Author: Tazzie

Australia is my country but I live on an island, the island State Tasmania, south of the mainland. I write about my life, and how living with my mental illness has bought about change for me. I am not a homestead as I have no idea what I am doing most of the time, I am really just living my life, doing what I enjoy. I share all sorts of things, and the beauty of where I live on an acre of land with my dogs chooks, and native wildlife of all kinds. Gardening, veggies, and flowers,I try it not necessarily brilliant at it but I try,and unbelievably succeed at times. Mental health and mental illness are important issues and I live with CPTSD and was diagnosed 2023 with ADHD as adult. I began taking medication and share my personal experience in that and other aspects of my life with mental illness, and now on my road to having mental health but managing to live a contented life now. Certainly not always and my blog shares my personal experiences. I write for me, and if it helps anyone else how wonderful. I look forward to meeting you. Tazzie.

Mother Earth Takes a Deep Breath.

As many of us around the world are impacted and out lives have suddenly changed so much. There are actually some positive things we should be looking at for ourselves, and the Earth.

Sea Eagle soaring high above me. Huon Valley Tasmania

Many of us I believe will have seen the videos of Venice, the lack of pollution in China. Animals roaming in cities devoid for the most part of humans as we are the ones in many countries now being caged.

If you can I would like to look at how you are feeling. Take a deep breath just as Mother Earth is. She is look about you, the fauna and flora are adapting. It is painful for some animals who perhaps have over bred in areas where people have gathered and fed the wild creature. I certainly have seen videos of monkeys fighting viciously over a bit of food.
We created that too.

So these animals will fight, some will survive and some will be killed, some will die of injuries or starvation. Mother Earth is taking a deep breath and adjusting. While many of the humans are out of the picture.

Kelp Gull eating leftovers of a beautifully filleted salmon

We need to find beauty within our homes, our families, our flatmates/housemates, ourselves. We need to change our mindset, teach ourselves to not be bored.

I was so lucky to see a whale at Pirate Bay Eagle Hawke Neck Tasmania last year.

We also need to breathe. To learn in this time of enforced or chosen isolation to be playful, to unwind, to relax, and let go of many of the things perhaps we see as important.

Close up edited from my one of my original photographs as taken above.

Slow deep breaths. We need to be kind and caring for the people we live with, our neighbours, and keep an eye on each other. Here in my rural area there are about nine properties up our small road. We all know each other to chat with say hi too.

Sulphur Crested Black Cockatoo eating a pine cone to get at the nuts. Their beaks get covered in sticky sap and they drop the pine cones. Any unwary person who has parked under a tree for shade may find their windscreen shattered when they return.

For those of us fortunate enough to be with a roof over our heads, food, water, family and friends we can facechat or Skype, message ring, to keep in touch. We all obviously have internet access; otherwise how would you be reading this?
Even if like me you are isolated whether by choice or enforced, you can remain in touch with those people most important in your life.
Of course it is not the same as being able to touch them, hug them, hold them. We can still laugh with then, share what we are doing to keep us occupied or relaxed. Read stories to or be read to by our nieces and nephews, grandchildren, friends kids, We can still have a cuppa in a group with face time etc.
We can still connect and this is really important. No matter what we are the fortunate ones.


For a lot of us our politicians are working tirelessly to try and provide some form of economic relief for people, businesses and communities.

addit: I and my fellow Tasmanians are now not allowed to leave our homes except to go for essentials, to appointments for health, to work, or for exercise, we are only allowed to socialise with two people. Of course if there are more in your household that is OK.

Two of my neigbours our in isolation mandatory. They know if they need anything someone in the road will help them to get it if he/ she /I can.
I was informed today by someone I trust implicitly that Huonville has 2 people and Cygnet has one person with the Covid-19 virus. Tasmania my State only has a small population 535,000approx. 60 with the virus. My valley Huon Valley has 16,200 people (2016 CENSUS), so perhaps a few more since then. It is concerning when it is so close to you. I will be following all the guidelines we are being given.

Be safe everyone blessings to you Tazzie

9

Autumn in my garden

Autumn in Southern Tasmania is a beautiful time of year. In life before the changes that have and are being implemented here in Australia and my island state Tasmania,( different states within Australia have taken extra caution over others) and around the world, I was really only leaving my home for appointments, grocery shopping and taking my dogs for a walk.

I know I am so fortunate because of where I live and how much space I have.

As we are heading into Winter down under down under, I am ensuring I spend time outside and we have been having the most wonderful days here in Southern Tasmania. Brilliant blue skies, warmth, sunshine, bees and birds, butterflies and numerous other insects all getting prepared for winter. I watch things that make me laugh, and am dancing like no one is watching because no one is. My dogs make me chuckle.

I hope many other people are also taking time to see beauty about their own homes, and if you have them gardens. Or when out walking or wallking your dog.

Of course walking around my garden is so joyful I can finally see yellow petals appearing out of one of the self-seeded sunflowers. I am feeling uplifted that I at least will have one flower if not seeds.

Sun flower saluting the sun.

This time last year I was picking eggplants/aubergines and a plethora of lovely ripe heirloom tomatoes. I do have flowers on the eggplants, I am not confident they will develop fruit. My tomatoes on the deck are looking so much better than they had been.

  • tomatoes on deck
  • Tomatoes slowly ripening
  • Egg plant/Aubergine

My butternut pumpkin has filled out more and is beginning to change colour to the pale orange/fawn colour. (photos below)

I also have one resonable sized pumpkin (sadly I have forgotten the variety) with two more that have begun to get a bit larger. Perhaps I will be able to harvest them too. (photos above)

My zucchini I really have to laugh. No one I know has ever had so few zucchinis I may get two more if I am lucky for a grand total of four. Neighbours are offering me theirs every time I see them from a social distance.

you can just see the zucchini behind the tomato on the left and he tiny two in the photogarph on the right

My broccolini is producing very small heads and I pick them regularly and eat them raw or cooked. I am a bit disappointed with them. I have let some go to seed to see if next year they may be more productive as they have acclimatised to my garden.

brassica bed first two photos, broccolini on deck gone to flower.

I have one capsicum/pepper plant that just keeps on surprising me, it has so many capsicums on it, four are such a good size. Several others are getting larger. I am very happy with this particular plant that came from a punnet of seedlings I purchased from my local hardware garden centre. The two other plants are in a different bed. The large capsicum is in my asparagus bed. Much happier plant.

top three photos show the two capsicums
bottom two photos show the capsicums/peppers that are really growing well.

Seed saving will be happening from these I can tell you, Actually seed saving from all my successes is really important.

Seed saving from your own fruit and vegetables that you have successfully grown in your own garden, means that this seed is now acclimatised to your weather, hours of sun, exposure and soil. Though I know some of my seeds will not be true to the variety that they came from. As long as the result is edible and tasty I will not be complaining.

The above group of photographs show a self seeded bed with a couple of cabbage seedlings, rocket and coriander. In the next bed is cucumber I have one growing you can see this one last photo middle row. Broad beans some with flowers, along with self sown cabbage and an unknown brassica.

I am happy with the seedlings in the post on my deck which have carrots, beetroot, silver beet, and kate. I am finding that there are many self sown seedlings appearing in many other pots. Every time I look I see more funny combinations. I have know idea how many will grow and mature providing me with peas, and broad beans from these pots. No matter how I try I will always have miners lettuce throughout winter. I am not really complaining well yes I am it pops up in every pot. It is perhaps one of the easy winter greens to grow. It just comes back every Autumn and is really nice to eat, even children love it

The photos below are mostly of my plants in pots on the deck. The herbs sage, rosemary, thyme, mint and oregano. Lemons and limes. Lobelia, alyssum, strawberries, onions chives, garlic, chive, carrot seedlings, beetroot seedlings, silver beet and spinach. Amaranth, violas,

I am thankful for a roof over my head,
I am thankful for all the hospital workers Nurses Doctors cleaners administration staff, pathologists, ambulance workers, police, supermarket staff, those landlords who are offering rent reductions, or free rent for a month or more without being made too.

blessinga to you Tazzie



4

Making a Mask — organised castle

This IS NOT MY INFORMATION but From Fairy at her blog Organised Castle. https://organisedcastle.com/2020/03/26/making-a-mask/
I personally would add to all the really wonderful information that she has written and demonstrated, is that if your mask gets moist from your breath, or rain, you need to change it immediately as you will now have a potentially a perfect environment for not only Covid-19 but perhaps any other flu that may be out there. Not unexpected as we here in Australia and New Zealand head into the Winter.

**DISCLAIMER** Everything written in this post is based on my experience and the best information I can source. It is general information only and should not be taken as medical fact. If you had seen this blog title a year ago you would have assumed that I had an invitation to a masquerade ball. Fast […]

Making a Mask — organised castle

Thankyou so much Fairy, blessings to you and to all keep smiling and be kind and patient we are all anxious, stressed and worried. Tazzie

0

Rapidly Changing Life

As things rapidly change here in Australia, and life for us all will be quite different. I know I am so very fortunate.

The weather during the day time has been really lovely sunny with puffs of cloud and gentle breezes. I love using my solar powered clothes dryer. And sat reading a book having a cup of coffee before I headed out to do one or two things. This was on Monday 23/03/2020 Australia.

The photos above are of my drive to some friends, a lovely couples who live about 13 kms from my home. They grow wonderful vegetables and fruit for their stall at the Cygnet markets.

Unfortunately the market has been closed due to the Covid-19 virus. It is not just our local market Fanklin, Geeveston, Cygnet the Wonderful Salamanca Markets an institution that commenced operating 48 years ago, and the Farmers Market in Hobart, have also closed as all markets across Australia have.
Leaving many growers, producers, and artisans with no customers and a lot of produce.

This wonderful couple work so hard and are pretty savvy. They just got on to the local community pages on facebook and were inundated with people who wanted to buy their organic tomatoes. I have bought 3kgs/6.16lbs at $4AUS/$2.39USA/2.03 poundsUK a kg for my own bottling. They were red in colour (but picked for eating as I had forgotten to say I wanted to bottle them). It was lovely that they had picked the tomatoes in various stages of ripening for me.

My dilema was how to ripen them all so I could bottle them. My solution is leaving them in my car. A easy and cheap green house. Problem solved.

The above photos are of their house and gardens, no one is currently allowed in their vegetable growing area. They had also staggered the time people were to come and pick up their ordered tomatoes. They had tried to meet all the current hygiene and social distancing guidelines. Your tomatoes were packed ready to go.

The other photo graphs are of the drive home. On the way I wanted to check to see if there was any mushroom compost from the mushroom farm. They grow oyster mushrooms and other oriental style mushrooms. When they no longer use their bags, they put them in the old apple crates below and sell them on the side of the road. They really just ask for a gold coin donation to cover the cost of moving them with the tractor and driver to the side of the road. I had been keeping an eye out for a few weeks. I was thrilled when I saw them and that they were full. I got out and rummaged through the crates, looking for the ones I hoped would keep growing mushrooms for me for some time to come. I have grown from some over the years several kgs/lbs of basically free mushrooms. Once no more mushrooms grow, the leftover compost, gets added to my vegetable garden. Win:win.
Cygnet Mushroom Farm uses a zero waste model. They even have bags on the side of the apple crates to put the plastic the mushroom compost comes in can be left behind. More information at the site below.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/rural/2016-10-06/cygnet-mushroom-farm-success-tasmania/7907960

The drive back home was pleasant and grey clouds were moving in. All in all it was a very enjoyable day.

As the pace of life is slowing and closing down on many of us due to being perhaps not able to work, to being unemployed suddenly and unexpectedly. To having your children home all the time and your partner, to those in share accommodation. Be kind to each other and thankful to have each other. Everyone of us is under more and more strain and stress and worry. Remember these feelings are appropriate for the situation.

What many of us may be feeling is grief. The sudden loss of our jobs, studies, being able to do things that make us happy and feel connected. The loss of social life and sports life. Going out and chatting over a coffee with friend or to a restaurant.
Weddings now in Australia can only occur if no more than 5 people including bridal party are present. Funerals can have 10 people.

We here in Australia are being told to stay at home (not enforced as yet) and to only go out for essential things, groceries chemist/pharmacy, petrol, work, taking children to school and picking them up. Nail and beauty shops are closed, general massage are closed but ones for medical reasons can go ahead. Hair dressers are still open as long as appointment is less than 30 minutes. Food courts are closed. The list is long.
Queues around the Centrelink offices (benefits) grow each day and their phone and computer services seem to be not able to handle it.
This changed overnight. I imagine that tomorrow we will see more changes. The change has happened so fast. No time for anyone to catch his or her breath.

I know I am one of the most fortunate people in Australia. I will still have to deal with changes and uncertainty.
I can only know how it was for me in the 90s interest rates went so high unemployment back then was extreme, stress, anxiety were extreme. As hard as it was to try to keep me going I would look for anything that made me smile, and make me see the beauty about me while my world was crashing around me. No control no money, lost my home, and almost homeless, but for the kindness of a friend of a friend.


I am thankful that Australia has had so few deaths, I am thankful for the financial assistance I and many other Australians are being given to assist us. I am thankful that it seems the Federal and State Governments are working more cohesively. I am thankful that ultimately I am so fortunate if one can be with a mental illness. Having CPTSD sees my life basically the way it has been for the last three years. I was working on being more social as both my psychologist and the psychiatrist I saw recently were concerned I was becoming agoraphobic. I am thankful that I am really aware of this now and am making a concentrated efffort to leave my home and go for a walk about my acre. I am working up to get back to taking my dogs for a walk everyday. We are allowed to do this as long as we keep social distance. As I live in a rural area this should be no problem for me.
I am thankful to have access to such great local producers and services. I am thankful to be able to make some tomato sauce base for over winter. I only had two jars left from my sauce from last year.
I am thankful for being able to dry my clothes in the sunshine and breeze. I am thankful for the rain that fell over night filling my rain water tanks and watering my gardens. I am thankful for all I have especially my dogs who have seen me through and have been my company constantly. They make me laugh and give me something to hug. I am also thankful for having commenced this blog, and found so many other interesting bloggers out there whom I have connected with.

Keep safe everyone,blessings to you all Tazzie

10

I am …

I am personally in very fortunate situation in the current world pandemic and financial/economic situation. Yet I feel quite anxious not for myself but for so many people in Australia and of course Overseas.
For those who may be reading my post. I am not blowing my own trumpet or being sanctimonious. I have lived with NO Income no Centrlink, I have almost been homeless in my life. I have had debt so bad I almost had to declare bankruptcy. (such a horrible situation). I have worked at very low paid jobs. I put myself through University at the age of 30. I have had to ask for help from Salvation army to have food.

I have been on a very low income NewStart for a few years now, and have managed to keep out of debt. Only as I have shared previously because I own my home out right. That in these incredibly stressful and worrying times makes me so fortunate. I also do not have children. Which also means I have not the added worry and stress about children and their needs. I can and will not say I understand or know how you are feeling!

iWhat is important is to not become ill with our anxiety/depression. Or exacerbate it. Keep reminding your self your feelings are normal and appropriate for the situation.

I find not watching TV and avoiding things such as YouTube or face book, for 24 hours or longer is a big help to reduce my anxiety. Be honest as you can with your children.  I will watch humourous videos and things that have nothing to do with the world situation. Because I have no control over any thing except my personal response to it. I know it cam make me really anxious and potentially depressed. so I choose how much and when to watch it.

We are all in for a rocky road. ALL so keeping in touch on here is great. We can all help each other. As we all experience anxiety and depression. we are a country that produces food, all year round. due to our different climates. We have good police services and if needed military. We hopefully would only need military to help deliver food and essentials to remote ares.

The world has experienced things that have caused huge changes and yes the recession here back in the 90s. and the great depression and WWII there are many of us who have been un/lucky to have had our parents and grandparents teach us how to manage as they have lived through these times and raising their children. Don’t be afraid to ask questions here, and share Your feelings. I wish I could hug you and say it is going to be OK. I truly believe it will be different, for quite some time It will be a different OK.

In comparison to those who are now facing the huge queues at the Australian Centrelink Offices (Centrelink is the organisation that pays benefits for unemployment in Australia). Or the frustration of those attempting to phone or complete their applications on line.
Those of who have been on Centrelink for any length of time before this know what you are going through. It is a pain. Perhaps the Government will have more positions for employment there. TO ease the burden on staff. (they have been cutting it back so much. It has come to bite them in the buttocks).

I imagine for those hospitality staff who now find themselves unemployed as a huge number of employees would be casuals, and students. Potentially with no savings at all and being casuals receive no holiday or sick leave.

To be told they can apply for benefits and that their will be the Federal Governments Financial Rescue package to help all of those coming onto Newstart now known as Jobsearch. Will be some relief.
It will also be for the next 6 months doubled.

So for those like myself who have been living on $550a fortnight for a couple of years, and unable to look for work due to my mental illness, and everyone else have been struggling to manage. (Again I write I am one of the very fortunate people in that I have due to my circumstances). This extra income will be a huge blessing.

For those who meet the criteria to receive the Jobsearch payment now the amount the Federal Government will be paying everyone (that is including those of us already on it) will be $1100 a fortnight for the next six months. I imagine for those who require rent assistance that will double too. There are other payments for those on all benefits.

I am very appreciative for this extra money. It is huge for those of us who have been living on the previous level.

The concept is that we the recipents will be spending it to keep the economy going. My personal thing will be when I receive this money to actually save it, do a few things like fix my tap and a leak in my house. But then save any extra money.

I do not see things pan out the way the Federal Government; is hoping that we will be out of the economic dark woods in six months. Due to this I will also put some credit on things like my rates, insurance and electricity. The rest of the fortnightly benefit I will be saving.

I do feel that a lot of people who have become unemployed in the last few days believe that this money will be in their bank accounts in a few days. Sadly that is not how Centrelink or the Federal Government works. It will be weeks before that will happen. That is if you are eligible.

I imagine for some people they may go out and buy a new TV, others will just use it to clear debts. I am not too sure how many people will be spending it on non essentials. I guess we will just have to wait and see. I guess take away food (which is all you can get in Australia now from any cafe or restaurant or pub, that is keeping open). will be high on quite a few peoples lists.

I imagine that some businesses will find they can have their staff work from home and save on office costs and rent.


I am not sure what will happen to the tourist industry. Sadly I live in a State Tasmania the island state of Australia that is pretty heavily reliant on tourism for many many businesses. Our State Government has shut our boarders to only essential travellers, and not even allowing 14 days quarantine, but will be turning back non essential travelers. I really believe that this will be so detrimental to my home state, many businesses may close for ever. A new gym opened in Huonville only a month ago. Poor guys.

I have been reassuring people in the groups I am involved with here in Australia that we are not headed for a Mad Max,or Pandemic the movie senario. That people robbbed, broke into homes, beat up people and killed people before this happened and there will be some pieces of human excreta who will continue. Just as those pieces fo human excreta that are hoarding items to sell at inflated prices. (I am pretty certain they will generally be tracked and found on the internet and I would hope public named and shamed). I do not apologies for that. My personal feelings and opinion.

I am also very fortunate to know how to budget and eat simple meals, I am also fine with eating the same meals several days in a row.
I do feel that many people may have problems with some of the things they may no longer be able to get if they can not be imported.

I know I am also very fortunate to live on land and have a existing vegetable garden. The beauty is so many Australians have been doing that too, in their gardens on their balcony’s. A lot also have backyard chickens.

I want to say to people panicking about fresh food in Australia. We are one of the most fortunate countries, in that being such a big continent and covering so many lattitudes we can grow so much for ourselves. What is out of season down here in Tasmania may be growning up in Queesnland.

Yes we may not have everything you want available. Yes it may cost a bit more. That is because the cheap food from Asia and China perhaps will not be available. We may begin to be paying the price that food should cost to keep our farmers in business.
Look at the size of your serves. Many of us myslef included eat way more food than we actually need. We are also very guilty of throwing so much edible food out! Just thrown in the bin. What a great thing that this might change!
Simple food, and coming into winter again stews and soups so delicous and filling. Economical too if you know how.

If you are finding you are bored that says YOU need to do something for YOURSELF because only you can change that.
Even in the cities we here in Australia can still go out for walks as long as we social distance. You can still visit libraries. Walk about the park, and really look at the trees and bird life. Breathe deeply and see what is happening about YOU.

Turn on some music loud and dance and laugh. Grow some herbs on your windowsill even try garlic in a container as long as it is deeper than 15cm you might be surprise at how one clove might give you in 9months a whold head.

When you are feeling really overwhelmed do something child like, make a fort and read a book in it. watch some cartoons some have great things for adults contained in them.

Have a group skype with friends regularly. Write your friends letters. and send them in the mail!! WOAH,

Be caring and supportive with people around Y0u . If you live with others you are going to piss each other off if you are in close proximity . Acknowledge that and don’t dwell on it.

Boredom is your responsibility and no one else’s.

I also have heard people complaining that
hey are not getting any financial support. I am really sorry for that . Keep checking because things are changing all the time. Do not take it out on anyone who is! AGAIN it is NOT Their fault.

If you can be kind be supportive and compassionate. I have seen so many lovely things in the shops and in my comunity. People ensuring neighbours are OK for toilet paper, flour rice beans things that You can not at the moment get.
It is a situation that we are all experiencing.

It is important to have support and be in touch with people. I know myself if I isolate for too long it makes my CPTSD worse. So I can no longer go and sit at my faviourite cafes to have a coffee and chat to people. I can keep connected through here and with people on my skype and mobile phone.

blessings to You all. Tassie.






I

6

Anxiety You and What is happening now.

I have been on a face book site I am a member of for people with anxiety and depression. It has been filled today with huge amounts of discussion and almost 100% of the members have been on and almost all of them have been saying their anxiety is through the roof.

My response to this is that this is appropriate anxiety. It is appropriate for the current and ever changing situation that is happening in Australia and many other countries today.
The thing to remember is that when you have anxiety as a mental illness, there will still be things out of your control and out of your experience that will create anxiety and stress.

What I believe is that most people in Australia and other countries with Covid-19 are anxious, very anxious and stressed. This is understandable and there is absolutely nothing that we have control over except our own health and well being.
Firstly follow the guidelines of social spacing and hygiene, sneezing coughing. If you are told to isolate do so and do not leave your home. It potentially could put others who may be more susceptible at risk.

This afternoon has seen huge changes in Victoria and NSW two states with most of the Australian population in them. They are closing all businesses except essential services. So for most of us that would be supermarkets, chemists/pharmacys, gas, electricity, petrol stations, doctors. Everything else will be closed. Schools in Victoria will close on Tuesday they are essentially bringing the holidays forward. Schools in NSW will be on tomorrow but will be reviewed. The Prime Minister is asking people to only travel for essential reasons.

Tasmania my island home closed its boarders on Friday night at midnight, Northern Territory have closed theirs as the risk to the Aboriginal community who live ‘more traditional lifestyles’ than those in the cities, is of concern. Diabetes is quite high in these communities. To loose any elders to this disease would be disastrous not too say loosing anyone is bad.

Understandably there is much confusion. In Tasmania supermarkets have been running out of flour, rice, oats, powder milk, long life milk, toilet paper, frozen vegetables, and now that supermarkets have come to their senses and put limits on for all of those that HAVE TO SHOP WEEKLY OR Fortnightly because they are on low incomes pensioners, and benefit recipients, who can not afford to stock up. They are the losers. Those who can least afford to miss out on food.

I went in to buy a tin of tomatoes, two tins of beans for a chili I was making for dinner. I could only buy two tins of vegetables full stop. Not two tins of a vegetable. I had to put one tin of beans back. That was fine for me. How would a family manage?

There was a little good news from our local IGA supermarket, they explained that the warehouses in Tasmania were caught unaware and usually have stock but delays in shipping supplies had meant that things went low. They were hoping to be back to relative normal soon.

To me this is the sort of thing the Tasmanian Government should be telling people. Be honest tell us what is happening to our food and sanitation products coming from the mainland. If they knew there might be a shortage than the supermarkets the moment they realised panic buying was happening should have put a halt to it. Only allowing one packet of toilet paper a day per customer.

Here in Australia we are being told it could be six months before any semblance of normal is back in place. The Government is attempting to fund support for many people and businesses. as seen by the media release below.

Media release 22 Mar 2020 Prime Minister, Treasurer

The Commonwealth Government has today released the second stage of its economic plan to cushion the economic impact of the coronavirus and help build a bridge to recovery.

A total of $189 billion is being injected into the economy by all arms of Government in order to keep Australians in work and businesses in business.

This includes $17.6 billion for the Government’s first economic stimulus package, $90 billion from the RBA and $15 billion from the Government to deliver easier access to finance, and $66.1 billion in today’s economic support package.

Our economic support package includes:

  • Support for households including casuals, sole-traders, retirees and those on income support
  • Assistance for businesses to keep people in a job
  • Regulatory protection and financial support for businesses to stay in business

The Prime Minister Scott Morrison said the Government was acting to cushion the blow from the coronavirus for businesses and households to help them get through to the other side of the crisis.

“We want to help businesses keep going as best they can and for as long as they can, or to pause instead of winding up their business. We want to ensure that when this crisis has passed Australian businesses can bounce back,” the Prime Minister said.

“Our focus is on cushioning the blow and providing hope to every Australian that we will get through this and come out the other side together.

“We know this will be temporary.  That’s why all our actions are geared towards building a bridge, keeping more people in work, enhancing the safety net for those that aren’t and keeping businesses alive so they can get to the other side and stand up their workforce as quickly as possible.

“We know Australia’s more than 3 million small and medium businesses are the engine room of our economy. When they hurt, we all hurt.

“The next few months are going to be a difficult journey but we all have a role to play to adapt to the changes we’re facing, to cushion the impact of what is happening and to pull together so we can bounce back when we get to the other side.”

The Treasurer Josh Frydenberg said the $189 billion economic support package was the equivalent of 9.7 per cent of GDP.

“The Government is taking unprecedented action to strengthen the safety net available to Australians that are stood down or lose their jobs and increasing support for small businesses that do it tough over the next six months.

“These measures build significantly on what we have already announced.

“These extraordinary times demand extraordinary measures.”

Support for workers and households

Coronavirus supplement

The Government is temporarily expanding eligibility to income support payments and establishing a new, time-limited Coronavirus supplement to be paid at a rate of $550 per fortnight.  This will be paid to both existing and new recipients of the JobSeeker Payment, Youth Allowance jobseeker, Parenting Payment, Farm Household Allowance and Special Benefit.

The Coronavirus supplement will be paid for the next 6 months. Eligible income support recipients will receive the full amount of the $550 Coronavirus supplement on top of their payment each fortnight.

This measure is estimated to cost $14.1 billion over the forward estimates period.

An increase of up to 5,000 staff for Services Australia will assist to support delivery of new Government measures.

Payments to support households

In addition to the $750 stimulus payment announced on 12 March 2020, the Government will provide a further $750 payment to social security and veteran income support recipients and eligible concession card holders, except for those who are receiving an income support payment that is eligible to receive the Coronavirus supplement.

This second payment will be made automatically from 13 July 2020 to around 5 million social security, veteran and other income support recipients and eligible concession card holders. Around half of those that benefit are pensioners.

The first payment will be made from 31 March 2020 to people who will have been on one of the eligible payments any time between 12 March 2020 and 13 April 2020.

This measure is estimated to cost $4 billion over the forward estimates period.

Early release of superannuation

The Government will allow individuals in financial stress as a result of the Coronavirus to access up to $10,000 of their superannuation in 2019-20 and a further $10,000 in 2020-21.

Eligible individuals will be able to apply online through myGov for access of up to $10,000 of their superannuation before 1 July 2020. They will also be able to access up to a further $10,000 from 1 July 2020 for another three months. They will not need to pay tax on amounts released and the money they withdraw will not affect Centrelink or Veterans’ Affairs payments.

This measure is estimated to cost $1.2 billion over the forward estimates period.

Temporarily reduce superannuation minimum drawdown rates

The Government is temporarily reducing superannuation minimum drawdown requirements for account based pensions and similar products by 50 per cent for 2019-20 and 2020-21. This measure will benefit retirees by providing them with more flexibility as to how they manage their superannuation assets.

Reducing social security deeming rates

On top of the deeming rate changes made at the time of the first package, the Government is reducing the deeming rates by a further 0.25 percentage points to reflect the latest rate reductions by the RBA.

As of 1 May 2020, the lower deeming rate will be 0.25 per cent and the upper deeming rate will be 2.25 per cent.

The change will benefit around 900,000 income support recipients, including Age Pensioners.

This measure is estimated to cost $876 million over the forward estimates period.

Assistance to business to keep people in a job

  • Boosting Cash Flow for Employers

The Government is providing up to $100,000 to eligible small and medium sized businesses, and not‑for-profits (including charities) that employ people, with a minimum payment of $20,000.  These payments will help businesses’ and not-for-profits’ cash flow so they can keep operating, pay their rent, electricity and other bills and retain staff.

Under the enhanced scheme from the first package, employers will receive a payment equal to 100 per cent of their salary and wages withheld (up from 50 per cent), with the maximum payment being increased from $25,000 to $50,000. In addition, the minimum payment is being increased from $2,000 to $10,000. The payment will be available from 28 April 2020.

By linking the payments to business to staff wage tax withholdings, businesses will be incentivised to hold on to more of their workers.

The payments are tax free, there will be no new forms and payments will flow automatically through the ATO.

This measure will benefit around 690,000 businesses employing around 7.8 million people, and around 30,000 NFPs (including charities).

Small and medium business entities with aggregated annual turnover under $50 million and that employ workers are eligible. NFPs entities, including charities, with aggregated annual turnover under $50 million and that employ workers will now also be eligible. This will support employment at a time where NFPs are facing increasing demand for services.

An additional payment is also being made from 28 July 2020. Eligible entities will receive an additional payment equal to the total of all of the Boosting Cash Flow for Employers payments received.

This measure is estimated to cost $31.9 billion over the forward estimates period, including the value of the measure announced in the first package.

Regulatory protection and financial support for businesses to stay in business

Coronavirus SME Guarantee Scheme

The Government will establish the Coronavirus SME Guarantee Scheme which will support small and medium enterprises (SMEs) to get access to working capital to help them get them through the impact of the coronavirus. 

Under the Scheme, the Government will guarantee 50 per cent of new loans issued by eligible lenders to SMEs.

The Government’s support will enhance lenders’ willingness and ability to provide credit to SMEs with the Scheme able to support $40 billion of lending to SMEs. 

The Scheme will complement the announcement the Government has made to cut red-tape to allow SMEs to get access to credit faster. It also complements announcements made by Australian banks to support small businesses with their existing loans.

This builds on the investment the Government is making to enable smaller lenders to continue supporting Australian consumers and small businesses, through providing the AOFM an investment capacity of $15 billion to invest in wholesale funding markets used by small authorised deposit-taking institutions (ADI) and non-ADI lenders.

It further supports the Reserve Bank of Australia’s announcement of a $90 billion term funding facility for ns ADIs, that will reduce the cost of lending, with particular incentives to lend to small and medium enterprises.

The measures the Government is announcing today, along with the previous announcements, will deliver a total of $125 billion to support Australians get through the impact of the coronavirus.

The Government will guarantee up to $20 billion to support $40 billion in SME loans.

Providing temporary relief for financially distressed businesses

The Government is temporarily increasing the threshold at which creditors can issue a statutory demand on a company and the time companies have to respond to statutory demands they receive. The package also includes temporary relief for directors from any personal liability for trading while insolvent.  The Corporations Act 2001 will be amended to provide temporary and targeted relief for companies to deal with unforeseen events that arise as a result of the Coronavirus.

  • This builds on the support for business and business investment provided in our first economic support package, which included:
  • increasing the instant asset write off
  • backing business investment by providing accelerated depreciation deductions
  • supporting apprentices and trainees
  • targeted support for Coronavirus-affected regions and communities

Support for the aviation industry

As previously announced, the Government is also providing up to $715 million in support for Australian airlines and airports, which will ensure that our aviation sector receives timely cash flow support through an unprecedented period of disruption to international and domestic air travel.

While these are challenging times, Australians can rest assured that the Commonwealth Government will do all that is necessary to support them and build a bridge to ensure that all Australians can get to the other side of this crisis.

For all who are rightly anxious and stressed at this time, it is appropriate for what we are all potentially going to be going through. For those of us who have a mental illness especially, CPTSD, depression, anxiety, it is very important you keep in touch with people. Get support from others who have these mental illnesses, who understand what you might be feeling.

To acknowledge that all of this is beyond our individual fault. We can not control anything except our hygiene keeping the social distancing, maintaining exercise, get vitamin d as we approach shorter daylight, and plenty of sleep. The stress and anxiety relating to the current situation is not your illness, it needs to be acknowledge as such as I believe nearly every Australian will be feeling similar to you right now.

Blessing to You all. Tazzie

8

Hoarding

There are many reasons that people become hoarders. For me it resulted after my mental breakdown, I always had more wool than I could use and material. After my breakdown things changed. I would buy cheap synthetic yarns and material I did not even really like. Of course it and all that I gathered was not used, and it just grew and grew. As I recover I have donated most of this to community groups who do amazing creative things with it.

For some reason and I am fairly certain if was something to do with my family realationships. I am sorry but I can not remember what happened or when. This is part of my Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. I have large periods of time, some times years that my memories are very uncertain.
Even today I can be confused and totally out of sorts as I may have lost a day, or several hours.

My home had a few issues that weighed heavily on me. A leak that was my whole focus for over two years, yet I was incapable of organising to have it repaired. It caused me a lot of anxiety and distress. I also damaged the copper pipe in my kitchen where the spout for the sink is attached behind the wall. So another leak. The leaks exacerbated my hoarding.

This also makes washing up really difficult. So my kitchen slowly has become and I am embarrassed to say this, a bio hazard in some ways. Another reason why I don’t let anyone in my home. As I write this I see that this also is a reason that I have provided to not deal with the pipe issue. It is another protective device to stop people entering my place. Now my somatic symptoms are appearing anxiety is increasing dry mouth I can hear my heart in my ears, and I feel nauseous. I also feel overwhelming tiredness. That is the strength of feeling that comes when I am triggered.

Anyone who has not had personal experience of a hoarder in real life, and not via say hoarder TV shows would not be prepared for the reality of extreme hoarding.
This house was not filled with rats feces or lots of dead animals there were obvious signs their had been mice and maybe rats. It was dirty and smelly from food and not being aired and heated. It was for a hoarders house surprisingly cleanish. Lots of dust and rubbish and news paper. It is a series on You Tube called The Potters House on Curiosity Incorporated You Tube Channel.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Qb4SpyeH5IQ&list=PLHs6JH9ueCokcP2hje8PVPPqjucNJFUvO&index=2&t=0s

The house belonged to a renowned Canadian Potter Mary Borgastrom known as a primative and traditional potter using raku style firing methods. It includes an interview with Mary and the Alex,who was looking for Antiques. She only died on 3 April 2019. Alex managed to have an interview which is recorded as part 9 with Mary and the uploaded date is January 2019. So a couple of months before Mary died. Mary was 103 at the time of her death.

To me as a hoarder and yes it is much easier to clean a Hoarders home out when they are not living in the home and can not come and be involved. Most people would do very little searching I imagine in this situation, they would just get in there and be tossing most stuff out. Yet in the same sentiment many people in Alex’s situation would do the searching for antiques or treasures in a very different manner.

This is a 28 part series, and it is really beautifully respectfully and totally non judgmentally undertaken. I myself am only up to part 11 but for me it is an intriguing look at a issue that is far more prevalent than anyone knows. The true hoarder, and the fascinating life that is unfolded as this home is explored.
It for me as a hoarder is a very caring compassionate and generous loving way the whole process was undertaken. I am addicted and will follow to the end.

To have heard Mary Borgastrom speak to Alex, was really special. I noticed at one point a brief look of shame cross Mary’s face, this would most likely have been missed by many people.

For me it just reiterates that you really never know the full story of why anyone becomes a hoarder and can live the way we do.

TV shows are written to entertain, as well as shine alight on the growing issue of hoarding have been important but they are TV and it is an entertainment and educational tool.
Of course there will be issues and possible scripted drama.
My own personal experience when a support worker believed it would be helpful for me to have someone come and help me clean my home was horrendous.

I was not mentally well enough to respond or say no. I did not have a psychologist at the time, and in the end it went belly up and I ended up basically getting worse again and not seeing anyone. The person who came to help was lovely, and really wanted to clean my house. She had no experience with a hoarder. I just went along cleaning, and chatting. Trying to keep my head together. In the end after two visits I had to say it was not working out for me. I was so sorry she was genuinely well meaning, she was placed in a difficult situation with no experience or apparent awareness or understanding of my illness.

I see what the person whose home is being ‘dehoarded’ on TV go through. Their responses are very genuine, and it may that situations are created by the Producer to create drama. If that is so that is really disgraceful but I have felt at time there has been pressure due to time restraints on those helping and recording the show, wanting the before and after pictures being placed on the person they are helping.

My personal journey is taking me a long time. Each day I may do something small, really small like pick up and decide if I am keeping something or not. than thinking will anyone else really want it, generally the answer is no, and it gets moved closer to the front door. In the morning or later in the afternoon, I will take it to the bin. That process can be arduous, and exhausting. I know that seems so strange to people who have never been in this situation, and even for those who live with a hoarder, they often do not really understand what has occurred and why this has happened.

I understand for many who do not understand how any one could live as I and many other people do across the world, across race, religious, gender and socioeconomic classes, it is not ageist hoarding.

It also demonstrates that their is always a person with a full life and history within the hoarded stuff. That what is seen by you as rubbish can hide incredible things. Or not.

I went through a time when I had a thing for cardboard boxes and had so many empty cardboard boxes in my home it was difficult to move. No logic no reason that I can recall. I am using them now to lay down to kill the grass off in areas of my garden. This may have been why I began to hoard them I do not remember.

For me I am so much more aware of my hoarding behaviour and the triggers. Back in December 2019 I purchased three large packets of milk powder and six 2 litre boxes of UHT milk. I realised a couple of days later that this was not OK. I looked about and noted one or two other things that I had seemed to have accumulated more than I needed for a while. 6 packets of Lindt 85& chocolate.

Four months have passed since I bought these things and I have used none. This may change in today’s circumstances.

So today when I went out shopping for my normal weekly shop I had to really be aware of what I was buying. I needed not a lot, I was a bit mortified when I got to the checkout and was told I could not have my two tins of black beans, my two tins of tomatoes, and my two tins of mushrooms. I had not read any of the information sheets about limits. Somehow thinking that the volume of 6 tins is basically a fortnight of some foods for me. ( I was hoping to make a sort of bolognese s sauce with mince to have for dinner and freeze. Makes a great base for spaghetti, tacos, toast, all sorts of things. I would have made quite a few meals for the freezer for me as things I could heat up easily if I was unwell for any reason.

I was told by the lovely woman at the checkout that I could only have two tins. I said I only have two. She said no just two tins out of the six? They were limiting tinned vegetables now. I really felt for the staff as they are telling nearly every person going through the checkouts that they can not have things. It is hard when the list is not at the area where the food I bought was, to me it would have been easier to just print only two veggie tins per customer regardless of what vegetables. Just add to someone else’s work I guess. Plenty of staff at our Woolworths lately, all checkouts open. Funny how the companies have found the money to be advertising for more staff. I also noted many items had increase in price in both Woolworths and my local IGA.

I am so appreciative that I can get fresh greens out of my garden, and I will hopefully have more broccoli, coming along, I have some seedlings of beetroots carrots, cabbages, and lettuces.
It is more about my dogs that I was thinking of food for them as they are on a raw diet that I mix veggies with a little rice or oats. I have enough rice for a while, and I have about 1kg of oats, along with a couple of frozen bags of veggies, that they get. I have their meat in the freezer. You can feed your dog spinach and silver beet, brassicas and I am making an assumption that would include leaves but I have to look it up.
Well I have broad tastes so I can live without many things and chocolate has many healthy things, such as milk, nuts, fruit. in it.

ooops off on a tangent again. sorry.

So the Covid-19 has introduced us to a new type of hoarder, the food hoarder and toilet paper hoarder. Is this person the same sort of hoarder as me and Mary? I can not answer that but it may trigger something more. Anxiety and fear are what triggers my hoarding so I am finding. It would seem to me that is exactly the same thing that is triggering this panic shopping/hoarding food and other things.

I really do believe that there will be a serious world wide spike in mental health illnesses in relation to the supply situation, the fear of financial and employment problems, and I really hope that the Federal Governments and State Governments are taking that into the forecasting of the aftermath of this. Added to the already distressed areas where people were impacted by the bushfires, and those who were fighting helping supporting and actually fleeing. Humans are resilient but we all can break. Mental health I for one hope is being seen as a huge impact in the current situation and outcomes.

Today whilst doing my shopping I noted that I was not at all anxious, I was very appreciative for all the staff were and are doing and dealing with. I did find it exhausting, but then lights, muzak, so much noise, and over stimulation make me tired. I can not go anywhere near the washing powder aisles or the room de-odorisers either.

Mary’s incredible story has been found and shared, because of Alex a caring respectful man who found a National Treasure, and was lucky enough to meet here and interview her before she died.

Lessons should be learned on just respecting the person who is ill and their home, and the label hoarder is not the reality of who that person really is.

I hoard but I am me, a person and that is what is important. I have carried great shame and mortification about this expression of my illness. Not everyone with CPTSD hoards. I understand it is for me a way to keep people out, when you have major issues of trusting anyone hoarding sort of makes sense. Its a barrier to the outside wall. I can hide behind it and be safe and no one can get me.

I am thankful that I was able to get food today, I am thankful to all the staff at all the supermarkets and shops selling food and things that people are panic buying, for the staff who are doing their best to keep shelves stocked, and help people out, I am thankful to Alex from Curiosity Inc, for his compassion and care, respect and non judgment and his generosity in rediscovering an amazing woman potter and interviewing her before she died. I am thankful that I can provide for my dogs, who are my family and who saved my life, I am thankful to all the health workers around the world working and trying to help in this Pandemic, I am thankful to nurses who have come out of retirement to help,. I am thankful for the internet, for the ability to blog and share with each other our experiences and feelings. Many of us who have CPTSD and PTSD , anxiety and depression often self isolate with no Pandemic about. I am really appreciative of those who find my blog and read it. I am thankful for my community neighbours, and wider. I am thankful I am so fortunate. I think of people who are poor who can not be 1.5meters or 2.2 meters away from someone else as their homes are in the slums and packed in tightly. My thoughts to all of these people and may they be being treated as equals to everyone else in care. I am thankful to Rupali who widened my eyes and mind to this situation.

Blessings to You all Tazzie




13

38,800 dead in USA

WHAT IF I TOLD YOU THAT IN 2019 38,800approx people died in car accidents in USA!

National Center for Safety
‘For the second consecutive year, the U.S. experienced a small decline in roadway deaths, according to preliminary estimates released today from the National Safety Council. In 2019, an estimated 38,800 people lost their lives to car crashes – a 2% decline from 2018 (39,404 deaths) and a 4% decline from 2017 (40,231 deaths). About 4.4 million people were injured seriously enough to require medical attention in crashes last year – also a 2% decrease over 2018 figures.’
https://www.nsc.org/road-safety/safety-topics/fatality-estimates

I would be far more fearful if I lived in USA to get in my car and drive to the shops to panic buy than I would be of the Covid-19 virus.

Definition:
The Western world, also known as the West, refers to various regions, nations and states, depending on the context, most often including at least parts of Europe, Australasia, and the Americas. There are many accepted definitions, all closely interrelated.) .can also be known as First World.

The following post is my personal opinion and thoughts. I am happy if anyone wishes to share any or all of this post as long as they attribute any information from me and the source if I have provided one. I am also happy to have comments of your own perspectives.

Right now fear is driving the western world. This covid-19 virus is creating panic in communities and it will have severe implications on the financial situations of many countries and individuals as we are seeing.

Here in Australia the Australian Dollar has reached a 17 year low, the British pound is the weakest it has been since 1985, NZ and other countries are seeing their currency value drop.
Governments are trying to provide financial support and incentive breaks to individuals and businesses. In the hope to stimulate the economy.

The Reserve Bank Australia(RBA) has cut interest rates to a record low 0.25 per cent and announced extraordinary measures to help prevent a coronavirus-driven recession.

The RBA will buy Australian government bonds as part of its first-ever quantitative easing program, and provide a three-year funding facility to provide cheap loans for Australian banks.

Australia’s economy continues to rapidly deteriorate, and panicked investors have wiped billions of dollars of value off the local stock market.
https://www.abc.net.au/news/2020-03-19/rba-cuts-interest-rates-coronavirus-covid-19/1207049

Qantas stood down 20,000 of its approx 30,000 staff today and ground all international flights.
It is expected that this will not be the only large employer in Australia to have to do so under these pandemic circumstances.

I understand that. At a human disaster in regard to deaths and illness, it is not good.
I feel for all the families that have and will loose people to Covid-19, To those that become very ill and their families.

I feel for all impacted by loss of income, through closure of businesses.
I believe the impact of the Covid-19 will be severe to many businesses and individuals financially and that is a horrible situation. As it will mean recovery will be slow and hard. Some may never return to where or what they had. There may be many families and individuals who who loose everything.
Huge HUGE LIFE CHANGING AND HORRIBLE situations.
Many of us in the Western Countries have had it very comfortable for many many years. The potential economic hits may be very very hard. So many Australians will become even more fearful.

Our Governments are trying to ensure to the best of their current abilities in a rapidly changing environment of economic issues and calamities bought about by the Covid-19 virus to keep some control of the impact it is having and will continue to have for many months down the track.

We personally may not like the way things are, or have been done, but so much is out of our control. Perhaps that is why panic buying has been occurring to try and wrestle a feeling of control back in a scary ride that we in the west are riding. Fear the people are frightened.

Yet we know how we as individuals can fight the virus, but now the impact is hitting home seriously have some maxed out their credit cards to stockpile? The reality is now the Pandemic is more about the economics of Western Countries than the actual illness it causes. That to me is now the conundrum. Has it always been that which has been the reality?

I want to, put that in to some kind of perspective of what the real world situation is in regard to deaths by Malaria which is not a virus, and Measles which are.

Not many westerners living in their own countries died from Malaria or Measles. So it must mean that it is not a huge issue. Surely if it was wouldn’t it be headline news. If hundred or thousands of people around the world were dying of it?
It is not put out there in the media mostly, that is controlled by powerful men, and companies, with potential influences from governments, businesses and other media.
Something that is playing out and getting worse every year, but because it does not impact the western worlds economy, or us as individuals, it is not headline news worthy. We also can take preventative measure to avoid Malaria if we travel to areas where it is known to be.

The World Health Organisation(WHO) who declared the pandemic, in late June 2019, published the following report of which the following piece is just the first paragraph.
‘Every 2 minutes, a child dies of malaria. And each year, more than 200 million new cases of the disease are reported. Although countries have dramatically reduced the total number of malaria cases and deaths since 2000, progress in recent years has stalled. Worryingly, in some countries, malaria is on the rise.’

Surely this should be taken far more seriously. But no.

5 December 2019 WHO published this information

Measles is a highly contagious, serious disease caused by a virus. In 1980, before widespread vaccination, measles caused more than 2 million deaths each year.

The disease remains one of the leading causes of death among young children globally, despite the availability of a safe and effective vaccine.  More than 140 000 people died from measles in 2018 – mostly children under the age of five.

It is a serious disease caused by a virus. It spreads through the air when infected people cough and sneeze. We in the west have access to vaccines, yet this virus in increasing as those who choose not to vaccinate their children put others at risk. I wonder if these same parents are stockpiling.
https://www.who.int/news-room/facts-in-pictures/detail/measles

As of 18/02/2020 almost 8,000 people world wide have died of Covid-19. The figure is not great but let me compare it to the number of deaths in the USA in 2019 in road accidents

So in closing lets again see 38,800 people died in car accidents in the USA, hundreds of thousands of children die from Malaria and Measles each year and the number is growing.
8000approx have died world wide of Covid-19 why are we so frightened ?

I am thankful I do not have to worry about any children or babies I know who might die from Malaria, or Measles. I am thankful for the amazing people who create these vaccines. I am thankful I live in such a beautiful place, I am so very thankful that I was just lucky to be born in a western country, I am thankful for all that I have,

blessings to You all Tazzie

7

Psychiatrist, the good …sure beat the not good. (might trigger)

One of the hardest things for me is to leave my dogs at home when I have to go somewhere. It happens rarely if it is going to be a hot day and it is not safe to leave them in the car, it is raining heavily and I can’t leave the windows down or it is stormy with wind. Today was going to be warm, humid, stormy and windy. All things that Busby would not deal with in the car. I made the choice to leave them at home.

I almost cance

I have been diagnosed with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD). I have had anxiety since I was in my teens that I am aware of, it may have been earlier but I do not have any recollection. I developed depression in my early twenties. I first tried to kill myself when I was 22.

Most people will be aware of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder(PTSD) but many people will not have heard of CPTSD.

It differs from PTSD in that instead of one traumatic event that impacts a person. The person, with CPTSD has had this occur in early childhood, and had repeated and long term trauma/s.

I explain this because I have certainly found myself having to explain and justify, why I am not able to work, enough times to make me annoyed.

When I can go out and basically all I do manage these days is shopping, once a week usually, appointments and my dogs exercise. (not sounding so healthy that Tazzie).

I have insight and know I am perhaps borderline Agrophobic. Why am I writing about this today? Whilst I really enjoy being at home and I am content at home, I do have anxiety sometimes and panic attacks , not as bad as some people. Mine tend to have me itching, hot and sweating ,heart racing and red in the face and neck. Perhaps not what most people would see as a panic attack.

I went to see a new Psychiatrist today; as the one I was seeing decided he did not want to see me any longer. I do not think he liked some of my comments to him about his not hearing me, or understanding the reality of my rural life, and my concerns over going on Ritalin. Having been a nurse I always check out any Doctor (no not just google but on reserch and journal articles, if they are affiliated with a university what the professional descriptions states.
I am not intimidated by any Doctor. I was a Registered Nurse and Had specialist Post Grad degree in Mental Health Nursing so will speak my mind. A doctor who hears ME and sees ME as an individual rather than seeming to have his or her own agenda, is upfront direct and honest. I will respect him or her.

I needed to see a psychiatrist as my Psychologist (who is not a Clinical Psychologist) and my GP both feel that the chances of me working or volunteering (which I have attempted unsecessfuly ) successfully in the foreseeable future is Nil. They agree I need to be applying for the Disability Pension.

For that I need to have an assessment and a letter from Clinical Psychologist or a Psychiatrist. Which is why I have been and am seeing a Psychiatrist.

So I saw the previous mentioned psychiatrist for 5 months the medication (other than the Ritalin) he prescribed me has helped my cognitive function so much that I almost feel my brain is back. The side effects are not wonderful sleeping to much for periods and than not enough, weird bizarre dreams so real that I wake up and have to remember it was a dream. These I am prepared to live with.

I was so anxious this morning as I was due to see the new psychiatrist. I was not going to allow him to change my medication as I feel the best I have apart from the a fore mentioned things. I nearly canceled, because I was going alone and I was running a few minutes late on the hour drive, which was good as it did take my mind of everything except paying attention to the road and not speeding or driving stupidly. I got there. I did not have time to think about my dogs for the next hour .

He was brilliant. He really listened to me, (even though the connection was breaking up at times). It is done by Skype in my GPs office. I have to see her afterward otherwise I could have my appointment at home. This psychiatrist suggested Melatonin for helping me to sleep. It will depend how much this costs as it is not on the Pharmaceutical Benefit Scheme. PBS (government subsidy for low income earners, people with disabilities, chronic illness, pensioners pay $6.60Aus for any script on the list).

He was also supportive of my application for the Disability Pension Scheme which means that when I receive his letter I will finally be able to apply for this. If I am successful it will mean I no longer have to deal with Centrelink and Newstart! I will not have to go to the Job Provider Network for a review, and potentially be made to again do volunteering. Or look for work. That will be a relief . It would also mean a big increase in my fortnightly payment.

We chatted about quite a bit in this hour, and he was concerned about my not leaving my home and whilst he said because I was doing a positive thing in making myself go shopping and have coffee and talking to people. I was possibly borderline for Agrophobia. I have thought about that since arriving home and he is onto something. I need to be really aware of this. I need to keep doing what I am and also consider adding another small thing. To keep me from closing off totally.

Sometimes it takes other eyes to see something that you have been aware of but to actually voice it back to you as potentially detrimental.

The problem now lies in dealing with the process of applying and ticking all the boxes crossing every t and dotting every i and hoping sincerely hoping that I will be accepted. There are so many horror stories out there about people who have severe physical illnesses and combination of both physical and mental illness that break my heart when I read them and wonder how these people can be knocked back. I do have the help of a Community Health Social Worker who has been helping me with all my paperwork that I find too confusing. (I know I said I had my brain back lol nothing to do with paperwork).

So even though I am happy that this is a forward movement I understand and realise it is not a sure bet. So many people are knocked back. All I can do is follow the directions, have all the letters from Psychiatrist, Psychologist, and GP together with it and submit it all together and hope.

So I am thankful today that I went to my appointment, I met a good Psychiatrist, which made me feel a lot better. I am thankful that this Psychiatrist actually said I needed to be on the DSP. which made me feel less like a con which I have been as I seem so ‘normal’ when I am talking one on one or small groups over a coffee or just running into people. I am thankful that I have asked for help and that I am accepting it. I am thankful that I continue to move forward. I am thankful for the incredible welcome I got on my return home.

Blessings to You all Tazzie.

12

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