day 4 ADHD medication.

Hmmm slept so heavily last night, 13 hours, but woke and felt good. My brain was not running at warp speed when I rose and headed down stairs. I made my coffee, and some crumpets with peanut butter and honey on them. The dogs were fed and exercised. Then I knew I had to basically do over yesterday. y.

Loaded up my guys, getting them in their harnesses. (this always means some wonderful adventure when we go out in the car). So they were both bouncing happily. I drove and planed what to do. I had to pick up the bag I had left at the cafe yesterday and well I parked the car, crossed the street and my intent was to just pick up the bag. Then impulsively I ordered a mug of coffee and a wee jelly cake. I enjoyed the cake and should have left some of the coffee. I enjoyed about half of it. I did not leave any. When I left I had to go and get some items across the road. Only to find that the shop was not open on this Saturday morning. Ah well. Then I felt my heart racing a bit. Was I annoyed?

I returned to the car, and drove to the local animal/rural supply store. Got my dogs out, and walked them up the road (they are allowed in the store). A wee and sniff, then I heard someone call my name and how lovely some friends were there getting some timber fence poles and a gate. We chatted had a laugh the dogs got cuddles, we said bye and into the store we headed. I had to pick up the meat for them that I was too early for yesterday(the whole reason I had come to the larger town further from my home).

I love that I can take the dogs inside, they love it. As all the bags of dog and cat food are laying on pallets, and the smell of chook food, and rabbit food, and all the other dogs that visit is exciting and tires them out. They get weighed when we visit, to keep an eye on them both as they get older. I purchased my meat, and the dogs got their treats, Another reason why they love visiting. Then we headed back in the direction we had come from.

Instead of going home, I impulsively went to the smaller town closer to home. Unloaded the dogs and walked up the main street. I have no idea why I decided to do this, I needed nothing and I did not buy anything. We just walked up the main street. We did run into our neighbours who are working on a building they have purchased for a business in town. A short walk and chat with them and then back in the car and home.

I have to say it was good to get home. I stacked some wood. Leaving only about 4.75 tons to complete, filled the wood box and came inside. I was pleased I completed that task and getting the stuff from town. I then sat down to attend to some bills that I get funded for and have taken over the self management of. Rather than someone else being paid to do it. I have not been able to get into it, but this afternoon I just sat at my computer and read the information that I had been oblivious had been sent to me. Logged into the area I needed to be and began to pay some outstanding invoices. It was actually for me today simple. Not so good when the invoices were rejected.

Turns out you have to have the money in an account to do it this way, and well I have not had the money transferred to me, at this point in time. So I have popped that I need to contact the office on Monday to have this organised. I just probably also need to chat to my bank to see how much it will cost if I have another bank account. I am not overwhelmed, or anxious, frustrated or feeling anyway negative. I am proud that I worked it out did it and have planned the next step in ensuring I can pay my invoices. That I feel is the medication at work. I was able to focus totally; on something I have been procrastinating and anxious about for over 5months. Sure its not finished, but that is now on the plan and I will be alerted on Monday to remind me to contact the office.

I may not have planted the broad beans, or began the kitchen. I did cook myself from scratch a really healthy delicious meal for my dinner, even going out to pick some herbs and make the mushroom sauce from scratch for over the chicken. I have some left over for pasta later in the week, and the vegies that are left over will be lovely added to some mince for a savoury mince dish. Wow. I am pretty sure that is the work of the medication. I have not cooked anything involving herbs from my garden and making a sauce from scratch(even though it was pretty simple) for way too long. I like the feeling.

So I have not created a huge list each day, I have been achieving at least one or two things of my list on top of the regulars, like dogs exercise(which I am aiming to be me walking with them instead of me driving and they run). Along with preparing the soaked portion of their food the night before. Tick tick, garbage bin is a weekly occurrence in and out. Along with bed at such and such a time is the aim. Read for a while and light out. That is my basic daily /weekly list. I have transferred the kitchen and broad beans to tomorrow. Actually I have reminded myself I want to soak the beans over night and then sow them. a task for tonight.
So far the structure is sort of working. I am realising that why I perhaps stayed as a RN for so many years was that there is a structure to your shift. No matter where I worked, be it in community, in mental health, rehab, ICU emergency, there was a process to every thing we have to attend to in caring for the people we do.

I have worked in offices, and well I managed but my desk was messy and disorganised to the others eyes, and generally I could find what was required. I was never terminated from an office job, or a sales position. I was even promoted, but I never wanted or aimed to be a managerial level even in nursing. I was in charge of aged care facilities on night shifts when I worked, but it was not quite the same as being in charge during a day shift, as no other interactions ie with doctors physios, admin, family, and rarely phone calls to deal with. I feel for most of my working career when I began to feel as if I could not manage I would find a new job and then resign. I once tried to be the President of a community organisation, and well my brain was not designed for that I felt as if I was pushed under the bus, and way out of my depth, as if there is a whole secret way and code of how to do that sort of thing, and I was not in the group who knew! not an odd feeling for me throughout my life I have to say.

Oops I have sort of gone off on a tangent there, but being able to do the task online, and fill the required documents in and complete them along with send them. Even though they were rejected was a Massive achievement for me today and well it does all kind of tie in.
In just how not knowing I had ADHD for ALL my working life and all my life and somehow managed. But to know why I struggled and why I knew I could NOT ever really be a manager or Nurse in Charge full time, not because I was hopeless but because my brain is not wired that way is great news. I am not sure how my life in my work situation may have been different is I was diagnosed and that is where I see absolutely NO purpose in even pondering it.

When I was attempting to undertake this paying the invoices before just the trying was exhausting and cause me so much anxiety and frustration at my incompetence in not being able to take the information in, or find what I needed too. Weirdly all the information was at my fingertips, and in my emails. My brain is an amazing thing. If this is how the medication may help me I am quietly hopeful, still frightened that something may be lost that made me me, and I like the me before I began this medication. It has been a positive day and I am thankful.

blessings to You Tazzie.

Please not all the information is shared here, is my personal experience/opinion/feelings. Please do not share any information/content without my consent thank You.