No such thing as a simple life on my one acre in Tasmania with my two dogs.I try to grow food, wrangle chickens and the native and non native wildlife share the land I call home. Life with CPTSD and ADHD not been easy so I share about it all. Low income, a bit frugal, real life My Life.
When you live in the other hemisphere, and many of the news stories are of the fires in Spain, France, Portugal and many other locations in Europe, that England has had Red alerts for EXTREME Heat. Knowing what that feels like, the heat and fear of bush fires(wild fires) yet; Living in my world I woke to a rather unusual sight snow on the hills across the river the lowest it has been dusting the trees on the closest hill and settling on the ground. Weather advice is for gale force winds and maximum 7dC/33.8 fahrenheit. Overnight it hit -2dC/28.4dC at 7am. We have been cruising so far this winter, mild really, yet now mid winter as it is according to the months is making us very aware down in my valley that Winter is still here with some beauty. When you have snow so occasionally it is such a treat, even those who are stuck due to road closures do not really mind. Here sitting inside as it is way to wet for me out in the garden. The fire is toasty the dogs have eaten their bones after a run. My heart aches for those impacted and fearful of the wildfires. I know the possibility is so real in my beautiful valley home. I have watched plumes of smoke rising seen flames just across the river, had ash falling on my home, and land, burnt leaves, thankfully not burning still. I empathise for all in these situations.
Yet even with the snow covered lower mountains, nature is doing as she does, I picked my first jonquil (damaged by the wind and broken) her scent is sublime and she is such a pure white. I have placed her in my toilet, where her natural perfume (it is a very cool room which always has an open window) and when ever I go in it is so lovely. Both in looks and perfume one flower stem is long lasting and perfumes the room so well.
The Hellebore are just flowering. This one is white with purple spotty lines inside. So lovely and best the Wallabies and possums seem to not eat it.
As dusk falls and I have tended all the animals as well my own dinner. (I eat rather early) I have the wood fire stoked and I know I am so fortunate, to live with so much and have so much. To be able to live with nature is a privilege. I am very aware of how quickly this all may change. I hold onto the moments, and am very thankful.
I feel so tied to the earth. I feel so different these days as a female to how I did just 10 years ago. For me living in a little remote rural area on a smallish (by Australian standards)island,the Australian Island state of Tasmania.
Like many around the world I sit and listen to news, see the pictures from Ukraine and hear the people who remain to fight of who can not leave. I hear those who have made it to safer countries. I listened to the interview from the Finish President share his great concerns. Thousands of Russian people have left via the Finish border and the concern for his country and people. I have watched for several years before this war a couple of Russian You tubers, Just the same as me wanting to live their lives, a roof over their head, enough to eat and to live in peace enjoy their dog and family. These people will experience huge issues as sanctions impact. Yet I know that for so many Russians they will definitely suffer but they are resourceful and strong. I was in Russia back in 1998 when the Ruble crashed and banks closed overnight access to money gone. Yet the Russian people were generous to me a traveler. I also visited Kyiv and some rural villages. Here too when poverty was high and fear was ripe; things were changing so rapidly the people I met were friendly and kind, they shared stories and laughter with me. They would be me if the situation was reversed. (hard to imagine in my part of the world).
We know this is a crisis our world has not seen, as never before has Switzerland or Monaco agreed to sanctions against any other country.
In my own country, floods that are the highest recorded in 150 are occurring, NSW/QLDs tens of thousands have lost everything, and a large proportion of those have no where to sleep. More rain and storms for the areas impacted are forecast. Some of these areas were devastated by the bush fires last summer.
Bush fires have raged across the world in the last few summers. Floods typhoons, hurricanes all bigger more lives lost. Mother earth is showing her force. We are insignificant.
These are photos from flooding in my region, and bush fires across the river from my home in Huon Valley February 2019.
Women are becoming stronger and disclosing the sexual abuse and rape that they have experienced by politicians, the rich, the power brokers and being heard and believed! Women all ages are saying enough patriarchy and domination by the rich and powerful. Women are using their voices and we will no longer be kept quiet. Domestic violence and domestic murders continue in my country to be too high in numbers and women are making the Government change laws that have pandered to the patriarchy.
The concept of what is sexuality, and what defines gender, and marriage equality show the change across the world and many Christian religions are accepting, in my country the acceptance of all regardless of any gender stereotype.
Our wonderful DS Cafe in Huonville incredible support to all in the community.
I live my life very much in nature. My resident snakes are welcome to be here as I may pay rates for the land and ‘own my little acre’ It is not mine it is ours for all the animals birds and insects. (even the invasive introduced rabbits come here and feed). This land is not mine, I am merely a guardian. My intent wherever I live to ensure that all that live there are provided for.
The world is almost holding its breath, watching and so many are showing great love and passion for their fellow humans in a very public war, whilst maybe being unaware of the other wars/conflicts impacting killing maiming and taking all from so many other humans around the world. These places mean little to the average westerner. https://www.visualcapitalist.com/mapped-where-are-the-worlds-ongoing-conflicts-today/
I am awed watching the huge public response towards the people of Ukraine getting supplies in and helping the refugees. Closer to home without fanfare or publicity again the Sikh community arrived in the worst flood impacted areas to feed and offer a place of comfort. Other organisations are struggling within the communities they were there for as goods have been destroyed, and supermarkets loosing all stock. A very hard beginning to our winter season for so many. Schools have been inundated. People from all over are traveling to help with clean up but where do they stay? (ground to wet to camp on, there has been little fresh water and fresh food, or food for those impacted. A huge quandary.
Who can forget about the last few years with COVID The ongoing cost and lives lost,the concern over the long term health damage, and the new strains appearing too often. The impact of this financially around the world is also yet to be really felt. Along with this war which will impact us all around the war in a financial way.
What does it mean..a devote Christian I know believes it is the last book of the Christian Bible Revelations the signs of the end of the Earth. To this person it meant the Antichrist would rise. If that is of interest you can search for information yourself. I do not believe this in any way.
I as a believer in Gaia, nature, and all that is from that. It has taken me most of my life to know this is right for me. I searched many years of my life, via Christian religions. I never felt right there. I am far more comfortable in being in nature, the seasons as they change, the wind, and walking barefoot on the earth. My joy and feeling of connection when sitting out in the night watching the sky, and feeling the energy as I shoot Aurora Australis when the Lady of the night sky visits. My preference is not to be in group. To be in a place on my own with my dogs and camera. By the water is for me hard to explain.
I love experiencing the changing seasons (here in Tasmania we have distinct seasons), the deciduous trees as they begin to change colours (we only have a few native deciduous trees in Tasmania) to watch the non native trees who have fruited and provided me with fruit berries and nuts the leaves are colouring to the autumn colours.
I am looking forward to the Autumn Equinox. Which here in Southern Tasmania (in the Roaring Forties) usually sees gale force winds and storms. (I have noted around the Equinoxes and Solistices winds are a large part of the changes of the season heres).
Change is coming, I live in hope always. It is easy to write when I am safe from all I have written about here. I will continue to be sharing my personal life. That being living with CPTSD no longer on medication. Sharing how I live and grow fruit and vegetables. (not in a glamourised of everything done instantly and perfectly). My garden is very haphazard and to many messy and disorganised. It does not provide me with all the vegetables, fruit and nuts I eat. I want to be clear on that. I am now so content with my choice of life. Since I was a teenager this is how I wanted to live. When I look back to where I have been most content in my life it has always been in an area of nature, with no obvious close neighbours but Not isolated. I have thrown of all the shackles that conforming to ‘what is consider normal life’ has helped me so much. It meant having none of my birth family in my life I have chosen not to have them in contact with me. A true blessing to have let go.
Change is coming, Mother earth is letting us know, the people of the world are no longer accepting things as they have always been accepted since patriarchy became ‘rulers over everyone’ and major very wealthy religious Christian organisations often under auspice of Royaltiy have forced and take so much from so many The rise of people following my personal belief is a sign that a change is coming. Disatisfaction with so much of who and how the lives of others are ordered and political disatisfaction in my country is also growing. It is an election year.
Change is coming it may be very very negative and hard for more than are suffering now. It may be a new order. It is an unknown. We are all blind as to what will change. All I can hope for is to have no fear, to stand by and support as I can those I believe in , and care and protect my patch of earth so it is a safe place for not just native animals but all life. That is provides for me as it can with my help and for the life and encourage the soil to be full of life, provide habitat, and water. Freedom of movement and peace. I am not successful at this but I get up and change what I did or improve on it. My heart and spirit know that the majority of people no matter where we live, desire to have a roof warmth and feel safe over our head, work that pays us enough to live on and save, to have a community that is supportive and respectful most of all kind. Clean air and water. Enough food to eat.
As change happens for me fear is the worst feeling I could have. (Don’t imagine I do not feel fear even now), For me if I begin to feel fearful regardless of the cause being right here in my community or near my home or over seas it breeds rapidly in me. I can become engrossed and then my fear increases. I fixate. I feel hopeless and helpless. Non of which is correct. I hold onto that and thus am not fearful.
I see ignorance of world situations not good for me either. I am not one to just live on my acre and not be part of the greater world. I do what and as I am able. I am no longer filled with angst when I can not donate be it time money or goods. I do what I can, and when I can.
Be kind, be respectful regardless if you agree with the other person. One day you may need help from that very person. Be thankful for all you have but never believe you can not loose all your material possessions in a very short time. Perhaps my views were formed early in life when my parents and my siblings lived in a flat above out business. We were away when both along with two of our neighbouring businesses and friends homes were burned to the ground. All we had was what we had taken with us for a weekend. I personally am so thankful to have experienced this as a just turned five year old I can smell it still when I smell wet wood, wet burnt anything, smoke acrid full of so many potential issues. Beloved toys, (my teddy bear was with me phew). So when I see the families fleeing Ukraine, or anywhere holding their perhaps one toy they could take. I feel the pain, when I see the families with their pets, I imagine all the ones left. The people too who are left behind both fighting and not able to leave. Farm animals and wildlife. Trees and beloved gardens all being impacted. So much to consider and I have to stop, or I will become fixated. (part of my CPtSD)
Warning please seek medical support prior to going off any mental health medication. Withdrawal from medication/s is a very individual experience and my experience is mine alone. I do not encourage anyone from stopping any mental health medication without support of your GP, Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I worked as a mental health qualified Registered Nurse RPN and RN I did not mean to do my cessation like this this it was very much situational.
Day 11. I had to go out into the real world today and tend to some important things I had been putting off. My car was booked in to have all new tyres, balance and alignment. for 11:15 Along with this I was hopeful that in the larger town near me Huonville where the tyres were being done that the Animal Tuckerbox one of the animal feed and animal supplies (not really farm but small holdings and pets suppliers) would have frozen dog meat and the RAW roll of dog prepared meat frozen as well. My dogs love it and I have it in my freezer along with the other frozen raw meats for them. The price of this RAW diet (mixed with vegies fruit and other items no grains but I add some oats or wheat to it). The 2kg roll provides 3 meals for my dogs which gives me great value AUS $12.99, USA $ 9.38 Euro 8.29 and British pound 6.90 so makes it very good quality food that I do not have to prepare. That I know my dogs love and they are so great on it. I had slept really well on the pain medication for my toe I broke yesterday, and woke up in good spirits knowing I had planed the time I was to be away from home and get several things done. Busby and I went outside to feed the chooks, and fill all the water containers for chooks birds wallabies echidna, and all the lizards and my local snake (if required ) along with ensuring bees and wasps also had access to water.
Busby had been with me, I moved to a different location out of sight of him, and he came across one of the hens…bugger! He would not come he would not stop chasing her, she was under the house he was under the house. I was doing all I could to not get angry. I knew time was rapidly passing and I would have to leave soon, and bloody Busby ignored me. Eventually he took off up the road! Noooo I got in the car and made him get home and I am not proud of this but I hit him with a stick three time on his rump. I did not even regret it or feel upset at the time for resorting to hitting him. (he has been hit twice in his almost 6years of life sharing this so you understand I do not hit my dogs when they are naughty. I looked at the time and had to leave. I took Treacle with me leaving Busby at home (inside with cool water and comfy bed a fan going so he was fine). Treacle and I left she was so distressed at my anger. She had been shaking. I patted her and told her she was not in trouble she was a good girl. So it was to be Miss Treacle and I two gals out on the town in HUonville. First stop Animal Tucker Box: I put my mask on (here in Tasmania we are required to wear a mask if indoors in shops only can have it off if eating drinking. Walked into the shop and they had 6 rolls in the freezer not having had any for almost two months. I was down to the last two in the freezer. (The shortages are down to staffing levels due to Covid contacts, issues pertaining to hunting licenses for wild hunters, and problems with diesel for trucks and transportation supply issues. I was paying for the rolls and going to pick them up after my tyres were done. Well this went well and I was feeling very happy. I was paying for my items and a couple came into the store, neither wearing masks. I just mentioned to them that they were meant to be wearing masks inside the store. He made some smart ass comment, and I well all I can say is I could have been described a Karen. Yep triggered.. why why why! I knew with my withdrawal happening there was so much unknown on this outing. I just could not stop but he could not either. I apologised to the staff. I left but even then found there car and oh I really wanted to scratch it or cut their tyre. WHERE the FUCK is that shit coming from? Seriously Tazzie I did end up writing in the dust on their rear wiindow back to front(cause I can write that way so clever) I am a huge dick! so when He looked in the mirror to reverse he would see it. I guess I sort of vandalised his car. butt… arrrrgh…
So I have been in Huonville for all of 10minutes and that happened. My poor Miss Treacle who is sort of my good conscious was trembling. She would have heard my loud angry voice in the shop. I may quite rightly be on a Karen video. I can laugh about it now. I tried to shut up in the store and breathe but nope.
Calmed myself and my gorgeous dog down and we headed to the tyre shop. Parked the car went into see them and well I had given them the wrong tyre information. oh heck. Here I was calm and no trigger. I was highly anxious for screwing up their orders. I imagined we would have to reschedule. thankfully the owner had 3 tyres to fit, and my spare was great. I just have to call in next week when the 4th tyre will be there. all Great.
Left the car for the required hour and half as needed a alignment and balance and they were as usual so busy. Went to a great local cafe DS and one of my friends was there with her gorgeous rescue greyhound and two other human friends. I ordered lunch and milkshake realised I had not had any food this morning not even a few nuts which is a normal first thing. This would not have helped the previous situation hangry is a very real thing for me. I was able to sit and eat with these lovely interesting women. Angels were making sure I was OK. It helped so much food and frienship.
They left and I read the local paper, sitting in the shade on a glorious summer day. Blue sky and hot. My vehicle was ready at 12.30 so Miss Treacle and I went and picked it up. I thought I had transferred enough money over to my cash account so I could pay for the work. Alas an alack insufficient fund. (bugger). fortunately my bank is just across the road so I was able to sort that out very quickly. No issues apart from embarrassment at how dipsy I must seem to the owner of the place. I lost track of the number of apologies. Interestingly as hot a day as it was I was quite cold when sitting eating my hot meal. So my body thermostat is still all over the place. I have not had much in the way of dizzyness/vertigo. But I have not walked far. As it is too painful on my broken toe. I have had vaugeness and blankness certainly is present at times. I was very happy to achieve the rest of my day with no more triggers. I am deeply concerned that this will be an ongoing issue. I did go on Facebook yesterday and posted a thankyou to the water cartage companies who have been working overtime providing water to those on tanks who have run out. Seems my post and mentioning the folk complaining about the chlorine in the water the cartage companies are deliverying(it is town water so both chlorine and fluoride present. Someone even complained about dust getting into their drinking water from the dirt road they live. (we have had no rain or insignificant rain since December. Not sure what people expect. Even got told off for whinging…I was thanking hard working people who had been out delivering water to folk in need after midnight.. my response to that person was show a lot more about you than me. SO no more FACEBOOK…lol Blogging about my experience helps. Other symptoms I am having is not being super hungry. (heat could also be part of that) though my home is cool. Feeling very tired (trigger situations always feel that way post), also very hot, also in pain, pain relief may make me tired. LAst night I was cold even with a down doona on and it was not a cold night.
My thoughts are racing and all over the place and I seem to want to shop a lot. (I normally hate shopping). I also need to replace my rear brakes, and so now am looking at how to videos not sure if I am delusional in feeling I could do it and save a lot of money. I do see my new GP for the second time tomorrow, so I am being supported in my withdrawal in a manner. I am pondering if I should just stay at home to avoid triggers, and then realise that Busby and the chooks have been a BIG trigger the last two days OMG, I know it will get better I know these are symptoms of withdrawal. Not knowing where the finite experience of withdrawal is. Reading a lot of personal experiences but so unique to each person, and whether sudden stop like me or tapered off, what other issues/mental health illnesses/ previous drug/alcohol use withdrawal, all seem to impact coming off Pristiq Desvenalfaxine.
I did clear out my boot of my car today so that is a big plus, though every thing is now sitting on a chair I am throwing away as no one wants it outside in the drive. I will deal with that tomorrow. I am so exhausted and disappointed that I was triggered and it went so badly.
I am very much on the positives side of coming off this medication for me. It was brilliant and I am so thankful I was put on it as it got me through and I am still alive and extremely happy to wake up each morning. Thankful to be aware of what is/has triggered me and even when it is negative I have insight and understanding along with tools to manage and move through and hopefuly minimise my responses to being triggered. I know anxiety was huge and when all my plans went belly up, because of Busbys antics. I know I am much more susceptible to being triggered when I am overwhelmed and frought. As I was this morning before leaving home. As bad as the morning went. The positives weigh out the negatives. I did not just flee home, and hide ashamed and mortified. I continued on with what I planned and the day grew into a pleasant one. I read a beautiful post by a lovely lady Rhapsody Boheme https://wordpress.com/read/feeds/50743716/posts/3848008485 I connected very much too. I am hopeful that it is huge changes for me and new directions.
I am thankful to both my dogs, to my chooks even if they are hiding all their eggs. I am thankful to others whose writings and personal blogs encourage, help and support in so many ways. I am thankful I am doing well on withdrawing from the medication cold turkey.
A lot has happened in the time since I have posted anything there are many reasons.
As many of you would know I ceased all contact with my family for my own well being and mental health. I can not in all honesty say that the following was the thing that sent me on a downward spiral. I had been posting prior to this that I had not been traveling well. Out of the blue my brother, the only member of my family who has my permission to contact me in extreme situations. As a person in her mid 50s I saw his name in my missed calls( I do not answer any phone calls only responding to those who leave me a message, or I have been contacted by someone to say they will be contacting me. Even when I have the caller id. I listened to the message requesting me to contact him urgently, and made the connection that one of our parents was seriously ill or had died.
I was wrong, my 38 year old nephew had died unexpectedly in hospital. He had a heart attack. On hearing this and hearing the anguish in my brothers voice. My nephew had been born with issues in regard to his kidneys. We were also aware that his life expectancy may be shortened. He had transplants in his younger years to improve his chances. Even though you know the chances are there denial and hope are the mainstays. He left behind a wife he adored and three incredible sons. Due to Covid on the mainland I was not able to attend his funeral it was wonderful that the funeral company was doing live video streaming so I was able to attend.
I also learnt that one of my neices had had a baby, and he was 16 months old. I had not heard anything my choice.
I could do little for my brother and sister-in-law. I felt outside and began to wonder at my decision to not be in touch with family. Even dealing with this and all the things I am missing out off in my family I sincerely know that for me my life is better as skewed as all the feelings and emotions I dealt with over the next few months.
I have to say I DID NOT go down into the deep pit of blackness. I did resort to comfort eating, Making my own home made Baileys and drinking it all in one night. I did get addicted to a game on line (not a gambling one or spending money on it). I did spend some money on wish…sort of getting a bit of buzz out of winning so many limited items I had no real need of. I gave them to a local organisation to give to others. I was not and still am not super keen to see my psychologist. I do but tend to end the meeting early.
I have been dealing with aspects of my hoarding, a very small amount, I am proud of this. We have had a lot of rain and wind, my house leak is worse and that overwhelms me. I have mice and they have learnt not to go to my mouse traps. I watch them climb up between the lining of my curtains. I occasionally manage to catch them. I am working to get rid of the mess more and found mice nests with babies.
I have begun to realise each time I have a issue in my life, my home that I can not resolve myself I fall. I have not been following my routine at all. I have not been sharing here.
My aim is to reconnect to my blog and the community here. I am thankful to be able to see these things that trigger me, I am thankful for having the ability to share here, I am thankful for the rain as so many areas are in need. I am thankful for all I have my home, plenty of fire wood, a roof over my head, food for me and the dogs, clean water, plenty of warm clothes, and a wonderful community I live in.
Echidna Home 
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