Author: Tazzie

Australia is my country but I live on an island, the island State Tasmania, south of the mainland. I write about my life, and how living with my mental illness has bought about change for me. I am not a homestead as I have no idea what I am doing most of the time, I am really just living my life, doing what I enjoy. I share all sorts of things, and the beauty of where I live on an acre of land with my dogs chooks, and native wildlife of all kinds. Gardening, veggies, and flowers,I try it not necessarily brilliant at it but I try,and unbelievably succeed at times. Mental health and mental illness are important issues and I live with CPTSD and was diagnosed 2023 with ADHD as adult. I began taking medication and share my personal experience in that and other aspects of my life with mental illness, and now on my road to having mental health but managing to live a contented life now. Certainly not always and my blog shares my personal experiences. I write for me, and if it helps anyone else how wonderful. I look forward to meeting you. Tazzie.

Life’s like that.

May be triggering. All words, experiences and photos are mine please do not share or copy without my permission.

We have been having stunning winter days here in the Huon Valley Tasmania. It is so lovely that even though it may only be 15dC/59dF you can work in the garden in a t-shirt. My plans to work in the garden today went out the window.

In a interesting and somewhat horrendous experience of dealing with living with my mental illness. Yet the out come of the experience is positive for me. It will get more and more positive as I work through it as is my normal process.

It is hard to believe it is the end of July. I am at least feeling some what improved mentally living with CPTSD/PTSD and learning to move forward, whilst dealing with so many historical things which trigger me are tiring. I do believe the overwhelming tiredness is something that so many people just have no comprehension of for those of us living and working through our mental illness.

I had an appointment with my wonderful psychologist today. Which was timely. I could not work out why I had ceased my walking my dogs. I had been really enjoying doing it regardless of the weather. (OK being truthful) the dogs would make me get up and go, and the feeling of enjoyment after the walk and lift in my spirits were such a great benefit, I was thankful that I had got up and done the walk. This has not happened for over a month now.

I realised I was triggered by someone who I do not really know (lovely older lady who had been staying with her family up the road and has been stuck here in Tasmania due to the borders of the state she is from being closed. Due to Covid -19) . She was being encouraging and I understand this when she commented on how wonderful I was doing walking every day.

For me though that was a trigger. Weird but true. I just stopped.

It has been on my mind and frustrated me as I could not understand why her kindly meant words of encouragement floored me.

So glad I shared this with my Psychologist. In our discussion she asked me what would occur in my family situation when there was any sort of comment. Generally it would be a kind of backhanded one. You would be so pretty if you lost weight. Is the one that is embedded in my mind. Yet as a child I swam competitively representing my local region at the town/ city region meet. I played competitive hockey, did gymnastics, including uneven bars, and beam.

So when my psychologist began to take me through what appears to be happening, and asked me how I responded to these sorts of comments. Did I rebel and do the opposite. I began to get a feeling of being really nauseous. I felt like I was going to be ill. I really went into a weird sense of my mind being totally blank. I shared all this with her. I experience somatic issues often when dealing with the things I have blocked.

As I have dissociated in previous meetings, she thought it best if we moved away from this area and came back to it in another appointment. I for some reason just could not move anywhere. I am not saying I dissociated. I was very aware of everything happening and it was just blankness in my head, and the nausea and an overwhelming tiredness was coming over me.

I pushed through it to let her know I was present, but just not able to think and it became obvious as we moved away from the topic. I struggled to find the right words yet I was not aware of what I was thinking. I was just so ill and exhausted. Perhaps part of this was my making a serious effort not to dissociate. I want to deal with it. I even said that I am sure. Yet I knew I was not able to and had to say I could not do any more today. Which was perfectly OK. I have complete control in our appointments Which is something that helps me and I know I am always safe.

We ended our meeting(internet) and I just lay on the couch dozing. My dogs were outside today, and for once I feel this was a good thing as I know Miss Treacle would have been extremely concerned. She was anyway when I did let them back in an hour later.

I lay on the lounge just overcome with this blankness, nausea and tiredness. Where as before the appointment I had been busy and planning my shopping and attending the washing. Intending to go and do some work in the garden afterwards. It all came to a stop.

I must have dozed off. I roused due to Miss Treacle barking to be let inside. Both dogs kept looking at me wanting their run. I took them for their walk/run. I drove and did not want to meet anyone, or have the neighbours dog play with Busby today. Thankfully that did not happen. It was a quick trip.
I spent the afternoon on the lounge unable to do much at all. The blankness of my head began to clear and I began to review what I could of this mornings appointment.

As my psychologist had indicated I had reacted to this lady’s comment as I had in the past to family comments. I rebelled and that was to do the complete opposite.
It was quite interesting for me, as the nausea went even though the tiredness is still present even as I write. Obviously my mind is no longer blank. I will be going to bed early after my shower.

I am so thankful to have had this experience as hard as it has been today, yet again there has been an ahh haa moment.

I understand why I do the complete opposite now when someone comments on something I see as just everyday thing. I will as with every ahh haa moment over the last few years spent working with a psychologist and my own abilities move through this slowly but with a whole new understanding and appreciation for how incredible our minds are! How even when I was traumatised so often in my young life and onto my adolescence and even adulthood often powerless it seemed to cope. My mind developed a life saving tool. I appreciate it so much.

As I do believe this has been what has kept me here alive. It is also the reason I am becoming me totally me. Sometimes beginning , be brave enough to share and begin working through these horrendously hard dark moments takes so much out of me. Yet the moment the connections are identified in that ahh haa moment, I feel real, I understand sort of, and I feel a moment of connection with the child, the adolescent and me the adult.

I value all the parts that make me who I am today.

It is not the last time I will walk this bumpy path. With its rabbit holes dark and long that I could venture in. Into the black hole. I have no desire to go back their. I still struggle not to follow the winding rabbit path leading to the blackness. I have tools now, which help me. I have been in the shelter of the rabbit hole opening but I am sticking my head and body back out and moving away. Back into the colours. Moving forward again.

I am finding that it takes effort and strength of mind to listen, to fight, and to be thankful to all that has protected me throughout my life. For me to be in control, in charge,applying boundaries and acceptance that I choose. I am stronger than I thought, and I am so proud of where I am. I realise there will be more times like this last six+ weeks.

I have come through it feels, with things to work through and move on from. I am being very kind to myself. I am OK. It has been a good day! Crazy but true it has been a good day.

I appreciate everyone who reads this. If you are someone with CPTSD/PTSD it is important to be kind to yourself.

I am so thankful for my psychologist. I am thankful for today. I am thankful for all I have.

blessings to You. Tazzie

3

Reality of Life with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD or PTSD).

I had created a routine, which is really simple way for me to keep moving forward.

It is a simple routine

Walk the dogs everyday. When I am not well I drive the car and the dogs run or walk . The dogs are getting exercised me well not in this manner.

Get in the garden daily do something even if just pulling a weed. I am doing work in the garden. Not as often as I would like to.

Eat well/healthy fresh food. Hmm off the rails. Though I have begun to eat some of my home made frozen meals. I am thankful that I have frozen meals. I tend to make a family meal when cooking often. I then freeze portions left over. Budget friendly and incredibly handy.

In bed light off 22:30. That has really gone out the window. As in last night it was 04.15am. I was up at 10am so not bad. Though my big dog went out for a wee this morning, came back inside, took himself up the stairs back to bed. Fair enough.

Shower every two days. This is still happening.

Change my clothes every two days still happening. I am washing my clothes and not leaving them in the machine. (which is what I used to do when I was not as well as I am even now.)

I also force myself to not just go grocery shopping, to take time have a coffee and have something to eat at least being out of the house, and with a chance to catch up with someone.

I do talk with some neighbours regularly as our dogs play.

Being thankful.

The other thing in improving my mental health is that I know what is triggering me. I have shared all this before. Yet for anyone with a mental illness the necessity to be able to identify your triggers, understand them and how you respond is important. It has been

I know that a conversation with my psychologist where I released that part of the reason my home may be as it is inside and my seemingly inability to DO SOMeTHING about it was related ( (so many people believe that you can just get off the couch and DO IT) ah if only so easy.

As anyone with CPTSD or PTSD understands you can have every intention of doing your washing, cleaning your home, eating well, exercising, paying bills, shopping, all the things we know help us, just find it almost impossible to just do it! I am so ashamed about the inside of my home. I am so hard on myself sometimes, when I see how I am living. I am learning to not be hard on myself.

Starting something. Anything. I commit to doing a small thing. For instance my stove. I did that ..I was so proud of it. It looked great. Alas that too has

I had a lovely night at a neighbours last week. It came with consequences for me. Exhaustion, and a need to not see people for several days.

Similarly when I do spend time chatting on my shopping day. It is an experience which is lovely and lifts me also exhausts me and I come home overstimulated and just need to be quiet. I know what I need to help me and I am not worried about ensuring I can care for myself. I am fortunate in this. I can not imagine how others with CPTSD or PTSD who are working and or have a family cope. I know I may have overdone the socialising aspect in recent days. (We are out of lockdown and allowed so many people in our homes as long as we remain social distancing).

Feeling many mixed emotions knowing that this huge tree will have to come out my partner loved all the trees around our house. It is home to critters, birds, insects, it provides shade. I feel sad and distressed that it will have to be removed. Yet I understand it is a necessity totally. I am thankful for the extra money that I have received from our Government as this may help with the cost of the removal. (I am dreading it will be very expensive.

The other possible reason I am slipping is that it is the 10th anniversary since my darling man died. In a couple of weeks.
Anniversaries are some of the hardest times for grief. The pain is still there my coping abilities are greatly improved and it sometimes feels like yesterday and other times so much longer. I will always have a hole in my life is still there it is smaller but it is still very present.

I have been in the darkness, and have absolutely no desire to go back there.

I find sharing this sort of thing helps me to see more and be aware more of how far I have come, and the insight I have of my own mental illness.

Every person with a mental illness. Every person with the same diagnosed mental illness as I have Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) must work hard every day every single day sometimes every hour to keep moving forward. I thought I had paused, last week, but this week I can see I am going backwards.
I am working to get my routine back into shape. I can hear some people reading this saying encouraging things buy good food, my worms and compost have been having some great contributions lately.Just get up and go for a walk.
I hear you I really do. You do not know how impossible just that simple thing can be.
I am not at risk, I want to reassure you all of that. My dogs are not at risk they are great if very tired today.

This is not being written for sympathy, this is just the only way I can share what is going on in my life if I have not been there for you, if I have not responded to your posts, to your messages.

Life is up and down for all of us. I understand this. if you have read this all the way to here, thank You. I will move forward again. I am seeing how close I have come to the edge of the black hole.
Even rereading the words I have written here fill me with positivity. As I know I have the management tools and ability to move forward again.

I am so thankful for that. I am thankful for the roof over my head, the food (even if it is not great for me), the extra money I have been receiving from the Government. I am thankful that my rates did not go up hugely, I am thankful for my car. I am thankful my dogs, for you all. I am thankful that I live in Tasmania, that I am warm, and comfortable and have more than I need. I am thankful that I live in this community and have lovely neighbours.

blessings Tazzie

13

Who I saw today.



The Australian Hobby Falco Longipennis is uncommon in Tasmania. The eat small birds and insects, though this one has a field mouse. As seen in the silhouette shots. The quality of the photographs is not great and I apologise. I was driving noticed it and tried to get the best vantage I could it flew off twice, and this was the my best opportunity. It certainly was having some trouble with the managing on the electrical wires, it was a little windy.

Australian Pelican Pelecanus conspicillatus, is an uncommon visitor to the Huon Valley. It is found around the Coastal areas of the North and East coast of Tasmania as well as inland rivers, estuaries, lagoons and lakes. I have only seen single Pelicans in 20 years of living in the Huon Valley on the Huon River. They do breed on some small islands off the northern coast of Tasmania. On the mainland they are found in large colonies, and are pretty common. I love these birds especially when they are fishing, and to see them fly and land is quite good as they look such an awkward shape in the air.

Great Cormorant , Is a common resident in the Huon River and is found all over Tasmania. They swim on the surface and will dive for food. They can often been seen on branches and logs, with their wings spread wide as if drying them in the sunshine.

The photo is the same cormorant a bit later in the afternoon on the same limb.

Black swan Cygnus aratus, is common found all over Tasmania. If you see a few together they are usually a family group. Singles are also seen and are most likely unmated. They are also found in large flocks.

Eurasian Coot, Fulica Atra.is a common visitor to Tasmania, it seems not to breed here, but is migratory and nomadic.

Pacific Black Ducks Anas superciliosa. Abundant in Tasmania and mainland Australia. These guys were chasing each other and I swear they were smiling…

These were all taken today on my trip to and from my GP. 100km /62miles approx round trip.

I was really thrilled to see the Australian Hobby and to see it swoop down after some food. Then see it swoop back up with a field mouse in its talons. Nature is not always beautiful.

Such a wonderful group of varied birds to see and attempt to get shots of.

Thankful to be able to see the birds again. Thankful to have such amazing bird life about me. I did not have to sit for ages to get any shots, they were all seen either from my car and I pulled over to get some shots. The Hobby, and Pelican were sheer luck.

Or I went to a location I hoped would give me some bird life. The dam where the water birds were photographed I knew there would be some bird life there. I find taking photographs takes some of my anxiety away when I have to do things I am not so keen on or find difficult.

This week so far and it is only Tuesday, my plans for staying home have not happened. So I am feeling quite exhausted and a bit resentful. As I really want to get some things done in the garden. I did plant some of my new plants out this morning.

I also was able to pick up cardboard to use to put down to kill the grass and weeds in the veggie garden. I also took other photographs as I drove to my GPs, which I will share at a later date.

The doctors surgery we had to sit social distancing and if I had not needed my script refilled I would not have gone. My GP is on leave and because the Gp was a locum she wanted to see me. I was feeling anxious about it. Taking the photos and enjoying the scenery helped a lot. The traffic is getting heavier as restrictions are changing.

I hope to be able to be at home for the next few days, or week without having to go out again. My home is most certainly the place I enjoy being the most and I am so thankful to have it.

be safe, be kind

blessings to You Tazzie

0

Feels like I am stepping back in time

Some restrictions are lifting here in Tasmania. We are allowed to go out a bit further from home now. It was another beautiful Autumn/fall day here.

I decided to go to Longley which is about 39kms from where I live to pick up some really fantastic compost. I am trying to improve my half wine barrels and other areas soil.

It felt quite weird to be so far from home, after almost 12 weeks at home or just going essential shopping. One of the petrol stations at Sandfly I noted was selling petrol(gas) $1.04 (67cents USA)a litre (3.78541itres =1gallon). Yet just down in Huonville about 19kms away it is $1.24 (80cUSA) a litre. So I filled up and felt an overwhelming sense of being back in the late 90s and early 200s, apparently.

Sandfly Petrol Station petrol price today.

I felt so nostalgic black and white was the way to go, and my dirty rear window helpe to make it look more rustic.

Longley Organic veggie seedling vegetable store.

This Hotel for any viewers of Rosehaven (ABC TV Australia) is where the pub scenes are shot.
This beautiful building and the Longley Organic seller along with houses dispersed through the bush about are all that is left of when the main highway from Hobart to Huonville went past. Now there is a lovely picnic spot across the road near the river. It is peaceful and serene. I do believe the pub does good food and has a lovely out door area. Along with bands at times.

Perhaps not the best shot of this dwelling (that appears to have someone living in it. It is nestled beside the river. A true bush house.

The colour image makes it look more run down but there is glass in the windows and signs of human occupancy.

It would be way to cold for me this location as it is a deep valley and the sun would rarely penetrate this far down in winter maybe not even in summer. The river close by would also be cold. A road is near with homes nearby so the solitude and peace may not be as it once was.

This is just past the house and you can see moss bright green on the rocks walls. A long tree has collapsed on the edge of the river and a large eucalyptus growing among the rocks.

I took a different way home today, along the deep and at times narrow

This is a small township called Kaoota. You can buy home cooked biscuts and slices from two eskies (coolers) by the side of the road

These pictures above and below are a few from the small ‘township of Pelverata’ (means ear) on the banks of the Kellaways Creek.

One of the tallest waterfalls in Tasmania is found in this area Pelvarata Falls.

Pelverata Falls

Start – End of Crosswells Rd
Length – 6.6km (Return)
Grade – Orange
Terrain – Single Track, 4×4 Track, Scree Fields
Dog Friendly – Yes
Vertical Climb – 285m
Time – 2-4 hours
Signed – Yes

Date Hiked – 28th October 2018

Best Time – All Year Round

Pelverata Falls
© 2015 – 2020 Photography: Craig Doumouras

I have walked to the falls and I am not fit. The hardest and scariest bit was walking on the scree. Walking boots with good ankle support was invaluable. It can get very wet and slippery in winter and spring but it beautiful and I am so glad I did it.


There used to be a large sawmill in the area. A population according to the 2016 Census 206 people lived in this area. There is only the community hall and BBQ area (photographed below) there is no shop, post office or pub in Pelverata. It

The dogs and I had a walk and a pit stop here as it is dog friendly and has a toilet. Brilliant.

The road into Pelverata. Looking down from the Community hall.

The light hitting the bark on this tree caught my eye, as I sat for a while watching small birds flying about. It was serene and warm in the sunshine. the dogs sniffed and looked about enjoying revisiting Pelverata. A lovely way to travel home off the main highway.

The Autumn light is so different on the Huon River, as this photo on the way home at about 3pm shows. People are burning off rubbish or lighting their wood stoves. I feel that there may well be a fog in the morning. It is a clear night at present as I type, cloud is forecast but a maximum of 17dC/62.6dF for tomorrow (Tuesday) . I hope to be in the garden tomorrow.

I am so very fortunate to live where I do, and my thoughts go to people living in cities, and overcrowded locations where social distancing is almost impossible. In the back of my mind today I was very conscious of social distancing and getting home to my sanctuary.

A very lovely afternoon spent in the company of my dogs on the road.

I am thankful for the businesses that have been operating all throughout for all their staff and owners. I am thankful to the public transport drivers/operators, garbage people, the companies that jumped into gear when panic buying occurred to insure we would not go without. For the creative people on social sites amusing and distracting many of us.

blessings Tazzie

4

What next (may be triggering)

As Covid -19 restrictions begin to wind down slowly across Australia, here in Tasmania, (due to our issue with hospitals in the north west of our state being hit hard and closed with many all staff and families having had to go in total isolation) we are a bit behind the mainland.

Many many people here will be really discovering how slowly things such as many businesses being able to reopen, and being able to live as we did prior to this virus is actually going to be. (unless your a football player it seems?)

A deep fear is running through many mental health workers across Australia. Community mental health support organisations and indiviudals have been complaining of how little continuing support and cutbacks that were occurring before the current situation. Rural and remote mental health services virtually non existent. The reality is already being seen by many of these workers and organisations.

The long term impact on people who have been isolated and/or lost their jobs, and/or worrying about financial concerns is and will be only coming out slowly as some things slowly return to a form of normal or new normal. Perhaps credit card bills are coming in and that may be how some individuals and families have been surviving.
Those who have lost their jobs in the last few months will possibly only now be receiving their first Jobseeker (Government benefit) payment and Covid payment. After waiting for some weeks.
Potentially the whole amount they are receiving will be paying outstanding bills.

The impact of the death of someone due to Covid-19 on those who loved them and were not able to be with them at the end, or to be with family and friends to say a final goodbye is immeasurable. Grief is always difficult but in these circumstances widows/ers grieving alone with no one able to come home with them, as they have to go into quarrantine is so hard to imagine.

The numbers who have died in Australia (98 so far as of 16/05/2020) represent grief for many hundreds. grief that has not been able to be shared with hugs, and for many an opportunity to say goodbye. Depression and Post Traumatic Shock Disorder are likely to increase. Anxiety may also impact some of these people. How will these families be supported and helped?

The numbers of people phoning all mental health help lines has blown out during the last couple of months. Most of these organisations of course are manned by volunteers. Thanks to all of them.

These same organisations are saying the situation is getting worse for so many people.

I also feel concerned for all those essential front line workers. Who have kept going. My greater fears are for the health professionals. Many who have worked long hours, in protective gear that is tiring to wear as you become so hot inside it. I can not imagine wearing it for 12+ hours a shift, it was bad enough wearing it for an 8 hour shift.

The truck drivers, the cleaners, the business proprietors who have had to install new management customer strategies.

Some people will develop mental illness now, others may not show anything for a while and something may happen that will just flaw them on their feet. (As happened to me my resilience just could not bounce back). Nurses and Doctors police and ambulance emergency workers in rural areas such as SES give so much of themselves in caring for people in their job every day they work.

I fear for so many youth, who were just beginning their working lives, when this situation stopped many of them. The financial stress, the emotional stress, anxiety, fear, distress, and loneliness.

The families of people with disabilities, where carers may not have been able to visit? Where routines have not been able to be kept, that enabled the individual with disability to live a independent life. How have these people been impacted?

I have thought often about families where domestic violence has always been a way of life. Alcohol is and has been available, the whole time. I imagine the possibility of domestic violence escalating, and the person doing it home all day every day, with no escape for their partner and children. I wonder how it may have been if bottle shops were closed and not considered essential services?

The homeless how have they been managing? It has been very wet, I do hope that with so many less people about they have been able to sleep more safely and in better locations. I think of all the volunteers who have been out supporting and caring for all the homeless across Australia.

I wonder about the addicts to gambling, drugs, alcohol…how have these people managed? Their families?

I have thought also of the impact on children and if lines of education have been drawn even more as schools have had to go online for most kids. How have the children who have no access to the internet managed? What about those whose parents have not been able to teach and support them at home schooling? Those who care but whose own education may not be up to their kids level.

The children who have had both Mum and Dad home with them for the last 10 weeks or so how good it may have been, and or how difficult.

The parents who could not care less. How will this three-four months impact the kids. I wonder about how it might impact bullying.

Some times my mind gets so overwhelmed if I do not reign it in. I am well enough to do this now and not let myself go down into places I have no ability to manage or control. I still am concerned about the possibilities.

I look at the projections of housing prices falling a lot according to some analysts in Australia. I can not imagine having purchased a home, and having a mortgage to find in a few months the house is now worth 20-30% less. Yet you have to pay the higher mortgage. Interest rates are basically as low as they can go, and most banks have put mortgage payments on hold for a few months.

The problem is once they start up again interest will go on the missed months and compound. I am not sure if you will be expected to catch up over the time of your contracted mortgage or if the mortgage might be extended,

The fear for those who have lost their jobs, and the uncertainty of if their jobs may return or not? Will people really spend all the extra money that is being paid out by the Governments to help simulate the economy or will they save it. Or pay bills clear credit cards?

How to pay their mortgage? Their rent?

I do know the next few months maybe the next few years will be hard. There will be very few tax breaks as our Government needs to make up for all the money that it has been giving out to help our country. I see quite a few businesses not being able to survive.

I envisage the potential for suicide to increase across age and gender. I hold little hope for better mental health services in rural and remote regions. With ongoing 1;1 commitment with psychologist, psychiatrist on health care cards. Instead of the reducing number of 1;1 visits as we have now.

I wonder how the new unemployed who are receiving the Covid-19 payment along with the job seeker payment (seeing the fortnightly payment go from $550 to over $1100 until September 2020), manage when the Covid-19 payment stops and they have to live on the Jobseeker payment of $550 a fortnight?

I also think of all the dogs, cats that have been adopted out of animal shelters and refuges. Where the owners have been home with these new family members 24/7 and in the next few months the human members will return to working, and school. How will these animals fare? How many will end up back in shelters?

I worry about all of you who read my posts. Even though we have not met, and only know each other through our communications, I do care that you are all coping OK. That you have people about you who love you unconditionally, and support you. That you are managing and caring for your self. You are the most important person in Your life, regardless if you are in a partnership, a parent, If you are not doing OK speak to someone, be honest about your concerns.

If you are concerned about financial issues, contact your bank, contact your lenders, offer to pay a small amount every month/fortnight/week (this will show intent, and makes it hard to be taken debt collection or to court for non payment but you have to instigate it) Same goes for bills. Or anything you are not alone, reach out speak up.

If you are in a domestic violence situation, get a plan to leave begun. tell someone you trust please.

If you are concerned about your rent, and the real estate is not helping ask to speak directly to the owner. Have them ask the owner to contact you directly. Be honest with the owner and if you are a good tenant, many owners would rather have you catch up/not raise the rent for twelve months to retain a good tenant.
I looked at the cost involved when I was a land lord, and by the time I advertised and had the checks done by the real estate agents, ( a $10 a week increase would give me $520 a year extra..the cost to find a new tenant would cost me a months rent which was at the time $1000) so if your agent or landlord is talking about increasing your rent, ask them how much it would cost them to find a new tenant who may not be so good. it is worth a try.

Mortgage? speak to your mortgage provider.

If you are thinking of buying a property. Perhaps you really do not need a four bedroom house with three bathrooms. Or a two bedroom unit for just one person. If it means you can afford the lower mortgage. Rather then risk loosing your home.

Being thankful for what we have is important. It can be so easy when it seems the worst is happening to us to feel alone, to feel it is not worth it. It is important to know I value YOU.

I am thankful for all of YOU who read my writings, look at my photos.

I am thankful for the beautiful weather we have been having the last couple of days. I am thankful for the beautiful colour of the Autumn(Fall) leaves. I am thankful for the birds, their song. I am thankful for the weed I saw popping up in the cement in my local town yesterday, showing me that nature is strong but we need to care about it. I am thankful for the wallaby I saw yesterday eating some of my grass. I am thankful to the birds that come and eat the bugs in my garden.

I am thankful to fresh vegetables. I am thankful for being able to see positives in some really dark times. I am so very thankful that I am continuing to move forward on my improving mental health. I am thankful that my maiden hair fern and chain of hearts are thriving in my home. (first time I have ever had success with either )
I am thankful for internet. I am thankful for my dogs, neighbours, and community.

I am thankful to Mother Earth and the Goddess.

blessings Tazzie

10

Nettle Soup

Today has been a day of cooking, it was cold and wet. So perfect. I made ‘french’ style easy bread today. It is lovely bread however the amount of time for rising is several hours, with some small work on it periods.

Compared to my other bread which is kneaded twice and only requires about 1 1/2 half hours or so rising time. It can be extended longer as in overnight but you just leave it. You do not have to work it during that time.

I also decided to make nettle soup. The Nettles are from my own garden so I know they are safe. I cut off the tips of the nettles about 10cms in length. I did not wear gloves as I had a container that when I cut the tips they fell directly into the container.

My soup had vegetable stock which seemed to be quite salty. It had onion rice and nettles. I did also add a garlic clove. The recipe I chose, was for four people. I decided to make half of the recipe. I picked a cup plus of nettles well packed.

I pan fried onions in olive oil and than the nettles which removes the

You then add stock and rice. I then bought the soup to the boil for a few minutes, and then used the absorption method for cooking the rice. I used my hand blender to puree it.

I did not have enough nettles, in the ‘soup’ The recipe has 500gms of nettles. That is a lot of nettles, I did not weigh my nettles.

I also added too much rice. So my soup was more like a risotto.

I ate it with one of my bread rolls. It was really interesting and I did enjoy it. It has a rich flavour. I have read elsewhere that nettle soup tastes earthy. It certainly had a flavour reminiscent of mushrooms I know go figure! I was assuming it would be green tasting. How do I describe that. hmmm fresh and light perhaps.

Stinging nettles are considered as a weed today by so many. In the past stinging nettles have been used to make fibre, sail cloth, sacking and fishing nets. Fibres have also been used to make cloth similar in appearance and feel to silky linen. In the Second World War the Germans used it to make cotton like fabric. The British used stinging nettles for the dye it makes for camouflage. It has/is also used as a food colourant.

The 18th Centuary English poet, Thomas Campbell, complained of the little attention paid to the nettle in England.  He says, “In Scotland, I have eaten nettles, I have slept in nettle sheets, and I have dined off a nettle tablecloth.  The young and tender nettle is an excellent potherb.  The stalks of the old nettle are as good as flax for making cloth.  I have heard my mother say that she thought nettle cloth more durable than any other species of linen.” (Plants and People: Choices and Diversity through Time 6.2 Humble Plants p273 edited by Alexandre Chevalier, Elena Marinova, Leonor Pena-Chocarro)

I will make it again, it was quick and easy. Tasty and simple. I would add more nettles and less rice. I was looking forward to a thin soup but as I said mine was like a poor risotto (I am not a huge fan of risotto).

I enjoyed the rich and hearty flavour. I intend to try more recipes using my nettles.

Such a low cost tasty hearty meal. I could imagine a vegetable soup with nettles would be delicious too. A quick soup to make.

I did not sow the nettles in my garden, they have come up in a good size patch. I know many people will look at them and see weeds. Mother Earth has provided me with this wonderful plant and I will enjoy and use it. It dies off each year and in Autumn it grows again as the cooler weather begins.


blessings Tazzie

Like any food there are potential issues for some people in eating them I include The following information is from https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/stinging-nettle#section8

Stinging nettle’s leaves and root provide a wide variety of nutrients, including

  • Vitamins: Vitamins A, C and K, as well as several B vitamins
  • Minerals: Calcium, iron, magnesium, phosphorus, potassium and sodium
  • Fats: Linoleic acid, linolenic acid, palmitic acid, stearic acid and oleic acid
  • Amino acids: All of the essential amino acids
  • Polyphenols: Kaempferol, quercetin, caffeic acid, coumarins and other flavonoids
  • Pigments: Beta-carotene, lutein, luteoxanthin and other carotenoids

What’s more, many of these nutrients act as antioxidants inside your body.

Antioxidants are molecules that help defend your cells against damage from free radicals. Damage caused by free radicals is linked to aging, as well as cancer and other harmful diseases (3Trusted Source).

Studies indicate that stinging nettle extract can raise blood antioxidant levels.

There is evidence based benefits that stinging nettles may be benificial in arthritis, and other inflammations within the body.

Stinging nettle may help reduce prostate size and treat symptoms of an enlarged prostate gland in men with BPH.

Stinging nettle may reduce hay fever symptoms. Yet, some research indicates that it may not be much more effective than a placebo. More studies are needed on stinging nettle’s effects on hay fever.

Stinging nettle may help lower blood pressure by allowing your blood vessels to relax and reducing the force of your heart’s contractions. Yet, more human studies are needed to confirm these effects.

While stinging nettle may help lower blood sugar levels, more human studies are crucial before recommendations can be made.

There are some potential side effects

Consuming dried or cooked stinging nettle is generally safe. There are few, if any, side effects.

However, be careful when handling fresh stinging nettle leaves, as their hair-like barbs can harm your skin.

These barbs can inject an array of chemicals, such as (1, 2Trusted Source):

  • Acetylcholine
  • Histamine
  • Serotonin
  • Leukotrienes
  • Formic acid

These compounds can cause rashes, bumps, hives and itchiness.

In rare cases, people may have a severe allergic reaction, which can be life-threatening.

However, these chemicals diminish as the leaves are processed, meaning that you shouldn’t experience mouth or stomach irritation when eating dried or cooked stinging nettle (1).

Pregnant women should avoid consuming stinging nettle because it may trigger uterine contractions, which can raise the risk of a miscarriage (40).

Speak to your doctor before consuming stinging nettle if you’re taking one of the following:

  • Blood thinners
  • Blood pressure medication
  • Diuretics (water pills)
  • Diabetes medication
  • Lithium

Stinging nettle could interact with these medications. For instance, the plant’s potential diuretic effect may strengthen the impact of diuretics, which can raise your risk of dehydration.

blessings Tazzie.

8

Night Time Blues

There are so many natural wonders here in Tasmania. Not just our amazing fauna and flora. The landscapes, the waterways, the clear night sky. The Aurora Australis. Sometimes something else grabs your attention.
Bioluminescence. One of the most amazing introduced pests into our sea.

The bright blue glow is caused by billions of single-celled algae or plant plankton called Noctiluca scintillans, (latin for sparkling night light) or sea sparkles. It is more common in the warmer months but can occur at any time. These micro creatures have a built in biological clock and will only sparkle in complete darkness. Even if you put them in a jar, they will not flash in daytime, they will only flash in complete darkness.

This was my first time photographing bioluminesence.

For a first experience it was incredible and as my friends who had photographed it before said it was such phenomenal amount.
I drove here and as I turned towards the cove the whole area was blue. I could see it so well. Word had not got out at this point so the couple of people who had sent me a message (Huge thanks to them) meant we were able to get some wonderful shots, before it was made public as others spread the word. This was truly an exceptional occurrence to have so many Noctiluca scintillans the lights across the bay it was still visible to my naked eyes(without a camera).

The poles of the boat ramp and the gentle breeze as the water lapped at the poles and edge of the ramp caused the flashes of the algae.

You could have photographed this bioluminescence with a mobile phone this particular night. It really was such a fantastic experience. I became hooked in keeping my eye out for this wonderful natural show.

The glow in the clouds is from suburbs about Hobart. Another photographer in the distance.

Generally it is not such a volume of bioluminescence and you will often see it on the wave tips or if it is gently moving about off shore a bit. If it is too windy it may break up the mass of the Noctiluca scintillans
I have had fun since this first night running in the sand near or in the water and seeing these algae flash blue in my foot steps, or throwing water from a bottle, to spray and splash, or I am now thinking one of those big water pistols.

A rising emu, (the Milky Way) and bioluminescence same night. The head lights of a vehicle are lighting up the trees and cliff.

If you are on the hunt be it for bioluminescence, Aurora, or the night sky. Please be considerate of others who are also taking photographs.

This photographer, had a bright light and torch, as can be seen, and had positioned herself right in front of me. I had been there for a while and it was easier for me to move than create an issue.

As more and more people came as the word spread, excitement was tangible. I do understand the desire for a photo, and I look at this shot and see an interesting photograph of someone else enjoying a natural occasion that she may never have an opportunity to experience again.

The fact so many people are interested is great, if they are considerate and in built up areas quiet sadly this has not always been the situation I have had when taking some photos in more known locations. I now do not share exact locations of where I shoot. As for me part of the experience is the peace and quiet.

Living in the south of the state and having so many known locations close to Hobart is wonderful for tourists and those who are studying or working from overseas.

Are they dangerous to humans? Do not ingest Noctiluca or put it on the face, eyes, or mouth. Brief handling such as swishing water with the hands or dancing in the light generally cause no adverse effects. Still water in canals and lagoons near urban regions must be treated with caution.

Does it hurt them when we splash around? Splashing around doesn’t hurt them. The tide stranding them on the beach – or us stomping on them – will dry them or crush them; these actions are generally fatal to them. However, they are clonal, so “fatal” is not as terminal as it sounds.

Can I take them home? Yes! In a widemouth jar in a cool area (not the refrigerator or freezer), they will live several days or more. Open the jar during the day, and replace the lid before swirling. They will not luminesce during daytime, but if the jar is tapped or gently swirled at night in a dark room, they will put on quite a sparkling show!

Because they are an introduced pest, after you are finished with them, ecologically appropriate disposal methods include down the drain or poured down the driveway.
This information provided from The definitive guide -How to find and photograph sea sparkle bioluminescence . Text by Dr Lisa-ann Gershwin, Fiona Walsh and Matt Holz.

These are just some of the wonders that glow at night here in Tasmanian, apart from Aurora and the clear dark night skies. I will post more about my experiences.
I have been fortunate and experienced many more nights taking photos of the Noctiluca scintillans. I do have to say that this my first experience was perhaps the largest mass I have been fortunate to see so far.

Many places around the world have these algae.

I am thankful for all the amazing naturally occurring things that I am surrounded by here in my southern Tasmanian home. I am thankful to be able to look for them, and spend time sitting in the wonder, and enjoyment of the experience. I am thankful that I am so privileged to have time to do this. I am thankful to have been able to share with you my joy and photographs.

Blessings to you all Tazzie

10

Frustration, helplessness and mental health. (may be triggering)

Hi everyone it seems to never rain but hail when computer/internet issues occur. My internet account was suspended and now I am dealing with our countries Technology Ombudsmans office and they are dealing with my service provider. I am Back now fingers crossed.

I find off shore call centers really difficult to deal with, this is partly due to my mental illness, (CPTSD) and a feeling of no control at all over a service that I pay for. I have been dealing with my provider for 8 weeks now, and my benefit payment went in two days late which meant I missed paying my provider. (It used to be done by automatic payment each month). Of course you have to add that my provider has you paying two weeks ahead and two weeks behind. (this I really do not understand) It also seems suddenly for know reason my date due to pay has altered.

It is not the date the missed payment went through, as they did not inform me until the next payment was due that it had not been credited to the right invoice? How is that my fault? I paid it to the invoice they sent me demanding payment for.

I then found that I was now 2 months behind according to my internet provider, (this was on the 8th of April) even though the next invoice was not due to be paid until the 12th of April? I had the money and was going to Bpay as they no longer were able to do a direct payment that had been set up. According to the call centre. I said I would be paying this invoice on the 12 when it was due. But no that was not OK. So in the middle of all this I check with my bank as to why the direct payment to my internet provider was not able to continue. My bank said they had no issue in continuing it as I had not authorised it to be stopped from this end.

So if my service provider had just processed the payment it would have all gone through. I rang my service provider and informed them of this. That they could take the money as per normal as the authority was in place.

So I believe that my service provider is taking the money out as normal.

Instead I get messages telling me my service would be suspended from the the 14th if the outstanding money was not paid for the two invoices. This all happened on Monday the 13th of April. Which here is Easter weekend we have a four day holiday Good Friday through to and including Easter Monday.

I tried to explain to the lovely lady on the phone that in Tasmania it is another holiday for the Banks, financial and Government organisations and businesses. So I would not be able to go to my bank UNTIL the Wednesday. I also advised her that for some reason I was not able to get into my toolbox, the access to my account from the service provider. Even though I knew my password and id were correct. She said she would note all of that.

Wednesday morning finds me and the dogs, in town at our bank. I was a little early and they were not open at the time. I tied the dogs up and sat and waited.

The wonderful staff at my community bank, helped me and I decided to pay the two months that I ‘was overdue’ plus the May June payment which would mean I was in fact ahead. Relief.

Dogs and I went for a walk, headed home and found my internet down! WTF!

I spent the next four hours attempting to get someone to understand what had been going on, getting cut off! Being told it would all be OK. When it wasnt. I requested to speak to supervisor and refused! I hung up and tried again, I ended up going to a sales number. Realising that the person in sales during business hours might be an Aussie. It was YEAH!!! I cried. Yes I did.

This wonderful woman heard me as I explained my problem with my account, she was very supportive when I shared with her that all this was impacting my mental illness, and sometimes just dealing with call centres can be triggering to me. She apologised that she could not help me personally and unfortunately there was ‘no one’ in Australia who could? What the heck! She assured me the person she would put me on to would be able to assist me.

What else could I do but trust her. The chap I spoke to was helpful, he listened to me, as I tried to explain. He assured me my internet would be reinstated. He also seemed to understand my not answering any phone calls without numbers or people not leaveing a direct phone number for me to call. I got his details and requested copies of our converstaion, he sent them to me. I had also

It was great I felt like some order was restored, as my internet was back on.

For the next two weeks it was all good.

Then I began to get text messages telling me my service was going to be disconnected for not being paid. I had people ringing me all the time, I did not know the numbers I was not picking up, any messages left were weird noises, or just nothing. I sent emails, advising that all invoices had been paid, that I had actually paid the following month as well. I also included that I could not access my toolbox.

They acknowledge receipt of emails. Two days later I received a response, saying if did not pay the outstanding invoices my account would be disconnected, and to go into my toolbox, and see. That I could also chat to someone whilst in the toolbox! ARRGGH !

I lost it. I sent an email back saying how horrendous this company was, and the fact was proven that no body had actually read my email properly as PART OF MY PROBLEM IS I CANNOT GET INTO MY TOOLBOX!

I keep getting how did we do handling your issue emails, and you most likely can imagine how I replied.
I was also getting several messages a day on my phone telling me my accounts were overdue. My account would be disconnected.

Again the hours trying to get someone to actually understand that I had paid my account. Again the call centre people were varied in abilities, and some just hung up on me, (I was not yelling or swearing), others tried but could not find any invoice paid. I would ask for supervisors, and then be told they would call me back. I answered unknown numbers but the person could not resolve the issue.

This went of for two more weeks! We are now into May. My bank said that the money had gone on the 15/04/2020 to the BPay account (which is my service providers) Sigh…

I tried again with the call centre. It was over an hours wait to get to talk to anyone. I waited. Again I was on the phone, I hung up in frustration when someone said that my account would be disconnected on Friday if the invoices were not paid. Even though I had just told him I paid them on the 15/04 (US 04/15). It was now the 04/05 (US 05/04). I had asked to speak to a supervisor there is no one available! I asked to have one call me, No one did!

The next morning I tried again and spoke with a lovely woman who I said I really just need to speak to a supervisor. She said could she have someone call me. I explained how I waited all afternoon and evening for someone to call me yesterday. She explained that she could not transfer me as they are all working from home. I said oh OK she assured me she would contact someone and they would ring me today.

They did two hours later I received a message on my phone saying …. would be ringing me very shortly. She did. She listened, and tried to see if the invoices had been paid. They still hadn’t. I just burst into tears and hung up.

The next day my internet went off. I could not check emails. I had had enough! I called the Ombudsmans office. The first person I talked to told me it was not an issue for their office? I said it is. No I have to deal with the company first???? He was really helpful and actually seemed to be bullish!. I rang again and got someone else. I said how I had rung before and I was very upset with how I was spoken to and treated. That I was told this was not an issue for this office. The person I spoke to listened to my tale, and said no it is an issue we can look into for You. Relief. I stated that my internet had been disconnected for not paying my bills. She said she would get onto it right away for me.

Sigh I thanked her and than had not expectations. She had also said to me that whilst there was ongoing issues between me and the Obusdmans office was involved I can not be disconnected. Three days later I am back online.

I sank down a lot, during this time. I did not go back wards, and I am proud of myself that I did not get to the trigger point I may have where I was screaming and swearing as in the past. I felt so drained and flat. I was not going to let this get on top of me. Unfortunately my ‘old’ normal responses have rared their ugly heads. I have stayed up too late, (but am working on it again) I have not been eating as well and sugar was high, (condensed milk can not be in this house). I am not proud of the two cans I consumed over four days but it could have been two days. Progress..lol up until yesterday Saturday I had been walking, but have not over these two days. Writing here is my accountability. I have been doing some pottering outside so not just sitting on the lounge, and I did take the dogs for a play with the neighbour across the roads dogs. So I have communicated with someone. Along with leaving the house.

Tonight I made a delicous Korma, rice and salad with greens from my garden. I have eaten sugar only in some fruit. I will be in bed lights out by 22:30.

I am determined to not stay slumped down, I have not gone backwards, I am still moving forward.

I saw that I had had emails from my service provider saying they wanted a copy of my payment, this was from the day my internet went down? The next day they sent me another email saying they were wiping the debt? It was a one off. A sign of their goodwill? (Remember I have paid them)?

I rang the Ombudsman’s office as I was still missing $209.97.

It took a bit of getting the person on the other end of the phone to understand, that by crediting the account as good will, means that they are still saying they have not received my money.

This means my $209.97 has vanished, and I might have internet service but I am out of pocket this amount. She asked me what I wanted, I said originally I just wanted to pay the account which I have done, but now as they have credited my account as goodwill, I want my money back!.

Seems a totally ridiculous situation, and as I said to the woman at the Ombudsman’s office my mental health has suffered a lot over this. I never tried to not pay my bill/s..

Such a ludicrous circus. This is why no company should be allowed to operate within another country without having people working in that country at a level who can actually help. Or the call centres should be able to have someone from financial management ring you when the situation goes on and on. Yet I have no real leg to stand on. I have had my internet off for ten days in the five weeks.

What rights do we the consumer have when using companies that operate outside of our National laws? It is something I am thinking more and more about whilst safe at home. You want Australians to get back to work than make more companies pay for Australians to work for them, so the services we pay for are traceable!

I am thankful for this place to off load. I am thankful for the wonderful world that the internet opens up to me. Being an introvert and someone who may have the potential for agoraphobia if I dont push myself I am so very thankful that this surreal time has seen me get on the whole fitter, healthier, mentally stronger. Thankful to know my rights, thankful to know processes to ensure my rights are taken care of. Thankful for the people who are working from their homes. I am thankful to the lovely helpful and pleasant (generally woman I have to say) in the call centres who do really try to help but the situation is not in their handbooks.
I am thankful for the lovely food I have access to. I am thankful for the clean water I have to drink. I am thankful for the fresh air I breathe. I am thankful for my dogs. I am thankful for the birds, and critters in my garden. I am thankful for the rain that is falling. I am thankful for having wood for my fire. I am thankful that I have no debt, that I am so very very fortunate to own my home outright. I am thankful for You.

blessings to You Tazzie

12

ARGH GMAIL AND GOOGLE!

I seem to be having major issues with my gmail account/s all have been disabled and No matter what I do I am not able to access any of them. Google is not recognising my device. It is the same device I have used always. Nothing has altered. So I am making two assumptions that someone has hijacked my google accounts or Google is crazy!

I have used the same password, I have entered it only two days ago. This has been happening since yesterday. I have an apple note book pro.

If anyone can assist me I would be very appreciative. Just to let you know I have resolved issues by creating new email accounts. Only option open to me.

11

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