No such thing as a simple life on my one acre in Tasmania with my two dogs.I try to grow food, wrangle chickens and the native and non native wildlife share the land I call home. Life with CPTSD and ADHD not been easy so I share about it all. Low income, a bit frugal, real life My Life.
The weekend weather was glorious here in my garden.
Waking to fog is usually a good sign here in the valley though it can come with some risk. Firstly that the fog does not lift before midday and then the sun is only out for a couple of hours before it begins to set. This weekend was not so bad. The fog lifted and the sky was blue and clear, it was warm enough to be outside in a T-Shirt (as long as no shade or wind). I needed to check on all the things I had planted a few days ago having been remiss in not checking on them after the storm and gales force winds.
I had good success with the mini capsicums this year and as you can see there is fruit still on it, the peppers not so great. My lavender is weirdly flowering with new buds forming. I have cut flowers off twice now. The garlic I planted on the side of my raised beds is growing. Why did I plant some there, well I had to much and just put it in. Under the netting are some brassicas I had forgotten about and well decided to pop in the bed rather than the compost and see if anything eventuates.
My beautiful sea holly has died down, but had seed heads I did was not hear to remove, so I reckon I will have many seedlings in spring to share. In front of the sea holly which I need to cut down, is spinach and silverbeet, growing from seeds I left on the plants last year. I have quite a bit of both self sown growing in the veggie garden. The next two photos show my leafless Huon Valley Crab apple, with new leaves(sorry out of focus) and blossoms appearing on many of the ends of the branches. Not usual. My other apple near bye is still in full green leaf? It does not look like I will be growing any purple sprouting broccoli from these seedlings. I have no idea what ate the leaves and pulled them out. You know you should never think to yourself, I will come back and cover those in tomorrow…I hope nothing eats them! The last photo shows one of my peppers. It had one flower all season and this is the pepper it grew!
Here you can see the blue sky and lovely sunlight. My garden will never be a neat and well laid out one. I now know why and appreciate it so much that I have managed to grow seedlings, plant them, tend them, and harvest food for me and my dogs, and chooks from the beds. Sure not a lot, and I am never going to be self sufficient, but in truth it is a very rare person/family that would be truly self sufficient. I do not aim to be. My garden over the years I am positive has cost me way WAY more than I have saved in produce purchases. I also believe that a lot of this has been because I have ADHD. Knowing now at age 60 I have this different functioning brain, I understand why my garden looks as it does, in combination with being very unwell with CPTSD for almost 9 years. I look at my veggie garden fruit trees and flowers, as an incredible achievement. It is not everyone’s idea of a veggie garden or garden, it is as unique as I am and diverse, it attracts so many pollinators. My garden is a safe place, where I now see it as being the only really creative thing I was able to do relatively regularly and gain some delight in seeing bulbs bloom, picking a ripe juicy peach, or seeing my dog beating me to and eating the hazelnuts. Knowing that if I had an egg or two I have an easy quick meal available. A few green onion stems, garlic clove, silver beet, kale, some thyme or oregano maybe both. All fresh from the garden. Or a soup, or curry.
I am excited to see where my garden goes this year. What happens and what I might harvest. As I sit by the fire, and watch northern hemisphere homesteaders, I watch in awe their harvest, their incredibly well organised and laid out gardens. I do not envy them this. I really love my gardens. So does the wildlife, and insect life.
My garden may have been a costly thing, but it helped my mental health and well being when I was really depressed. It got me exercising for a bit each week. It got me up of the lounge and into the fresh air. My garden is a safe haven, it is a place that brings me contentment and delight, surprises and many disappointments. Challenges me, and rewards me. I see over time, my garden has reflected my well being too. Even before I went on ADHD medication I had begun to clean up a lot of rubbish I had left over the years about the garden. Now I find myself wallking outside with the dogs, and picking up bit and pieces blown off the deck or left behind by me. With no thought. It will be rather interesting to see the garden in a few months and see if and how my being on medication may change things. It may be winter in my garden here in the Huon Valley Southern Tasmania, but unlike many similar latitudes in the Northern hemisphere I rarely get snow here, and the ground does not freeze. I will have flowers and things growing all winter and hope to have things to be picking and eating in spring as well as through winter. The broad beans I planted have not put their green shoots through the soil yet but so many of the flowering bulbs have. Sigh..it grows later than I thought and my wood fire needs wood.
I just completed a post and had hit publish and then every thing froze. I logged back in and it had gone. Sigh. So its been a good day. One week today on my ADHD medications. Yes there have been changes and I am so happy I decided to give it a go. I am following up on financial things. Outstanding financial things. Tolls from when I was on the mainland. Majority paid but issues with what has been happening since my last phone call. Under control, check. Paying outstanding invoices due to my inability to do what I needed to having gone from managed by and organisation under National Disability Insurance Scheme, to self managing. Almost completed, and I am following up daily to see where its at so I can finalise this. Brilliant just brilliant.
I soaked my broad beans (fava) in water last night, I also had found some garlic cloves that were rooting and shooting. I decided as it was a warm day , and the sun poked through the clouds to go into my veggie garden and plant them. I planted both in several areas of the garden. (not labeling of course where I planted them). As I did this I had to add some old manure to some of the areas, and then I began to weed. I really love weeding. Which is fortunate as there is a lot of weeds. As I was weeding I noticed some brassica seedlings I had left in the old wheelbarrow. Heck they were still alive. They looked sort of healthy if a bit like um mini larger plants. What to do. Oh lets just plant them. So I did. Nothing to loose really. There is space in the beds, it will be interesting to see what happens. Oh a winter experiment lovely!
Hearing my sort of feathered flock of chooks(chickens). They have been molting. I realised that it was their dinner time, along with how dirty I was, thirsty, and then how starving my dogs must be. Busby had joined me outside but I now realised that he had vanished quite a while ago. It turned out 4 hours had passed talk about hyper focused! So chooks fed, check. Me watered, check. Me showered, check, Dirty clothes into washing machine to soak, other clothes added, and turned on. Check Dogs fed, check. Dogs cuddled, check. Me fed check. Sat for a while and watched some stuff. As one does I needed the loo(toilet). I went upstairs, for some reason loading myself up with a bundle of clothes and linen that had made home on the stairs.{(yes a huge trip hazard..Im a hoader its life). though a work in process of changing that title}. The stairs were not bare of cloth, at this point, I hasten to add. Yet without a thought I picked up a bundle of cloth, and took it up to my room. Yes it was dumped on the floor! No where else to put it as I needed the loo right then. So the clothes and linens are accumulating on the floor of my bedroom instead of the stairs. No clothes are creating a trip hazard on the stairs, as I type. All have made their way up to the bedroom floor. It is progress in my world/life. It gets even more mysterious, and baffling. As I did what one does in the loo. I looked and began to pick up items and put them in the draw. On completing the original task the one that can not be ignored for too long ever, washing my hands noticing how filthy the sink and window area is. A chux(cleaning cloth) and cleaner is located, the sink is cleaned, the window sill is dusted, washed, and the light shade, the top of the loo, then looking down the loo is horrible, so that is hit with something to soak for a bit. Then I stack loo paper, return things to the drawers, pick up rubbish of the floor and empty the bin. I pick up clothes that I have left laying in the toilet room. (it is not a big room I have to admit). I did not clean the floor at this point. The rubbish and the clothes both made it downstairs. Clothes into the washing machine with others and washed as per above. rubbish into garbage bin outside! Who is this woman? No plan, no list. No thought even. not even a lot of effort just done. Its not finished I hear you, but for me this is massive. These little things are so monumental, and they are how I know that my brain has changed because of the medication. I still feel like me, which I was very anxious and scared of. I think my brain is still active, and my humour is more present, not saying medication is responsible for that, but a combination of things. I am able to not get sucked into the facebook or so far the impulse shopping on line behaviour I have in more recent times. I did go onto online sight to shop but put things in cart and well turned the computer off, and whether this is a one off or a change it is early days. Weirdly not sure if having someone come to quote for fencing is impulse shopping or not. I am not as tired in the afternoons as I had been at first. Though I am sleeping 10 hours lucky me, and it is very heavy sleep. I have weird dreams. I’m not missing coffee like I thought I would. When I forgot that caffeine is not reccomended with my medication and had a large coffee on top of a largish one at home(instant), at a cafe and I had such a rapid heart rate, scared me. One thing I am noticing is I seem to get hot flushes(well feeling of being overheated and sweaty), similar to my experience during menopause not sure if this is the medication or something else. I see my GP next week so will check up with her. So much to be thankful about and so much to be appreciative of in my life. I know I am very fortunate, and to live here in Australia and get my medication on our Government scheme ($7.30AUS concession card holder) but if I was not it would be $30 I believe. So not sure how that compares to other countries.
My body and brain seem to be settling into some sort of new normal on my medication. How is it. I am pleasantly happy with what appears to be altering. As mentioned in my last post I paid (well attempted ) to pay some invoices. I am on a disability pension due too my mental illness I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress (CPTSD). I was finally assessed after having a breakdown about 7 years ago (interestingly I was menopausal and I believe many symptoms could also have been tied into undiagnosed ADHD, At the time I was very depressed and suicidal (NOT normal symptoms of ADHD! I was put on antidepressant medication and I am so thankful that I was, and even though it took trying several types, yes enduring the whole wait and see, or get me off this medication NOW process of each new medication. I was so unwell I kept trying and again I am so glad I did. It was for me a life saver. Along with my GP and my wonderful psychologist and me, the medications enabled me to move through my depression, (took 5 years so please NOT an INSTANT fix. Eventually I began to feel that the antidepressant was inhibiting me from moving forward and my emotions whilst improved were still somewhat dulled for me. The choice to come off for me, was great and life moved forward.
I began to have some notable changes happening in my life after coming off the antidepressant and learning to feel all emotions and live with all emotions. Learning to identify and observe what happened prior too when I had an angry or sad out burst. See if I could begin to tie in the emotions feeling to the situation and then over the course of years begin to learn and understand that whilst my behaviours and responses may not be seen as appropriate, they were the only management tools I had.
I also began to understand all the large blank periods in my life. I have massive memory black holes and dissociate (can still happen if overwhelmed) but happens so much less now. What I learned was that these black holes and when I dissociate are my childhood brains way to deal with things too awful/hard/painful/distressing/overwhelming and this is what saved me from all sorts of fates. It is perhaps what saved me and my brain to be able to function and get some good grades and evenutally a wonderful qualified work position. All the what if’s I had been diagnosed with ADHD in my early childhood the signs were certainly present form an early age in hindsight. I believe the abuse and beatings I got were mostly due to the behaviour of having a neurodivergent brain in a family with divergent brains. Of course there are always the what ifs.
For me at my age it has no bearing on my life today. I know though I am a very fortunate female of the 60s who was educated well. Who was never unemployed and went to Uni and financially am very fortunate. My family were not well off in my early years, but education was always the priority and being able to fit into any group of people. (I’m not sure but life is so much less formal than when I was a child. which was not helpful to a girl with undiagnosed ADHD). My childhood and disregard for social status and hierarchy, patriarchy, gender roles and other social norms that thankfully are less accepted by our society today.
I have never been a neat, tidy person or my home but generally when it all got to much I used to be able to just get into a zone and sort, clean and make it all look wonderful Even if it took 4 days, the food tins sorted into same, then alphabetised, labels all facing out, CDs and books all alphabetised and clothes colour blocking. I would look about and feel so good. I also recall inviting people over for a meal so I would tend to things before they became worse in my 20’s and 30s’.
I have always had a impulsive nature. Getting myself into some serious debt and dealing with the consequences was a help in a lot of ways with learning not to be so impulsive with my spending. Well at least to only be impulsive once rent, bills and some savings are put away. I also met someone in my late 30’s who was the love of my life and we were together for 11 years when he was diagnosed with cancer and cared for by me at home until he died in our home with his daughters present and the animals. (13 years ago now). He was like my control…not in that he controlled me or my money or anything like that. Like he loved me unconditionally, he encouraged and helped, about he house, he was also not tidy but not messy and so I guess I followed his lead. We washed up once a day, and things were put away. Washing was done regularly hung out and put away. Personal care regular and routine. Diet I loved cooking for him and family and visitors.
Why am I mentioning all this stuff? When my psychologist began to talk to me about their belief (assessment) that I had ADHD, and that my depression: at the time I was so ill was not necessarily anything to do with ADHD but a part of living with undiagnosed ADHD along with grief and having CPTSD she and my GP were working with me to get me through the critical stage of my mental illness you know helping to save my life. That ADHD was left on the back burner. It was only perhaps 18months ago (and yes I have issues with how long ago things were), that ADHD was bought up, and interestingly enough I had been watching a Youtuber: How to ADHD. https://www.youtube.com/@HowtoADHD
I was finding so many things that rang bells for me in so many of her videos. So when my Psychologist bought it up again and I was well enough to be receptive, it was not such a WHAT moment but a yep moment. Nothing happened immediately as be it with my anxiety, my disorganisation, finances, fears, impossibility of getting a Psychiatrist appointment within 9months, it took me time to finally to be assessed. Even when I made an appointment (and was going to pay $600) it was not that simple, first the Psychiatrist was ill with COVID, then I was on the mainland (I live on the island State of Australia Tasmania) and could not find somewhere to have a zoom meeting, as I was driving back to catch the ferry home on the day my first rescheduled appointment was on. Thankfully the the Psychiatrist rescheduled for the week after I returned home.
Of course I was anxious about the assessment I mean what if I do NOT have ADHD?? Shit what would that mean? So of course once assessed and diagnosed with ADHD, the relief overwhelmed me, and the joy yep seriously I felt joy and happiness, that there was a reason why all my life…everything was as it was! I am so glad I did it, and right now even happier that I am on medication sure its not been a week yet and some days its been weird, it seems to doing something.
Today I know that the medication is doing something to my brain that is so magical. Not only did I attempt to pay some invoices on Friday and they were rejected because I had not advised the NDIS of my bank account details for the money to be transferred from being managed by a business to me managing my own payments, which meant of course the invoices were rejected BUT did I emotionally break, did I just go fuck it…put it in the too hard basket or just go dissociate? No I placed a note in my diary on my phone with an reminder to contact the person I needed to.
So this morning after doing the daily morning things I have in my diary, I rang the person, asked what I needed to do..give my bank account details..me worrying about having NDIS money go in with my own money said I would need to speak to my bank about fees and costs if I opened another account with them. OK person I am talking to says all I need to do is send them an email with the information she requested and that would be it and it all should be done in a couple of days. Me gets off that call, and immediately calls my banks and is informed that I can have an account with no card access (yeah) with no fees or costs. I just have to go in and sign for it. I get off the phone and go into town and open this new account. I have a tumeric latte(trying to not have coffee is not as hard as I thought), went and got some items I wanted at the local supermarket (to make granola bars) and returned home, and immediately sent the email with the information.
PHEW!!
I will put up with feeling tired very weary every evening for this! 4 months of overdue invoices so close to being paid. So many people who have non neurodivergent brains will if they read this far(lol), would be like seriously what a lot of malarkey, it is so simple to do this no big deal no need to write a blog about it nor to feel JOY and HAPPINESS because you almost can pay some invoices seriously Tazzie! Not even going to respond to them, as the important people now, that there is real joy and happiness in such a seemingly small thing for a neurodivergent brain. I am smiling as I type. As it is truly a beautiful thing.
I add to this joyful post, that I even with little thought sat and began to do some tidying(can someone please explain to me why more mess is made when you tidy? I also instead of just moving things to piles of like with like, actually used some of the boxes(hoard waiting to go outside), to put these things in for example the flower bulbs that have been laying about the area I sit, thankfully not trodden on, are all now in a box which when it is a bit less rainy will be planted.
Same for all the knitting and crochet projects, working on one in its own box, twisted and somehow all caught together balls in another to be separated and sorted then to be put with its own pattern. All the pens, pencils and other art items that were littering the area, are now in a box. Where they can be on a shelf and at some time perhaps sorted. No pressure.
I also stacked the wood I had just dropped at the fire side, into a pile and put the kindling and papers in boxes to the side. Giving space to walk without risk of stubbing a toe. Bliss. Again, small small things, in my world big time stuff. I did not have this on my plan to day, (well the kitchen was but that is a room with a lot of history for me to deal with in my CPTSD brain area).
Actually I am OK with what I achieved in the kitchen today. I was given a wonderful gift of freshly caught tuna! Red tuna, I was so touched by the generosity as the person who gave it too me had been gifted some and gave me some of his Gift! So I seared this beautiful Tuna on both sides and had it with some vegies (I had vegie and no salad) and man was that a delicious meal. No the washing up has not been undertaken, sorry.
My medication IS working. I am still uncertain if other areas of my me brain are impacted. I had a crazy dream last night but that was most likely the vast number of crackers and Japanese sweets(highly processed and high sugar) I ate last night before going to bed. Even so I slept heavily and long again.
If anyone is reading this who also has/is on slow release ADHD medication and began at 10mg can you let me know how moving to the next level helped or impacted you, I would appreciate it.
So again I am so thankful for the change that has enabled me to be able to focus on one task over three days, and complete it as far as I can!
Waking this morning to a warm autumn morning sunshine with grey clouds intermittently. 19dC forcast maximum. I rise as normal, see the cube shaped white medication bottle sitting on the shelf. As fearful as I am about taking medication that will impact my brain, with hope yet also the opposite. I unscrew the child proof cap, remove the safety foil and see the small slow release capsules inside. What do these wee capsules hold for me. I take one as per directed and now I wait. Well no not really I go downstairs, make a coffee and breakfast, take the dogs out and for a run. Chat to my neighbours, noting I am speaking quite rapidly, (two hours into the day) and uncertain if this is normal for me.
I phone a family member, and they impart I seem to be manic in my conversation. I had a small feeling of my hand I was writing some notes with early in the morning getting a wee tingling numb..just for a few moments. I called in to a friends up the road, I drove up, my head is feeling heavy. I note again my conversation is full on…but I am not hogging the conversation. It is about midday when I return home and reversing my car into my drive I knocked over a timber post and reversed into the woodpile. Totally not paying any attention to anything. Yes I definitely should NOT be driving and will not be for the next day or two. Very happy to have not damaged my car or anyone else/s property.
I have not achieved anything really today to demonstrate any rapid change in focus. Though I have hung the washing that was in my machine for two days out, and bought majority of it in as it dries. It is now 15:00 my overwhelming feeling right now is weariness and a heavy head. just wanting to close my eyes and sleep. I had planned to deal with some financial issues I need to as I now manage my funds myself on my pension. This is not potentially happening, and right now I wonder to I just lay down and go with the weariness or try to move through it. Interestingly I am finding that my words are coming relatively easily but I am struggling to keep my eyes open. I was expecting nothing really and just paying attention to what feelings/sensations ect occured. I have eaten twice today, so far not massive and both times sandwiches banana and peanut butter, then ham tomato lettuce and mayo..though i followed that with too many savoury biscuits dipped in a chocolate cream sauce I made. (WTF)! It was very tasty and I enjoyed it. Im struggling to think what I have drunk so far, and know I Have had two large cups of coffee white, (normal) and one large cup of tea with sugar. At least one cup of water but now I need to get up and have more water. Consequence of the savoury chocolate biscuits or lack of water or indeed the medication? Sigh too many possibilities.
So the end of the day well actually logically the next morning as I have to document it all down up to the going to bed. which I did at the time I have in my alerts. Over the years since I stopped working and began to understand my CPTSD and health physical and mental needs I realised the best time for me to be able to function at a level where my dogs, chooks and most of the time personal needs were met. Bugger the house and my go to place the garden was hit or miss so often.
Not to have damaged my newly bought (old second hand) vehicle was such a positive and fixing the damage well is relatively simple. (as the rain we have been having has made the soil very wet; which in turn is the very real reason why my treasured vehicle was not damaged. Phew.
(May be triggering ) How truly incredible this thing called the internet is! It is through this that I was able to discovery a online support group based on the mainland of Australia. Facilitated by those who have and are managing their hoarding I assume. It was like so many things easy for me to type in the interest in joining the support group and I was relieved when I was accepted. (not being in the state and it is a state health organisation operating the support meetings, I was unsure if I would be accepted). It turned out I am not the only interstate attendee. Only one meeting in and it was at times a bit stilted as we all I guess dealt with our own anxieties about this meeting. My levels of anxiety were so extreme. Yet I set the alarm, and abnormally for me I had no desire to go and do anything, as in flee or not connect. My more normal response to new situations.
The fact is knowing that hoarding is a major issue in many countries, and impacts individuals, families and communities is one thing. I knew other people hoarded. I knew! Really I knew! What I felt in meeting these other people was wow, I am not alone. I am not incompetent, I am not a failure, I am non of the things I have beaten myself up about or labelled myself; ashamed of how I Live and how I have somehow let my whole home become a place that bewilders me everyday.. and yet I manage to live in it. I make meals, I rarely eat out and the meals I make in my kitchen are fresh and tasty but I would not cook anything for anyone else…my kitchen is a hoarders, my meals do not make me ill. I wash my clothes, and dry them at present over my stair rails with the fire going, (winter here ). I can shower, and my toilets work.
The other major thing I have done, is asked for someone who specialises in helping clean and organise hoarders homes.(at least that is the blurb), I sent a message honest explaining my mental illness and I am a hoarder, how ashamed and full of anxiety I am just to ask for the quote. I received a lovely response which helps a little. I now wait for the person to contact me and hopefully make a date and time for doing the quote. Knowing that when that comes emotions will again surface and anxiety. Being on a National Disability Insurance Scheme Pension does give me some funding for support. I did not really understand much about the support, and agreed to have house and gardening funding even though I really REALLY did not want or need it. As it was for a few hours a month. I am fortunate that my psychologist appointments are funded on the scheme. Something I will be eternally thankful for.
I ended up sending a request to my co-ordinator asking if instead of the monthly hours and cost/payment could the amount be utilised in helping me deal with the hording. My co-ordinator was so happy that I had asked for help..I am to send the quote to her and my hope is they will cover it. Now my anxiety is about how much it will cost. I have to breathe deeply as I write as I can feel myself going down the vortex of all the other what ifs, etc.
I now having made the calls, and the MASSIVE STEP to ask for help publicly announcing my situation even though I have shared with people neighbours and friends others that I am a hoarder, this, This step a business specialising in hoarding..really seriously I don’t need that I can do it I will for my own coping mechanism have to take the person on the journey I had with a previous attempt to assist me clean my home and get rid of the ‘rubbish’ which destroyed my trust and made my hoarding worse. It is the only way for me to begin to have to trust again someone coming into my home and respectfully supporting me through a big step I know is not going to be easy. I know is going to be so bloody hard at times. But I also KNOW I am ready, I know for my mental health to continue to improve my home can not remain as it is. I can not live anymore like this, and it is so wrong for my dogs; who are not at risk or are they suffering, neglected or any other concerns anyone may have. My dogs are the highest priority in my life believe me. It is also wrong for me.
My dream is to have a plumber come in and fix my leaking kitchen pipe (not sure how many years that has been there but at least 2 or more) It is basically impossible to wash up in my kitchen. I may also be able to finally find the leak in my kitchen wall and have that fixed! Such very small things. The leaking pipe was not the reason I have become a hoarder, but my hoard is why neither of these things have been fixed. Not being able to wash up properly has let the kitchen basically become perhaps the worst room in the house. Ahhh here I go running off ahead of myself. Stop STOP..the contact with the person has not happened yet. Just for a quote. Breathe breathe.. feeling nauseous. what if the person does not ring, what if the quote is too high…breathe stop breathe. Be proud. I have asked for help. I have sought and found support. One step at a time. breathe.
Thanks for asking, I took two of my older chooks well one is a rooster for a spa treatment. Blue skies, and not a breath of wind, in a thick top (winter here) I walked carefully down into my chook run, it was slippery with frost/dampness. Marshmallow my faviourite hen. She has little if any vision in one eye, however do not let that make you think she is not a strong and feisty hen! She is mighty and feared. Roopert my white and faviourite rooster. I had neglected their legs, and noted that both had very gnarly looking legs, Scaly and I realised shit they had mites! I also noted one of her feet was swollen.
She is a sweet gentle hen and settles in my arms easily, she became used to this when she was a house hen due to her eye being hurt by another chook. So I carried her to where the spa awaited. I soaked her feet in warm salty water with a little dish washing detergent. To soften the deformed scales mites had created on her legs, I then gently removed them and I did apply a diluted apple cider vinegar solution which was understandably a shock and a little painful but it helps against infection. Finally a genourous application of paw paw ointment. Vaseline based which stays in place for ages and reduces the risk of dirt entering any open wounds from the descaling process. Prior to this I also was relieve to see no bumble foot she did have a clump of dirt in a fold of skin that was beginning to fold over, (and this would have potential to become infected and bumble foot) so I gently cleaned her feet and dried them completely. Also applied paw paw ointment to them rubbing it in.
Roopert was less desirable of his spa treatment. He managed a few scratches, but I wear them in acceptance as a sign I need to check everyone’s legs and feet more often. Roopert seemed to enjoy the warm water, understandably not so keen on the descaling nor the diluted vinegar application. He did have a lump in the underside of his foot thankfully it was not infected but a small rock had embedded itself in his foot and skin had grown over it, I guess like a splinter that is not painful. I was able to remove the stone, and clean and again apply the diluted vinegar solution, to the indented skin and cut the skin that had folded over the stone. There was no blood, it was just new skin thankfully. The paw paw ointment finished the spa treatment.
I am very happy to say that in my observations; now 2 days after their spa treatment both Marshmallow and Roopert are showing no signs of infection. Their legs look great and they both appear to be moving better and happier which makes sense if you have mites under your skin, very disconcerting to think about. Who knew as a ‘homesteader’ I would also be offering spa treatments for chickens! The scale is a bit like old long toenails..and generally does not hurt to remove it and it takes effort.
Both Roopert and Marshmallow are much happier with their treated legs and all healed now.
Opened my front door this morning to let the dogs out.
Seems we all like to have gourmet breakfasts every so often
Sensibly watching my dogs, who are actually not interested in the Wallaby. I also am obviously outside with them and keeping a close on eye on all animals. Even when the wallaby jumped off and away, neither Busby or Miss Treacle were interested.
Though Busby is going to check out the bales of pea straw thoroughl!
Looks like I will need to move these now wet pea straw bales I purchased for the garden out of the wallabies reach. Another of those jobs I was meaning to do. The chooks have loved scratching through some bales too.
Today a necessitiy to do some shopping for chook food and dog meat and bones. A few items for me. I loaded my two dogs into the car and noted battery was a bit flat as I have like many others been driving less due the increase in petrol prices (along with everything else almost). I am thankful it did turn over, ( I do own a battery charger just in case ) and after doing the shopping and having a lovely lunch at one of my favourite cafes in Huonville, DS Cafe where normally the dogs and I sit in the laneway. Today was gray and very cold I chose to sit inside by the fire. It would seem that my dogs waiting in the car, were not too happy at that. Having done all needed in town I needed to fill the car, in Huonvile price of petrol is $2.19 a Litre ($1.49US/1.25GBP/1.45euro/1.95CAD, for those in the USA a litre is almost 1/4 of a gallon making the price $8.80USD a gallon. I drove out of town filled up the car. as it was a 10cents a litre cheaper, but more to get the battery charged too win win. In the smaller town closer to where I live there is a wonderful couple of petrol stations that still serve you, and of course this makes the petrol more expensive. I do fill my car there if I have no need to go to Huonville. As I imagine the difference in price is lost by the 40+km return trip. However as a boost of my car battery was a necessity today and it has been quite a while since I have been for a real drive out of my local area(and I am only talking a 50km drive here lol) I went out to Crabtree, and found some new places I had not been before. A new campground on the side of the river. I also took the dogs for a walk along the beautiful riverside, my photos below share our day.
As I was driving back towards Huonville I was traveling slowly past the apple orchards and saw some movement: I found an area to turn around and came back to check what I had seen. These Cygnets are very early and relatively old as they are beginning to get their feathers. I was so thrilled to have noticed them and even more to have had my camera with me, even though I was a way away Mamma or Pappa Swan was not comfortable having photos of the babies being taken. Sensible swan, and rounded them up and wadled off throught the apple orchard.
Not many would have their trip to the shops end like this. Or have such gorgeous places so close to them to drive and enjoy the beauty. I am so very thankful to live in this beautiful valley on a very special island called Tasmania.
It is so dry here we have had so little rain since December and I have basically given up tending my veggie area. My water tanks are getting very low, I am totally reliant on water tanks for all my house/garden/veggie garden, and all creatures that live permanently and visit my little acre. There is rain forecast for tonight and tomorrow, sadly the forecast has gone from all day rain to localised showers. One of the things to consider if you are considering life in a rural Tasmania. I am not connected nor does any town water pipes go past my home and land. For this I am very happy. The cost even if you are not attached to the councils water supply is high just for having the ‘potential to access town water and for I imagine cost in relation to maintenance for that ‘potential’ access.
Apart from this the days have been stunning. Temperatures 25dC/77dF, during the day with cool nights clear skies part of the reason I love Autumn in my valley. My beautiful valley is home to Forestry, something I am not against in general, I live in a timber home, my furniture is wooden, and my partner was a wood turner. I also burn wood for winter warmth. 100% renewable resource. One of the issues we have is burning off, which is happening right now.
Strangely since many of the areas are as here dry so dry. I am thankful that this years burns so far have not been so huge that the smoke is tarnishing and changing the colour of the sky, or filling my home with smoke. Since our bush fires back in 2019 I and many others get a bit ‘triggered’ with it. I am not going to get into the for and against the industry nor the burning off process. I am just very happy that the smoke is not hanging about nor was there so much burning off in the last couple of days where I would be forced to remain in doors on such stunning days as in past yea
Something you need to be aware of is this happens all over Tasmania. It will impact you if you live near to forestry land. Or as in my case quite a distance away. Something to consider if you are thinking of moving to our beautiful state. (so many people are it amazes me).
I love driving on Forestry roads here very little traffic, and I have only ever found the truckers working for Forestry have been respectful and I just pull over as far as I can when logging trucks are coming behind me, there bye enabling them to continue on their work journey and not stuck behind me traveling slowly looking at all about me. The above photos were taken several years ago.
Back in January I booked and paid for a workshop in making a Turkish light shade. April seemed so far away and basically I forgot about it. In the meantime a lot had been happening not the least my withdrawal off my medication Desvenalfaxine. (all good there now). I received a reminder email of the course a week before hand which was great. I did not think about it too much even the day before I was not overthinking it. I got up the morning off ensuring my dogs had their exercise and it was a lovely cool morning which would be cooler up in the higher land at Ferntree which is the last community before you drive up to Kunyani, (Mt Wellington).
I was so delighted that this workshop was not in Hobart or Kingston where parking is often a bit of an issue. I left my dogs in the car and hobbled on my crutches (small tear to my meniscus recovery going really well). Entered the building and was awed by all the beautiful handmade lights on display along with other items. I sat down and in front of me was a great set up with a lovely selection of mosaic tiles and beads. Each place had a small tray to attempt to contain the mosaics as you went along. A double sided pattern selection if you were not prepared with your own, and glue. I had no idea what I was going to do, that took a lot of time for me about 15 mins. I was happy to be a table with two others who were on their own and not really chatty, concentrating as we began.
After a while the woman next to me began to chat, and whilst I was not really desiring of being in a conversation it became apparent to me that perhaps she needed to share, recently single mother of two who was adjusting to leaving a ‘very unpleasant’ her words, relationship. I am not sure why but so often this sort of situation happens to me, and now living through my own serious, the death of my partner and adapting to life alone, then a couple of years later my breakdown. I will always try to sit with the person, and if they wish let them share as they desire. I know from my own experience that; 1) I may be the only person in a long time who talks with them, 2) This person may be so down deeply depressed and reaching out, just for something, having been in that situation myself, one person unknowingly can make a huge difference to someone else’s life. 3) loneliness is much more prevalent than most would be aware of. 4) Just having someone listen to you and hear you is so important. 5) listening to someone else does not mean you have to be friends or keep a connection.
As the time 2.5hours was going by I was growing happier with what I was doing. Especially once I stopped my mind from overthinking everything and accepting what ever I made would look wonderful and it would be something I had created.
The photos above are of my work in progress and where I ended up by the end of the 2.5 hours. I had not totally finished the first process of application to the whole of the bowel of the shade. I was able to take enough tiles and beads home plus the rest of the supplies required to complete my project.
I have found over the last few years whilst on my medication that completing anything has been a major issue. I have a few projects that have been put up or damaged as I have not completed them. Similar if I purchase any equipment or gardening tools that require to be assembled at home, it is not likely to happen; nope not true It wont happen. Big sigh there.
The requirements to complete the shade for me involved two more days allowing for drying times post application of each level of work. I am so proud of completing my shade and putting my lamp together. I am so happy each time I look at it, I see a completed marathon! To attend the workshop, to finish it in very timely period was in my spirit the same feeling someone else would have completing their first marathon. This is what it is like for me to live with my mental illness. Along with the time it takes me to adjust after spending so much time in a new environment, with complete strangers and doing something new. I am competent my mask of ‘Normality’ is a very learned and accomplished skill I have. The recovery from using my mask of normality can take several days. Even when spending time with people I know I usually will remain at home. These days with my knowledge for me this is totally normal and part of who I am. That most people will not even be aware that I am wearing a mask. More of that in another post.
I am so thankful for now having be able to do this. I am sharing the lovely business who brings their workshop from the mainland to Tasmania, I am not receiving any payment or discount for sharing their details. I do so because it was a really enjoyable workshop very professionally done so everyone including the kids attending were able to take home an almost finished product. ( due to drying times you can not finish on that day). https://www.artmasterclass.com.au/ they also sell mail kits so you can make some of the items they offer at home. I felt so safe and comfortable no pressure and no expectations except those I may or may not put on myself.
Hi here I am and what a couple of weeks it has been since I last posted. I had a few replies to my emails in regard to issues of accessibility for rural and remote rural people who need to see a psychiatrist. The huge costs now involved for anyone even Pension card holders and unemployed will now have to pay several hundred dollars for an initial psychologist or psychiatrist appointment and receive a rebate that means a large out of pocket expense on a service that was bulk billed up until late 2021. My cost to see a psychiatrist was I thought going to be $200, and I would be rebated about $60 back arrgh was bad enough. I was actually devastated when informed I needed to see a new psychiatrist and this would now cost me $600! I blanked out the rebate but it was only a small proportion of the cost. Let me put that into focus. My monthly pension from NDIS is $1890 roughly. I own my home out right, I have no debts. I will struggle to find this amount. How anyone else on a pension or unemployment a student will be able to afford it makes me incredibly distressed and anxious for their well being. Not sure if things will change but here in Australia we are in a Federal Election year and expect the Prime Minister to announce soon when the Federal election will be. Our process is EXTREMELY different to USA for which I am very grateful. Here the Party and we have three major ones, Liberal who are in power now more right side leaning, Labor the opposition more left side and the Greens who are more left than Labor I guess. It will be a very interesting and frustrating time in the next period of time. I would like to have gone further with the issues and kept emailing people who may really be able to see that this will increase mental health trauma and make many sicker, and potentially self harm. For my own well being I have to minimise my frustration and angst, as it creates issues in my own mental health and how I am managing. All I can do is hope that things will get better in regard to this disgraceful situation for the people who really need support and access to mental health professionals and now can not afford it.
I had a physical issue occur three weeks a go. I had been sitting on my lounge with my knee bent under me, and I realised I had hurt something inside my knee. I was caring for my knee and myself (having been a RN) I knew what was good. It was healing and going fairly well. I could weight bare on it, I could bend it and straighten it with a little pain. I was not needing any support to walk on it I was just cautious. I let the dogs out one night and when they returned inside I turned after closing the door, only to suddenly find myself on the floor. My knee had given out on me. I knew that was a concern. Though right at that precise moment I had other concerns.
There are very few positives when you are a hoarder. I however was unharmed from the fall as I landed on a pile of clothes. (no they had not contributed nor had I tripped over anything) The access from the door to living area is a clear path with crap on the sides. I had fallen at an angle, thankfully the clothes stopped me potentially hurting myself even more. I was now laughing, as I could see both my dogs just looking at me, like what you doing down there Mamma? I was bewildered as to what had happened and how I was going to get up. I managed it not exactly sure, needs certainly must.
I realised my knee had given out, and now it hurt. I put my injured knee to the floor and I could walk on it but gingerly. Depending on how it was positioned it hurt more. I realised it was not brilliant, but it was not so bad that I was too worried about it that night. I took some anti inflammatory medication and paracetamol, slept well but even in sleep felt pain when I moved into certain positions. On waking the next morning I made the decision my knee was not badly injured, I could manage going up stairs one at a time good leg first and holding tightly to the rails. Coming down was not as painful or difficult. As I have steps to come in and out of the house, this situation raised concern, along with the fear of my knee giving out again at any time depending on how I moved my leg. I was not in a lot of pain, just at times if I moved my leg in a way and my knee responded in a very negative ooops Nope.
I live out of town, no public transport, taxis, and not sure about Uber (but I could not afford Uber to Hobart anyway or a taxi). I then began to worry about my dogs. I really knew my only choice was to head to the public hospital in Hobart. As the nearest radiography business was 50km away and I would have to go to my GP get an appointment get to Kingston, then return. Meaning a lot of in and out of a vehicle. If anything was needed I may still end up at the public hospital Royal Hobart anyway. The decision was not difficult for me, I tried to see if any friend or neighbour may be able to take me. Nope. OK. I really began to be concerned about the dogs. It was too hot for them to be in a car in a car park(which would be super noisy and smelly) for who knew how long, better they were at home. Though sometimes you can be waiting 15+ hours to be seen at the Royal emergency depending on what was happening and this was not really an emergency. I tried to see if the dogs could go to a friends they were not home. I was in pain at the end of my abilities having tried to find a solution for the dogs, as I knew I could drive myself (which is why I did not take any medication) my car is an automatic and it was the leg I did not need to drive my car, how fortunate was that. I must have cried as I finished the call to my friend. I had just sat overwhelmed worried for my dogs being locked up inside the house all day and potentially into the night and maybe longer. As I began to work out logistics, I had decided the worst case scenario would be I would have terrible mess to clean up on my return. I decided to make a huge effort and take the dogs for a run (me driving the car ) before I left so hopefully they would use their bowels. Success one less worry. Now what to use as a crutch or support for me to be able to get from the car park to the hospital? I was sitting on the lounge and next thing the dogs are barking someone is on my deck and opening the door. I am freaking out so mortified that someone is coming into my home (hoarders house no one allowed in). I loose it. and flee. well end up turning my back on her and just sobbing please get out get out please! she does I am now hysterical and the dogs are perplexed and distressed at my sobs. All I can now think about is she knows how bad my house is NOOOOOooo.
I sit for what feels like an eternity, reassure the dogs and find a broom to use as a crutch. Broom tucked under my arm the plastic knob on the handle end is pointed and at that point in time I don’t notice. I sneak a look out the window hoping that my neighbour has gone. She has. I hobble to the car, leaving my dogs inside.
I drive to Hobart, find a parking spot as close to the elevators closest to the hospital side of the car park. I go down into a part of a busy mall the broom under my arm, the head of the soft indoor broom down on the floor firmly supporting me. I swept as I hobbled out through the mall, up to the traffic lights, crossed the road, and down a very steep entrance drive for ambulances and pedestarians to the Emergency entrance. Mask on the whole way, I was incredibly fortunate, that it seemed there was only one person waiting but of course you have no idea how many people or how serious they are already in the department. What I did know having worked at emergency and hoped it had not changed much was that lunch breaks start about 11:30 and I was there at 10:30, people wanting a sick certificate for work would have been or were being seen. That very few work accidents happen so early in the morning at work. No major vehicle accidents had happened. It was too early for school accidents too. Sometimes it pays to have some knowledge. I waited in the waiting area maybe 10 mins 15max. Then me and my broom went in and the Nurse practitioner was efficient and too my surprise no BP TEmp OBs were taken. Wow somethings had changed for the better. I mean ambulant patient not complaining of feeling ill does not need those. I waited maybe an hour for an X ray, which was taken and showed there may be a small tear of my meniscus of my knee. Or it may have been the way my trousers were impacting the X ray? I would be contacted if I needed a review. Nurse Practitioner did some movements of my knee cap and nothing hurt bad enough to make me squeal. This surprised him, and when I had told him about the activity where it hurt most as in up from sitting standing position, and climbing up stairs, and my now phobia about falling due to knee giving way. This was the main reason I had presented. It was decided that crutches for a week and when I was weary form moving without them. Some resting off it when it was aching or painful, but using it was the best remedy. I was offered some medication to have now, but as I had to drive home and strangely Ibuprofen and paracetamol make me tired. I ask if I could have something a bit stronger, and was only able to have provided 8 Panadine forte on script. I just wanted to be able to sleep completely pain free that night.
I was fitted with crutches, and released. All up three and half hours. WOW! As I was leaving I noted that the emergency room waiting area was full now as was the area behind where I was now discharged from. I made my way back to the car park, paid the $6 and as I lowered myself into the car pulling the crutches across me and angled safely in the passenger seat. I buckled up, very relieved, exhausted and hungry (I had eaten nothing and had one glass of water ). As I had to get the script for Panadine forte filled I went to a local cafe, a coffee and food as I waited. Two friends were there and we had a lovely visit under the shade of the trees with the heat surrounding us. I left not too long later picked up my medication and home.
If only someone could sell that feeling: Driving into your driveway, getting out of the car, opening the front door and being greeted exuberantly by two warm beings who love you so much. My heart was so overwhelmed and my soul exhausted I began to cry as I let the dogs sniff my new helpers. Tears running down my face as I hobbled up the steps went inside, I fed my dearest beings in my life. Knowing that it was very doubtful I would be getting up very soon once I threw myself down on my mattress on the floor(yes it is still down stairs on the floor after Busby’s operation). Making life with a banged up knee much easier. I had opened the door out on the deck so the dogs could go in and out if needed. I now had taken medication for pain and inflammation. I woke up seven hours later. Two dogs pressing hard into each side I was pinned down on the bed under the sheet. The fan going and the sun setting no cool breeze. SIGH… in describable contentment and happiness at that moment.
My knee is getting back to pre injury, not sure my thoughts of trusting it are. I believe that is pretty normal. I am so thankful I was not worse off. I am so thankful I am content, I am so thankful my dogs were fine, I am so thankful to have friends and people I could call. I am especially thankful that I did not allow myself to feel that I had no friends, no-one to help me, and go down that path I have often feeling so worthless. I am thankful I am strong, independent able to think logically and rationally when plans change. Not letting my anxiety take over.
Echidna Home 
You must be logged in to post a comment.