergines. I have not regretted even now as evening approaches her coming here. I have not felt sick in my stomach. I have felt thankful that my starter motor is kicking over. I am glad I did not believe or agree with what my previous GP thought. For me after several years on the medication that saved my life and I am eternally grateful for it. I am through a lot of hard work and emotional distress anguish thanks to my wonderful Psychologist who has ensured that I remain on her books even when I could not afford to pay for her services(she bulked billed for me); has seen me able to have the same psychologist (as a low income earner for three + years). Prior to this I would see one for so many weeks there contract would not be renewed another would come along and I would have to start again with them, this actually I really believe made my mental health worse.
I understand not many are as fortunate as I have been in this situation. I also know it is very early days in my medication free life of a person with a diagnosed mental illness. I am just trying to eat as well as I can; which as a hoarder this is not always easy, and I not always brilliant at it. My kitchen is pretty much at the moment a state of disarray, and whilst I can prepare some things; I have been working on the kitchen. I have a floor space that has basically nothing covering it piled up a couple of inches. It is floor boards I am walking on. Things so many things have been thrown out that had been on the floor and well might be able to be saved/fixed..nope my mind now is I have been walking on this shit for a long time, (fluctuated over the course of time ).
Today started out so beautifully and as the sun sets here in southern Tasmania at 19:32 the days are drawing in, it is a clear sky and it will be a crisp night. I Love Autumn/fall. I will be going to sleep with a sense of peace. Amazing. It is so hard to explain when nearly every thing about your life when exposed to others can be so triggering and to not have that experience at all today or now made the beautiful start go all day and I feel my dreams will be peaceful.
I am thankful that there are people clever enough to work on medications that can help people such as myself get through the roughest patches. I am thankful that I am strong enough now to listen to my own voice about my mental health. I am thankful for the fact the withdrawal symptoms are lessening. I am thankful that I have a new GP who has really taken the time in the three appointments each over 40minutes bulk billed(health care card holder) to get to know me, what I have been dealing with and where and what is happening for me now. She also has spoken with my psychologist (with me permission very happily given ) and is now comfortable with where I am at to follow up in a month. (to begin with and it must be hard to meet someone first time who is coming off antidepressant cold turkey and tells you that is how it will continue. ). She was somehow concerned I may be suicidal (no matter how much I reassured her I was not. I was seeing her weekly.. for three weeks. So I did have her support for the last three weeks coming off the antidepressants. I am so fortunate and so very thankful.
my soul and heart ache for all people who are going through horrendous conflict /war situations, those who are loosing their jobs and now must survive in Russia with prices rising rapidly. Those who are defending their countries/communities in all conflicts around the world. For those who are griveing for all they have lost family friends livelihoods, pets, homes, everything. There are no words none. It does not help you I understand. I really can not do anything to help but donate money and hope it gets to organisations that will ensure all or the majority of it gets to those who need it!.
I know I am rich beyond words. I know I live in an incredibly safe place, and Have more than I need. may you all be safe, Tazzie
One of the ways I can tell when I may not be doing as well as I have been in regard to my mental illness CPTSD is how I become more sensitive and fixated on one particular aspect in a day. Usually to do with an issue I am struggling with or of that wonderful and terrible thing called Facebook. The beauty of where I am today is that I can pick up the signs pretty early on that this is happening. I will then be able to redirect my focus firstly by acknowledging what is happening, then finding something I enjoy. So as this was happening recently and strangely I had been doing a lot of positive things for my mental health it still creeps up on me.
The weather in Spring in Tasmania can be challenging. We have had the wettest Spring for 50 years. Last week we had a couple of days of 23dC(73df) then the temperature dropped to 7dc(44.6dF) wet and windy. I was warm at home with my wood fire going. A lovely cosy day. I spent to much time on the computer though. So when I woke up the next morning I decided to head into Cygnet for brunch. My battery of the car was flat, (somehow my internal light was left on) I have a charger, and started it up. The dogs and I went in spent time with friends ate, and then I went for a drive to recharge my battery fully.
It was a lovely afternoon.
You could be mistaken for believing that the photo below is from the Swiss Alps; it is Hartz Mountains in Southern Tasmania taken on the 30/10/21 Springtime. Yes I did feel an urge to sing The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music.
A drive through Pelverata is quite beautiful
Pelverata Road Slippery Falls Only visible when a lot of rain
Slippery Falls close up
A little farm on the road, the house is situated in the middle of the hair pin bend and the road goes around it. A lookout has beautiful views.
Battery fully charged, having had a couple of walks with the dogs through the bush. We were all content and I was certainly in a much better place. I may find being with people draining at times, it had been delightful to spend time in the morning with friends. Then to switch off my brains fixation status, and recharge by being out in the world of nature. Smelling the forest and fresh air, hearing the water in the full rivers and even the wee waterfalls at the side of the road created by the heavy and consitent rain we continue to have. I am so blessed by Godess to live where I do. To be able to get in my car and see such beauty.
Life in Tasmania can be challenging for those who first move her. No season is totally what it should be. You carry in your car layers just in case. As the population changes and house prices go though the roof where I live I do fear for so much of our areas as people subdivide land and farmland for the ever growing numbers of people who desire all that I am privileged to have. Yet at the same time excluding our younger generations who are struggling to even afford the rents if they can actually find a rental.
Oops I am off on a tangent Again I am thankful that I am so fortunate and I am especially fortunate to know it, and to feel I am rich beyond belief. (not in a monetary sense.
my hope is You will be content in your lives and if you are struggling reach out. It can be hard, but learning to manage our illnesses emotions reactions is freeing and empowering.
What a difference a day of sunshine makes to a lot of things. Here in Australia we have begun daylight savings, ( a week ago). Putting the clocks forward, it caught me by surprise. It was not until I went up to my friends three days later that I discovered that this had happened. I have to laugh at myself. Clocks really do not have any meaning to me these days. Unless I have an appointment. I really do not worry about it the clock that is. Time on the other hand is totally a quandary. I can know longer know by the sunlight what time it is. As the days here in Southern Tasmania get longer time seems to distort. It has seen me not going to bed till the very wee small hours. Which for me is not such an issue and I am very fortunate.
After spending time sitting with my friends and their dog Toby on their deck, having a lovely morning tea, as the dogs played and the cockatoos screeched.
It sure beat the previous few days, though in between showers I did manage to do something very needed.
It was so great to have been able to spend this lovely day with my neighbours and their dog. The weather deteriorated I endevoured to keep active and give the dogs some nice experiences as the weather was not going to improve for a week or more.
Whilst I find I am able to some things so many more just continue to be on lists. I do get frustrated with myself at times. Yet this is the reality of my life the fact is I am definitely not lacking motivation. I can do things at times. Yet the things that I not able to do are the very things which would make it so much easier in my life. I continue to move things out of the house. I really struggle with my CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) every day there is something that will impact me. I hold on tight to the fact that my mental health is good most of the time, I am so very fortunate safe and secure where I live. I am fed up with the wet weather, and we have more storms coming. It is making it hard to work in the garden and pop in spring flowers seeds. My seedlings for the veggie garden are doing pretty well and my hope is next week I am able to get in and tend to the beds.
May be triggering and language some may find offensive. Please do not share or use any of the following without consent of Echidna Home. (C)
Living with a mental illness such as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is so shit at times. I have been moseying along living life in way that has been good. I was out for a day with a friend on Saturday all day and it was really lovely we went to a town further a field. I was so exhausted afterwards. I have to say being with her is quite relaxing as their is nothing like being with someone who really understands what having a mental illness is like. We shared a lot it was really interesting, though at one point she mentioned that she often felt suicidal. This just blew me away, we talked and shared (as we both have had too many people we know and love succeed in suicide. )
Yesterday Sunday (it is a long weekend here in Tasmania). I was just at home and perhaps just switched totally off I am not sure even what I did. Yet I woke feeling good.
I needed to go and get some chook food so drove int Huonville. I did the little bit of shopping I needed too, and stopped for a bite to eat and coffee at one of my faviourite cafes. Sitting in the lane with my dogs, a small disagreement with another dog, sorted and my dogs under the table. His dog near his and all fine. Thy moved the dog and it blocked the access for the staff to bring drinks and food out. One staff member spilled coffee another almost dropped a dish, then the dog jumped up and tried to take food from a plate a staff member was bringing to another table. These people made no effort to move the dog, they never apologised to the staff. I suggested they move the dog form between the stairs and table, they saw no problem.. I was triggered and ended up just loosing it. I could not believe anyone would put anyone else at such risk to conducting their work. I even said it was a health and saftey issue. They just laughed at me and my escalation telling me I should leave. Of course I responded and it went on..I just could not shut up and fucking was used by me numerous times it seems to go with the course. Then one of these people said in a loud voice that I had obviously missed my medication as I was crazy. Well that was just the final trigger. Mocking mental health! I just kept on at her. I was shaking and crying red in the face.
When they were leaving after a very uncomfortable silence had settled whilst some of them finished their food.
It was ugly and horrible and I feel so ashamed, I lost it completely I was so so disappointed as I have not had anything like this occur in over a year. Sigh. I know I know I have a mental illness. I get triggered and when I am triggered I say fucking a lot. Positive is I will be speaking to my psychologist later on this week.
I feel so ill and so tired from all this. I hate this illness. Not being in control and all the work and effort is so tiring so all consuming. I feel I am growing I know I am moving forward I know all this. Yet an experience like this is just frustrating and now takes so much work to not let my self loathing feelings of shame and disillusionment and all those delights that come after such an episodes.
For me where I am now right now is that I do still have insight, I still know that I am so much better than I have been. I am still moving forward. I know I am improving and this is just a small set back.
It taught me that there are some truly wonderful people out there who when someone with a mental illness is falling a part I had someone who stood bye me and cared. For this I am so very thankful.
Having a mental illness such as CPTSD really can stuff up so many of your plans..then add the crazy summer weather here in my part of Tasmania and how my garden is somewhat neglected. I am doing OK though. It is a rough period in my treatment of my illness. Things coming from out of the blackness of my brain where for so long they have been stored. Being shared with my psychologist and now me working on how to manage the impacts of these. New symptoms such as nightmares, and grinding my teeth. Nightmares that are similar to ones I had as a child. This is the truth behind what it really is like when you are dealing with mental illness and attempting to keep moving ever so tiny amount forward.
This is my life, here on my little acre.
Rain is falling again as I type music to my ears. It is lovely to hear the rain on my metal roof, gurgling down the gutters and the water running into my tanks.
The garden will be very happy. I am very happy and the chooks will be ecstatic in the morning to go out and hunt for worms.
The chooks have been happy as we had rain last week so the grass was showing young green shoots.
At least five of my six hens and Roopert the rooster have. Sadly it seems I have lost one of my hens. I live in hope she is sitting on eggs somewhere and will return, there were no feathers to show bird of prey or animal took her. I have seen no sight of her in four days. It is Frieda my larger black hen with the frizzy top knot. Sigh I love and appreciate them all so much. She is a sweet nervous hen who was just getting to the stage of coming and eating out of my hand. I know at least it was not my dog Busby loving her to death. He has been incredibly good around them. I have been working with him to minimise harm to them and the wallabies. I am remaining hopeful.
Today was a lovely morning. The joy I feel when I go off to do my weekly bits and bobs in my local town is always pleasant. I meet and catch up with so many people. Today I had breakfast at Cygnet Port Hole Cafe which does a delicious menu. Very reasonably priced menu. Pretty good coffee too. It is lovely to sit outside with my dogs and look at the gardens about the cafe that grow herbs and some veggies flowers and I think there is an apple tree and plum. It has been several cafes in my time of living here most memorable and original was The Lotus Eaters, but this new cafe is equal to it as a meeting place and good food at reasonable prices. On Friday nights they do Tacos and music.
I really enjoy taking my library books back and looking for new ones. We have an amazing library with such a plethora of reading material available state wide. I know I am feeling somewhat more competent as I have picked up some books that are more emotive ie the rise of feminsim in China, and a few others that are of interest to me. One about the impact of social media on society. Depending on how they are written and if my brain can manage them with out to much frustration I look forward to enjoying them.
I am getting organised for winter. Though some days and nights here lately you can think winter has already arrived. A few people have had their fires going. I just turn my electric blanket on and head to bed with my laptop..lol or put on my Ugg boots and winter trackies. I ordered wood for winter. I have a good amount left over from last year and the year before I need to move and stack under cover. So the new wood can be put where this is. My mind says plenty of time for me to attend to that. It is no due until February. UNTIL I suddenly realised February is this week!
As the next day is just as likely to be super hot. My house if I put the fire on takes a day to cool down.
Routine wise I am eating better, and averaging out getting to bed earlier. Showering has improved and I have walked twice this week up the road and more when we have been out.
I also changed my bottle gas LPG provider. I was also able to provide my research information on the local community pages so people can see the differences. I have saved over $190+AUS/145Us /106.34GBP a year minimum by going with the new company who also delivers down here three times a week where as my old company delivered only once a week. So if you ran out of gas, which only happened once for me as I do have two bottles 45kg/99lbs ea, It was when I was really ill. Of course it happened on the day after I would have got the delivery. I had to wait a whole week for gas. Y ou pay rental yearly for the bottle and then each bottle of gas costs so much.
The new company had a great new customer deal so even without that I still save a lot of money a year with the new company. With my old company if you did not know to check what others in the area were paying you would get charged heaps more I saved money on each bottle just by doing this. Yet their price and rental were still dearer substantially and they have a yearly administration fee.
I have noted that I received a notice in my facebook thread today something that may have triggered my Obsessive part. A lady was travelling on the boat The Spirit of Tasmania (which connects Tasmania to mainland Australia arriving in Melbourne), it is an overnight trip and carries cars our trucks with supplies food and other things, holiday makers campervans etc, you can take your dogs on it. You can place them in their horrible metal crates, or you can pay extra and have them remain in your car, though the company makes you sign a waiver of rights even though it would not stand up in a court of law (since you paid for a service), if something happened. This poor lady was traveling with her much loved doberman, who was put into the dog crates, and somehow the dog escaped. (vanished) No trace so far has been found. You are only allowed down once on the journey if you want to check your dog, otherwise it is locked area only staff are allowed there. The dog this poor dog has not been found, and this woman I can only imagine is devastated.
My own experience of bringing my cat over when I moved here was bad enough I worried all night if my cat would be OK. When I picked him up he was in a huge metal dog crate with a dog bowl that was like a swimming pool that had flowed all over the place and he was saturated. He had also been one crate away from a very large German Shepherd. (most likely a lovely dog) my cat had never been around a dog at this point. Sigh when we took our dog over to the mainland he travelled in the car we still worried but all was fine with him as he knew where he was and obviously felt safe.
Now I have put posts out to all sorts of groups asking people to contact the Premier Peter Gutweins office and the Minister Michael Fergusons office. Explaining that my dogs are my family they are the reason I am still alive and if this had happened to one of my dogs well who knows how I might have reacted. I explained about my mental illness and the woman at the premiers office said oh like a companion animal yes exactly but not officially. I went on to say they should have dog friendly rooms available so dogs could travel with their owners in the rooms. That the cost of all the issues pertaining to animals that have had issues (16polo horses died a few years ago, traveling on the Spirit the court case is still happening I believe), but this is a cost that the Tasmanians people will have to pay someway. As I am sure the legal ramifications of this latest episode.
Plus the many people who travel with their dogs when they come here, will be fearful.
My problem is as much as I want to keep pushing this. For me it makes my mental health and physical health worse. So I have done what I can as one individual. I must not keep pursuing it or I will get ill again. As I have before when I obsessively operate. I am well enough to observe the potential for this to happen. I am pleased and proud of myself that I am happy to have done something, and must leave it for now. Hoping the dog is located, and reunited with its owner. Hoping that regardless something will change in the transport of dogs and rights of owners on this trip.
wow this has gone a bit all over the place, but this is how my head is working tonight..
Yet that is pretty much how my day has been. I am content and happy, I am thankful that I have tools helping me manage the things that are coming as I work through issues. I am thankful for the rain.
Saturday we were up early to a very chilly morning, the fire is going, as I head out to let the chooks out. They are a bit traumatised yesterday my big dog chased them (my fault I had forgotten I had left them out). He grabbed one fortunately she escaped and I was able to get Busby inside, then go and find the hen, who minus a few tail feathers and been so shocked she had laid an egg poor hen. I had been very concerned about them all.
I was very relieved they were all ready to get out and all were happy to hang out and stay in their run.
After an early run the dogs and I headed into Cygnet. I was meeting a friend for breakfast and then go to a new market the Cygnet Garden Market. It was being held in the rear of the cafe we were having breakfast at. I have probably shared that Huon Valley is a very dog friendly community. Most cafes with out door areas are happy to have well behaved dogs on lead come with their owner/s.
As me and my two headed in we were greeted by a gorgeous Bernese Mountain dog. Boris who apparently is a Saturday morning regular who was a little put out due to the fact his normal area on the grass out the back was not available due to the market. However he was a big 74kg/154lbs teddy bear.
sitting eating breakfast surrounded by lovely camellias and the trickling water of a stream and pond
Busby was fine with Boris
Treacle was nervous of such a big boy
not a happy Boris
Happy Boris
yes this is good spot
Busby’s sisters dad saying hello.
along came Harold 5month old poodle
Boris and Harold getting to know each other.
Breaky (was disappointing and expensive). Ah when you are someone who lives frugally normal prices can seem expensive, if it was good food I would not have minded. At least I got to meet lots of dogs. My friend did not make it which was fine. I went for a walk with the dogs popped them in back into the car and headed for the market. I was so fortunate the sky was blue sun was out here and there. As I headed home the rain began.
Just opened and busy. Locally made bags
Lovely locally grown veggies and berry plants I almost purchased an elderberry.
Rowley and Nanno
beautiful origami butterfly cards made by Sandra her posies from her garden, Jane had salad mixes from her garden and greens.
Shopping for veggie seedlings and flowers at Daves seeds, he is grows wonderful heirloom seedlings
Shoppers enjoying the market
array of locally grown plants mostly natives
more locally grown native plants
some metal sculptures for sale locally made in the valley
Happy market goers bags and hands full
knitted gardeners by the lady in the lilac top she also paints, grows the helibores made the biscuits the stall was selling and sews.
Worm wee was being sold, compost, tools, organic bags of soil, local sheep manure, and alpaca poo. Alpaca wool. Apple cider vinegar made locally, grape vine seedlings, so many plants and seedlings, wonderful. I did buy some strawberry plants and a lemon balm cutting.
The local seed saving community group were there and were giving seeds to you gor a gold coin donation. There is a renowned garden who was loved when he was the presenter of Gardening Australia on the Australia Broadcasting Corporation TV. (Our national TV and Radio network public) Peter Cundall and I was fortunate enough to get some of his Pumpkin seeds yeah. I also liked that there were only four in the packet. I seem to end up with so many seeds left over. Which is why I love saving my own seeds.
So for the inaugural market, it was successful. I was in and out fairly quickly as they were doing the covid distancing requirements. The regular Cygnet Market has also recommenced. We are so fortunate for the people who organise all the wonderful community activities we have in our valley
Echidna Home 
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