Allowing Miss Treacle a natural death.

This is a full and very descriptive documentation of ALL that is happening in real time as my beautiful Miss Treacle dying.

Its a very hard day here in my home today..and for the last couple.
My beautiful Schnauzer/Maltese is dying. She is over 15 and chose me to live with 13 years ago. She came into our life, (our being my gorgeous Smithfield dog Toby and Burmese cat Murphy) it was a really hard time when she chose us. My partner had died two months before and I was returning to work. Toby had never been on his own for more than five hours and I knew it would be really difficult for him when I returned to night duty and 10 hour shifts plus an hour drive each way.

My choice was for Toby and I to go to an animal rescue in my area, and at the time the owner had taken 30 dogs from a hoarding situation. Dogs of all sizes. When we arrived a stream of dogs came towards us, and sort of said hello sniffed but every single dog did not hang about. Yet back on the porch of the home there was this little bedraggled almost dreadlocks haired wee dog. Who began to come over to us. This black and white little dog came straight up to me, put its paws up on my knee and looked up at me. I picked it up and it just snuggled into my neck and basically hugged into me.
A little dog…not a REAL dog..not the idea of a dog I was wanting to adopt. What was I too do..I knew the owner who had thought this dog a female, named Treacle would be perfect for me knowing my situation. I had met her in town a few days before going and she had said to me she had a dog she thought would be perfect for me. Turned out it was Treacle!

I said to the owner a friend back then I will take her for the weekend but if its not right I will bring her back! Well she came home and she Toby and even Murphy all connected and as the first day drew to a close and bed called. She came up with us all and climbed on the bed laid right near my head.
Than night like all the nights I cried with grief and missing my partner. This night the tears and crying were sobs. I soon heard a new sound mixing with my sobbing. This wee dog was howling with me. She was crying with me? She also was snuggling in and licked my tears..now that will make some go YUK…me nope. Of course she never left.

Now the time is obviously her time to leave us to die. I am not religious but I believe there is more to everything than we will ever know at this time in our lives. As an RN I have been privileged to be present at many people’s dying and of course cared for my partner as he died at home from cancer. Surrounded by his daughters, me Toby and Murphy.
I know she is dying. I was not expecting it. Funny isn’t it. She has been going on walks visits to neighbours eating drinking all her normal life. Hugs with me and growling and pissed off at the new pup in our lives for the last 3 months whom she accepts but is not overly interested in.

Over the weekend (its Monday afternoon here in Australia 9th September 2023. She stopped eating food on Saturday morning, I could not tempt here with anything, not her faviourites liver, chicken mince, or sardines. Nothing has been eaten since. She stopped drinking yesterday.

She has been on CBD oil for the last three weeks, as her hind legs have been getting wonkier, and a serious decline in her cognition. It was superb she perked up the second day on it, and seemed to be more interested in life. She was joining Busby, and Sawyer our new family member and me under the wattle trees in the mornings. She would come out and I would pick her up, we would sit and have cuddles as the two boys play and roughhoused with each other. I knew she was getting older and time was passing way too quickly. I was monitoring her needs constantly and having tried several pain medications (I know she has pain as she has arthritis in her rear legs and nerve damage, along with her front knee joints.) So I found CBD oil.
I gave her some yesterday Sunday, and that is the only liquid she has had. Sadly shortly after she vomited bile, so doubtful if the CBD oil was absorbed. She will not take syringed water and in humans as death approaches giving water in IV’s is actually considered counteractive. The body of all mammals stops taking food and fluids in as death approaches which is extremely hard for those of us there with the person/animal who loves them, struggles with, even me as a RN.

I can not afford to have her euthanised, as I am on a Disability pension,paid fortnightly (due this Wednesday) and not expecting her to die this week, and every fucking vet wants you to pay on the day!! Even those who come to your home!
I was also not sure I wanted to have her euthanised. Let me tell you at times I bloody well do when she is coughing up phlegm filled with bubbles (meaning her lungs are potentially filling with fluid), her urine and poop is blood stained. She jumps off the lounge it seems every time I need a wee, and needs the toilet. She is still moving in her wonky, wobbly manner but at times can not make it outside, even when I carry her she has accidentally urinated on me as I carried her down the stairs. So now lots of towels, and one of the best things I have on hand human grade absorbent padded soft liners, reusable, used in age care for incontinence. They are called Kylies here in Australia. So thankful the Laundromat has a big load washing machine for pets.

The volume of urine and poop is minimal now as she is no longer eating or drinking for over 36 hours. She sleeps/rests or looks vaguely at nothing for hours but will move about on the sofa, where the sun through clouds is a lovely warm spot. Her breathing at times is rapid, and a bit laboured and it is often wheezy, or whistly, pretty normal with dying. Oh I forgot to mention about 7 months ago the vet noted she had a heart mummer. Which we did nothing about as she was running and active, going on a uphill and down hill walk/ run every day. Not lengthy but intense. So her heart is potentially failing her. Congestive heart failure. Though at her most recent visit to the vets a month ago nothing new was noted. So all this has happened quite fast but as she is 15 it is all part of her life and death.

So why am I happy I don’t have the money to have her euthanised, even though I spent time earlier today seeing if our own vets would allow me to pay them on Wednesday instead of on the day..Full payment which I have always paid every time we have been to them which has been two puppy vaccinations, two adult dog vaccinations and checkups, plus script for CBD oil ($55 for a script to be written and emailed)?? BUT they would not consider helping my dying dog without me having to take up and fill in paperwork for a payment plan if I had taken her to them to have her euthanised today!!

So that is part of the reason, the other part is She is settled, she is resting majority of the time, her brothers and I are with her. The most interesting thing has been in regard to my other two dogs, Busby 8 who was raised by Miss Treacle and me from 4 weeks old (with 2 of his siblings) and Sawyer who is 41/2months old have been incredible. Sawyer is a puppy and he is so incredible he has played with Busby once today outside, but overnight with quite a few up and downs for Miss Treacle which he came out with us and kept an eye on her, as did I and today he has been so settled, Resting playing incredibly quietly with his toys and getting cuddles from me, sniffing and licking Miss Treacle’s paws and face..very very gently.

Busby has been near her earlier in the morning when I was holding her on my lap on the lounge and he was laying on my legs, and looking at her with a furrow on his brow. I mean we are all super tired, add to this I got a head cold yesterday, and very disturbed sleep last night partly my crying and letting Miss Treacle know what a wonderful companion she is and how it is OK for her to go. She woke serveral times to cough up bile/phelgm, Plus the five times to toilet her. She manged each time to jump off the bed and begin to walk to the stairs, once going down, but so scary to watch her I carried her every other time. She is doing her best to be continent, and I imagine the fact that she is now having accidents on the floor may be upsetting for her. I do carry her out if I see she needs to go, but as I wrote before she gets off the lounge when I go to the loo, or get her brothers food. I hear her thump onto the floor..as she is wonky on her legs. That is hard for me, so very hard..her sweet determination to not soil inside.

Of course this would all be done with If I had her euthanised, but in the same process, her brothers would not have seen this process, (Busby experienced his older brother’s sudden death when I was not home, looked like Toby had died in his sleep, maybe an aneurysm), I came home from a lunch with friends and he had died on his bed looking very at peace but when I moved him some drops of blodd came out of his nose)
So Busby is caring for Sawyer by going out side with him and playing or to the toilet and coming back in relatively quickly compared to normal. Then just quite and lying down. They know, and when she dies they will be able to see her and smell her if they chose.
I recall when Toby died and I was burying in him in my garden, He was a biggish doe 23Kg/50lbs, it was hard ground and I had not dug it quite big enough. Both Miss Treacle and Busby were out with me, and when I put Toby’s body next to where I dug, I realised and dug deeper and wider. As I covered his body both dogs sniffed and came over walked about and over it, and looked at me as if to say Nah not deep enough.. so I kept digging, and amazingly when I eventually finished (all on my own) they both checked again , and both just lay on the dirt under which their buddy’s body was buried. They both grieved for about a fortnight, not wanting to go out much and quite happy just to go with me to the grocery shop and home.

So I personally know at least my dogs grieve and are very aware of when one of the family is dying.
It was interesting when my partner was dying at home, sitting upright on the lounge/sofa our cat who adored him, did not come near him, Toby our dog was beside him the whole time head on his knee, not up on the lounge where he would normally be. As if he knew he was in pain. After my partner died, and his spirit had gone, the empty vessel now cold that house his spirit was lying on the lounge, and it was hard and freezing cold the body, Murphy the cat came and laid down on my partner’s body sleeping their for several hours.

Writing this is so cathartic for me, as I live alone, and friends, do they really want to know what is happening in regard to your beloved dogs slow dying.. I mean do you? So I write here for me. Totally and selfishly for me. Writing and I have missed writing my blog is totally for me, and if it helps anyone in any way, that is terrific. I just know I was looking for something searching online search engines, for when! HOW LONG will it be. The answer is as long as it is!

I have had a pet euthanised previously and perhaps this has also swayed my choice in this instance. When our German Shepherd was euthanised it was horrendous, the dose given did not do what it should have, and he became agitated and aggressive and bewildered at what was going on. My partner was in tears, and I had to be stoic as one of us had to drive home with Rex’s body in the boot of our hatch back. We relived the whole debarkle and all the what ifs. We blamed ourselves, and then each went into our separate withdrawals. On arriving home it’s the middle of winter, dark, wet and cold, my partner vanished and after some time, I brought myself out of my own grief and distress went in search of him. He was in an area of our garden and had been digging a hole, he had somehow managed to get Rex’s dead weight body out of the car and down here by himself. He told me to leave him alone. I offered him a warm cuppa and he said later. I lost track of time, but was surprised to hear the band saw going in the workshop. I decided to ignore it for now. As my partner was tending to his own grief, and feelings as he needed, me mine.
He did come inside a couple of hours later, and no words were said. We both went to bed and we hugged and I certainly cried for us both but for Rex most. I slept in the next day and on getting up was surprised to not see my partner having his cuppa and pipe.
He must have seen me through a window and came and asked me to come out side. He led me down the garden path under the wattles, and into the paddock area. To the side I noted a massive cross, a pile of dirt with stones around it, and on the cross whittled in was REX. This is what my darling man had been doing and his way of dealing with his needs over what had happened. I looked at him with eyes filled with tears and a small grin on my face. No words… This brand new cross stood about 1m/3.2f high and slightly smaller cross beam. It could be seen from the road. Many comments made by neigbours about did I murder him, or who did we bury there. Woah that went off on a tangent.

I guess it was about choices and euthanasia not always being the wonderful way of letting our pets die. I can not help myself but look at Miss Treacle right now. And she has recently just jumped off the lounge skidded on her chest and done a small loose gelatinous with a drop of blood brown gloopy poop on the timber floor. After putting her back on the lounge, ensuring she was clean and cleaning the poop, she is lying gently steadily breathing eyes closed. All the world to me asleep and comfortable. She only appears uncomfortable when her bodily needs, need to be met.
We had only all gone outside for a toilet break about five minutes before but she did not seem to want to go. Instead Miss Treacle began to steer her way wonky and wobbly but determinedly to where she had been going for the last week or so under the house, in the beginning she went under there and came back inside, last thing at night, you know for her final wee. For the week before this weekend she had been going under there and not returning. I would go out and encourage her to come out, the final two nights Thursday Friday night she was in so far I struggled to reach her to get her out. I did manage and I realised she was choosing to do this to be alone. I researched this and some dogs like cats, and other animals will seek solitdue hidden out of sight away from family and other animals. To die here, researchers believe it is a trait back to wild animals doing this, so the pack is not at risk from the predators who will hunt/kill/eat potentially the dying dead animal. I did not allow her to go under the house Saturday or Sunday nights, and yes she went out for her last night wee, independently with me supervising..and her brothers about. I did carry her back inside and up the stairs to bed.

This broke my heart imagining my wee girl who is my soul and the most incredible dog to enter my life at the precise time she did. She was like my leveler, (I have ADHD and impulsiveness can be an issue, along with reactionary..so swearing and screaming at other drivers..she would put her paw on my arm and try to get me to make eye contact with her, or press her body into mine when I was getting anxious/agitated. She helped me get through my suicidal times when I was deeply depressed and diagnosed with CPTSD, when I had my breakdown she was with me right next to me as often as she could be.
Busby was so young but now he is so aware of me and worries about me. He is also concerned for Miss Treacle. But is generally giving her the space she is needing. He is exhausted too but he is keeping an eye on Sawyer and he is such an amazing big brother, today he has been incredbile in keeping Sawyer form being over the top..he murmmer growls type noises a bit like purring. It is the most endearing beautiful noise and its to get Sawyer to settle.

I was holding her a lot, as it was giving me some comfort, and I don’t know sort of felt is was helping her, knowing I was right here, yet once I placed her on the couch in her own space snug and comfortable from my perspective, she was more settled and relaxed. So as much as I want to hold her constantly I realise this is her need to be in her own space. Even allowing her to try and get up and off the couch is important, even when it goes with a slide or thump. She has some form of independence still and I know from caring for my partner in his dying days allowing him to do what ever he wanted or at least to support and let him try was incredibly important, even when it may not have gone as expected or hoped by him.

It is 20:45 and Miss Treacle is very slowly dying. She has not go up off the lounge for 4 hours now and has been settled but is having spasms where her all four legs will stretch out, apparently not unusual as her body organs wind down. Her breathing is at times shallow and with a rasp sound which is similar to what happens for humans towards the end. She is not responsive any more as in I reposition her and she does not move her head is no longer lifting up nor is she throwing up or trying to go outside.

It is getting late and my other dogs and I are ready for bed its been a very hard emotional night and day. I carry my wee girl up stairs whilst her brothers are outside for final wees, I put her in her bed and hope I have made her comfortable death is definitely not too far away.

I go back down stairs and the boys come up, interestingly they are not as rambunctious as they get onto the bed as usual. Busby comes close to Miss Treacles bed smells her and lies down a little away from her not quite in his usual place. Sawyer comes up and slowly sniffs her face and licks her. He is very very gentle.
I make a hard decision I have a head cold that is causing me to have labrynthitis (where my eyes spin and my balance is kaputt. ) I take a anti histamine which acts on me as a sleeping tablet and my hope is I can breathe easily. I know that Miss Treacle will have died by the morning. I know that I will be off no help or comfort too her. I do pet her and gently cuddle her letting her again know how much I love her and how wonderful she is and how much I appreciate that she chose us to live with. As I go to sleep my hand just touching her paw I am aware that her paw is cooling, another sign her death is imminent. I allow myself to accept this.

I was woken by Sawyer who needed to go to the toilet. Dawn was arriving and as yet the birds had not begun to sing. I got up and as I did I knew Miss Treacle was dead. At this moment I just kept rising to take my puppy for his urgent wee.
We came back to bed I did check Miss Treacle she indeed was dead. She was, and with a tear in my eye I went back to sleep settling Sawyer .

A couple of hours later I was woken by Sawyer again, he was ready for the day, he was sniffing and pushing his nose into where Miss Treacle’s body lay. Busby was awake and stretching which distracted Sawyer and allowed me to assess her body. This was to see how I could carry it down stairs. As I did Busby’s curiosity saw him come over and once he saw/smelt Treacle’s body he jumped off the bed. This was not his first experience at one of his buddies dying. Last time he and Miss Treacle were alone when Toby died unexpectedly so perhaps this experience was traumatic.
We got up and I lifted my dear Treacle up into my arms. Her body released the last fluids as I moved her and the smell was not good. I put the body on the lounge wrapped in a blanket she had as a covering in her bed. I knew that I could not leave the body there or as it was because it was distressing and malodorous and the sunshine was coming in. I had to place her body into a garbage bag as it was the only way to stop the odour and leave her body outside while I tended to the boys needs.

I chose a place to bury her. I was thankful that the soil was soft and the clay underneath had a lot of moisture in it which made the digging easier. It was hard emotionally but also because I was unwell and my labrynthitis was making me light headed and feel like I was about to fall over. I place the body in the hole and Busby went over to see what I was doing and he looked smelt and again left, Sawyer on the other hand tried to help me dig the hole and sniffed the body, walked over it and again tried to help covering her body. It is always never big enough the hole, and I did have to make a small adjustment.

I intend to plant some flowers on it.

I am of course sad and am grieving, as Busby seems to be. I am also relieved that Miss Treacle died as she chose, and with us in her home and bed. She always was strong and sometimes seemed to be wiser than me. As she began to decline it was at times difficult as a solo person to do activities that suited all my dogs together though she did all we did together even a trip to the beach two weeks ago, and her final very slow walk down the road from our neighbours on Friday. I know she had a wonderful home and life, she was healthy and fit all the way until she died..if that makes sense.
I am OK because her presence in my life in my darkest days where CPTSD took me to the darkest places and I am only still alive because she and my other animals needed me. I am so So thankful that I am alive today, even with it being a sad day. I have learnt to express my emotions to myself and others. I own them, accept them and move through them today, yes at times still binging (less than ever in volume and how often) which makes me happy, this is because I sought help, and have a psychologist who has helped me to learn how to do these things, as we discover the whys I do and react as I do.
I am so happy that this little black dog chose me to be her forever family, and that she had a long and happy life.
I also appreciate if you read all my words, written mainly for me as I said. As a person who also has ADHD for me being able to totally be with all my dogs 100% during this time was so beneficial. I know this is NOT normal or possible for most people who work, have children, and commitments. I treasure that I being on a disability pension was able to spend all the time and with ADHD perhaps hyperfixated.

The following two photos are taken 5 days apart, one of our last big outings in the car and Miss Treacle had a walk around the foreshore. The second photo taken Monday morning is her asleep on my lap her two brothers checking on her it was not staged, I was just fortunate to capture this moment. The last photo of my three dogs together.

October 10, 2023 3

Winter Arrives with storms, gale winds and snow

https://latitude.to/articles-by-country/au/australia/83164/huonville

When your live is the southern most state of Australia Tasmania, (island State) and your home is in the southern most council region of that state and the latitude is -43’01, and that island is in the Roaring Forties.
“During the Age of Sail (circa 15th to 19th centuries), these strong prevailing winds propelled ships across the Pacific, often at breakneck speed. Nevertheless, sailing west into heavy seas and strong headwinds could take weeks, especially around Cape Horn at the southern tip of South America, making it one of the most treacherous sailing passages in the world.”
https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/roaring-forties.html

The Ocean Chief Samuel Walters (British, 1811-1882) The Black Ball Line clipper ship Ocean Chief reducing sail on her Australian run. Australian Maritime Board

The Roaring Forties in the Northern Hemisphere don’t pack the same punch that they do in the Southern Hemisphere. This is because the large land masses of North America, Europe, and Asia obstruct the airstream, whereas, in the southern hemisphere, there is less land to break the wind in South America, Australia, and New Zealand. https://oceanservice.noaa.gov/facts/roaring-forties.html

Living here for over two decades I used to see that the winds would pick up generally for a week or so before and after the equinoxes, and solstices. Equinox occur in Spring and Autumn, it is where the day is equally 12 hours of sun and 12 hours of dark. The solstice dates this year for the Southern Hemisphere Autumn was 21st March 8.24am. Spring will be 23rd Sept 16:49. For those in the Northern Hemisphere the dates are the same but opposite seasons.
The solstice for me Winter June 22, 2023, 12:57 AM, and Summer will be December 22, 2023, 2:27 PM. Again for Northern hemisphere same dates opposite seasons. https://greenwichmeantime.com/longest-day/equinox-solstice-2021-2030/
So on the evening of the last day of Winter my dogs and I listened to the wind howling through the trees, and I had to draw the curtains as Busby was very anxious. I on the other hand was marveling at how far my Blackwood and Eucalyptus trees could bend and sway without breaking. For which I am very thankful. We also had heavy rains and in two days my water tanks have gone from being 3/4 empty to overflowing and the one I accidentally almost emptied is nearly full. With predictions by our Bureau of Metorology but called the BOM of a dry summer it is always good to have full or almost full rain water tanks throughout winter and more so at the beginning of summer.

I swear a moat was forming about part of my home. I could not see across the river let alone to the mountains to see if snow was covering their tops. Kunyani (Mt Wellington) in Hobart did have alight dusting of snow.

Last day of autumn snow on Hobart’s Mt Wellington/kunanyi.(Supplied: Luke Johnston)
From https://www.abc.net.au/news/2023-05-31/what-weather-is-typical-for-tasmania-winter-bom-explainer/102413884

My day was spent basically as normal, though neither Miss Treacle or Busby were too keen to go for a run in the gale winds, with cold rain temp was -1dC/30dF and only went half way. Returning home to eat and spend the rest of the day by on the sofa, enjoying the warmth of the wood heater. I did feel for my chooks who were looking rather bedraggled, who spent the majority of their day under the house.

I however found myself sorting and folding the clothes and linen that had been laying on the stairs and on the top of my drawers and floor to be honest of my bedroom, away. I then put a mountain of books or maybe several mountains that had been about my bed into a bookshelf. I picked up the electrical fan I had failed to put together before summer and obviously had not achieved over summer and placed all the pieces in the corner, along with the summer window covers I use to keep the room cool in the summer heat I vacuumed all the cobwebs and dead insects of the ceiling, along with doing the carpet.
WHAT? Who am I?
I am in awe of how my brain is changing on the medication I am on for ADHD. There was no thought, I had taken a few clothes that had been on the drying rack and were now dry up stairs, and well just began. Is this how people who do not have ADHD manage? I mean it took me about 3 hours to do it all such a seemingly small amount of time. For stuff that I have not done in months yes months.

My dogs had stayed down stairs the whole time, and I guess I had missed meal time which is 14:00hrs, I have not a clue what time it was when I went upstairs. I was rather shocked when it turned out it was almost 16:30 and my poor starving abandoned dogs were so relieved that they had not been forgotten.

I too was a bit hungry so made some food. I then went and bought wood inside to dry for tomorrow and stack some more in the covered wood area. I guess there is now 4.85tonnes left to move.

As the sun set the temperature dropped drastically a chilly blast seemed to fill the house. I put more wood on the fire and opened it as it had burnt down low whilst I was up stairs.
I and my wonderful dogs then settled on the couch for the evening. All with full tummies, and a sense of contentment and peace. My home has not suffered any damage in the storm and gale force winds that have come early it seems this year. My garden and chook shed also have been undamaged. Very thankful for that.
I know how much my heating will cost me, and I have paid for it in full. My thoughts turn to so many Australians who will be concerned over their heating costs, to those who have no home, or will not be able to afford to run their heaters all winter. I have seen how hard it was for many people in UK, Europe and USA many in much colder climates than where I am through there winter.

blessings to

June 2, 2023 2

Winter Wednesday

Today a necessitiy to do some shopping for chook food and dog meat and bones. A few items for me. I loaded my two dogs into the car and noted battery was a bit flat as I have like many others been driving less due the increase in petrol prices (along with everything else almost). I am thankful it did turn over, ( I do own a battery charger just in case ) and after doing the shopping and having a lovely lunch at one of my favourite cafes in Huonville, DS Cafe where normally the dogs and I sit in the laneway. Today was gray and very cold I chose to sit inside by the fire. It would seem that my dogs waiting in the car, were not too happy at that.
Having done all needed in town I needed to fill the car, in Huonvile price of petrol is $2.19 a Litre ($1.49US/1.25GBP/1.45euro/1.95CAD, for those in the USA a litre is almost 1/4 of a gallon making the price $8.80USD a gallon. I drove out of town filled up the car. as it was a 10cents a litre cheaper, but more to get the battery charged too win win.
In the smaller town closer to where I live there is a wonderful couple of petrol stations that still serve you, and of course this makes the petrol more expensive. I do fill my car there if I have no need to go to Huonville. As I imagine the difference in price is lost by the 40+km return trip. However as a boost of my car battery was a necessity today and it has been quite a while since I have been for a real drive out of my local area(and I am only talking a 50km drive here lol) I went out to Crabtree, and found some new places I had not been before. A new campground on the side of the river. I also took the dogs for a walk along the beautiful riverside, my photos below share our day.

As I was driving back towards Huonville I was traveling slowly past the apple orchards and saw some movement: I found an area to turn around and came back to check what I had seen. These Cygnets are very early and relatively old as they are beginning to get their feathers. I was so thrilled to have noticed them and even more to have had my camera with me, even though I was a way away Mamma or Pappa Swan was not comfortable having photos of the babies being taken. Sensible swan, and rounded them up and wadled off throught the apple orchard.

Not many would have their trip to the shops end like this. Or have such gorgeous places so close to them to drive and enjoy the beauty. I am so very thankful to live in this beautiful valley on a very special island called Tasmania.

blessings to You, Tazzie

July 6, 2022 2

Winter Beach Walk

This is one of our favourite beach/riverside walks which is pretty close and if we take the long way home, it is on the way home. The rocks have many fossils, though over the years I have lived here, the rock cliff has eroded so much.

It was a beautiful winters day though it was a little windy we all enjoyed it.

The following photos are the northern end of this beach it is very different on this day as it was sandy.

blessings to You, Tazzie

July 5, 2022 4

Here I am:…

Heck here it is July, I feel as if I have been on a different planet over the last few months. Its is all good just nary a post.
Winter here in glorious Southern Tasmania the wood fire is going, and snow is on the distant mountains, as I sit writing listening to my two dogs are chomping on bones. We have all been on a short walk. The frost is still present and the sun has not reached my place as yet.

However today is going to be glorious and whilst I wait for the sun to come over the trees(how I wished I lived on top of the hill and not down near the river lol, though in summer I am happy in this position). I aim to get back into the garden, to clear an area of my ‘veggie growing area’. I also aim to dig at least one hole a day for about 10 days for the new fruit plants I have purchased that will be coming soon as bare rooted stock.

My mental health on the whole is good, I have no regrets about coming off my medication (with support) for me it was such a wonderful thing to get me through the really bad period, as I had and continue to have support from my psychologist. I knew it was time. I have not had an ADHD assessment done, yet in my heart I believe it is a fact, and wow if I had known years ago what a difference it would have made in lots of ways. Now this knowledge lets me relax about so many things that often would cause me anxiety and distress.

I took a break of several hours and worked outside in the garden. Winter gardening is all about the weeds and planning. Preparing and dreaming. I am just pottering attending to so many things slowly that have been neglected or forgotten in the last few years. Self care was my highest priority as I adjusted to life with a mental illness, asking for help (hard to do for me) and utilising the help both medication and professional. I feel right now as if I know what I need. I am working towards this and as I do I am content, even with any discontent.

Today lovely sunny one down here in the Huon still and just one of those great winter days. I decided to begin on an area of neglect in between the chicken run and my veggie garden. I had attempted to before I became ill create a pathway for the chooks out to the paddock, so they could not be tempted into the veggie garden. Well that all fell by the wayside and what I was left with is blue steel fencing embedded into the soil (that had made itself over the last 5 years and impaled by the most horrendous grass ever. (I call it onion grass because it bulbs and spreads and its a nightmare).

In the final photo you can get an idea of how deeply buried the fencing wire mesh was. Still more to do. I sort of got sidetracked when I popped into the veggie area and decided to weed a bed. I did come back and pick up all the onion grass and all bulbits I could (little buggers always miss one or many!) Used the top of the old dog house to through all these horrible pulled and cut out grass bulbs, which means no touching the dirt. Tool of choice was a serrated edge steak knife!

The garden bed I was distracted by. A lovely weed filled bed with grass growing around it and weeds. is the one on the left of first photo, completed clearing around the edges and inside. Winter is proving to be the time the weeds are sprouting here at my place.
I may not have dug a hole and prepared for a new or older plant to go in today, I did weed a bed, always choices when you have a garden and always manyana.

I am now looking forward to tomorrow, as the weather is again meant to be lovely as today. I have my eager helpers the dog/s and chickens and I hope to do more of the buried treasure recovery.

blessings to You, Tassie.

July 3, 2022 13

Stranger at the door.

This morning I was awake early for a Saturday morning. I lay in bed watching the sunrise, and listening my two cockerels crowing. My dogs and I are sleeping on my mattress down stairs(Bubsy was not allowed to go up stairs when he had his cruciate ligament operation). He has recovered but it is cooler down stairs and I have hope I will get my bedroom painted, before the cold weather arrives.

So the three of us were on the mattress, Ms Treacle and Busby asleep; I noticed movement on the stairs on my deck and saw a small wallaby. A incredible way to begin a morning.

*Good Morning what are you doing in there?*

I was meeting up with someone who was giving me a mother for making Kombucha,it was a transaction to be carried out in the car park of a business in Cygnet. After my morning wake up visitor, I headed to the shower. Then the dogs went for a run. Loaded them up into the car and we headed into Cygnet.
As I was driving a grey Goshawk(which is actually white) flew up off the edge of the road, and flew in front of my car. Sadly I did not have my mobile or camera to hand. Yet sometimes the lived experience memory far outweighs the image. I can still see the bird quite a large one flying up. I imagine it’s breakfast was laying in the long grass alongside the road.
I could not help but appreciate how incredibly lucky I was.

On arrival into the small village near where I live, I saw several other folk who were ‘loitering’ at 9am on a very quiet Saturday morning in Cygnet. A vehicle pulled in and jars were handed out. We thanked the wonderful woman who was sharing her mother with us. Off we went onto our day. As I had not eaten or had a coffee at home, along with it being a truly stunning Autumn morning, I chose to have breakfast at one of the wonderful cafes in our village.

*Hardly a car or person in Cygnet. 9am on Saturday morning of a long weekend.*

One of the many businesses lots of local artists and creative work sold here.

It was a short walk to the cafe. We arrived and were the first outdoor customers. The Port Hole Cafe uses locally grown vegetables and all deserts are gluten free. Cater for vegans too. They do serve meat meals. Wonderful coffee and is a lovely out door area, with herbs and flowers growing around the perimeter.
As I sat waiting for my order, other people began to arrive for breakfast. Many bringing their dogs. Most eating places in town with out door areas are dog friendly. Huon Valley is a wonderful dog friendly community.

You are supposed to have your dogs on lead in all public areas (unless other wise noted) Miss Treacle was sitting under our table in the shade. I was thrilled to meet up with two wonderful women and as the cafe began to fill enjoyed a couple of hours catching up and sharing with the ladies, meeting and greeting for my dogs, and saying hi to many people I knew. The cafe was filling up fast. I discovered it was Regatta Day and the local sailing club were conducting a race from another bay further around (quite a way ) called Kettering. This is where you catch the ferry across to the wonderful Bruny Island. The sailing club was racing from there back to Cygnet. A lot of other activities were happening. I had intended to drive down and take some photographs, alas I was running close to another meet up I had this morning. We all said our see you’s and my dogs and I went for a walk up the road and back to the car. I had to do some grocery shopping, and did this quickly. We headed home.

I had surprised myself two days before I had offered some rose hips to some one on the local crop swap Facebook page. She no longer needed them another person did. Without thinking I invited her to my place to pick as many as she liked. WOAHH no anxiety, no what if, and today no regret. I was so amazed that I did not cancel, or have somatic reactions to knowing a person I had met only a couple of times in the community was coming to my place. MY PLACE.
No one has been to my home in so long even in the garden. Especially someone I did not know very well. Yet I felt no anxiousness, of feeling of wanting to cancel of flee. It seemed strange that not one iota was present.
When the woman arrived We walked around the outside of my home, (which is not neat and tidy or beautiful to share with others), as a hoarder working to resolve this, a lot of things are waiting to be dealt with and things that I have managed to move out of the house in the last two plus weeks are waiting for a friend who has offered to help me take stuff to the tip. Two things in this paragraph seem so extraordinary to me.
Someone came to my home no anxiety, I have moved stuff to get rid of out of the house.! Only someone who is a hoarder, loves a hoarder, or is wondering if they still wish to be with the hoarder or is fed up and wants to help the hoarder get rid of the hoard.
How is this possible? As someone who has been diagnosed with CPTSD, my hoarding became another symptom of my mental illness. By having things in such a situation and way for me, (and each person who is a hoarder is dealing with their own issues and recovering is a very individual experience). You can not MAKE a hoarder change, You can not get rid of the Hoarders ‘hoard or rush the individual. As frustrating as that seems, we are fragile. The hoard whilst not necessarily valuable or as in my case in the best of condition or even seemingly rational to other people, even those closest to the person who is hoarding. For me cardboard and newspapers were a huge thing, my carport is full of cardboard boxes. They are for my garden but when they were coming into the house and taking up space and growing, that was a huge problem. I managed to get them outside and for me, now, I know I will be using them for the garden over the next few months Autumn and Winter. My visitor saw all this, she saw the two arm chairs outside and other items making my drive area what it is. I felt ok with that.
There are two boxes in my living room at the moment and they are being filled with smaller bits and pieces that need to be moved outside to be taken to the tip

I am so happy so incredibly happy I have been saying for months to my previous GP, that I was feeling like my starter motor would not turn over. This GP disagreed saying I was not motivated. I was flawed by this insensitive comment. I responded to her, I have managed to have a shower, get in my car and drive 70km/ 44miles one way to this appointment. I am motivated. I want to get into my home…I cant’.

I left this GPs office and was fortunate that at this moment the GPs closest to me was taking new patients. It was meant to be.

If you have not read previous posts in regard to my accidental cold turkey coming off Desvenalfaxine (Pristiq), one month ago today. I do not recommend it, I have been incredibly fortunate with my withdrawal process. You really need to do it with support and being taken off it slowly.
I am still experiencing odd symptoms of withdrawal.

The importance of having someone I don’t really know come to my home and see how it really is was horrifying to me, the hoard meant no one came to visit, it kept /keeps me safe and no one comes into my home, or garden. Yet today they did, and it was wonderful. Not to feel anxious but to enjoy sharing about her garden and small business (she and her hubby grow organic veggies and salad mix sell it to the cafe I had breakfast at and other places). I shared with her that I was a hoarder and working towards recovery, a very slow process. That was all that was shared about it. we just chatted as she picked the rose hips. In exchange I received three organic eggplants/aubergines. I have not regretted even now as evening approaches her coming here. I have not felt sick in my stomach. I have felt thankful that my starter motor is kicking over.
I am glad I did not believe or agree with what my previous GP thought. For me after several years on the medication that saved my life and I am eternally grateful for it. I am through a lot of hard work and emotional distress anguish thanks to my wonderful Psychologist who has ensured that I remain on her books even when I could not afford to pay for her services(she bulked billed for me); has seen me able to have the same psychologist (as a low income earner for three + years). Prior to this I would see one for so many weeks there contract would not be renewed another would come along and I would have to start again with them, this actually I really believe made my mental health worse.

I understand not many are as fortunate as I have been in this situation. I also know it is very early days in my medication free life of a person with a diagnosed mental illness. I am just trying to eat as well as I can; which as a hoarder this is not always easy, and I not always brilliant at it. My kitchen is pretty much at the moment a state of disarray, and whilst I can prepare some things; I have been working on the kitchen. I have a floor space that has basically nothing covering it piled up a couple of inches. It is floor boards I am walking on. Things so many things have been thrown out that had been on the floor and well might be able to be saved/fixed..nope my mind now is I have been walking on this shit for a long time, (fluctuated over the course of time ).

Today started out so beautifully and as the sun sets here in southern Tasmania at 19:32 the days are drawing in, it is a clear sky and it will be a crisp night. I Love Autumn/fall. I will be going to sleep with a sense of peace. Amazing. It is so hard to explain when nearly every thing about your life when exposed to others can be so triggering and to not have that experience at all today or now made the beautiful start go all day and I feel my dreams will be peaceful.

I am thankful that there are people clever enough to work on medications that can help people such as myself get through the roughest patches. I am thankful that I am strong enough now to listen to my own voice about my mental health. I am thankful for the fact the withdrawal symptoms are lessening. I am thankful that I have a new GP who has really taken the time in the three appointments each over 40minutes bulk billed(health care card holder) to get to know me, what I have been dealing with and where and what is happening for me now. She also has spoken with my psychologist (with me permission very happily given ) and is now comfortable with where I am at to follow up in a month. (to begin with and it must be hard to meet someone first time who is coming off antidepressant cold turkey and tells you that is how it will continue. ). She was somehow concerned I may be suicidal (no matter how much I reassured her I was not. I was seeing her weekly.. for three weeks. So I did have her support for the last three weeks coming off the antidepressants. I am so fortunate and so very thankful.

my soul and heart ache for all people who are going through horrendous conflict /war situations, those who are loosing their jobs and now must survive in Russia with prices rising rapidly. Those who are defending their countries/communities in all conflicts around the world. For those who are griveing for all they have lost family friends livelihoods, pets, homes, everything. There are no words none. It does not help you I understand. I really can not do anything to help but donate money and hope it gets to organisations that will ensure all or the majority of it gets to those who need it!.

I know I am rich beyond words. I know I live in an incredibly safe place, and Have more than I need.
may you all be safe, Tazzie

March 12, 2022 3

Simple things

One of the ways I can tell when I may not be doing as well as I have been in regard to my mental illness CPTSD is how I become more sensitive and fixated on one particular aspect in a day. Usually to do with an issue I am struggling with or of that wonderful and terrible thing called Facebook. The beauty of where I am today is that I can pick up the signs pretty early on that this is happening. I will then be able to redirect my focus firstly by acknowledging what is happening, then finding something I enjoy. So as this was happening recently and strangely I had been doing a lot of positive things for my mental health it still creeps up on me.

The weather in Spring in Tasmania can be challenging. We have had the wettest Spring for 50 years. Last week we had a couple of days of 23dC(73df) then the temperature dropped to 7dc(44.6dF) wet and windy. I was warm at home with my wood fire going. A lovely cosy day. I spent to much time on the computer though. So when I woke up the next morning I decided to head into Cygnet for brunch. My battery of the car was flat, (somehow my internal light was left on) I have a charger, and started it up. The dogs and I went in spent time with friends ate, and then I went for a drive to recharge my battery fully.

It was a lovely afternoon.

You could be mistaken for believing that the photo below is from the Swiss Alps; it is Hartz Mountains in Southern Tasmania taken on the 30/10/21 Springtime. Yes I did feel an urge to sing The Hills are alive with the Sound of Music.

A drive through Pelverata is quite beautiful

Pelverata Road Slippery Falls Only visible when a lot of rain

Battery fully charged, having had a couple of walks with the dogs through the bush. We were all content and I was certainly in a much better place. I may find being with people draining at times, it had been delightful to spend time in the morning with friends. Then to switch off my brains fixation status, and recharge by being out in the world of nature. Smelling the forest and fresh air, hearing the water in the full rivers and even the wee waterfalls at the side of the road created by the heavy and consitent rain we continue to have. I am so blessed by Godess to live where I do. To be able to get in my car and see such beauty.

Life in Tasmania can be challenging for those who first move her. No season is totally what it should be. You carry in your car layers just in case. As the population changes and house prices go though the roof where I live I do fear for so much of our areas as people subdivide land and farmland for the ever growing numbers of people who desire all that I am privileged to have. Yet at the same time excluding our younger generations who are struggling to even afford the rents if they can actually find a rental.

Oops I am off on a tangent Again I am thankful that I am so fortunate and I am especially fortunate to know it, and to feel I am rich beyond belief. (not in a monetary sense.

my hope is You will be content in your lives and if you are struggling reach out. It can be hard, but learning to manage our illnesses emotions reactions is freeing and empowering.

blessings to You, Tazzie.

October 31, 2021 2

Springtime in Southern Tasmania

What a difference a day of sunshine makes to a lot of things. Here in Australia we have begun daylight savings, ( a week ago). Putting the clocks forward, it caught me by surprise. It was not until I went up to my friends three days later that I discovered that this had happened. I have to laugh at myself. Clocks really do not have any meaning to me these days. Unless I have an appointment. I really do not worry about it the clock that is. Time on the other hand is totally a quandary. I can know longer know by the sunlight what time it is. As the days here in Southern Tasmania get longer time seems to distort.
It has seen me not going to bed till the very wee small hours. Which for me is not such an issue and I am very fortunate.

After spending time sitting with my friends and their dog Toby on their deck, having a lovely morning tea, as the dogs played and the cockatoos screeched.

It sure beat the previous few days, though in between showers I did manage to do something very needed.

It was so great to have been able to spend this lovely day with my neighbours and their dog. The weather deteriorated I endevoured to keep active and give the dogs some nice experiences as the weather was not going to improve for a week or more.

Whilst I find I am able to some things so many more just continue to be on lists. I do get frustrated with myself at times. Yet this is the reality of my life the fact is I am definitely not lacking motivation. I can do things at times. Yet the things that I not able to do are the very things which would make it so much easier in my life. I continue to move things out of the house. I really struggle with my CPTSD (complex post traumatic stress disorder) every day there is something that will impact me. I hold on tight to the fact that my mental health is good most of the time, I am so very fortunate safe and secure where I live. I am fed up with the wet weather, and we have more storms coming. It is making it hard to work in the garden and pop in spring flowers seeds.
My seedlings for the veggie garden are doing pretty well and my hope is next week I am able to get in and tend to the beds.

Blessings to You, Tazzie

October 19, 2021 1

When you really go backwards.

May be triggering and language some may find offensive. Please do not share or use any of the following without consent of Echidna Home. (C)

Living with a mental illness such as Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder is so shit at times. I have been moseying along living life in way that has been good. I was out for a day with a friend on Saturday all day and it was really lovely we went to a town further a field. I was so exhausted afterwards. I have to say being with her is quite relaxing as their is nothing like being with someone who really understands what having a mental illness is like. We shared a lot it was really interesting, though at one point she mentioned that she often felt suicidal. This just blew me away, we talked and shared (as we both have had too many people we know and love succeed in suicide. )

Yesterday Sunday (it is a long weekend here in Tasmania). I was just at home and perhaps just switched totally off I am not sure even what I did. Yet I woke feeling good.

I needed to go and get some chook food so drove int Huonville. I did the little bit of shopping I needed too, and stopped for a bite to eat and coffee at one of my faviourite cafes. Sitting in the lane with my dogs, a small disagreement with another dog, sorted and my dogs under the table. His dog near his and all fine. Thy moved the dog and it blocked the access for the staff to bring drinks and food out. One staff member spilled coffee another almost dropped a dish, then the dog jumped up and tried to take food from a plate a staff member was bringing to another table.
These people made no effort to move the dog, they never apologised to the staff. I suggested they move the dog form between the stairs and table, they saw no problem.. I was triggered and ended up just loosing it. I could not believe anyone would put anyone else at such risk to conducting their work. I even said it was a health and saftey issue. They just laughed at me and my escalation telling me I should leave. Of course I responded and it went on..I just could not shut up and fucking was used by me numerous times it seems to go with the course. Then one of these people said in a loud voice that I had obviously missed my medication as I was crazy. Well that was just the final trigger. Mocking mental health! I just kept on at her. I was shaking and crying red in the face.

When they were leaving after a very uncomfortable silence had settled whilst some of them finished their food.

It was ugly and horrible and I feel so ashamed, I lost it completely I was so so disappointed as I have not had anything like this occur in over a year. Sigh. I know I know I have a mental illness. I get triggered and when I am triggered I say fucking a lot. Positive is I will be speaking to my psychologist later on this week.

I feel so ill and so tired from all this. I hate this illness. Not being in control and all the work and effort is so tiring so all consuming. I feel I am growing I know I am moving forward I know all this. Yet an experience like this is just frustrating and now takes so much work to not let my self loathing feelings of shame and disillusionment and all those delights that come after such an episodes.

For me where I am now right now is that I do still have insight, I still know that I am so much better than I have been. I am still moving forward. I know I am improving and this is just a small set back.

It taught me that there are some truly wonderful people out there who when someone with a mental illness is falling a part I had someone who stood bye me and cared. For this I am so very thankful.

blessings to You, Tazzie

March 8, 2021 8

Hello again. Its been a while.

Having a mental illness such as CPTSD really can stuff up so many of your plans..then add the crazy summer weather here in my part of Tasmania and how my garden is somewhat neglected. I am doing OK though.
It is a rough period in my treatment of my illness. Things coming from out of the blackness of my brain where for so long they have been stored. Being shared with my psychologist and now me working on how to manage the impacts of these. New symptoms such as nightmares, and grinding my teeth. Nightmares that are similar to ones I had as a child. This is the truth behind what it really is like when you are dealing with mental illness and attempting to keep moving ever so tiny amount forward.

This is my life, here on my little acre.

Rain is falling again as I type music to my ears. It is lovely to hear the rain on my metal roof, gurgling down the gutters and the water running into my tanks.

The garden will be very happy. I am very happy and the chooks will be ecstatic in the morning to go out and hunt for worms.

The chooks have been happy as we had rain last week so the grass was showing young green shoots.

At least five of my six hens and Roopert the rooster have. Sadly it seems I have lost one of my hens. I live in hope she is sitting on eggs somewhere and will return, there were no feathers to show bird of prey or animal took her. I have seen no sight of her in four days. It is Frieda my larger black hen with the frizzy top knot. Sigh I love and appreciate them all so much. She is a sweet nervous hen who was just getting to the stage of coming and eating out of my hand. I know at least it was not my dog Busby loving her to death. He has been incredibly good around them. I have been working with him to minimise harm to them and the wallabies.
I am remaining hopeful.

Today was a lovely morning. The joy I feel when I go off to do my weekly bits and bobs in my local town is always pleasant. I meet and catch up with so many people. Today I had breakfast at Cygnet Port Hole Cafe which does a delicious menu. Very reasonably priced menu. Pretty good coffee too. It is lovely to sit outside with my dogs and look at the gardens about the cafe that grow herbs and some veggies flowers and I think there is an apple tree and plum.
It has been several cafes in my time of living here most memorable and original was The Lotus Eaters, but this new cafe is equal to it as a meeting place and good food at reasonable prices.
On Friday nights they do Tacos and music.

I really enjoy taking my library books back and looking for new ones. We have an amazing library with such a plethora of reading material available state wide. I know I am feeling somewhat more competent as I have picked up some books that are more emotive ie the rise of feminsim in China, and a few others that are of interest to me. One about the impact of social media on society. Depending on how they are written and if my brain can manage them with out to much frustration I look forward to enjoying them.

I am getting organised for winter. Though some days and nights here lately you can think winter has already arrived. A few people have had their fires going. I just turn my electric blanket on and head to bed with my laptop..lol or put on my Ugg boots and winter trackies. I ordered wood for winter. I have a good amount left over from last year and the year before I need to move and stack under cover. So the new wood can be put where this is. My mind says plenty of time for me to attend to that. It is no due until February. UNTIL I suddenly realised February is this week!

As the next day is just as likely to be super hot. My house if I put the fire on takes a day to cool down.

Routine wise I am eating better, and averaging out getting to bed earlier. Showering has improved and I have walked twice this week up the road and more when we have been out.

I also changed my bottle gas LPG provider. I was also able to provide my research information on the local community pages so people can see the differences. I have saved over $190+AUS/145Us /106.34GBP a year minimum by going with the new company who also delivers down here three times a week where as my old company delivered only once a week. So if you ran out of gas, which only happened once for me as I do have two bottles 45kg/99lbs ea,
It was when I was really ill. Of course it happened on the day after I would have got the delivery. I had to wait a whole week for gas. Y ou pay rental yearly for the bottle and then each bottle of gas costs so much.

The new company had a great new customer deal so even without that I still save a lot of money a year with the new company.
With my old company if you did not know to check what others in the area were paying you would get charged heaps more I saved money on each bottle just by doing this. Yet their price and rental were still dearer substantially and they have a yearly administration fee.

I have noted that I received a notice in my facebook thread today something that may have triggered my Obsessive part. A lady was travelling on the boat The Spirit of Tasmania (which connects Tasmania to mainland Australia arriving in Melbourne), it is an overnight trip and carries cars our trucks with supplies food and other things, holiday makers campervans etc, you can take your dogs on it. You can place them in their horrible metal crates, or you can pay extra and have them remain in your car, though the company makes you sign a waiver of rights even though it would not stand up in a court of law (since you paid for a service), if something happened. This poor lady was traveling with her much loved doberman, who was put into the dog crates, and somehow the dog escaped. (vanished) No trace so far has been found. You are only allowed down once on the journey if you want to check your dog, otherwise it is locked area only staff are allowed there. The dog this poor dog has not been found, and this woman I can only imagine is devastated.

My own experience of bringing my cat over when I moved here was bad enough I worried all night if my cat would be OK. When I picked him up he was in a huge metal dog crate with a dog bowl that was like a swimming pool that had flowed all over the place and he was saturated. He had also been one crate away from a very large German Shepherd. (most likely a lovely dog) my cat had never been around a dog at this point.
Sigh when we took our dog over to the mainland he travelled in the car we still worried but all was fine with him as he knew where he was and obviously felt safe.

Now I have put posts out to all sorts of groups asking people to contact the Premier Peter Gutweins office and the Minister Michael Fergusons office. Explaining that my dogs are my family they are the reason I am still alive and if this had happened to one of my dogs well who knows how I might have reacted. I explained about my mental illness and the woman at the premiers office said oh like a companion animal yes exactly but not officially.
I went on to say they should have dog friendly rooms available so dogs could travel with their owners in the rooms.
That the cost of all the issues pertaining to animals that have had issues (16polo horses died a few years ago, traveling on the Spirit the court case is still happening I believe), but this is a cost that the Tasmanians people will have to pay someway. As I am sure the legal ramifications of this latest episode.

Plus the many people who travel with their dogs when they come here, will be fearful.

My problem is as much as I want to keep pushing this. For me it makes my mental health and physical health worse.
So I have done what I can as one individual. I must not keep pursuing it or I will get ill again. As I have before when I obsessively operate.
I am well enough to observe the potential for this to happen. I am pleased and proud of myself that I am happy to have done something, and must leave it for now. Hoping the dog is located, and reunited with its owner. Hoping that regardless something will change in the transport of dogs and rights of owners on this trip.

wow this has gone a bit all over the place, but this is how my head is working tonight..

Yet that is pretty much how my day has been.
I am content and happy, I am thankful that I have tools helping me manage the things that are coming as I work through issues. I am thankful for the rain.

blessings to You. Tassie

January 30, 2021 12

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