Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started

Hoarder within; Enough is enough?

(May be triggering )
How truly incredible this thing called the internet is! It is through this that I was able to discovery a online support group based on the mainland of Australia. Facilitated by those who have and are managing their hoarding I assume. It was like so many things easy for me to type in the interest in joining the support group and I was relieved when I was accepted. (not being in the state and it is a state health organisation operating the support meetings, I was unsure if I would be accepted). It turned out I am not the only interstate attendee.
Only one meeting in and it was at times a bit stilted as we all I guess dealt with our own anxieties about this meeting. My levels of anxiety were so extreme. Yet I set the alarm, and abnormally for me I had no desire to go and do anything, as in flee or not connect. My more normal response to new situations.

The fact is knowing that hoarding is a major issue in many countries, and impacts individuals, families and communities is one thing. I knew other people hoarded. I knew! Really I knew!
What I felt in meeting these other people was wow, I am not alone. I am not incompetent, I am not a failure, I am non of the things I have beaten myself up about or labelled myself; ashamed of how I Live and how I have somehow let my whole home become a place that bewilders me everyday.. and yet I manage to live in it. I make meals, I rarely eat out and the meals I make in my kitchen are fresh and tasty but I would not cook anything for anyone else…my kitchen is a hoarders, my meals do not make me ill. I wash my clothes, and dry them at present over my stair rails with the fire going, (winter here ). I can shower, and my toilets work.

The other major thing I have done, is asked for someone who specialises in helping clean and organise hoarders homes.(at least that is the blurb), I sent a message honest explaining my mental illness and I am a hoarder, how ashamed and full of anxiety I am just to ask for the quote. I received a lovely response which helps a little. I now wait for the person to contact me and hopefully make a date and time for doing the quote. Knowing that when that comes emotions will again surface and anxiety.
Being on a National Disability Insurance Scheme Pension does give me some funding for support. I did not really understand much about the support, and agreed to have house and gardening funding even though I really REALLY did not want or need it. As it was for a few hours a month. I am fortunate that my psychologist appointments are funded on the scheme. Something I will be eternally thankful for.

I ended up sending a request to my co-ordinator asking if instead of the monthly hours and cost/payment could the amount be utilised in helping me deal with the hording. My co-ordinator was so happy that I had asked for help..I am to send the quote to her and my hope is they will cover it. Now my anxiety is about how much it will cost. I have to breathe deeply as I write as I can feel myself going down the vortex of all the other what ifs, etc.

I now having made the calls, and the MASSIVE STEP to ask for help publicly announcing my situation even though I have shared with people neighbours and friends others that I am a hoarder, this, This step a business specialising in hoarding..really seriously I don’t need that I can do it
I will for my own coping mechanism have to take the person on the journey I had with a previous attempt to assist me clean my home and get rid of the ‘rubbish’ which destroyed my trust and made my hoarding worse. It is the only way for me to begin to have to trust again someone coming into my home and respectfully supporting me through a big step I know is not going to be easy. I know is going to be so bloody hard at times. But I also KNOW I am ready, I know for my mental health to continue to improve my home can not remain as it is. I can not live anymore like this, and it is so wrong for my dogs; who are not at risk or are they suffering, neglected or any other concerns anyone may have. My dogs are the highest priority in my life believe me. It is also wrong for me.

My dream is to have a plumber come in and fix my leaking kitchen pipe (not sure how many years that has been there but at least 2 or more) It is basically impossible to wash up in my kitchen. I may also be able to finally find the leak in my kitchen wall and have that fixed! Such very small things. The leaking pipe was not the reason I have become a hoarder, but my hoard is why neither of these things have been fixed. Not being able to wash up properly has let the kitchen basically become perhaps the worst room in the house. Ahhh here I go running off ahead of myself. Stop STOP..the contact with the person has not happened yet. Just for a quote. Breathe breathe.. feeling nauseous. what if the person does not ring, what if the quote is too high…breathe stop breathe. Be proud. I have asked for help. I have sought and found support. One step at a time. breathe.


blessings to You, Tazzie

What did you do today?

Thanks for asking,
I took two of my older chooks well one is a rooster for a spa treatment.
Blue skies, and not a breath of wind, in a thick top (winter here) I walked carefully down into my chook run, it was slippery with frost/dampness.
Marshmallow my faviourite hen. She has little if any vision in one eye, however do not let that make you think she is not a strong and feisty hen! She is mighty and feared. Roopert my white and faviourite rooster. I had neglected their legs, and noted that both had very gnarly looking legs, Scaly and I realised shit they had mites! I also noted one of her feet was swollen.

She is a sweet gentle hen and settles in my arms easily, she became used to this when she was a house hen due to her eye being hurt by another chook. So I carried her to where the spa awaited. I soaked her feet in warm salty water with a little dish washing detergent. To soften the deformed scales mites had created on her legs, I then gently removed them and I did apply a diluted apple cider vinegar solution which was understandably a shock and a little painful but it helps against infection. Finally a genourous application of paw paw ointment. Vaseline based which stays in place for ages and reduces the risk of dirt entering any open wounds from the descaling process. Prior to this I also was relieve to see no bumble foot she did have a clump of dirt in a fold of skin that was beginning to fold over, (and this would have potential to become infected and bumble foot) so I gently cleaned her feet and dried them completely. Also applied paw paw ointment to them rubbing it in.


Roopert was less desirable of his spa treatment. He managed a few scratches, but I wear them in acceptance as a sign I need to check everyone’s legs and feet more often. Roopert seemed to enjoy the warm water, understandably not so keen on the descaling nor the diluted vinegar application. He did have a lump in the underside of his foot thankfully it was not infected but a small rock had embedded itself in his foot and skin had grown over it, I guess like a splinter that is not painful. I was able to remove the stone, and clean and again apply the diluted vinegar solution, to the indented skin and cut the skin that had folded over the stone. There was no blood, it was just new skin thankfully. The paw paw ointment finished the spa treatment.

I am very happy to say that in my observations; now 2 days after their spa treatment both Marshmallow and Roopert are showing no signs of infection. Their legs look great and they both appear to be moving better and happier which makes sense if you have mites under your skin, very disconcerting to think about.
Who knew as a ‘homesteader’ I would also be offering spa treatments for chickens! The scale is a bit like old long toenails..and generally does not hurt to remove it and it takes effort.

Both Roopert and Marshmallow are much happier with their treated legs and all healed now.

Blessings to You, Tazzie

Good Morning

Opened my front door this morning to let the dogs out.

Seems we all like to have gourmet breakfasts every so often

Sensibly watching my dogs, who are actually not interested in the Wallaby. I also am obviously outside with them and keeping a close on eye on all animals. Even when the wallaby jumped off and away, neither Busby or Miss Treacle were interested.

Though Busby is going to check out the bales of pea straw thoroughl!

Looks like I will need to move these now wet pea straw bales I purchased for the garden out of the wallabies reach. Another of those jobs I was meaning to do. The chooks have loved scratching through some bales too.

Blessings to You, Tazzie

Winter Wednesday

Today a necessitiy to do some shopping for chook food and dog meat and bones. A few items for me. I loaded my two dogs into the car and noted battery was a bit flat as I have like many others been driving less due the increase in petrol prices (along with everything else almost). I am thankful it did turn over, ( I do own a battery charger just in case ) and after doing the shopping and having a lovely lunch at one of my favourite cafes in Huonville, DS Cafe where normally the dogs and I sit in the laneway. Today was gray and very cold I chose to sit inside by the fire. It would seem that my dogs waiting in the car, were not too happy at that.
Having done all needed in town I needed to fill the car, in Huonvile price of petrol is $2.19 a Litre ($1.49US/1.25GBP/1.45euro/1.95CAD, for those in the USA a litre is almost 1/4 of a gallon making the price $8.80USD a gallon. I drove out of town filled up the car. as it was a 10cents a litre cheaper, but more to get the battery charged too win win.
In the smaller town closer to where I live there is a wonderful couple of petrol stations that still serve you, and of course this makes the petrol more expensive. I do fill my car there if I have no need to go to Huonville. As I imagine the difference in price is lost by the 40+km return trip. However as a boost of my car battery was a necessity today and it has been quite a while since I have been for a real drive out of my local area(and I am only talking a 50km drive here lol) I went out to Crabtree, and found some new places I had not been before. A new campground on the side of the river. I also took the dogs for a walk along the beautiful riverside, my photos below share our day.

As I was driving back towards Huonville I was traveling slowly past the apple orchards and saw some movement: I found an area to turn around and came back to check what I had seen. These Cygnets are very early and relatively old as they are beginning to get their feathers. I was so thrilled to have noticed them and even more to have had my camera with me, even though I was a way away Mamma or Pappa Swan was not comfortable having photos of the babies being taken. Sensible swan, and rounded them up and wadled off throught the apple orchard.

Not many would have their trip to the shops end like this. Or have such gorgeous places so close to them to drive and enjoy the beauty. I am so very thankful to live in this beautiful valley on a very special island called Tasmania.

blessings to You, Tazzie

I completed a marathon!

It is so dry here we have had so little rain since December and I have basically given up tending my veggie area. My water tanks are getting very low, I am totally reliant on water tanks for all my house/garden/veggie garden, and all creatures that live permanently and visit my little acre. There is rain forecast for tonight and tomorrow, sadly the forecast has gone from all day rain to localised showers. One of the things to consider if you are considering life in a rural Tasmania. I am not connected nor does any town water pipes go past my home and land. For this I am very happy. The cost even if you are not attached to the councils water supply is high just for having the ‘potential to access town water and for I imagine cost in relation to maintenance for that ‘potential’ access.

Apart from this the days have been stunning. Temperatures 25dC/77dF, during the day with cool nights clear skies part of the reason I love Autumn in my valley.
My beautiful valley is home to Forestry, something I am not against in general, I live in a timber home, my furniture is wooden, and my partner was a wood turner. I also burn wood for winter warmth. 100% renewable resource. One of the issues we have is burning off, which is happening right now.


Strangely since many of the areas are as here dry so dry. I am thankful that this years burns so far have not been so huge that the smoke is tarnishing and changing the colour of the sky, or filling my home with smoke. Since our bush fires back in 2019 I and many others get a bit ‘triggered’ with it.
I am not going to get into the for and against the industry nor the burning off process. I am just very happy that the smoke is not hanging about nor was there so much burning off in the last couple of days where I would be forced to remain in doors on such stunning days as in past yea

Something you need to be aware of is this happens all over Tasmania. It will impact you if you live near to forestry land. Or as in my case quite a distance away. Something to consider if you are thinking of moving to our beautiful state. (so many people are it amazes me).

I love driving on Forestry roads here very little traffic, and I have only ever found the truckers working for Forestry have been respectful and I just pull over as far as I can when logging trucks are coming behind me, there bye enabling them to continue on their work journey and not stuck behind me traveling slowly looking at all about me. The above photos were taken several years ago.

Back in January I booked and paid for a workshop in making a Turkish light shade. April seemed so far away and basically I forgot about it. In the meantime a lot had been happening not the least my withdrawal off my medication Desvenalfaxine. (all good there now). I received a reminder email of the course a week before hand which was great. I did not think about it too much even the day before I was not overthinking it. I got up the morning off ensuring my dogs had their exercise and it was a lovely cool morning which would be cooler up in the higher land at Ferntree which is the last community before you drive up to Kunyani, (Mt Wellington).

I was so delighted that this workshop was not in Hobart or Kingston where parking is often a bit of an issue. I left my dogs in the car and hobbled on my crutches (small tear to my meniscus recovery going really well). Entered the building and was awed by all the beautiful handmade lights on display along with other items. I sat down and in front of me was a great set up with a lovely selection of mosaic tiles and beads. Each place had a small tray to attempt to contain the mosaics as you went along. A double sided pattern selection if you were not prepared with your own, and glue. I had no idea what I was going to do, that took a lot of time for me about 15 mins. I was happy to be a table with two others who were on their own and not really chatty, concentrating as we began.

After a while the woman next to me began to chat, and whilst I was not really desiring of being in a conversation it became apparent to me that perhaps she needed to share, recently single mother of two who was adjusting to leaving a ‘very unpleasant’ her words, relationship.
I am not sure why but so often this sort of situation happens to me, and now living through my own serious, the death of my partner and adapting to life alone, then a couple of years later my breakdown. I will always try to sit with the person, and if they wish let them share as they desire. I know from my own experience that;
1) I may be the only person in a long time who talks with them,
2) This person may be so down deeply depressed and reaching out, just for something, having been in that situation myself, one person unknowingly can make a huge difference to someone else’s life.
3) loneliness is much more prevalent than most would be aware of.
4) Just having someone listen to you and hear you is so important.
5) listening to someone else does not mean you have to be friends or keep a connection.

As the time 2.5hours was going by I was growing happier with what I was doing. Especially once I stopped my mind from overthinking everything and accepting what ever I made would look wonderful and it would be something I had created.

The photos above are of my work in progress and where I ended up by the end of the 2.5 hours. I had not totally finished the first process of application to the whole of the bowel of the shade. I was able to take enough tiles and beads home plus the rest of the supplies required to complete my project.

I have found over the last few years whilst on my medication that completing anything has been a major issue. I have a few projects that have been put up or damaged as I have not completed them. Similar if I purchase any equipment or gardening tools that require to be assembled at home, it is not likely to happen; nope not true It wont happen. Big sigh there.

The requirements to complete the shade for me involved two more days allowing for drying times post application of each level of work. I am so proud of completing my shade and putting my lamp together. I am so happy each time I look at it, I see a completed marathon! To attend the workshop, to finish it in very timely period was in my spirit the same feeling someone else would have completing their first marathon. This is what it is like for me to live with my mental illness. Along with the time it takes me to adjust after spending so much time in a new environment, with complete strangers and doing something new. I am competent my mask of ‘Normality’ is a very learned and accomplished skill I have. The recovery from using my mask of normality can take several days. Even when spending time with people I know I usually will remain at home. These days with my knowledge for me this is totally normal and part of who I am. That most people will not even be aware that I am wearing a mask. More of that in another post.

I am so thankful for now having be able to do this. I am sharing the lovely business who brings their workshop from the mainland to Tasmania, I am not receiving any payment or discount for sharing their details. I do so because it was a really enjoyable workshop very professionally done so everyone including the kids attending were able to take home an almost finished product. ( due to drying times you can not finish on that day). https://www.artmasterclass.com.au/ they also sell mail kits so you can make some of the items they offer at home. I felt so safe and comfortable no pressure and no expectations except those I may or may not put on myself.

blessings to You. Tazzie

Contentment: is not a dirty word.

Hi here I am and what a couple of weeks it has been since I last posted. I had a few replies to my emails in regard to issues of accessibility for rural and remote rural people who need to see a psychiatrist. The huge costs now involved for anyone even Pension card holders and unemployed will now have to pay several hundred dollars for an initial psychologist or psychiatrist appointment and receive a rebate that means a large out of pocket expense on a service that was bulk billed up until late 2021. My cost to see a psychiatrist was I thought going to be $200, and I would be rebated about $60 back arrgh was bad enough. I was actually devastated when informed I needed to see a new psychiatrist and this would now cost me $600! I blanked out the rebate but it was only a small proportion of the cost. Let me put that into focus. My monthly pension from NDIS is $1890 roughly.
I own my home out right, I have no debts. I will struggle to find this amount. How anyone else on a pension or unemployment a student will be able to afford it makes me incredibly distressed and anxious for their well being.
Not sure if things will change but here in Australia we are in a Federal Election year and expect the Prime Minister to announce soon when the Federal election will be. Our process is EXTREMELY different to USA for which I am very grateful. Here the Party and we have three major ones, Liberal who are in power now more right side leaning, Labor the opposition more left side and the Greens who are more left than Labor I guess. It will be a very interesting and frustrating time in the next period of time.
I would like to have gone further with the issues and kept emailing people who may really be able to see that this will increase mental health trauma and make many sicker, and potentially self harm. For my own well being I have to minimise my frustration and angst, as it creates issues in my own mental health and how I am managing.
All I can do is hope that things will get better in regard to this disgraceful situation for the people who really need support and access to mental health professionals and now can not afford it.


I had a physical issue occur three weeks a go. I had been sitting on my lounge with my knee bent under me, and I realised I had hurt something inside my knee. I was caring for my knee and myself (having been a RN) I knew what was good. It was healing and going fairly well. I could weight bare on it, I could bend it and straighten it with a little pain. I was not needing any support to walk on it I was just cautious.
I let the dogs out one night and when they returned inside I turned after closing the door, only to suddenly find myself on the floor. My knee had given out on me. I knew that was a concern. Though right at that precise moment I had other concerns.

There are very few positives when you are a hoarder. I however was unharmed from the fall as I landed on a pile of clothes. (no they had not contributed nor had I tripped over anything) The access from the door to living area is a clear path with crap on the sides. I had fallen at an angle, thankfully the clothes stopped me potentially hurting myself even more. I was now laughing, as I could see both my dogs just looking at me, like what you doing down there Mamma? I was bewildered as to what had happened and how I was going to get up. I managed it not exactly sure, needs certainly must.

I realised my knee had given out, and now it hurt. I put my injured knee to the floor and I could walk on it but gingerly. Depending on how it was positioned it hurt more. I realised it was not brilliant, but it was not so bad that I was too worried about it that night. I took some anti inflammatory medication and paracetamol, slept well but even in sleep felt pain when I moved into certain positions. On waking the next morning I made the decision my knee was not badly injured, I could manage going up stairs one at a time good leg first and holding tightly to the rails. Coming down was not as painful or difficult. As I have steps to come in and out of the house, this situation raised concern, along with the fear of my knee giving out again at any time depending on how I moved my leg. I was not in a lot of pain, just at times if I moved my leg in a way and my knee responded in a very negative ooops Nope.

I live out of town, no public transport, taxis, and not sure about Uber (but I could not afford Uber to Hobart anyway or a taxi). I then began to worry about my dogs. I really knew my only choice was to head to the public hospital in Hobart. As the nearest radiography business was 50km away and I would have to go to my GP get an appointment get to Kingston, then return. Meaning a lot of in and out of a vehicle. If anything was needed I may still end up at the public hospital Royal Hobart anyway. The decision was not difficult for me, I tried to see if any friend or neighbour may be able to take me. Nope. OK. I really began to be concerned about the dogs. It was too hot for them to be in a car in a car park(which would be super noisy and smelly) for who knew how long, better they were at home. Though sometimes you can be waiting 15+ hours to be seen at the Royal emergency depending on what was happening and this was not really an emergency. I tried to see if the dogs could go to a friends they were not home. I was in pain at the end of my abilities having tried to find a solution for the dogs, as I knew I could drive myself (which is why I did not take any medication) my car is an automatic and it was the leg I did not need to drive my car, how fortunate was that.
I must have cried as I finished the call to my friend. I had just sat overwhelmed worried for my dogs being locked up inside the house all day and potentially into the night and maybe longer.
As I began to work out logistics, I had decided the worst case scenario would be I would have terrible mess to clean up on my return. I decided to make a huge effort and take the dogs for a run (me driving the car ) before I left so hopefully they would use their bowels. Success one less worry.
Now what to use as a crutch or support for me to be able to get from the car park to the hospital? I was sitting on the lounge and next thing the dogs are barking someone is on my deck and opening the door. I am freaking out so mortified that someone is coming into my home (hoarders house no one allowed in). I loose it. and flee. well end up turning my back on her and just sobbing please get out get out please!
she does
I am now hysterical and the dogs are perplexed and distressed at my sobs.
All I can now think about is she knows how bad my house is NOOOOOooo.

I sit for what feels like an eternity, reassure the dogs and find a broom to use as a crutch.
Broom tucked under my arm the plastic knob on the handle end is pointed and at that point in time I don’t notice. I sneak a look out the window hoping that my neighbour has gone. She has. I hobble to the car, leaving my dogs inside.

I drive to Hobart, find a parking spot as close to the elevators closest to the hospital side of the car park. I go down into a part of a busy mall the broom under my arm, the head of the soft indoor broom down on the floor firmly supporting me. I swept as I hobbled out through the mall, up to the traffic lights, crossed the road, and down a very steep entrance drive for ambulances and pedestarians to the Emergency entrance.
Mask on the whole way, I was incredibly fortunate, that it seemed there was only one person waiting but of course you have no idea how many people or how serious they are already in the department. What I did know having worked at emergency and hoped it had not changed much was that lunch breaks start about 11:30 and I was there at 10:30, people wanting a sick certificate for work would have been or were being seen. That very few work accidents happen so early in the morning at work. No major vehicle accidents had happened. It was too early for school accidents too. Sometimes it pays to have some knowledge. I waited in the waiting area maybe 10 mins 15max. Then me and my broom went in and the Nurse practitioner was efficient and too my surprise no BP TEmp OBs were taken. Wow somethings had changed for the better. I mean ambulant patient not complaining of feeling ill does not need those. I waited maybe an hour for an X ray, which was taken and showed there may be a small tear of my meniscus of my knee. Or it may have been the way my trousers were impacting the X ray? I would be contacted if I needed a review.
Nurse Practitioner did some movements of my knee cap and nothing hurt bad enough to make me squeal. This surprised him, and when I had told him about the activity where it hurt most as in up from sitting standing position, and climbing up stairs, and my now phobia about falling due to knee giving way. This was the main reason I had presented. It was decided that crutches for a week and when I was weary form moving without them. Some resting off it when it was aching or painful, but using it was the best remedy.
I was offered some medication to have now, but as I had to drive home and strangely Ibuprofen and paracetamol make me tired. I ask if I could have something a bit stronger, and was only able to have provided 8 Panadine forte on script. I just wanted to be able to sleep completely pain free that night.

I was fitted with crutches, and released. All up three and half hours. WOW! As I was leaving I noted that the emergency room waiting area was full now as was the area behind where I was now discharged from. I made my way back to the car park, paid the $6 and as I lowered myself into the car pulling the crutches across me and angled safely in the passenger seat. I buckled up, very relieved, exhausted and hungry (I had eaten nothing and had one glass of water ). As I had to get the script for Panadine forte filled I went to a local cafe, a coffee and food as I waited. Two friends were there and we had a lovely visit under the shade of the trees with the heat surrounding us. I left not too long later picked up my medication and home.



If only someone could sell that feeling: Driving into your driveway, getting out of the car, opening the front door and being greeted exuberantly by two warm beings who love you so much. My heart was so overwhelmed and my soul exhausted I began to cry as I let the dogs sniff my new helpers. Tears running down my face as I hobbled up the steps went inside, I fed my dearest beings in my life. Knowing that it was very doubtful I would be getting up very soon once I threw myself down on my mattress on the floor(yes it is still down stairs on the floor after Busby’s operation). Making life with a banged up knee much easier. I had opened the door out on the deck so the dogs could go in and out if needed.
I now had taken medication for pain and inflammation. I woke up seven hours later. Two dogs pressing hard into each side I was pinned down on the bed under the sheet. The fan going and the sun setting no cool breeze. SIGH… in describable contentment and happiness at that moment.

My knee is getting back to pre injury, not sure my thoughts of trusting it are. I believe that is pretty normal. I am so thankful I was not worse off. I am so thankful I am content, I am so thankful my dogs were fine, I am so thankful to have friends and people I could call. I am especially thankful that I did not allow myself to feel that I had no friends, no-one to help me, and go down that path I have often feeling so worthless. I am thankful I am strong, independent able to think logically and rationally when plans change. Not letting my anxiety take over.

blessings to You, Tazzie

Lil Bo Weep another who fought to keep her spark alive!

Another young Australian life whose spark has now been extinguished died on the 5th March this year Winona Brooks better known as YouTube Rapper star Lil Bo Weep died at only 22 her last video on tiktok, shows a very sad Mamma. Who almost on the anniversary of her babies death lost her own battle “This weekend we lost the fight for my daughter’s life against depression, trauma, PTSD, and drug addiction that we have been fighting since we got her back from America through emergency repatriation DFAT but broken.
Announcing the news on his Facebook account, her father Matthew Schofield said: ’02/01/2000 to 05/03/2022.

You can look for the video yourself. For me as a blogger about my own journey with mental illness CPTSD, the loss of such a beautiful creative woman who was clearly loved by her family, who did all they could to care love and support her is a horrendous tragedy!



The damage that is being done to those with mental health issues who live in remote rural areas of Australia, and I can only talk in regard to my own personal experience I was on unemployment benfits which were back then a year ago, was just $500 a fortnight since covid it has gone up. I now am on Nationally disability services receiving roughly $900. I want to have an assessment by a psychiatrist for ADHD.

Single, no children$629.50
Single, with a dependent child or children$676.80
Single, 60 or older, after 9 continuous months on payment$676.80
Partnered$573.30
Single principal carer granted an exemption from mutual obligation requirements for any of the following: foster caring non-parent relative caring under a court order home schooling distance education large family.$862.10

The cost used to be by the only available telehealth service that provide psychiatric and psychology in my area as there is a sever shortage of both in Tasmania and probably Australia wide. Psych 2 U bulked billed those of us on Health Care Cards. Students, Unemployment, Disability , pension and not sure if Vetrans are included. My Gp made a referral for the organisation originally I was advised by Psych 2 U that I would have to pay on invoice $200, today 15/03/2022 I was contacted by Pscyh2 U to be informed that because of the sort of appointment I was seeking I would have to pay $600 up front. Fortuantely my appointment (which the GP referral went in back in February 11th approx. ) will be in mid May 2022! Better than I anticipated. I at least can save for it hopefully. Having just used all my savings for new brakes, and four new tyres, I will be watching every cent. I have rates, house insurance coming along too. I can afford it I am thankful and lucky. How many others could find that sort of money up front. Sure a rebate is there I think I would get back a bit over $140 not sure. I may not be well enough to follow up on the rebate. that is part of my illness. Dealing with paperwork/bureaucracy.
HOW IS ANYONE on it supposed to be able to pay upfront for this service be it for themselves or a child?
This is NOT the only issue at present with mental health as of 3 days ago!
Critical support for an increasing number of Australians with mental health conditions like anxiety and depression has stalled, as the states and federal government argue about the details of a multi-billion-dollar funding plan promised more than a year ago. 

The five-year national agreement was meant to be finalised last November but discussions have hit a roadblock, with some states accusing the Commonwealth of shirking its responsibilities by failing to properly fund the deal. 

The spat means hundreds of millions of dollars in funding is not flowing, with federal officials revealing in parliament last year $770 million had been tied up in protracted negotiations between governments. 

https://www.health.gov.au/ministers/the-hon-greg-hunt-mp/media/covid-19-481-million-for-national-mental-health-and-wellbeing-pandemic-response-plan

not sure what is happening with this.

Additional $20 million for Mental Health and Suicide Prevention Research

The Australian Government is providing more than $20 million additional funding for research to improve mental health care and reduce suicide rates in Australia.

Portrait of Greg Hunt

The Hon Greg Hunt MP
Minister for Health and Aged Care

Date published: 

25 May 2020
Nor what happened with this money!

and now this
https://www.sbs.com.au/news/article/government-to-prioritise-mental-health-support-for-flood-victims/xtfpdbfnj

So there is help as there should be for those people impacted by the massive floods. Many of who are rural communities, and some remote rural.

Health Minister Greg Hunt says the focus of support will be for children through the national youth mental health foundation Headspace.

https://www.ruralhealth.org.au/sites/default/files/publications/nrha-mental-health-factsheet-july2021.pdf
this no longer is relevant but remains on this rural health site.

But there will also be support for adults via the primary health network in each area. DOES THIS FOOL NOT realise that many of those primary health networks have been impacted and potentially have no equipment, no offices suitable, no computers, phones…sigh..as for only giving money for one youth organisation well that may not reach all communities!


This government has given so much money to Beyond Blue and Lifeline which when I have been suicidal in the wee small hours a long while ago now I was put on hold for too long. I ended up laughing about it. As It could have been enough to make a successful suicide. When I have held and spoken to someone, responses as my anxiety depressed loaded voice speaking ninety to the dozen not listened to by the ‘supposedly trained counsellor’ told to take a breath, slow down, breathe How would that work for YOU when you were in crisis guys?
Another one had no idea what living in a remote rural area was like. My car was stuffed and I was in a bad place… the response of this ‘counsellor ‘ who I had attempted to explain was get a taxi, or a bus!! Oh how I laughed.
When I attempted to get the $1000 interest free loan for low income earners ..I could not use it to purchase a car! When I spoke to the highest person I could in regard to this ridiculous situation I asked why. His response well we do not want you driving bombs. My response to him. Have you ever lived anywhere you did not have access to public transport ANY AT ALL! his comment what about taxis or uber?? I attempted to describe it would cost me $90 one way to get into my grocery shop. I was on at that time $250 a week! How does your organisation expect rural and remote rural people to get around if not for a bomb? My latest vehicle $1000 had it over two years going strong. Older model but brilliant! IDIOTS
Now back to impact on more young people with the inability to access any psychiatrists face to face now not even via telehealth..how do you think they are going to be coping MR HUNT? Having to have several hundred dollars to pay to see a psychiatrist or psychologist and then do all that is required afterwards when you might be severely depressed to get your rebate well that is unlikely to happen!
Most people with depression sever enough or being unwell enough to be seeing a psychiatrist are going to be generally not great at paperwork. No matter what is involved. NO IDEA THESE PEOPLE!

Now money being spent on our youth? fair enough but it almost seems to the detriment of the older population NOT FAIR EQUITABLE almost discrimination on age MR HUNT!

There will be people who will die or self harm in rural and remote rural areas because of this change to costs for health care card holders!
These deaths should be accountable to the FEDERAL GOVERNMENT OF AUSTRALIA!

I feel for those who are not so fortunate as I am, so much. Knowing where I have been and only for the benefit of the continuous care of the same Psychologist over several years due to what she did for me and now being on disability support pension, I am able to continue seeing her as part of my plan. It is the only thing I need as I could not afford to pay her fees every three weeks. My thankfulness for this ongoing support has been a huge part of my moving through and learning strategies and management along with learning my triggers, and my somatic responses. I am thankful to now know I have this support regularly and do not have to fear it being discontinued unexpectedly. Continuation of care with specialist in mental health is in my mind when the person with the illness connects with the professional and vice versa. Something that is not generally acknowledged those of us on low incomes are forced so often to stop suddenly with no real reason seeing one professional and have to begin again with a new face. Very destructive particularly in the time when the person begins to move forward..

I am stopping here and voice my thoughts with all those who may be in despair please if you read this, you are worthy, you are not alone, you are important and you deserve to be heard and supported. I am happy to be living today. I am privileged to be able to share my personal story of my mental illness and how I live with its warts and all. There is hope.
blessings to You, Tazzie

Pt 6 Withdrawal experience with a look at my garden and what is happening.

Warning please seek medical support prior to going off any mental health medication. Withdrawal from medication/s is a very individual experience and my experience is mine alone. I do not encourage anyone from stopping any mental health medication without support of your GP, Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I worked as a mental health qualified Registered Nurse RPN and RN I did not mean to do my cessation like this this it was very much situational.


Day 15. I know some of my readers have been missing my ‘normal posts’. I have been thinking about this a lot; I woke up this morning I decided to share my garden as it is right now. Heading towards the end of summer here where I live in the Tasmania’s Southern most Council in Australia.
I can not explain how different I am to how I was just three weeks ago. I am one very lucky woman, I as any of you have been reading my withdrawal posts know am doing cold turkey of the medication. Not deliberately but through situational a comedy of errors so to speak. You can read about that here https://wordpress.com/post/echidna.home.blog/7015

My vegetable garden is a sad representation of its normal self. A combination of how I was feeling on my medication, Busby my larger dog having a Cruciate Ligament operation, and no rain since December/very early January has impacted a lot.
My deck garden has been cared for and I am learning so much what I can grow on it and the possibilities for next spring and summer. I am planning and have planted seeds with the aim to have beets, carrots, brassicas and a few other bits and pieces from my deck.

My front entrance garden is basically just dirt. I have watered and fed it, the fact that my garden is one of the very few now in my area that is accessible and provides the native and non natives food and greens along with seeds and my veggie waste sees the front of my home at times a bit like Dr Doolittle’s or at least how I imagine it.

What I am finding as such a positive change is that I am just doing it. I am just getting into clearing mess and dirt including much to my mortification mice droppings and the odd dead one. So far no more nests. Today I began in the kitchen. The floor was/is revolting. I am so please that I have removed so much dirt and mice mess. I went into one of my storage cupboards where I have tinned items. Discovering that mice love labels, I am thankful that they have left parts of at least one, and I know that I stored them in like with like. I will have a few exciting unknown tins. Most of these are beans or tomatoes. I have not done any preserving/bottling of any sort this year. Knowing I had quite a lot of tinned items I had purchased over the last few years on top of the things I had made last year and the year/s before. I am old enough to not care about dates on tinned or jar purchased items. Similar with dried beans. I was taught by my Gran what to look for in bad or suspect tins.

I am set for Autumn and Winter lovelies. I actually feel I could live on my pantry stores for the whole of winter and only have to purchase flour, fresh veggies I might need, meat and dog food. So incredible to have this. I feel so wealthy. I also have plenty of fresh herbs, spices, and if I can ever discover where my hens are laying their eggs, I imagine as last year the dogs and I had enough eggs for our own needs over winter.

It is so hard to attempt to explain to others, that I am beginning to feel like the memories I recall off before my breakdown and how I felt. I need to reassure you that I had ups and downs back then as any normal person. I also experienced bouts of depression over the years with the extremes that implies.

What I am incredibly aware of is the possibility is ever present that once off my medication and completed the withdrawal process, there is always a chance I will need to go on medication.

The difference for me now to previous is I have changed my thinking process. I have worked through and continue to work through the feelings and life issues that created what I have lived with for way too many years. No contact with those who abused and neglected me throughout my life was the biggest intentional change along with telling them they were not welcome in my home ever again.
I am also privileged and am very very aware of how fortunate I have been to be seeing at now cost to me ever the same psychologist for several years perhaps four. Someone I respect greatly because as anyone who has mental health illness is aware so often, especially when you are on low income or as I was and remain on Government support. Your psychologist/counsellor/psychiatrist seems to change regularly. Which for me in the past has been detrimental and to have to begin again sees me avoid the whole process. It was also the problem of not connecting with quite a few of the psychologists over the years. I am not one for lectures and homework, goal setting or those positive/mindful platitudes that so many folk have seemed to feel helpful for my mental illness and getting well. If they work for you great. Treatment for mental health illnesses are as varied as the individuals experience of the illness.
Under the Disabilty pension I am on now I have access to the National Disablity Insurance Scheme gives me a certain amount of financial access to support and service to enable me to live my life. I am able to continue to see my psychologist. I pay nothing for this and I am able to see her every 3 weeks. We have been Zooming since COVID. I am appreciative as I do not have to do a return trip to Hobart every 3 weeks a round trip of almost 200kms. We are also currently paying over $1.85AUD/1.34 USD/ 1GBP/1.19euro per liter/0.26th gallon(1 gallon is equal to 3.74 litres, so one gallon of petrol cheapes andlowest rated in Australia cost $6.92AUD/$5.00USD) so for the cheapest petrol pump your own. The petrol station in Cygnet(closest village to me) has a full service petrol station. I am not aware of the price there but is several cents a litre more expensive. Oops of on a tangent. I will have a face to face appointment in a few months probably.

For me I am delighted with how I am feeling, and doing things, even with the negative withdrawal symptoms of coming suddenly off Desvenalfaxine/Pristiq. There are some that continue such as joint and muscle pain, and short shape pains like a needle prick regularly. I am still a little dizzy at times and or light headed. I am no longer nauseous. I still feel cold often and no my iron levels and all other vitamin levels that impact your body feeling cold nor am I menopausal. We are having warm humid weather summertime here!. I put it down to withdrawing. I continue to not be hungry and eating simple but pretty healthily. I cooked a whole chicken and generally eating a chicken wrap with salad. Nuts and some apples from last year. (new seasons coming Yipee). Or as tonight I made a beef laska from my left over roast.
I have to really work at myself to get to bed at good time for me. Lights out no later than 10:30pm. Preferably earlier.

As the withdrawal symptoms play around with me, I know that considering I stopped cold turkey I have been very fortunate with how little they have really impacted me. For this I am so appreciative. I know that I am one of the lucky ones so far with my experience of sudden withdrawal.

blessings to You, Tazzie


Week 2 Ends Withdrawal Off Pristiq Desvenalfaxine. P6

Warning please seek medical support prior to going off any mental health medication. Withdrawal from medication/s is a very individual experience and my experience is mine alone. I do not encourage anyone from stopping any mental health medication without support of your GP, Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I worked as a mental health qualified Registered Nurse RPN and RN I did not mean to do my cessation like this this it was very much situational.
After a wonderful sleep (having not slept for over 40 hours) I slept deeply and long. I woke feeling much better today in having slept. Though it is now almost midnight and here I sit not feeling tired.

I visited a neighbour (our dogs are the best mates they have a bromance). Miss Treacle is enamoured with my friends husband, and he is besotted with her. It is a true love. My friend says she wishes he would look into her eyes as often as he does Miss Treacles. (she is joking).

Other than that it was a quiet day just tending the chooks, attempting to work out how many of my current chicks; 8 in total might be roosters. Wondering where the eggs my three other girls are laying. Is the missing black hen hatching out more chicks. Or has she fallen to an eagle. Sigh.

We have had no rain here since in months. So I watered the tomatoes, which are finally beginning to ripen, and some plants in the veggie garden. I did not put much in the veggie area this Spring/Summer.
I picked my first zucchini of a deck pot. I am feeding the wild life. Ensuring they and all the insects birds and reptiles have water they can reach.

I am quite fixated on my creative planning. Eager for the things I have ordered to arrive.
I played with my dogs this afternoon, they had been tired after their run and play this morning, but both enjoyed the playtime with Mama.
My body thermostat is still out of whack. It is frustrating and I hope it will improve in the next week. Similar the sleep issue.
I am not really eating more snacking and not massive amounts. In fact I did not actually eat anything until after 3pm today I was just not hungry. I cooked up some meat that would have begun to turn if I hadn’t. I am also slow cooking a stew which I will package up to freeze, as I have the other meat which is chicken so great cold.

Not a lot to say tonight.

May your weekend be safe, and blessings to You. Tazzie.

Pristiq (Desvenalfaxin) Withdrawal P5

Warning please seek medical support prior to going off any mental health medication. Withdrawal from medication/s is a very individual experience and my experience is mine alone. I do not encourage anyone from stopping any mental health medication without support of your GP, Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I worked as a mental health qualified Registered Nurse RPN and RN I did not mean to do my cessation like this this it was very much situational.

Day 13
I have not slept now for over 40 hours. I have had a lovely day today. I met up with a friend and had a coffee. Took the dogs for a walk down near Port Huon and had lunch at bakery in Geeveston I went shopping at the Tip Shop looking for items I can begin to paint and mosaic.
It is not good. I have been on a bit of a spending spree. No regrets, and I did pay for 5 new tyres outright. I have had to force myself to get stop watching the news from so many countries in regard to that war. Have I eaten well today ahhh not really. Fruit vegies, eggs and a lot of icecream and sugar.

I was triggered and reacted. Driving through Huonville (the largest town in my area) I slowed down to let traffic get out of a really horrible intersection onto the highway. The older guy probably my age, but I’M not old; came right up behind me, even though he had been several car lengths behind me, and HOOOONKED his horn..it worked well he should be very proud.
I had let the two cars onto the highway, and began to drive off in the southward direction I was heading in. The owner of the horn, tail gated me. Well not liking his bullying tactics, his impatience and his just arrogance, I slow down to 40km /25milesP/H approx. It was a 50km/31MPH speed limit and he honked me again. As I was approaching the 80km/50mph speed sign I just enjoyed my leisurely travel at 58km/36MPH speed. Enjoying the scenery of the river, and thinking about how much I will miss seeing this view as a new housing development.suburb is being built and will most likely block the view. I continued driving relaxed and singing along to one of my faviourite artists. Sitting on the 60km/37MPH speed. A lovely drive able to observe all the homes, and how many blackberries were on the bushes, if there were any wild apple trees loaded with ripening fruit tempting me to stop at on the way home.

So relaxed. I did look in the rear view mirror surprised to see my old proud Horn man still behind me. Nah I knew he was still there. I kept on driving looking at the scenery and enjoying a leisurely outing with my dogs. It is a very pretty drive along the Huon River. Quite a winding road. I sang along to my artist on the CD(yep Im old). I was very chillaxed.
I noticed the tip shop/tip on the way and decided to stop in on the way home. On we drove. My man with the Horn behind me, a little too close I felt but then he was wanting to go around me I am certain.
Oh dear other vehicles coming towards us on the broken white line (where he could over take me).
I have to be honest I did have a lovely chuckle at this.
Onwards I drive, thinking about just what a lovely morning I am having really enjoying my day so far.
The dogs were chilled. A mindful drive, relaxed and observing. Perfect.

Another opportunity for my horny friend to be able to get around me coming up. I could see he was getting his speed up and I am not a nice woman…I chuckled more vehicles coming towards us where he could have gone around me easily.

A while later my mate had pulled of the road. Perhaps frustrated enough to call the police. I do know he took a photo of my cars rear end with rego plate. It would not give any idea of the speed, and my car needs a wash, she is not looking her best.

I just kept driving at the speed I had been, sure there had been a bit of a line up behind me, and several cars over the course of the next several opportunities to overtake did so safely and responsibly. All the while I had not increase my speed. As I say I was really enjoying the leisurely pace. I was not doing it out of annoyance at Mr Proud Horn. I was enjoying my drive. After 23kms/14miles. I turned off the highway into the Geeveston shopping precinct. Popped in to a new aquaintance I had met at Christmas times bakery, that had been opened only two weeks. A huge slice of quiche, and an apple turn over in my bag and back into the car. Thinking where next. Return home but first I would pull in at Port Huon park and go down near the sailing club. Let the dogs out for a wee and sniff as I ate the tasty delicious, Huge piece of quiche just looking up the river, at the gray clouds and mist where Huonville was hiding under. Satiated back into the car next stop the tip shop. (locals take their rubbish if they do not have pick up) and items they do not want to anymore and the tip shop sells them.

After doing my quibbling over price, and delighted with it, paid my bill and homeward bound. Me singing along to my CD and Miss Treacle perhaps trying to stop me from singing with her paw. Home fed the chooks and the dogs.
I began to do some painting which I was enjoying. I was trying to just let go and not be tight in my body as I painted. I Like what I did and am excited to feel like and acting on being creative.
Tomorrow I am feeling that I will do some work on sorting out and getting rid off stuff, along with cleaning. Just a small area I have in my mind. Achievable.

Symptom wise, so anger (was I angry at the guy for honking) Personally i feel more that it was to do with his impatience. I did not scream or yell at him or any situation or creatures at all today.
Is that an improvement? I want to think it is.
Light headedness, but that is probably more about not sleeping for 24 hours at that point.
I have an inablity to switch off the computer and go to bed.

I have no stabbing zappy feelings in my hands, feet, legs, arms anymore. My joints have been quite sore as to my muscles. I am still experiencing personal thermostat challenges.

My mind is slowing tonight. I guess exhaustion will assist with that. Have I said no burping or nausea at all. Even feeling as I do, I am much happier with how I feel and not sure how to word this but how I AM doing things. Happy to do a small area of my kitchen tomorrow , if more happens wonderful. My goals are not high in this process. Takes off the need to alphabetise, put all my clothes in colour co-ordinated runs.

I am so so happy I have insight into what this is apart from withdrawal (sudden) off Desvenalfaxine.

I also feel as if my lability is not as prominent. I have not cried more than once today. I am not so happy about the volume of food I consumed today or more so its less than healthy way of eating.

I have had trouble with finding words I am looking for, and my feet are freezing right now, so painful that my broken toe is throbbing. Reminder it is Summer here in Tasmania (well all of Australia).

One thing I have found really strange is the volume of water I am drinking. I have recently had fasting and the other blood test to check for all diabetes and was great for both. My blood pressure was wonderful for me.

I am thankful that I did not get angry when triggered. I was mischievous but so relaxed.

blessings to You, Tazzie.



Blog at WordPress.com.

Up ↑

%d bloggers like this: