Life, with my dogs, living on one acre in Tasmania. Living on a low income, and with Complex PTSD. I write about all sorts of things. I called my Blog Echidna Home because I have echidnas that live here
Even though we are staying home to keep safe, only leaving for essential shopping. Both the dogs and I have to exercise. We have a few ways we can go for a walk and today it was a matter of getting out when the rain stopped. As I looked down on my path I noticed some nasturtiums had self seeded (I have struggled for years to get them to grow here). My rhubarb in the front of the house has just taken off too. My nettles are growing and when a few more leaves develop I think I will try and make a nettle soup.
Of course Busby has to pop in on his mates Toby and Chubb, who live across the road and say good morning neighbours. The lichen and moss along the road edge. It is always different when we walk up the hill colours change, weather creates different impacts. This morning the cloud was lying low in the river valley where I live.
It was raining and has been raining off and on for five days now. With lower temperatures Autumn (Fall) is definitely showing her colours now in the valley. There are not a lot of native trees in my valley that are decidous so the colour on the hills and mountains change very little at this time.
There was a break in the clouds and the sun made a brief appearance and it became warmer as we were walking. I had left the fire going and was now thinking it may have been a mistake.
The clouds were beginning to come across and the sky was darkening as we got up the hill. That did not stop Miss Treacle and Busby from saying hello to one of our neighbours. I stayed several meters away to keep social distancing. The poplars are yellowing as the paddocks greening up after the rain and cooler temperatures.
As we walked back down the road it was getting darker, but the dogs were unconcerned. Busby was thirsty and a puddle was just the ticket. I ask you why do I give him clean water??
I stopped and looked at the blackberry climbing over the old garage on the road. There you have Autumn (Fall) and spring in one shot, I had to ponder at the Autumn leaves colour and on the very same vine new growth.
Busby stopped at our neighbours gate on the way home, in the hope his whines at Toby and Chubb might encourage their mum to come out and bring them out to play with him. It was not going to happen and Busby needed some encouragement to come home. Miss Treacle on the other hand was very willing as the first drops of rain were falling.
We just made it home before the wind and rain hit with a WHAMO!
If you look on the let side of the above photograph you will see a patch with yellow in it about halfway up that is over my area. We had timed it perfectly!
How beautiful it is sitting listening to the rain falling on my tin roof, the wind blowing the trees and a fire burning in my wood heater. There is snow on Kunanyi (Mt Wellington),
It feels like a winters day here today, 13dC/55.4dF. My CPSTD has been a bit all over the place as I had someone I do not want to have contact with be in touch. I have not responded to the message left. As this is how it is best for me to be well. Since breaking all ties with my family I have found a contentment I have not had since my partner died. He always loved me unconditionally and believed in me. He saw how my family treated me. He supported me and was there unquestioning and lovingly when I interacted with them, trying to have a relationship with them. He was there to hug and reassure me when it all went to hell, eventually.
This out of the blue message not responded too, still has dropped my mood and seen me comfort eat uncontrollably. Naming that here helps me to acknowledge what I have been doing and lets me name and describe the emotions. I am angry that my needs have been disregarded as was discussed back in January. I am resentful that this intrusion still impacts me, and takes me to a place of disassociation. This is something I realised today, as I shoveled biscuits into my mouth. I have literally switched off and gone into a void. Aware of what I should be doing but not able to face it. This is part of the reason I like blogging, it helps me see in black and white and somehow my brain connects the OH moments and I usually can move forward again.
This happened five days ago, and now I can see how I really have just gone to my ‘reactive management of disassociation’ . Clarity is good to have now. I am engaging my brain and moving forward again, and not backwards. It would be simple to remain in the vague realm of lost time just slowly sinking down. I am not doing that, I will not do that. I am moving forward.
It is hard to stop the reactions that have been a lifetime response to stressors. Though I am delighted that I have insight (eventually ) into what has occurred. My child has been protecting me in the only way she knows and that it to comfort herself with food, and switch off. I am thankful she is there and takes over when I retreat. I love her for that, I need to work on letting her go and me to take over at these times. I am still very much a work in progress.
Insight is a such a valuable thing. It is also frustrating when you have it but you are unwell. I can not control as much as I would like my family/inlaw family messaging. I know they have concern at this strange time in the world. I realise too that my reaction is yet again a demonstration of how little regard is held for my needs even when explained in writting and the reasons why. So again my ability to control aspects of my needs have been hindered.
I have options I realise, I could get a new phone number that they do not have. I would not get any messages that way. Yet I know I can not do that. Because I do care about this particular part of my family. Weird as that might sound.
It is weird how somatic issues come into it too, my sleep changed,I feel nauseous when I think or recall the message. I have been working really diligently to establish a routine, I either go up to bed at 21:30 and read for a while, turning the light out at 22:30. Or I go up at 22:30 and straight to bed light off if I am on line or watching something. I am waking earlier, and have more motivation.
I have also been walking the dogs everyday instead of me driving and them walking. We even did a walk along the foreshore of the river over the Easter period. I have not walked them today it has been way too wet and windy. Busby is frightened by the wind and rain together. Since we got caught in a heavy hail wind storm at Triabunna last year.
Coming out of the vagueness of how I disassociate is like cataracts falling off my eyes, and my brains neurons firing back up and the lights coming back on. It is a good feeling. I am very thankful that I kept walking the dogs through this period.
My GP and Psychologist have both been encouraging me and working with me and my CPTSD, Depression and or Anxiety knows that routine, good sleep, exercise, along with a healthy diet all aid in improving our abilities to deal with triggers/stressors. For me I know it is the only way along with mindfulness work, meditation, and being thankful for all I do have are also huge things that enable me to be in a much less reactive manner.
The other thing I note is I give up on the house and even the garden when I am disassociating. New insights. As I said I am still very much a work in progress and when I realise I have been triggered and reacted I am so very thankful that I am well enough now with insight to hopefully be able to begin to work through the reactivity of this situation. For me it looks so much like loss of control in my own life is one of the big things that keep coming up as triggers.
So that is why I have been lost in isolation. I am physically fine, if afraid to cough when I do go out. I live in the south of Tasmania, so fortunately am not in the area of Tasmania which has had two of its hospitals closed recently due to a fairly large pocket of Covid -19 positive workers which has meant that all the staff in these hospitals have been put into mandatory total lock down for two weeks. The patients from these hospitals have been moved to another hospital. The hospitals are being cleaned by a specialty team of defence personnel and will be operated by defence nurses and doctors cleaners and admin people I imagine for the time required.
We have been told we will be in stay home stay safe mode for another four weeks at least with the exception of essential workers, essential shopping, and GP appointments.
I am still flawed by the number of vehicles I see drive by my home full of families out for a drive. Looking at the scenery. Do they stop for food? To put petrol in their car. A toilet stop? A drink? Do they realise that they potentially could be carriers. Or have this illness and not know it yet? What is so hard to follow the instructions Stay Home and Stay Safe. The other issue I have is what if they have an accident, more pressure on first attendants, and ambulance workers. I really do not get these parents at all!
I am not going to get into that anymore, enough I can hear my fire crackling and I am looking out the window at the trees moving in the wind. It looks to have stopped raining for a bit.
My dogs are both asleep. Miss Treacle is snoring softly and Busby is curled up on his bean bag quiet. Both with full tummies. We are all well warm, dry and once again content with being at home, safe.
I am thankful for the rain, for my dogs, for a roof over my head, a warm fire and a cup of hot tea and food. I am thankful to have warm shoes and clothes. I am thankful to never need to say I am bored. I am thankful that for me being in self isolation is OK. I am thankful to all essential workers, I am thankful to all those people around the world who are doing the right thing as hard as it may be for many of you to self isolate. To keep others safe, as well as your self and your families. I am thankful to be out of my disassociation.
The end of day light saving always seems to throw my CPTSD into a strange place I am so out of routine. It does seem quite strange that a simple change of one hour backwards is creating something that I am not able to define it is just I feel flatter and know I must work harder to re-establish my routine.
Awareness of the potential to decline when I do not follow my routine is beneficial. Even when I am staying up late at night or into the very small hours of the morning, and then sleep for only 3-4 hours becomes a part of it. This morning Tuesday, I realised that I have been doing so I have to really REALLY work at going to bed at a time I know that makes me feel so much better. I do find for me the moment I begin to stay up later even an hour is the beginning and I now am aware of my pattern and intend to work at this by going to bed between 21:00 and 21:30 reading for a while and then switching my light off no later than 22:30. I do enjoy rising early and seeing the sun come up in Autumn and Winter.
Living on my own with no input from anyone else in regard to my routine sees many signs of how I may be moving back towards the hole I have been climbing out of over the last 18months. My routine is that I must shower every second day. I have noted this week I am up to day 3 and head for the shower. Why does it always feel so incredibly amazing when I step into the hot shower and wash my hair and body. I need to hold onto the feeling that lovely feeling almost as if along with the dirt my darkness goes swirling down the plug hole.
This morning I woke early before 7am but as I had not gone to bed until after 03.00 I had a headache. I also woke in the middle of one of the very realistic dreams I have as a result of the medication I am. These often leave me feeling bewildered and out of touch with myself for a while. At least until I have my first cup of coffee.
I came down stairs and do what I have done every day for the last 3 months put the TV on and sat listening to all the ‘News” about the Pandemic. This seems to be the routine that has become normal. As I made something to eat, the sun was shining in through my kitchen windows, the sky was blue for the first time in a week almost. I thought to myself why am I going to sit and watch the news inside when I could go out side in the sunshine and watch the birds bathe, and the sunlight hitting the trees and water of the river.
I went and sat outside. Sigh a very simple change. As I sat I realised that I still have some seedlings I need to find space for along with garlic and sweet peas to sow in the garden. I finished my coffee and my dogs who were outside with me came with me as I filled the bird bath. I put the new hose gun on my hose(the old one did not let me turn the water off as I moved about the garden anymore). I did both of these things. I then gathered the seedlings and the garlic with no idea where I was going to put them. I just began putting them in spaces that receive most of the sun in the vegetable garden for the garlic and then popping the seedlings about other beds. I am also filling another metal bed I have had sitting about for a few years in its box. It is so deep that it will take a lot to fill it. I have manure, leaves, non productive mushroom compost. I do hope it will be enough.
I will also be moving a second similar bed into the veggie garden area that is near my water tanks as the things I have planted in it have not been successful as it is not in the sun enough. That will wait for another day. It is on my list along with so much this Autumn and Winter.
The sun began to be clouded out, and I popped the sweet peas seeds in pots about my deck. I also planted a few more lettuce mignonette variety in a couple of places. Along with several more cauliflower and cabbage seedlings. I have so many I am just basically putting them everywhere and hoping some will be productive.
I had sat my new mushroom compost outside over the last few days to get moist and hopefully produce more mushrooms for free. I did pick some oyster mushrooms off one of the packs on Sunday. Today (Tuesday) I have put them back in the set up that is part fence and part mushroom house.
I noted that my Mock Orange plant which I had put in a large black plastic pot had gone berserk at the front of the house. Blocking my light and visibility of my driveway. So I have no pruned that and will move the pot. I did not realise it was such a fast grower. I did not get many blossoms and there bye the perfume from them this year as it was not in enough sunlight.
I just am not sure where I will move it too.
All this was done and I had been pottering about the garden for about 2 hours. So much better than sitting watching news. I am self isolating, only going out for essentials. We have been told we are not to travel or go away to shacks. Many people in Tasmania have a holiday cottage or house in beach side communities where they will go for their holidays, they are known as shacks. We are to stay in our primary residence over Easter and the police will be out patrolling and checking. This is primarily that along with the holiday shacks many elderly retirees live permanently in these areas. We are also no longer allowed to visit any one in hosptials . As we have at least two known cases of community transmission to employees in one of our Northern hospitals. The Government has not been able to ascertain how these employees have contracted the virus. We also wait to see if any more people who have been in contact with two people holidaying in Tasmania on an organised bus tour in March come down with the virus.
Back to routine. the sun came out and the dogs and I actually went for a walk up the hill and back. Not me driving and they running. This is day four. I was sitting here, writing about my routine. I know that for people with CPSTD normally exercise is very important. In the current situation we are all living in here in Tasmania it is even more important for me. So I got up from my chair and we walked. My neighbours who have been in Quarantine, as they had been on the mainland, were allowed out today. I thought it was tomorrow. My mistake. This meant our dogs could play. Busby and Toby(yes another Toby) were so excited and delighted.
Returning home the sun was out again so I laid in it to get some vitamin D. Another very important need especially with helping our immune systems. I take regular vitamin D especially during Autumn and Winter.
I was taking my wheely bin, to the road, and Busby was coming supposed to come with me. Instead he decided to go and visit the neighbours dogs. They were actually in behind their fence. However their owner is lovely and let her guys come out to play. So Miss Treacle and I went did the bin, and came back to this.
Dogs attempting to keep social distancing.
but failing miserably.
My neighbour and I did keep social distance and under our current rules we are allowed to exercise our dogs, and be with one other person (whom we do not live with if we our on our own). We are so lucky to have the paddock and good neighbours with great dogs. Miss Treacle went and laid under one of the cars. She is older and knew she should really be staying at HOME!.
Chubbs is a Kelpie/Staffy cross, and he is all about the tennis ball carrying one in his mouth until safe to drop it and have it thrown for him. He would just keep running for the ball until he dropped. He is also a snuggler, who comes and leans on you, climbs up on my lap as I sat on the grass, and will kiss you at every opportunity. Not great especially if he has his soggy tennis ball in his mouth.
A good roll and scratch in the grass.
They need to have fun and burn energy. As me and my neighbour needed to chat, and have a laugh watching our boys enjoying themselves. But even fun loving dogs need comfort especially at times like these.
So like Miss Treacle I am staying home, except for essential shopping and the joy, love and comfort my dogs give me always is something to be very thankful for.
It feels like Winter is approaching faster today. It is not cold, though the sky is light grey and rain is falling steadily. The dogs are sleeping and I am listening to the rain on my metal roof. It is always welcome rain. I value rain water as it fills my water tanks of which I am totally reliant for all my water needs.
At the same time I know that this rain is part of huge mass that is also bringing rain to mainland Australia to parts that have been impacted by drought for many years. I am quite happy being inside my home for the next couple of days. I have many things I need to be doing.
Please do not think for one moment that I am not aware of how very different it is for many many millions of people across Australia and the world. Who are not living in a rural community. Who are in lock down or being directed as we here in Australia are to stay at home. I am very aware of my blessings. I am also very thankful for them.
Pantrys are amazing things if you are fortunate to have one. Problems can arise when things get put into a container or pushed behind other items right at the back. As it is raining and rather than just sit and be lost into the nether world of You Tube making the decision to go through mine was a real positive experience. Finding (out of date) nuts and other bits and pieces.
I am making a chocolate granola.
Well it will probably end up being more of a nibble food.
It is all from stuff I have had in the back of my pantry and fridge. Nothing is off. I am not afraid of using products that are out of date. I use my knowledge and common sense.
When I was very young we would get these whole nut bags at Christmas time from Britain. We were so excited as all nuts were incredibly expensive. My parents as a special treat would buy this mixed nuts in shells net bag for our family to share. If we were really lucky there would be one type of nut each. It was so intriguing to see these edible morsels appear after the nut was cracked. Brazil nuts, walnuts, hazel nuts, almonds. Oh such foreign words to my hearing back then. My dislike of the flavour of Walnuts remained for many years.
Imagine my surprise many years later learning that the chances of those nuts being rancid was very high. They along with many other products would have been shipped to Australia. They would have been picked from all over the world, shipped to the Britain and most likely bagged there. Then shipped to Australia, where they may sit in warehouses, or shops until Christmas time.
I did not taste fresh walnuts until I moved to Tasmania. Wow what a totally different experience. Delicious. Add to that my partner had a friend who lived in a house that was surrounded by commercial walnut trees near Swansea on the East Coast of Tasmania.
After the harvest was completed, He would take us ,with permission of the company to pick up any walnuts that had fallen since or been missed. We had huge bags of walnuts in the shell. Fresh of the trees. I can only imagine how old the nuts I ate back in my childhood were. We had enough walnuts to last us until the next year, and they were still nicer.
Similarly Hazelnuts were included in these bags. Now I grow them and the taste is very different.
I grew up way before the introduction of ‘best before’ and ‘use bye’ dates were mandatory on all products. I am so very thankful for that.
Thankful because I do not throw anything out that can still be used.
So in the pantry I found some locally grown hazel nuts, sunflower seeds, some coconut flakes, and some sultanas. (they were all in an old coffee tin air tight.) I had written something on the out side of the tin, now illegible. I have oats and cocoa powder honey and some coconut oil. So chocolate granola. Yummo!
Looking at the Rosehips seeds and pulp there is so much left. Throwing them out seems so wasteful and there is still a lot of fluid in them. My mind was ticking over, back on the stove with more water, draining again, lots of colour and the flavour is a bit different to yesterday yet lovely. There may not be much vitamin content now my feeling is it will be a pleasant coridal.
Yesterday the washing was put in the machine so it would be completed upon my return from the essential shopping. Arriving home, it was completely forgotten about. Left sitting overnight in the machine. On wakening this morning the necessity to hang the washing was high, even though it was cooler and raining steadily. So fortunate to have the stair rails to hang washing on. With all the heat being generated from the kitchen with the cooking rice for the dogs, redoing the rosehips, and baking chocolate granola nibbles, it may be OK and dry.
Poor Busby has hurt his leg. So the rain over the next day few days with steady rain keeping him indoors is much easier. He is not very keen on going out in the constant rain. So he is on toilet privileges and is now on enforced lock down. The photo below sums up how he is feeling.
Treacle would like a run, but as an older dog she is equally happy to just stay in and be dry and snooze.
One of the hardest things for me is to leave my dogs at home when I have to go somewhere. It happens rarely if it is going to be a hot day and it is not safe to leave them in the car, it is raining heavily and I can’t leave the windows down or it is stormy with wind. Today was going to be warm, humid, stormy and windy. All things that Busby would not deal with in the car. I made the choice to leave them at home.
I almost cance
I have been diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). I have had anxiety since I was in my teens that I am aware of, it may have been earlier but I do not have any recollection. I developed depression in my early twenties. I first tried to kill myself when I was 22.
Most people will be aware of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD) but many people will not have heard of CPTSD.
It differs from PTSD in that instead of one traumatic event that impacts a person. The person, with CPTSD has had this occur in early childhood, and had repeated and long term trauma/s.
I explain this because I have certainly found myself having to explain and justify, why I am not able to work, enough times to make me annoyed.
When I can go out and basically all I do manage these days is shopping, once a week usually, appointments and my dogs exercise. (not sounding so healthy that Tazzie).
I have insight and know I am perhaps borderline Agrophobic. Why am I writing about this today? Whilst I really enjoy being at home and I am content at home, I do have anxiety sometimes and panic attacks , not as bad as some people. Mine tend to have me itching, hot and sweating ,heart racing and red in the face and neck. Perhaps not what most people would see as a panic attack.
I went to see a new Psychiatrist today; as the one I was seeing decided he did not want to see me any longer. I do not think he liked some of my comments to him about his not hearing me, or understanding the reality of my rural life, and my concerns over going on Ritalin. Having been a nurse I always check out any Doctor (no not just google but on reserch and journal articles, if they are affiliated with a university what the professional descriptions states. I am not intimidated by any Doctor. I was a Registered Nurse and Had specialist Post Grad degree in Mental Health Nursing so will speak my mind. A doctor who hears ME and sees ME as an individual rather than seeming to have his or her own agenda, is upfront direct and honest. I will respect him or her.
I needed to see a psychiatrist as my Psychologist (who is not a Clinical Psychologist) and my GP both feel that the chances of me working or volunteering (which I have attempted unsecessfuly ) successfully in the foreseeable future is Nil. They agree I need to be applying for the Disability Pension.
For that I need to have an assessment and a letter from Clinical Psychologist or a Psychiatrist. Which is why I have been and am seeing a Psychiatrist.
So I saw the previous mentioned psychiatrist for 5 months the medication (other than the Ritalin) he prescribed me has helped my cognitive function so much that I almost feel my brain is back. The side effects are not wonderful sleeping to much for periods and than not enough, weird bizarre dreams so real that I wake up and have to remember it was a dream. These I am prepared to live with.
I was so anxious this morning as I was due to see the new psychiatrist. I was not going to allow him to change my medication as I feel the best I have apart from the a fore mentioned things. I nearly canceled, because I was going alone and I was running a few minutes late on the hour drive, which was good as it did take my mind of everything except paying attention to the road and not speeding or driving stupidly. I got there. I did not have time to think about my dogs for the next hour .
He was brilliant. He really listened to me, (even though the connection was breaking up at times). It is done by Skype in my GPs office. I have to see her afterward otherwise I could have my appointment at home. This psychiatrist suggested Melatonin for helping me to sleep. It will depend how much this costs as it is not on the Pharmaceutical Benefit Scheme. PBS (government subsidy for low income earners, people with disabilities, chronic illness, pensioners pay $6.60Aus for any script on the list).
He was also supportive of my application for the Disability Pension Scheme which means that when I receive his letter I will finally be able to apply for this. If I am successful it will mean I no longer have to deal with Centrelink and Newstart! I will not have to go to the Job Provider Network for a review, and potentially be made to again do volunteering. Or look for work. That will be a relief . It would also mean a big increase in my fortnightly payment.
We chatted about quite a bit in this hour, and he was concerned about my not leaving my home and whilst he said because I was doing a positive thing in making myself go shopping and have coffee and talking to people. I was possibly borderline for Agrophobia. I have thought about that since arriving home and he is onto something. I need to be really aware of this. I need to keep doing what I am and also consider adding another small thing. To keep me from closing off totally.
Sometimes it takes other eyes to see something that you have been aware of but to actually voice it back to you as potentially detrimental.
The problem now lies in dealing with the process of applying and ticking all the boxes crossing every t and dotting every i and hoping sincerely hoping that I will be accepted. There are so many horror stories out there about people who have severe physical illnesses and combination of both physical and mental illness that break my heart when I read them and wonder how these people can be knocked back. I do have the help of a Community Health Social Worker who has been helping me with all my paperwork that I find too confusing. (I know I said I had my brain back lol nothing to do with paperwork).
So even though I am happy that this is a forward movement I understand and realise it is not a sure bet. So many people are knocked back. All I can do is follow the directions, have all the letters from Psychiatrist, Psychologist, and GP together with it and submit it all together and hope.
So I am thankful today that I went to my appointment, I met a good Psychiatrist, which made me feel a lot better. I am thankful that this Psychiatrist actually said I needed to be on the DSP. which made me feel less like a con which I have been as I seem so ‘normal’ when I am talking one on one or small groups over a coffee or just running into people. I am thankful that I have asked for help and that I am accepting it. I am thankful that I continue to move forward. I am thankful for the incredible welcome I got on my return home.
Today it is quite mild only reaching a maximum of 15dC/59dF with showers, wind and tonight a minimum of 4dC/39.2. This weather will continue slowly warming back up again mid week.
Yesterday I was enjoying coffee and a book in the sunshine on my deck getting my vitamin D. I sat outdoors on my deck marveling at how lovely a day it was. Watching the little puffs of clouds float bye. The brown butterflies and white butterflied, bumble bees, honey bees and native bees buzzed about. Birds chatter and song filled the air. Caw of crows, and songs of blackbirds. Wrens and pardolottes.
My washing was drying in my solar drier. Whilst doonas, dog beds and blankets all aired in the gentle breeze and sunshine. So lovely to snuggle under last night. To me that is the perfect scent to go to sleep with. Bliss.
It is has been a while since I wrote about the veggie garden. So the dogs and I ventured outside in between showers. It is not really as cold as I thought lol. Just going from a beautiful sunny 28dC/82.4dF yesterday to this is a bit of a shock to my system.
I shall start with the deck. There is still quite a lot happening on the deck as you will be able to see. So many flowers still going. Cornflowers and sweet peas which I have had since late spring. A beautiful long period.
Things on the deck are doing OK even though they may be getting a bit wind blown and the chillier nights may not be to all the plants liking.
Herbs such as sage and thyme are still growing new leaves, as is the Greek oregano I have that grows about the wine barrels and path. I still live in hope that some of my tomatoes still on the vine will develop enough to ripen as temperatures are to warm up again next week.
I have been getting tomatoes off both areas. The deck ones I have had to pick a bit greener as some critter has been getting in under or between the netting gaps, the night before I have decided I will have those couple for breakfast in the morning. I now I should have learnt by now never ever think let alone say out loud that you are going to pick that fuit/vegetable tomorrow. Exact same thing happened with the grapes. I did score a few and they were delicious.
I have been picking a few beans every day, often eating quite a few as I wander about the garden watering or looking. Similarly with the broccoli I just eat it raw at the time or in salad raw. Too nice to cook.
The corn is swelling. I did try my first cob last night for part of my dinner. It was so sweet and tasty, some of it not so developed. I picked it because I could see something had been trying to get into it. I have a few cobs left. I know that if I were to grow corn next spring summer I will not be doing it in a three season bed. Same thing with the pumpkin. Everything grew well. Everything has produced is producing something but in tiny amounts apart from the beans. The only thing that I feel was really successful and I feel it would have been on it is own is the bean tripod.
I have self sown rocket, red sorrel and a brassica of unknown origin or type just popping up about the beds on the paths of the Vegetable garden. I have not had plantain in my vegetable garden for years and this year I have it. I am so happy about this. This does not bother me in the slightest. Gaia is so generous if we allow her.
I keep thinking I should pick some Rosehips, and make some Rosehip syrup.
The dogs enjoyed being outside between showers, and sniffed, played and rolled about in delight. As I picked and ate some blackberries. I also looked at the wild apple tree in the hedgerow and picked a couple of apples off it. They look a bit green to me.
The middle photograph in the top row is of a watermelon plant that was planted as a seedling back in November. It is only just flowering now. I do not like my chances of getting any fruit. Oh you have to gamble some times. I feel the position of this bed and the metal walls protecting it were to much contributing to it not doing well.
The middle row shows the dogs and I looking at the hazelnut shrubs. I was picking hazel nuts off the branches, and off the ground. Noting that some thing has been eating them. It is interesting to note that almost every nut on the ground still has no nut inside. How do these critters know this? Busby likes chewing the shell and seeing if their is a nut inside. The two he got that I had dropped on the deck both had nuts in them. I can find it hard to distinguish if there is a nut or not. I have four different types of hazelnuts so do not understand why I am not getting fertillised nuts. Something to research.
As the garden heads further into Autumn I am thinking of what I need to do to prepare for next spring.
I have to soon plant garlic. Possibly in the next week. Peter Cundall who was one of the long term presenters of Gardening Australia on the Australian Broadcasting Commission TV. He happens to live up in Tamar Valley in the North of the state. Used to say plant on the shortest day and harvest on the longest. This worked for the first few years I grew garlic but no longer. The season has changed.
These final photos are back on the deck some garlic that was sprouting (not my home grown ones but some I had bought as locally grown) I placed in the pots. The bounty of hazel nuts and all that was left on my Huonvalley Crab Apple tree. The rest show a hodge podge of pots on the deck with cos lettuce, mints, sage, brassica, flowering strawberry plants, cape gooseberry, a small pot with a self sown broad bean and pea.
I personally find gardening wonderful, challenging, and constantly requiring evaluation. I find for my mental well being it is a wonderful place to be. I rarely wear gloves (even with risks of Scorpion stings and Jack Jumper Ant bites) preferring to have my hands connect to the soil. I call it being earthed. For me it brings a sense of well being of contentedness to Gaia. That perhaps things are not so bad in the world.
I had been fortunate to get 3 rather large raw chooks each about 2.5kgs/5.51lbs in weight. I boiled one, and roasted the other two as the use bye date was in two days. At $3.50 a kg/2.2lbs it was a very cheap form of meat for my dogs. I was also able to get winter vegetable frozen blend in 1kg/2.2lbs bags. Australian grown for $3.95kg/2.2lbs The bag of frozen vegetables provided me enough veggies for 5 meals. The contained beans, cauliflower, carrots, and broccoli. I boiled some in the stock made by the boiled chicken, and took apart the chicken that was boiled ensuring I had removed all the bones.
When the stock had boiled I first add the frozen vegetables, and turn the heat off. A short time later I added a cup and half of oats to it and several garlic bubils (the tiny garlic bulbs that develop at the end of the scape.) They can be planted out and will develop into bulbs. I use them in dogs food and salads, but will plant some out in my tubs perhaps this year. I also added some turmeric about 3 teaspoons.
I end up blitzing the vegetable/oat chicken soup sort of mix before I add the chicken. As Miss Treacle will spit out the vegetables if they are too big.
I will freeze the rest which will mean from this one chicken my dogs had a raw meal the night I bought the whole chickens home. They had their meal today, and I will get three more meals for them which I will freeze as ready to go meals.
I will do similar with the two roast chickens that are cooling in the fridge. I may do one with boiled rice, and the other with oats. These will also go in my freezer giving me in total 13 frozen meals for my two dogs so 13 days of food. Because I roasted these two chooks I will make stock out of the bones. Perhaps for me to have available for soups or whatever in the freezer.
In comparison Optimum for example at Woolworth’s is $35 for 7.5kgs/16.53lbs of kibble style food. It would take 450gms /15.9oz of dry feed a day for Busby and 160gms/5.6oz for Miss Treacle. Total per day 610gms/21.5ozs, at a cost of $2.91 a day. Sounds great. You could get a deal if ordered online for 2 bags for $52 a big saving of $18. but not if your dog has issues with what is in the ingredients.
Comparing my chicken oats, and veggie meals for my dogs and the Optimum is going to be an interesting thing. I paid $9.35 for almost 3kgs of whole raw chicken. Cooked weight with all bones removed was 2.45 Kgs plus I had the chicken stock from cooking the whole chook in.
I added two cups of frozen vegetables about 1kg, plus some broccoli leaves shredded from my garden. I added garlic pearls/bulbils also free from my garden. I did not add any extras to the basic mix at this point in time. But tomorrow night they will have beef mince with brewers yeast. Oh and turmeric was added at about 3tspns in total, so $1 worth. Oats at $3.95kg and I used about 250gms of oats for this volume so $1.00 2450gms of chicken meat will provide 5 meals for both my dogs as they get 500gms of meat per meal. (because they also get regular fresh raw bones ).
Chicken $9.35 Oats $1.00 Veggies $4.50 Tumeric $1.00 Chicken stock free bulbils garlic free $15.85 Cost of 5 meals $3.17each for two dogs =$0.06 cents per kg of dog.
Busby 41Kgs/90.4lbs $2.60per meal of pure chicken veggies and oats with turmeric in a chicken stock. Miss Treacle 8.5kgs/18.74lbs . 48 cents per meal (rounded up)
My ingredients, human grade chicken 100% , chicken stock (no added salt made with water and whole chicken from whole human edible grade product) cauliflower, broccoli, carrots, beans, frozen. Fresh broccoli leaves my garden, oats or rice. both human grade, garlic bulbils my garden, turmeric powder. Everything was fit for human consumption. The three chicken meals that are left will be frozen. I will add once a meal is defrosted for dinner either egg or sardines, and brewers yeast to the meals for each dog. If I had used rice it would have been cheaper as my brown rice was cheaper than my Oats to buy when I purchased them.
Compared to the ingredients in the Optimum dried kibble Chicken, Rice and vegetables, off the Woolworth’s site :Poultry And Poultry By-products; Sorghum And/or Rice And/or Wheat; Barley And/or Corn; Chicken Digest; Cereal Protein; Beet Pulp; Vegetables; Salt; Vegetable Oil; Minerals (Potassium Chloride, Zinc Sulphate, Ferrous Sulphate, Copper Sulphate, Potassium Iodide And Selenium); Sodium Tripolyphosphate; Vitamins (A, B1, B2, B3, B5, B6, B9, B12, C, D, E And Choline) And Antioxidants
Sodium tripolyphosphate, also known as pentasodium triphosphate, pentasodium tripolyphosphate or sodium triphosphate, is used in a wide range of applications in the manufacture of cleaning products and food preservatives as well as in water treatment facilities.
https://www.chefsteps.com/ingredients/sodium-tripolyphosphateSodium tripolyphosphate (STPP) is an alkaline salt that will raise the pH of meats and seafood, enough to increase their water-holding capacity. So if you see this on human grade foods you have to wonder how much extra water is being added to the product to give more weight.
https://www.dogingtonpost.com/a-guide-to-understanding-dog-food-ingredients/Sodium tripolyphosphate works as a preservative in your pet’s food. According to a fact sheet by the Food & Water Watch, sodium tripolyphosphate can be harmful if inhaled and is a skin irritant (MSDS). … Let’s leave this unnecessary, non-nutritive ingredient out of our dog food. Watch for STPP in your fish, too.Sep 29, 2015 beet pulp Fiber/filler, stills contains enough sugar for rush/addiction to food and hyperactivity. corn This controversial cereal grain typically used in dog food is feed-grade (not for human consumption) and can include mold or fungus. Corn is typically considered a cheap filler which is both difficult for dogs to digest and can increase a dog’s blood sugar, leading to diabetes, weight gain, and joint dysfunction.
https://www.petmd.com/dog/nutrition/evr_pet_food_for_your_pets_sake By-products (for example, chicken by-products or beef by-products): clean non-rendered “parts”, other than meat, derived from slaughtered mammals. It includes, but is not limited to lungs, spleen, kidneys, brain, blood, bone, fatty tissue and stomachs and intestines freed of their contents. This is a cheap way for pet food companies to keep the protein levels “high” (although not high quality) while keeping food production costs low.
These are enough to cause me concern. So many dogs and cats have allergies and skin issues. Non of my animals have on the raw, home cooked and Vets all Natural, diets I have had them on . I personally loved the Vets all natural raw diet adult mix but sadly of late the cost of the 15kg bag is becoming so expensive and at present I am finding my home made raw and cooked meat meals cheaper.
So for me the fact my animals are incredibly healthy. Miss Treacle is 12, 1/2,she has a aging condition that makes her eyes look like they are developing cataracts the vet has assured me she can see well. That these are not human cataracts. Busby will be 5 on the 8th May.
I currently spend $6 .99for a kg/2.20lbs of pet mince premium (no preservatives, or colours or food enhancers as can be used in sausage meat which is also included in the cheaper pet mince at my butcher) I buy my meat at a local butchers, and they have their own farm/s so much of the meat is usually local. Unless specified.
I buy usually 14 kgs/30.86/lbs for $6.99 for a total of $97.86 but this will actually provide my dogs for over a month of food when I add the chicken necks once a week $3.50kg/2.20lbs. I also buy bones 5kgs bones $5.00 They will get sardines once a week with their meal. I will also add to two meals one egg for Miss Treacle and two eggs for Busby. They get less meat in those meals. Which extend the meat longer.
125gm tin of headless whole sardines usually 3 in a tin, costs $0.75. I usually buy in spring water unless it they have them in olive oil.
I will also give them eggs two for Miss Treacle and four for Busby a week, total cost of $3.25 I buy oats at $3.95per Kg from a bulk wholefoods they may be less as these may have been organic ones, and the frozen vegetables usually at about $4.50 a kg.
Once a week I will use 1kg of chicken necks for a meal.
I will make six meals of beef pet mince 3.6kgs of meat. which cost me $25.16 plus $4.95 for the vegetables. Eggs cost me $6.50a dozen $0.54 per egg $3.25 for the dogs 6 eggs and $0.75cents a tin of sardines.
I will also add turmeric and brewers yeast alternately. I use turmeric powder that I get from a local supplier for about $4.50 for 375gms/13.28ozs and the yeast I get from a pet supply company for a lot less than from any supermarket. I have had my supply for ages and as I use only a small amount for each dog it has been very economical. lets say $0.30 a week turmeric say similar as it is small doses.
A cost of $34.71 a week for my dogs to eat a home made raw diet that includes beef, eggs, vegetables, fish, turmeric and brewers yeast. All Human grade. Plus bones which $5 bag lasts me two weeks so another $2.50 total of $34.71 for a 41Kg dog and a 8.5kg dog. They are both really healthy with shiny soft coats, they have no skin issues. Fleas and ticks are very rarely a problem and I live in the bush and they have wallabies, rabbits and other macro pods about all who can carry fleas and ticks. I do not use any chemicals to control these critters.
Note I do say human grade meat for my dogs in regard to beef. As it from the butchers. It has no preservatives in it and is made generally every week from off cuts and scraps. It is from human grade edible beef though I may not wish to eat it.
Also note my recipe is using oats and not rice this time. I buy my rice from an Indian store in Hobart and my last bag of brown rice (Australian) was $18 for 15kgs. Both dogs and I eat this too. My dogs also eat apples and carrots as treats. I also will grate both in their raw food which is how I do their beef mince. Along with frozen veggies that I have just defrosted and pureed.
A total of $5 a day. So yes more expensive but when I compare what is in the dried kibble from optimum the ingredients list off the Woolworth’s site and the possibilities that some conditions that some dogs seem to have. I will stick with my perhaps slightly more expensive food but definitely cheaper regarding vets visits and after care costs.
I chose Optimum because it is at Woolworth’s and seems to be endorsed by a TV Vet Dr Chris Brown whom appears to have been involved in the design and development of their Grain free food. See their website https://www.optimumpet.com.au/ While looking at the company website I noted in small writing on their Daily feeding guide. Research shows that feeding your dog a mix of both wet and dry products has a broad range of health benefits. OPTIMUM™ has created a variety of both wet and dry formulations to suit your dog at every life stage. When feeding both, simply halve the recommended quantities of each product. I would need to feed Busby one full can $3.75 per day and 1,1/2cups of the kibble. As I am not sure how much weight that is I can not price it. It would have to be at least $1.25 OH I just found it I would have to feed him 130gms of the kibble at $0.50 per 100gms so 80cents for the kibble making it $4.55 for Busby For Miss Treacle 8.5kgs I would have to feed her 300gms of wet food and 70 gms of kibble so $0.75 for the kibble and $3.75 700gms tin so $0.54 c/100gms $1.62 for the wet so $2.37 for her bringing the total to $6.92 to feed this food to both my dogs as per the recommendations of the company.
Making it almost $2 a day more expensive than my fresh human grade chicken and beef scraps and off cuts.
I am also aware that for some their is concerns in regard to Brewers Yeast, What are the risks of brewer’s yeast for dogs? In large dogs, the amount of brewer’s yeast needed to have an effect may cause stomach and intestinal upset. Gas is the most commonly reported side effect in all dogs. Brewer’s yeast can interact with some types of anti-anxiety and anti-depressant medications. https://www.petmd.com/dog/nutrition/brewers-yeast-dogs-understanding-benefits-and-risks
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11108195 the research article that states potential for toxicity of garlic but the amount given was massive the research paper mentioned below can be found in the link at the beginning of the paragragh.
ttps://www.petguide.com/health/dog/the-shocking-truth-about-dogs-and-garlic/Garlic got a bad rap in 2000, when a research paper was published that was based on garlic’s effect on dogs. Even though the dogs tested didn’t show any outward appearance of toxicity symptoms, there was an effect on the red blood cells. The researchers stated: “we believe that foods containing garlic should be avoided for use in dogs.” From that point on, the rumour spread that garlic could be deadly for dogs. However, that reaction was a little hasty and harsh. Most people read summaries of the study and jumped to conclusions. Reading the results in detail reveals a more complicated story.
Let’s take a closer look into the study itself, not just one quote. This study, which was undertaken at Hokkaido University, was conducted on four dogs. Each of these dogs given 1.25 ml of garlic extract per kg of body weight for seven straight days. As an example, if the dog weighed 40 pounds, it would be given about 20 cloves of garlic. That’s a staggering amount of garlic that no dog or human would ever actually consume in that time frame! Don’t believe us? Then Calculate how much garlic you’d be eating using that formula. It would be more than enough garlic to make anyone ill.
So this is my food for my dogs, they do not get treats (with the exception of when they visit A dear friend Billy she is like their Aunt and will give them and her dog those shmackos. Miss Treacle runs into the pantry if the door is open and sits in front of the jar looking at it longingly and wagging her tail knowing what is in store for her. Obviously deprived my dogs are. All the above is my own opinions and thoughts, I am no way endorsing any products or suppliers, I also am not saying you have to do anything if you are happy with your dogs food.
I would also like to add I could not afford to feed my dogs the more premium dog foods that are vet endorsed and they may or may not be better in quality than how I perceive the particular one I have chosen.
I also have noted many non grain dog foods have a lot of broad beans as the extra protein ingredient, as they are a cheaper source of protein than meat. One such is Australian company who do a home delivery direct to you contract. They say they specialise in ensuring the quantity/ap for your dog.
$79 per box – free shipping to Melb, Bris & Syd 7.5kg They are Australian and state they use 97% Australian sourced ingredients. Scratch is the companys name https://www.scratchpetfood.com.au/grain-free-dog-food/ I have never tried this dog food for my dog, and they charge $5 for a sample? So will never be likely too. I have read some positive and some issues with the products for some dogs on their companies own site.
I have used Vets All Natural again an Australian company but raw based. I have only ever used their grain mix that you soak and add to raw meat. My dogs loved it and it WAS economical for me. Sadly it is too expensive now which is why I am doing my own food for my dogs.
I ran into someone today in Huonville who asked me how I was, as they had not seen me for a while and I was very rarely on Facebook. I responded no I did not go on much. That I was actually not bad, and quite content being at home, attending to things. He asked me if I was unwell withdrawn or OK being at home. I reassured him that I am perhaps feeling the best I have been in a long time. That I was OK at home. I was very aware I need to have social input. At the same time I know for me that I need to limit that.
I surprised myself when I said this. I also realised the truth I had spoken.
I enjoy my lifestyle and always have tended to be happy enough on my own (apart form when I lived with someone and especially when I lived with my partner for a lengthy number of years before he died).
I have a lifted spirit, and have be doing some small things in my home.
Now I do not think I have mentioned, that part of my CPTSD saw me become a hoarder. It was the way for me to keep people out of my home. It was cheaper than building a wall, and along with never asking anyone to visit, created a total impregnable barrier.
Several of years ago, while seeing another psychologist (whom I never really connected with Though he thought differently. Weird that, I read some notes he wrote to my GP at the time, whose office closed and I was able to get my complete notes from it ). He decided to work with the hoarding as my major issue.
This psychologist also encouraged/pushed me to be referred to a social worker. Who was a nice enough fellow, but not at all it seemed to me at the time, or in hindsight knowledgeable about hoarding and how to help.
I was extremely unwell at the time, and really was not able to say no to things. I also was fighting to stay out of hospital. As I did not want to have to be admitted to the mental health ward/s I had worked.
After a few visits at coffee shops with the social worker, and me sharing the issues of hoarding and my home with him. He somehow ended up coming into my house with my invitation. Within three days I had a skip and someone coming to help me get sorted. Perhaps anyone with anxiety, CPTSD and huge trust issues might understand the distress and angst I was feeling. I was extremely worried that the person coming would know me. Maybe in a professional capacity.
I also felt mortified because unbeknown to me the social worker had hired a large skip to my place.
The day came and the woman turned up. She was a lovely person, and I saw the disgust and sadness in her eyes. She was a doer. She was a cleaner not someone with knowledge or experience of assisting hoarders to work through the hoard and issues that go with that.
This was not her fault, and as she was in my home and I was so unwell mentally, that we both just began cleaning and throwing things out. All the while me feeling panicking, and sick in my stomach. I had a headache, my jaw was clenched and I did not want to chat. I dreaded each day she was due.
I did attempt to explain my situation. She bless her did her best. I on the other hand felt pressured and guilt, I was very ashamed and distressed. I continued with this set up for four weeks. In the end I had to say to the social worker that it was causing me great angst and I was feeling worse especially on the mornings she was due. I was triggered and I just wanted to not answer the door in fact I did not want to get out of bed.
It is quite strange even writing about this situation is causing the symptoms again. In the end I explained to this lovely woman it was just not working for me. That I had appreciated her help very much. When she left I went to bed and did not get up for two days, except for the dogs and my needs, and food for the dogs. I ignored for the next fortnight the Social workers calls, and messages.
Eventually I came out of my room and contacted him. He was helping to find a Mens Shed Organisation to come and take my partners wood turning and wood working set up as a donation.
This was going to be so hard for me. I had taken ages to decide what I wanted to do with it all. I thought about selling it but I was to unwell at the time and I just wanted it all gone.
I had been in his workshop and sorted through everything that I wanted to keep, I had taken some items into the house, and stacked everything else separately away in a corner. I showed the social worker what was to remain.
I knew it was going to be a traumatic and emotive time when the lathe and his own tools were removed. I could not be at home while it was happening. I explained this to the Social worker, and he reasured me he would be there.
I was numb when I left in the morning. I took my dogs for a walk along the river and then we went and met up with a friend at a local cafe. I was not thinking about any of it.
A few hours later I returned home with great trepidation. I was really uncertain how I was going to be impacted with my partners passion his wood turning lathe, his carving tools, his woodworking books, the band saw and the bench all gone.
I parked the car, let the dogs out and noted that the large skip was fairly full. I wandered over and to my dismay there were all the things I had put aside that I wanted. Things that I needed for the garden, some paint to finish some things. Bits and bob, netting for my fruit trees. All covered in oil and sawdust. I panicked and attempted to pull everything out, but items were broken, and as I said covered in oil. Some of the tins of paint had spilt. I was so upset. I recall I just threw my arms up in the air and sobbed loudly.
I then charged up the steps into the workshop. I stopped and was flummoxed. There was just an empty room. A totally EMPTY ROOM. All the shelving had been removed. All the containers of screws, nails, bolts, bits and pieces that my partner had saved, collected to repair things in your home. Especially when you are the person who built the home and know every nook and cranny every gap and thing that will get finished one day. The chain saw and drill, the axe. Paint rollers, brushes. My things that were now in the bin. Destroyed. All The very things I had said to the social worker were to stay!
How could this have happened.
I was floored. I was angry, wounded, I was bewildered, lost. I had made sure the social worker knew what was too go. What was to stay. How could this of happened? Of course it was to late to contact the social worker by this time. A really bad nights sleep, and my mind just going over and over what did I do or say wrong that caused this to happen. Grief overwhelmed me, I had lost everything EVERYTHING and given away treasured items, I felt so let down. I rang the social worker in the morning. It was quite weird and I have to honestly say I do not have a huge recollection of what happened, with the exception that he did say he was not there at my house when the men came to remove everything. I had never met any of these men, I did not know any of their names I did not even know where everything ended up. I know at that point I really just shut down. I could take no more.
I never spoke to this person again. I never reported or lodged a complaint. I just sat in my home, cuddling my dogs. I stayed home for a few days and began to hoard even more bizarre things. I did not go out, I did not shower, I did not clean, wash up. All I could manage was to ensure my lifelines, my dogs were exercised fed and loved.
The trust I had begun to rekindle in people was gone. TOTALLY and UTTERLY gone.
I did eventually realise how I was deteriorating and went to see my fantastic GP (who left a year later to go and become a psychiatrist) . It was through her I was put on the council program and met the psychologist I have now.
Now if I feel that my trust has been taken advantage off, or I have been manipulated I do not even bother to say anything. I just never go back to the place, or deal with the person, or continue the friendship of the person where I feel this has happened.
It took me so long to be able to ask for help. Then to let someone inside my home and see how bad it was. To let someone in to help me ‘clean’
Even now as I write I feel violated and that is such a weird word to write when I am talking about this.
I am OK and it always help to share and write things down I find.
I feel from my own perspective and experience. The ‘kind meaningful help’ that can be offered to anyone with a mental illness or chronic illness, a disabilty, are so very subjective and if respect and understanding, and most importantly keeping the promises you make as a paid support worker are not met. I ponder how the duty of care is maintained.
Perhaps if I had lodged complaints about what occurred it might have helped. I was to unwell and mentally not competent to undertake this. Not even in a phone call. I could not even say what I really felt to the social worker.
What I do know is that it put me backwards in my treatment and I quit the psychologist at the same time, never explaining or seeing him again. He never followed up to see if I was OK.
I struggle now to let workman into my home. I need a couple of things fixed. I let one in to fix a leak under my verandah door upstairs in my bedroom, that leaks into my kitchen. He assured me he could do it. He was a lovely man. I had to call him back three times as each time (when it rained the leak was actually worse than it had been origianlly). In the end he just said he could not do anything else? I wanted to scream, again I could not. I had paid him in full. (you only find out the job doesn’t work when it rains. I did not think to put the hose over it. So now I can not afford to pay someone else to fix it. I dont have any trust in anyone else to fix it. I keep thinking I can probably fix it. (maybe I can). lol. Living rurally can be hard to get anyone to come out here.
Even with sharing all of this, I still feel better than I have in a long time. I am sleeping in weird patterns, I sleep for two weeks 12-14 hours then for 4 night 4-6 than the for some nights 8 hours. It seems to be a cyclic thing, so perhaps the medication. I also have really bizzare dreams and sleep very heavily. I do find taking paracetamol and ibuprofen seem to stop the dreams. That seem so real.
wow did this post go a way I did not see coming..
I am falling in love with my home, I am seeing it again, and wanting to slowly remove things. One of the things I was hoarding were cardboard boxes. To use to kill of the grass about the veggie area and pathways. Now I bring a box home, empty it, and then flatten it and go place it out side where I want it to go. There are no boxes inside my home. Where a few months ago I had 30. One situation is being managed. I am proud of that.
Moving and improving your life with CPTSD is about so many things. I found forgiveness was a huge milestone for me. I may have posted this on another post. Forgiving the people who abused me. Not to their faces, or in writing. I just voice my forgiveness. I did it purely for me. I just basically with a sincere heart said. I forgive……,……, and……,……. ect for what they did to/at/against me. I will let it go. I felt something give, something change. Like a hole opened and a light shone inside me. I felt brighter. I felt less anger.
It has been over a month closer to two since I did this. I now am able to work on changing my mood and not fixate so much. I am more positive. This ties in to the very first paragraph.
I have forgiven the Social Worker and the Person who came to fix my leak. Again not in person, or a letter but for me. I feel a sense of another piece has fallen off my wall.
I am thankful that all this happened as it was through this whole shebang that I ended up on a Huon Valley Council mental health package where I met my current psychologist. I am so SO very thankful for Her.
I feel at peace in my home. I no longer want to flee, because I can not deal with the hoard and mess. I don’t like the way it is however I know that it is a very slow, time consuming and emotive at times, work in progress. That in all honesty I must do on my own.
Umm Have I mentioned I have a bit of a tendency for OCD. Now my psychologist explained it well to me. When my home is clean and comfortable. I tend to like my CDs in alphabetical order, my books in genre and alphbetised by Author. My pantry in food types and alphabetised, My wardrobe and drawers in type ie pants, shirts and within that colour groupings. So her feelings are that it part of what is inhibiting me.
Perhaps I will share more of my work in dealing with my hoarding here.
I also note that having connected with so many other peoples blogs some with CPTSD some with depression anxiety, physical, chronic, illnesses and disabilities, others with none. Connecting and reading stories written by wonderful writers, from all over the world. Connecting with an supportive art group from beginners through. I am meeting people I would never have had the opportunity to have connected with in my life here in Tassie.
I feel so thankful to have all of these experiences, I feel thankful to have had my breakdown and I know that sounds really weird. I just see my life in such a very different way now, and I accept it. I also do not really care if others do not.
I am so happy to have connected (even if I have not done any painting this week ) with the art group, I am thankful for them and Charlie for his blog Doodlewash. https://doodlewash.com/
Thankful to my neighbours, who I know keep an eye on me. Especially thankful to these two.
It was simply a stunning morning along the Huon River as you can see, and not a breath of air and the tide was just sitting still too. ( I have no idea what that is). I will often say to people that Autumn is a lovely time to visit the Huon Valley.
Raneleagh is a tiny town, well it is really a suburb of Huonville as it is only about 5km/3miles from the Huonville Post Office.
It is bordered by the Huon River and Mountain River, though from the town ship you can not see either of the rivers easily, and there is little public access to either. Though the Caravan Park (privately owned ) is situated on the river.
There is a really special wood fired bakery/ cafe called Summer Kitchen which does stunning sour dough breads using many grains, delectable pies meat,vegetarian, and vegan, in individual and some in family sizes. Sweet pastries and cakes. Almost forgot their stunning flavoured cream/custard filled donughts. Todays was banana maple cream. Seasonal fruit is used to flavour the filling. Soups in Autumn and winter served with their sour dough bread, along with salads that are unusual, a terrific side for a pie or sausage roll. If you want something cool they have sandwiches made with their sour dough bread. YUMMO! Plus the coffee is so good.
They have a great courtyard as you can see in the photographs, with out side under trees or under a roof patio area. It is Dog Friendly of course dogs must be socialised an on leads.
Be warned the pies bread and many other items will run out There is indoor seating, in wintertime they have an open wood fire for warmth.
John and Marie the owners have built this business up, with John doing most of the building work of the courtyard and unique tables and benches under the trees himself. It has certainly been a lot of hard work, love and passion to get this business as successful and popular as it is today.
Photo below was my mug of cappuccino, and a passionfruit curd tart OH MY I LURVED ThIS! Tangy and not too sweet. Fresh local passionfruits used.
My dogs love it when we go here as they know the chances are we will be going to one of their favourite places! I feel it is great value. A lovely place to meet friends or family.
My dogs were in luck we did end up going to their favourite place for a walk off lead.
It is the Raneleagh Showground. Every year around November so end of Spring here in the Southern Hemisphere the Huon Valley Show is on.
Primarily an agricultural show, with exhibits for prizes cakes, art, knitting, ect. There is show jumping, a parade, dog high jumping, and some years Jack Russell Dog Races. (nothing like greyhound racing) Just family pets who go, enter on the day, and run not chasing anything, just running to their owners. You can imagine it can be quite hilarious. It sounds so simple I am sure, but it is a lovely day out (it only goes for one day and night) for most ages. There is side car alley, where rides show food drinks and the show bags can be found.
There are often Dog shows over the course of the show too. There will be Agricultural equipment on display and for sale. Along with local growers and producers with their stalls. The Grand Parade of all the winners and whom ever else wishes to join in. It is not a huge show, but is charming and a little older world perhaps than many and we are so fortunate to still have our show.
Live Stock areas, sheep, cattle, there is a poultry shed, pigs, goats, horses, alpacas, and animal nursery (not in photographs). Does not take much imagination to work out why my dogs love it here. Above are the sheep, goats and Miss Treacle is in the cattle pens.
Busby was really enjoying rolling in the grass. In the middle row the last photo I told him to go and get a drink of water. He went off and did it, there is a tap with a water bucket up at that food stall shed. In the first photograph of the same row there are port-a-pots. Not a usual item at the showgrounds. The showgrounds are used for other things too throughout the year. I have a feeling that many dog lovers will know the feeling of the final photograph and I imagine many parents too!
This weekend is the Taste of the Huon. A festival of local produce, where you can taste all sorts of food and produce that is grown, made, and cooked in the Huon Valley. Ciders, Pagan Cider Cygnet/Cradoc does a delicious Cherry cider and more traditional ones, Franks Cider at Franklin, Willie Smiths Cider is known I would like to encourage visitors to give the others a try as they are all very different. Perry which is made from pears and is similar to a cider, saffron, lavender infused foods, ice creams, smoked trout, and other smoked food, jerky, cheeses, wines, beers,
I want to say gin and whisky but I know they are both made here in Tasmania some is made in the Huon Valley. Vodka made from sheeps whey, apple brandy, goats cheeses, goat milk products skin cream soaps. Dried fruit, it is a seduction on steroids for foodies.
They have music and also other stall holders artisans, oh and wonderful sea food. You may find Churchills beer brewed in Raneleagh may be at the Taste, wineries, it really is a amazing and productive valley my home the Huon Valley. It is usually held in March so if not this year perhaps another.
This hall is interesting as most communities in Australia have a RSL club Returned Service League. For all Returned Services personnel.
Where as this piece in The Mecury Newspaper (which is still going today) The Ranelagh’s Soldiers Memorial Hall was opened on Saturday afternoon by Lieut. Colonel C.H.Elliott, D.S.O. in the presence of over 1,000 people representative of all parts of the Huon district. The Mercury (Hobart), 27th May 1924.
The only other shop/eating place in Raneleagh is just up the road from Summer Kitchen and directly opposite the Memorial Hall and is The General Store. It was for sale so I am not 100% up on if it is still a delcious buger cafe, and open for dinner some nights of the week. With a small amount of general products that locals may need. It was great when I did go there but that was a few years ago.
Raneleagh has grown in the 20 years I have lived in the valley as has everywhere really, 13,141(2001)Census 17,219 (2018)Huonvalley Council it will be very interesting to see how much the population has grown in the last two years. It feels like so many more than just under 4,000 people have moved here.
I do laugh at myself when I see how few people live here and we have five townships Southport which is the farthermost town 135 residents(2016 census), Geeveston 616 (2016 Census), Franklin 337 (2016 census), Huonville 2,714 (2016 census), Cygnet 929 (2016 census) Ranelegh 1,268;
These last 3 are small communities Grove has a petrol station general stall post office all in one. Judbury 392 (2016) Census, Cradoc 742 (2016 Census) Grove 458 (2016 Census) Of course there are many small communities such as where I live which have no shops or service centres.
With an area of 5,500 km2 (2,100 sq mi) according to updated figures from 2018 there is 0.03persons per hectare in the HuonValley. I feel overcrowded. Oh dear it is a bit too funny. I did grow up in Sydney so I do no the realities of city living.
Raneleagh has many housing developments so there are houses like in most Australian cities, built boundary to boundary almost. Sub-divisions mixed along with older homes and some rather gorgeous old buildings and homes.
There are two Churches in Raneleagh and for some reason I forgot to take photos of the Catholic Church. It is a very modern newly built church.
Raneleagh has hills as you can see about it, and the in the row 5 first and second photographs are of an Oost house. Hops were grown and dried in the Huon Valley back in In researching a little I have just discovered there is a brewery in Raneleagh.
“Church Hill Brewery, in the Huon Valley, joined the burgeoning brewery scene in early 2016, giving the popular tourist region in the south better known for apples, cider and stunning landscapes a local brewery to call its own too.
Where do you brew?
On my property at Ranelagh in the Huon Valley, Tasmania.
I have converted a secondary building on the property, which I built more than ten years ago, into the brewery.
Why do you brew?
I remember my father trying his hand at some homebrewing when I was a lad and it always fascinated me, then when I met my father-in-law he was also a keen homebrewer. I think I was always destined to take it up.
I got a homebrew kit as a present from my now wife for my 18th birthday and I have been brewing ever since. Of course, in the early days it was just kits, then kits and bits and eventually all grain as the hobby became a passion and then an obsession!
What beers have you released to date?
Salvation Golden Ale, 4.6%
Pilgrim Pale Ale, 5%
Road to Redemption Red Ale, 4.6%
Crusader IPA, 5.8%
Confessor IPA, 6.1%
There have been a few others but the above are my main beers at present
Sadly you can not try his product at his brewery,
Where can people find your beers?
I am not bottling or canning yet.
I am currently on tap at:
The Whaler – 39 Salamanca Place, Hobart
The Apple Shed – 2064 Huon Highway, Grove
Blue Eye Seafood Restaurant – 1 Castray Esplanade, Salamanca Place
This could well be at the Taste of the Huon this weekend.
I imagine looking at this old building that it would have been a shop perhaps a general store. I am just guessing here , but it does have a look of it with the wider double doors and big windows fronting the street.
Of course there is much more to this delightful village/suburb. It has a mixed demographic of young families, retirees, first home buyers and renters of course along with Government housing. A mix of many styles of homes, and just out a little bit are 5 acre properties and larger than farms.
The area has numerous B & Bs and Air BnBs.
Just on the outskirts of Raneleagh and indeed between Huonville and Raneleagh there are orchards and farming. Cherry and Apple, sheep and cattle. Alpacas, and Horse. Grapes and wineries
The dogs and I had a lovely time here at Raneleagh and it is a great way to go through to Judbury following the river back around and crossing the Huon River to join the Highway and either return to Huonville or head further south to Franklin, Geeveston, Southport or the Far South as far as you can drive to Cockle Creek where there is camping and wonderful beaches and walks. Or if you are heading back to Hobart you can take a diversion of the highway and visit either the General Store or Summer Kitchen Bakery for something to eat. Than drive by orchards, and lovely vistas joining the highway at Grove.
It was not all we did today, I had to do my grocery shopping and return library books. It was such a warm sunny day and both my dogs are asleep as I write, just gentle deep breaths from Busby and Miss Treacle occasionally dreams and chatters in her sleep. I too will begin to think about sleep soon.
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