Life, with my dogs, living on one acre in Tasmania. Living on a low income, and with Complex PTSD. I write about all sorts of things. I called my Blog Echidna Home because I have echidnas that live here
The weather is fluctuating as is normal here in the southern most council region of Australia. Huon Valley Tasmania, on the Island state of Australia, situated in the Roaring Forties. Tasmania’s location between the 40th and 50th southern parallels place it directly in the pathway of the “Roaring Forties”, which are strong westerly winds in the Southern Hemisphere.
It tends to be especially windy around the solstice, and equinoxes here in Tasmania. Which can be really hard on gardens. I had tied my broad beans the wind has been harsh, though it I am really delighted to see beans are forming.
Above, Rocket and coriander going to seed, broad beans knocked about by the wind show beans, looking towards the hen house, vegetable garden broad beans, garlic marigolds, peach tree and fig i(n barrel), with daffodils.
above: I love my red wattle flowering tree. The nettles will soon be flowering. Hellebore flower and the last of my snow drop. My bay tree is being attacked by something. It is on my to do list.
My hens are settling in really well. They come running to me I believe its more about the seeds I bring for them. They are running a bit amok, as the fencing in the chickens area is too low. I am working on that. The black bantam is still sleeping in the tree. I have no idea how she managed to hold on during the gale wind and storms we had the last few nights.
I love having them. The dynamics of the hen house are really fascinating to observe. I love listening to their chatter. I continue to get about six eggs a week currently. As the hens (which were an incredibly generous gift) are different ages, and very mixed breeding. So I feel that I have two hens laying and five who are maturing to be layers.
My seedlings are mostly doing well though I have had some failures. It may be I over watered them, or they grew to rapidly. I have time to resow the seeds, and get them underway.
I feel so thankful to have my hens, eggs, my potential veggies grown in my garden. There are wonderful blossoms forming on my peach and two plums (I have a couple more that are just budding up).
More rain and wind is forecast, the days are lengthing and temperatures increasing.
It is windy and wet, snow is forecast down to 600metres /1967feet in Tasmania tonight minimum 1dC/33.8dF and a maximum of 12dC/53.6dF. Lighting my fire seemed like a wonderful idea. It is lovely to have, knowing that it should be easy to get going in the morning. Daylight saving also ends for us in Several states tomorrow. It will confuse the the dogs perhaps. It usually is not so bad returning to normal.
There has been a lot of rain, and more forecast. Walking about my veggie garden between showers I pondered picking my pumpkins. The Waltheim butternut one and I can not recall the other variety. The corn also perhaps should have been picked today. A bit late now to be thinking about it. Though I notice my mind is rolling it about in its repertoire.
Sipping rose hip syrup in hot water is a truely beautiful herbal drink. There is no traffic on the highway across the river. All I can hear it the fire crackling and the metal creaking as it heats. It is so still. The dogs are both asleep soundly no noise from them either. My fingers on the keyboard typing, it feels as if I might be the only person alive. Snug in my home curtains drawn, I sit near the wood heater sending out my thoughts across the world.
A struggle this afternoon to keep myself from wallowing in my darker spaces. Deciding to keep out of an online support group for a wee while, as it is hard to sometimes be able to walk in someone else’s shoes without being pulled down a bit with them as you support them. Instead of allowing myself to get deeper in I removed myself, took my dogs for an actual walk up the hill, and chatted with a neighbour. (we were 15 meters or more apart)
My Government has been asking for Nurses who have let their Registrations lapse to consider coming back into help with the Covid-19 situation. The part of me that made me become a Nurse is wanting to go in and help.
After all that is what being a Nurse it is about. I miss being a RN so greatly. Feelings of being able to help and care for people. I know I can not do this.
Reality hit of course my mental illness has just been signed off on by a Psychiatrist as making me no longer able to work at all. On Thursday (yesterday) in the mail the letter from the Psychiatrist I saw two weeks ago, stating that my mental illness was incapacitating making me unable to work. Even though relief flooded through me to have it confirmed; my mental illness was incapacitating to this level. It makes it final. Feelings of understanding that this is the battle that has been going on inside of me. Knowledge that it is final, I am unwell. The angst and battle that has been fought for almost a year to reach this point, knowing that in all reality this is just the first step completed in the application for disability pension.
My sleep has been long and deep the last two nights with the very real bizzare dreams that can be side effects of medication I take. Upon wakening it takes time to realise that you are not in the place the dream had you. Something only someone else who has experienced these types of dreams would truly understand.
Blogging is so helpful to me at times. As I write my thoughts, feelings, ideas, sometimes in the construction of one blog post as with this particular one, something clicks. A light goes on. Seeing everything written down in black and white, re-reading what has been written. I take note, that I received the letter on Thursday and have been sleeping deeply, and long since then. I had not realised that my brain and body had been anxiously waiting for this letter. That now it was real, it was OK for me to switch off.
Which also goes hand in hand with the darker feelings. Right now a wee flame has lit inside my chest. As my sensations are all aligned to my anxiety. A sense of loss over no longer being able to nurse, a real and valid feeling for what has occurred. Enough going on in my own life without me being able to uplift and support anyone else right now. I am not responsible for them or their actions. The dreams well come and go. They do not scare me. It is perfectly normal to feel sad that my working life as a RN has truly finished.
I feel lighter. I am thankful that I wrote this post tonight. (I had actually compiled a different one). I am thankful to all the retired Doctors and Nurses who are able to help. I am thankful to all essential service workers, I am thankful for being warm. I am thankful to be in isolation with my dogs, who make me laugh, and give me such joy. I am thankful to all the people around the world who are doing the best thing for our essential workers our vulnerable community members, and ourselves by staying at home.
I was heading to Cygnet to catch up with a friend at the bakery. Great food and coffee. Wonderful croissants. Local fruit ice cream and sorbets so delicious made on the premises too. It was Friday, and the Cygnet Folk Festival would be starting in the afternoon. Yet the town was already busy as organisational stuff and food trucks, venues and staging were all happening all the place. My friend and I enjoyed people watching. I had my dogs with me. They were petted and commented on by lots of people.
A walk around town was an interesting experience, even though the festival has not officially started there are lots of people about and some really strange things to see
I am not really sure what the idea of this really is but as far as contraptions go it was quite exceptional. A piano that when played light flames and smokes. I might see it at night when I imagine it will be even more awesome. My friend is playing it and one of my neighbours (the fire fighter tshirt) is looking at it. (you can see joyfully for me rain clouds forming, not so good for the festival.
My dogs and I went down to a lovely dog friendly spot down on the bay, and Miss Treacle and Busby had fun racing about sniffing and marking, as I took some photos. I was sitting watching some swans and cranes landing. As well as the sun slowly sinking behind the hills.
As the dogs were running around I was listening to some music coming from across the bay. I could hear beating drums and a beautiful voice. Looking back towards town (photo above )you can see white amongst the trees, tents and campervans fill the reserve and sadly access is not permitted to the locals who walk through it ever day or go to take their kids to the play area for the weekend. Or to see the birds in the bird sanctuary. It is only one weekend a year I guess. People pay to camp here about $40 for the weekend three nights .
To the left you can see the white tents, these are for Glamping accommodation at the festival
Two photos below are looking down over the main st.
It is a pretty valley and the township is settled adjacent to a lovely bay. Mindy you being an Island it is not hard to have water near you.
The end to the day was a little similar to the beginning in that we came across another native critter on the road. This time a wallaby eating grass on the side of the road. I stopped to let it get away without any danger from my car.
It is less than three seconds it moved and got away. They can be so hard to avoid on our roads, which is why I try to travel at 40km p/h especially during dawn and dusk but also at night when they are about.
I do apologise for the quality of these photos in this post. I had to change them from a SLR camera setting to a JPEg and it seems to have made a huge difference to the shots.
I do find that in among a lot of noise and people something I once enjoyed, I no longer do. I find myself enjoying the periphery of things. After walking through Cygnet today and listening to the music and the noise, traffic and smells. I was needing to get away from it. So I was really chuffed that there was no one else down on the point where the dogs and I spent a lovely time. My CPTSD does impact me greatly sometimes. I know I am better than I have been in quite a long time. I do come home from this sort of thing exhausted and just basically spend the next 24 hours in a semi immobile state. Hard to explain to people who have not experienced it. I do feel sometimes, that it is the after effects of going out and being part of the world/community place I live, is often what stops me. My progress here is that I now know this. I now accept this is me and my life in the present time. Instead of pushing myself and doing the expected I dont anymore. That in itself is a wonderful difference. Knowing my limits, and retreating. One of my favourite things is saying I am content with the discontent.
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