Author: Tazzie

Australia is my country but I live on an island, the island State Tasmania, south of the mainland. I write about my life, and how living with my mental illness has bought about change for me. I am not a homestead as I have no idea what I am doing most of the time, I am really just living my life, doing what I enjoy. I share all sorts of things, and the beauty of where I live on an acre of land with my dogs chooks, and native wildlife of all kinds. Gardening, veggies, and flowers,I try it not necessarily brilliant at it but I try,and unbelievably succeed at times. Mental health and mental illness are important issues and I live with CPTSD and was diagnosed 2023 with ADHD as adult. I began taking medication and share my personal experience in that and other aspects of my life with mental illness, and now on my road to having mental health but managing to live a contented life now. Certainly not always and my blog shares my personal experiences. I write for me, and if it helps anyone else how wonderful. I look forward to meeting you. Tazzie.

Lost in Isolation

How beautiful it is sitting listening to the rain falling on my tin roof, the wind blowing the trees and a fire burning in my wood heater.
There is snow on Kunanyi (Mt Wellington),

from the Summit camera on Kunani (Mount Wellington)

It feels like a winters day here today, 13dC/55.4dF. My CPSTD has been a bit all over the place as I had someone I do not want to have contact with be in touch. I have not responded to the message left. As this is how it is best for me to be well. Since breaking all ties with my family I have found a contentment I have not had since my partner died. He always loved me unconditionally and believed in me.
He saw how my family treated me. He supported me and was there unquestioning and lovingly when I interacted with them, trying to have a relationship with them. He was there to hug and reassure me when it all went to hell, eventually.

This out of the blue message not responded too, still has dropped my mood and seen me comfort eat uncontrollably. Naming that here helps me to acknowledge what I have been doing and lets me name and describe the emotions. I am angry that my needs have been disregarded as was discussed back in January. I am resentful that this intrusion still impacts me, and takes me to a place of disassociation. This is something I realised today, as I shoveled biscuits into my mouth. I have literally switched off and gone into a void. Aware of what I should be doing but not able to face it. This is part of the reason I like blogging, it helps me see in black and white and somehow my brain connects the OH moments and I usually can move forward again.

This happened five days ago, and now I can see how I really have just gone to my ‘reactive management of disassociation’ . Clarity is good to have now. I am engaging my brain and moving forward again, and not backwards. It would be simple to remain in the vague realm of lost time just slowly sinking down. I am not doing that, I will not do that. I am moving forward.

It is hard to stop the reactions that have been a lifetime response to stressors. Though I am delighted that I have insight (eventually ) into what has occurred. My child has been protecting me in the only way she knows and that it to comfort herself with food, and switch off. I am thankful she is there and takes over when I retreat. I love her for that, I need to work on letting her go and me to take over at these times. I am still very much a work in progress.

Insight is a such a valuable thing. It is also frustrating when you have it but you are unwell. I can not control as much as I would like my family/inlaw family messaging. I know they have concern at this strange time in the world. I realise too that my reaction is yet again a demonstration of how little regard is held for my needs even when explained in writting and the reasons why. So again my ability to control aspects of my needs have been hindered.

I have options I realise, I could get a new phone number that they do not have. I would not get any messages that way. Yet I know I can not do that. Because I do care about this particular part of my family. Weird as that might sound.

It is weird how somatic issues come into it too, my sleep changed,I feel nauseous when I think or recall the message. I have been working really diligently to establish a routine, I either go up to bed at 21:30 and read for a while, turning the light out at 22:30. Or I go up at 22:30 and straight to bed light off if I am on line or watching something. I am waking earlier, and have more motivation.

I have also been walking the dogs everyday instead of me driving and them walking. We even did a walk along the foreshore of the river over the Easter period. I have not walked them today it has been way too wet and windy. Busby is frightened by the wind and rain together. Since we got caught in a heavy hail wind storm at Triabunna last year.

Coming out of the vagueness of how I disassociate is like cataracts falling off my eyes, and my brains neurons firing back up and the lights coming back on. It is a good feeling. I am very thankful that I kept walking the dogs through this period.

My GP and Psychologist have both been encouraging me and working with me and my CPTSD, Depression and or Anxiety knows that routine, good sleep, exercise, along with a healthy diet all aid in improving our abilities to deal with triggers/stressors. For me I know it is the only way along with mindfulness work, meditation, and being thankful for all I do have are also huge things that enable me to be in a much less reactive manner.

The other thing I note is I give up on the house and even the garden when I am disassociating. New insights.
As I said I am still very much a work in progress and when I realise I have been triggered and reacted I am so very thankful that I am well enough now with insight to hopefully be able to begin to work through the reactivity of this situation. For me it looks so much like loss of control in my own life is one of the big things that keep coming up as triggers.

So that is why I have been lost in isolation. I am physically fine, if afraid to cough when I do go out. I live in the south of Tasmania, so fortunately am not in the area of Tasmania which has had two of its hospitals closed recently due to a fairly large pocket of Covid -19 positive workers which has meant that all the staff in these hospitals have been put into mandatory total lock down for two weeks. The patients from these hospitals have been moved to another hospital.
The hospitals are being cleaned by a specialty team of defence personnel and will be operated by defence nurses and doctors cleaners and admin people I imagine for the time required.

We have been told we will be in stay home stay safe mode for another four weeks at least with the exception of essential workers, essential shopping, and GP appointments.

I am still flawed by the number of vehicles I see drive by my home full of families out for a drive. Looking at the scenery. Do they stop for food? To put petrol in their car. A toilet stop? A drink? Do they realise that they potentially could be carriers. Or have this illness and not know it yet? What is so hard to follow the instructions Stay Home and Stay Safe. The other issue I have is what if they have an accident, more pressure on first attendants, and ambulance workers. I really do not get these parents at all!

I am not going to get into that anymore, enough I can hear my fire crackling and I am looking out the window at the trees moving in the wind. It looks to have stopped raining for a bit.

My dogs are both asleep. Miss Treacle is snoring softly and Busby is curled up on his bean bag quiet. Both with full tummies. We are all well warm, dry and once again content with being at home, safe.

I am thankful for the rain, for my dogs, for a roof over my head, a warm fire and a cup of hot tea and food. I am thankful to have warm shoes and clothes. I am thankful to never need to say I am bored. I am thankful that for me being in self isolation is OK. I am thankful to all essential workers, I am thankful to all those people around the world who are doing the right thing as hard as it may be for many of you to self isolate. To keep others safe, as well as your self and your families. I am thankful to be out of my disassociation.

blessings Tazzie




7

Hospitals Closed In NW Tasmania

I live in the Island state of Tasmania today our State Premier announced he had to close two hospitals in the North West of the state. One the public Hospital and the other the private which serve the area. Burnie is the main town and the regions population is about 112,500 people. Tiny I know by comparison of how populated other states and countries area.

In closing the two hospitals a huge logistical challenge for our small island state. It involves putting all staff working at the hospitals (1200 aprox.) and their families in quarantine for 14 days. Aprox 5.000 people.

Patients have had to be transferred to other hospitals, and I have no idea where extra staff will be coming from. Tasmania has a had a shortage of RNs, I can not imagine how our Government and health workers will manage they are all in my thoughts. As well as all those who are in quarrantine, and those who have been in contact.

https://www.theadvocate.com.au/story/6720085/lockdown-tasmanian-hospitals-and-retailers-to-close-due-to-virus-spike/

“We are in the fight of our life against the coronavirus and I again urge everyone to join the battle by staying home, to save lives,” the premier said.

Of the 133 confirmed COVID-19 cases in Tasmania, 61 are linked to North-West, with related the outbreak centred on the Burnie hospitals, including 35 healthcare workers.

Four of Tasmania’s five deaths from the virus have occurred at the NWRH.

We here in the south of the State are being told to remain at home, as many of you around the world are. I get quite frustrated though with people ignoring this. I have seen families drive by me today as I walked my dogs along my main road this morning. The police have been checking what people are doing out. Arrests and fines have been applied to those caught out.

As difficult as life under stay home stay safe might be. Reading many peoples personal experiences of how this virus has impacted them through the tragic loss of a family member who was fit and active only young. To those who have been very ill from the virus and are slowly recovering. I am annoyed that most Governments have down played the truth of this illness. I do understand that it is a very fluid thing dealing and managing this virus.

The ADF has deployed personnel to Tasmania as part of an Australian Medical Assistance Team-led Commonwealth response, following a request for assistance from the Tasmanian Government.

Around 40 Defence and seven civilian medical professionals arrived in Burnie by air from Queensland before moving to the North West Regional Hospital once the deep clean was completed.

Once in location, the personnel began to reopen and operate the facility’s emergency department, after staff were sent home for two weeks quarantine following an outbreak of COVID-19.

Minister for Defence Linda Reynolds said Defence prioritised the request following notification from Emergency Management Australia, as part of the National Coordination Mechanism.

“The temporary closure of the North West Regional Hospital and its emergency department would deprive the community of much needed medical assistance at a crucial time,” Minister Reynolds said.

“The deployment of Defence medical practitioners will ensure critical services are maintained.”

The deployment of Defence medical practitioners will ensure critical services are maintained

Minister for Health, Greg Hunt, said the AUSMAT deployment would strengthen North West Tasmania’s hospital system during the unprecedented COVID-19 health emergency.

“Team members are highly skilled medical professionals and this rapid deployment is further evidence of Australia’s world class health system in action and the scalable nature of the Australian Government’s response to COVID-19,” Minister Hunt said.

“AUSMAT is one of a few World Health Organization globally-verified Type-2 Emergency Medical Teams in the world.”

AUSMAT personnel will provide leadership across clinical, logistic, infection prevention and control, epidemiology and health information, and pre-hospital admission liaison.

ADF medical personnel deploying include general duties medical officers, emergency nurses, a pharmacist, radiographer and an environmental health officer.

Personnel will support the hospital until staff are able to return to work and take over full function of the facility.

https://www.australiandefence.com.au/news/military-personnel-to-operate-tasmanian-hospital

So my little island home, is under some pressure. I feel for all those staff who are now quarantined. Along with their family and others who they have come into contact with in their day to day lives.

I am very appreciative that the Federal Government jumped in and supported out Premier with the help from the Australian Defence Force personnel.

Thankful for all the defence personnel and Ausmat personnel, coming to support our north west communities and get the hospitals back up and running.

stay safe and blessings Tazzie.

12

Got Mushroom?

Cheap compost that bears gifts.

This is how the mushroom logs looked when I first picked them up (Above). They have a plastic bag on the bottom to hold moisture. I have removed it as spores from the mushrooms often have gone down into that area.

Being frugal I try to find things with more than one use. Here in Tasmania you can buy used mushroom logs, from a mushroom farm. They are really sold as a compost material, made entirely from natural products. I do get them for the compost factor they help keep moisture in the soil.

Before they become compost I moisten them and leave them in my mushroom cupboard. A put together structure that currently is forming the fence between my drive and my wood pile. It is made from a solid second hand cupboard frame, picked up for free, and the shelves inside are fairly in tact. The damp logs go inside and corrugated iron, also picked up for free becomes the wall, The roof is old rubber mat from one of our cars we no longer own. To hold the iron in place I put a very old and broken rabbit hutch in front.

The photos above and below are a mere four days after moistening the logs and putting them in the cupboard. I have picked a couple as they were getting to large and inhibiting some of the smaller ones to develop. I know I have white oyster and grey oyster mushrooms.

They are an art work in their own right. I love photographing fungi in the wild but having these at home is also quite fun. They develop so rapidly and I am pleasantly surprised with the number of mushrooms that are growing on these spent logs. So for a small donation I am getting artisan mushrooms for very little, and superb compost material too.

When you live life on a low income you have to think outside the box at times, and also be aware of what may be available in your area.

So have you got mushroom?

stay safe, stay home.

blessings Tazzie

8

On Deck

The autumn colours of the blueberry bushes on my deck are so incredible. With the lobeilia blue and sweet assylum’s white flowers off set by their varied greenery it is a picture to look at. I love the smell of the sweet assylum and the way it cascades out over the pot bring a softness.



There are still the odd cornflowers blooming and I hope the seeds are spreading all about the garden. Sitting on the table their are strawberries in the brown rounded planter, to the left are some new seedlings of cabbages and cauliflower.

I walked about the garden and noted there was a fig ready to pick. My thought I will pick this after a coffee. I shake my head, I now better than thinking anything about eating something from the garden. I was gone no longer than an hour. Sucombing to Busby’s ability to make me so uncomfortable with his need for a walk. On our return I wallked about the side of the house to refill the bird bath and pick the fig, TOO LATE beaten to it by the birds. I have to laugh. My fig produced a lot of figs this year, Sadly I do not feel most will mature. The beauty of gardening is generally there will be next year.

There is a lettuce growing in the fore ground of this photo above. It is self seeded and I always thought it was druken woman however that does not seem right now. It is tasty regardless.

The photograph to the right is a hydrangea I am growing from a cutting, I feel it may need to be potted up though it does look as if it is lacking some nutrients. To the left is a spinach plant. I just shove things in and hope. I may go out and repot this hydrangea this afternoon to give the spinach more room.


Looking from the deck into the garden there are tiny seedlings growing I am hoping they are a flower. Self sown again. To the back of the photo (left) is a cape gooseberry plant which has a couple of fruit on it not ripe as yet.


Photo above; Some of the seedlings I planted out into pots. I may have to replant some. I have cabbages and cauliflower, along with mignonette lettuce varieties. I have put the brassicas in pots as If I need to replace any of the ones in the veggie beds I can do it easily. I am also being rather hopeful that some will grow OK in the pots. I am aware they have not got a lot of room.





Silver beet with a broad bean growing with it.

One of my biggest problems is trusting my memory to know what things I have in pots and the garden and why. Strange I would imagine my memory would be fine at this. Since I have memory issues from blocking things out. I have absolutely no idea what these two things in the pot above are. For some reason I have cut them off something and popped them in the pots. One as you can see is growing. Any one know?












My first strawberry well first one that I got to enjoy. Sweet and juicy. I am not super hopeful for any more. Mainly since I just shoved the plants in small pots until I could find somewhere better. That was in Spring. sigh.

This photograph below show more of the seedlings I have potted up not to mention all the ones that I have put in my veggie garden beds. It really does pay to be careful when ordering your seedlings. I have shared before that I thought I was ordering individual seedlings and ordered for the number I desired. In fact what I ordered were punnets, so ended up with between 8 and 10 times the number of seedlings I really wanted. Thankfully my neighbour was happy to have quite a few too.

Above photograph. One of my lettuces that was in a pot that I wanted. I knew it was about to go to seed and decided to pull it out and sit the roots in water, It has worked a treat as now the flowers are forming seeds and I am spreading them about. I am sure mother nature is spreading them too. Lovely they will come up all over and suprise me.

Photo above: Does anyone know what the tall leafed plant is in the fore ground I am puzzled by it. Miners lettuce is growing in here and a kale. Miners lettuce has been going and going for years on the deck. I planted a few I had been given and they went to seed and self seed everywhere. I do not mind, they are a lovely green in winter salads. They are also great ground cover, and look pretty when in flower. Also makes good compostable green crop.

Photo above. Broad bean, peas, kale (weeds) all in a small pottery pot. I may have planted the peas. there may be both sweet and green peas in there. Oh dear my pots are so interesting and it will be quite a interesting time watching them grow and see which is more successful .

Poor kefir lime tree needed some love. Yet again it was infested with scale so I wiped it down with vinegar and wiped all the scale off, I noted it was lacking something. Light new growth leaves with green veins lacking iron. Iron chelate solution applied yesterday and leaves looking happier already. 24 hours later. I also gave the other citrus trees on the deck a solution of iron chelates.

Cape gooseberry flower

Cabbage on the right was full of aphids. I am very doubtful that this poor plant will produce anything. The caterpillars have decimated it and now with the heart of the cabbage a treat for aphids, I am thinking I should cut my losses, and compost it.

So a wee wonder about the deck on a warm if overcast Autumn day in the beautiful Huon Valley.


be safe, stay at home please! Blessings to You all Tazzie

6

Isolation, dogs, and CPTSD

The end of day light saving always seems to throw my CPTSD into a strange place I am so out of routine. It does seem quite strange that a simple change of one hour backwards is creating something that I am not able to define it is just I feel flatter and know I must work harder to re-establish my routine.

Awareness of the potential to decline when I do not follow my routine is beneficial. Even when I am staying up late at night or into the very small hours of the morning, and then sleep for only 3-4 hours becomes a part of it. This morning Tuesday, I realised that I have been doing so I have to really REALLY work at going to bed at a time I know that makes me feel so much better. I do find for me the moment I begin to stay up later even an hour is the beginning and I now am aware of my pattern and intend to work at this by going to bed between 21:00 and 21:30 reading for a while and then switching my light off no later than 22:30. I do enjoy rising early and seeing the sun come up in Autumn and Winter.

Living on my own with no input from anyone else in regard to my routine sees many signs of how I may be moving back towards the hole I have been climbing out of over the last 18months. My routine is that I must shower every second day. I have noted this week I am up to day 3 and head for the shower. Why does it always feel so incredibly amazing when I step into the hot shower and wash my hair and body. I need to hold onto the feeling that lovely feeling almost as if along with the dirt my darkness goes swirling down the plug hole.

This morning I woke early before 7am but as I had not gone to bed until after 03.00 I had a headache. I also woke in the middle of one of the very realistic dreams I have as a result of the medication I am. These often leave me feeling bewildered and out of touch with myself for a while. At least until I have my first cup of coffee.

I came down stairs and do what I have done every day for the last 3 months put the TV on and sat listening to all the ‘News” about the Pandemic. This seems to be the routine that has become normal. As I made something to eat, the sun was shining in through my kitchen windows, the sky was blue for the first time in a week almost. I thought to myself why am I going to sit and watch the news inside when I could go out side in the sunshine and watch the birds bathe, and the sunlight hitting the trees and water of the river.

I went and sat outside. Sigh a very simple change. As I sat I realised that I still have some seedlings I need to find space for along with garlic and sweet peas to sow in the garden. I finished my coffee and my dogs who were outside with me came with me as I filled the bird bath. I put the new hose gun on my hose(the old one did not let me turn the water off as I moved about the garden anymore). I did both of these things. I then gathered the seedlings and the garlic with no idea where I was going to put them. I just began putting them in spaces that receive most of the sun in the vegetable garden for the garlic and then popping the seedlings about other beds.
I am also filling another metal bed I have had sitting about for a few years in its box. It is so deep that it will take a lot to fill it. I have manure, leaves, non productive mushroom compost. I do hope it will be enough.

I will also be moving a second similar bed into the veggie garden area that is near my water tanks as the things I have planted in it have not been successful as it is not in the sun enough. That will wait for another day. It is on my list along with so much this Autumn and Winter.

The sun began to be clouded out, and I popped the sweet peas seeds in pots about my deck. I also planted a few more lettuce mignonette variety in a couple of places. Along with several more cauliflower and cabbage seedlings. I have so many I am just basically putting them everywhere and hoping some will be productive.

I had sat my new mushroom compost outside over the last few days to get moist and hopefully produce more mushrooms for free. I did pick some oyster mushrooms off one of the packs on Sunday. Today (Tuesday) I have put them back in the set up that is part fence and part mushroom house.

I noted that my Mock Orange plant which I had put in a large black plastic pot had gone berserk at the front of the house. Blocking my light and visibility of my driveway. So I have no pruned that and will move the pot. I did not realise it was such a fast grower. I did not get many blossoms and there bye the perfume from them this year as it was not in enough sunlight.

I just am not sure where I will move it too.

All this was done and I had been pottering about the garden for about 2 hours. So much better than sitting watching news. I am self isolating, only going out for essentials. We have been told we are not to travel or go away to shacks. Many people in Tasmania have a holiday cottage or house in beach side communities where they will go for their holidays, they are known as shacks. We are to stay in our primary residence over Easter and the police will be out patrolling and checking. This is primarily that along with the holiday shacks many elderly retirees live permanently in these areas. We are also no longer allowed to visit any one in hosptials . As we have at least two known cases of community transmission to employees in one of our Northern hospitals. The Government has not been able to ascertain how these employees have contracted the virus. We also wait to see if any more people who have been in contact with two people holidaying in Tasmania on an organised bus tour in March come down with the virus.

Back to routine. the sun came out and the dogs and I actually went for a walk up the hill and back. Not me driving and they running. This is day four. I was sitting here, writing about my routine. I know that for people with CPSTD normally exercise is very important. In the current situation we are all living in here in Tasmania it is even more important for me. So I got up from my chair and we walked. My neighbours who have been in Quarantine, as they had been on the mainland, were allowed out today. I thought it was tomorrow. My mistake. This meant our dogs could play. Busby and Toby(yes another Toby) were so excited and delighted.

Returning home the sun was out again so I laid in it to get some vitamin D. Another very important need especially with helping our immune systems. I take regular vitamin D especially during Autumn and Winter.

blessings to you all Tazzie

3

Don’t make a mask for yourself or for Hospitals until you watch this Please!

I have been concerned about all the home made masks and things people have been creating for protection agains Covid-19. If you are a healthy person the straight forward cotton homemade ones may be fine, but remember you can only wear them once and you really should change them every time you get in your car boot and put them in a container to wash immediately when You get home. When they get moist they will not be good. As the holes in the material will let the virus in and the moisture will give it a great breeding ground. The video below is wonderful.

Make the effort if you are sowing masks for essential staff or yourself as an essential worker please make these.

I have noted on many news shows across the world, that people are not wearing masks correctly. They have to be covering your nose and shaped to fit around it as best you can. If you are not covering your nose, than do no bother wearing a mask at all! As this is how the virus will enter your system!

Take care everyone please share this. Especially if you are at risk!

blessings to You Tazzie

3

Good Neighbours

I was taking my wheely bin, to the road, and Busby was coming supposed to come with me. Instead he decided to go and visit the neighbours dogs. They were actually in behind their fence. However their owner is lovely and let her guys come out to play. So Miss Treacle and I went did the bin, and came back to this.

Dogs attempting to keep social distancing.

but failing miserably.

My neighbour and I did keep social distance and under our current rules we are allowed to exercise our dogs, and be with one other person (whom we do not live with if we our on our own). We are so lucky to have the paddock and good neighbours with great dogs. Miss Treacle went and laid under one of the cars. She is older and knew she should really be staying at HOME!.

Chubbs is a Kelpie/Staffy cross, and he is all about the tennis ball carrying one in his mouth until safe to drop it and have it thrown for him. He would just keep running for the ball until he dropped. He is also a snuggler, who comes and leans on you, climbs up on my lap as I sat on the grass, and will kiss you at every opportunity. Not great especially if he has his soggy tennis ball in his mouth.

A good roll and scratch in the grass.

They need to have fun and burn energy. As me and my neighbour needed to chat, and have a laugh watching our boys enjoying themselves.
But even fun loving dogs need comfort especially at times like these.

Toby and his beloved ‘teddy’ Scooby Doo.

So like Miss Treacle I am staying home, except for essential shopping and the joy, love and comfort my dogs give me always is something to be very thankful for.

blessings to You all Tazzie.

2

Darkness Fades to Lightness

It is windy and wet, snow is forecast down to 600metres /1967feet in Tasmania tonight minimum 1dC/33.8dF and a maximum of 12dC/53.6dF. Lighting my fire seemed like a wonderful idea. It is lovely to have, knowing that it should be easy to get going in the morning.
Daylight saving also ends for us in Several states tomorrow. It will confuse the the dogs perhaps. It usually is not so bad returning to normal.

There has been a lot of rain, and more forecast. Walking about my veggie garden between showers I pondered picking my pumpkins. The Waltheim butternut one and I can not recall the other variety. The corn also perhaps should have been picked today. A bit late now to be thinking about it. Though I notice my mind is rolling it about in its repertoire.

Sipping rose hip syrup in hot water is a truely beautiful herbal drink. There is no traffic on the highway across the river. All I can hear it the fire crackling and the metal creaking as it heats. It is so still. The dogs are both asleep soundly no noise from them either. My fingers on the keyboard typing, it feels as if I might be the only person alive. Snug in my home curtains drawn, I sit near the wood heater sending out my thoughts across the world.

A struggle this afternoon to keep myself from wallowing in my darker spaces. Deciding to keep out of an online support group for a wee while, as it is hard to sometimes be able to walk in someone else’s shoes without being pulled down a bit with them as you support them. Instead of allowing myself to get deeper in I removed myself, took my dogs for an actual walk up the hill, and chatted with a neighbour. (we were 15 meters or more apart)

My Government has been asking for Nurses who have let their Registrations lapse to consider coming back into help with the Covid-19 situation. The part of me that made me become a Nurse is wanting to go in and help.

After all that is what being a Nurse it is about. I miss being a RN so greatly. Feelings of being able to help and care for people. I know I can not do this.

Reality hit of course my mental illness has just been signed off on by a Psychiatrist as making me no longer able to work at all. On Thursday (yesterday) in the mail the letter from the Psychiatrist I saw two weeks ago, stating that my mental illness was incapacitating making me unable to work.
Even though relief flooded through me to have it confirmed; my mental illness was incapacitating to this level. It makes it final. Feelings of understanding that this is the battle that has been going on inside of me. Knowledge that it is final, I am unwell. The angst and battle that has been fought for almost a year to reach this point, knowing that in all reality this is just the first step completed in the application for disability pension.

My sleep has been long and deep the last two nights with the very real bizzare dreams that can be side effects of medication I take. Upon wakening it takes time to realise that you are not in the place the dream had you. Something only someone else who has experienced these types of dreams would truly understand.

Blogging is so helpful to me at times. As I write my thoughts, feelings, ideas, sometimes in the construction of one blog post as with this particular one, something clicks. A light goes on. Seeing everything written down in black and white, re-reading what has been written. I take note, that I received the letter on Thursday and have been sleeping deeply, and long since then. I had not realised that my brain and body had been anxiously waiting for this letter. That now it was real, it was OK for me to switch off.

Which also goes hand in hand with the darker feelings. Right now a wee flame has lit inside my chest. As my sensations are all aligned to my anxiety. A sense of loss over no longer being able to nurse, a real and valid feeling for what has occurred. Enough going on in my own life without me being able to uplift and support anyone else right now. I am not responsible for them or their actions.
The dreams well come and go. They do not scare me. It is perfectly normal to feel sad that my working life as a RN has truly finished.

I feel lighter. I am thankful that I wrote this post tonight. (I had actually compiled a different one). I am thankful to all the retired Doctors and Nurses who are able to help. I am thankful to all essential service workers, I am thankful for being warm. I am thankful to be in isolation with my dogs, who make me laugh, and give me such joy. I am thankful to all the people around the world who are doing the best thing for our essential workers our vulnerable community members, and ourselves by staying at home.

be safe, blessing to You all. Tazzie


I



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3

Nuts and I in isolation.

It feels like Winter is approaching faster today. It is not cold, though the sky is light grey and rain is falling steadily. The dogs are sleeping and I am listening to the rain on my metal roof. It is always welcome rain. I value rain water as it fills my water tanks of which I am totally reliant for all my water needs.

At the same time I know that this rain is part of huge mass that is also bringing rain to mainland Australia to parts that have been impacted by drought for many years. I am quite happy being inside my home for the next couple of days. I have many things I need to be doing.

Everything is loving the rain .

Please do not think for one moment that I am not aware of how very different it is for many many millions of people across Australia and the world. Who are not living in a rural community. Who are in lock down or being directed as we here in Australia are to stay at home. I am very aware of my blessings. I am also very thankful for them.

Chocolate Granola in a huge Coffee Jar.


Pantrys are amazing things if you are fortunate to have one. Problems can arise when things get put into a container or pushed behind other items right at the back. As it is raining and rather than just sit and be lost into the nether world of You Tube making the decision to go through mine was a real positive experience. Finding (out of date) nuts and other bits and pieces.

I am making a chocolate granola.

Well it will probably end up being more of a nibble food.

It is all from stuff I have had in the back of my pantry and fridge. Nothing is off. I am not afraid of using products that are out of date. I use my knowledge and common sense.

Image from Dreamtime.com

When I was very young we would get these whole nut bags at Christmas time from Britain. We were so excited as all nuts were incredibly expensive. My parents as a special treat would buy this mixed nuts in shells net bag for our family to share. If we were really lucky there would be one type of nut each. It was so intriguing to see these edible morsels appear after the nut was cracked. Brazil nuts, walnuts, hazel nuts, almonds. Oh such foreign words to my hearing back then. My dislike of the flavour of Walnuts remained for many years.

Imagine my surprise many years later learning that the chances of those nuts being rancid was very high. They along with many other products would have been shipped to Australia. They would have been picked from all over the world, shipped to the Britain and most likely bagged there. Then shipped to Australia, where they may sit in warehouses, or shops until Christmas time.

I did not taste fresh walnuts until I moved to Tasmania. Wow what a totally different experience. Delicious.
Add to that my partner had a friend who lived in a house that was surrounded by commercial walnut trees near Swansea on the East Coast of Tasmania.

Walnut Orchard Swansea Tasmania

After the harvest was completed, He would take us ,with permission of the company to pick up any walnuts that had fallen since or been missed. We had huge bags of walnuts in the shell. Fresh of the trees. I can only imagine how old the nuts I ate back in my childhood were. We had enough walnuts to last us until the next year, and they were still nicer.

Similarly Hazelnuts were included in these bags. Now I grow them and the taste is very different.

I grew up way before the introduction of ‘best before’ and ‘use bye’ dates were mandatory on all products. I am so very thankful for that.

Thankful because I do not throw anything out that can still be used.


So in the pantry I found some locally grown hazel nuts, sunflower seeds, some coconut flakes, and some sultanas. (they were all in an old coffee tin air tight.) I had written something on the out side of the tin, now illegible. I have oats and cocoa powder honey and some coconut oil. So chocolate granola. Yummo!

Looking at the Rosehips seeds and pulp there is so much left. Throwing them out seems so wasteful and there is still a lot of fluid in them. My mind was ticking over, back on the stove with more water, draining again, lots of colour and the flavour is a bit different to yesterday yet lovely. There may not be much vitamin content now my feeling is it will be a pleasant coridal.

Yesterday the washing was put in the machine so it would be completed upon my return from the essential shopping. Arriving home, it was completely forgotten about. Left sitting overnight in the machine. On wakening this morning the necessity to hang the washing was high, even though it was cooler and raining steadily. So fortunate to have the stair rails to hang washing on. With all the heat being generated from the kitchen with the cooking rice for the dogs, redoing the rosehips, and baking chocolate granola nibbles, it may be OK and dry.

Poor Busby has hurt his leg. So the rain over the next day few days with steady rain keeping him indoors is much easier. He is not very keen on going out in the constant rain. So he is on toilet privileges and is now on enforced lock down. The photo below sums up how he is feeling.

Treacle would like a run, but as an older dog she is equally happy to just stay in and be dry and snooze.

blessing to you all Tazzie

11

Productivity in Isolation

It was a wee bit weird to be heading off to my small village, after being at home for 14 days. I had to get a script filled, and buy a few essential things.


I was really quite amazed at how busy it was in my small village.
My local supermarket, IGA was stocked well with everything I certainly required. Yes some things I had to buy a different brand or variety, these things were a small price to pay to have what I needed. It was good that my Tasmania milk was available. There was toilet paper, flour, pasta, I did not need any of these. Dried fruit was a bit lacking. I was fortunate to get some sultanas. Just what I wanted. I have dried apricots I dried at home

I think I may have over dried them hard but delicious.

The plants in the photo below, are three I bought plus there are two lavenders on the right you can see the flowers. The three plants cost me $9AUS/$5.46USD/4.42 UK pounds a small prostrate rosemary, and two salvias, The two large lavender plants were selling for
$24AUS/$14.56US/11.14UKpounds each, but they were in the unloved plants area and were $12AUS/$7.28USD/5.57 UK pounds each. I have some cuttings I had taken of some friends lavender plants but they would take several years to be as large as these plants. I know exactly where all of them will be going.

I also purchased some potting mix. I had a lot of seedlings of cabbage and cauliflowers to pot up. I accidentally ordered to many from my local seedling man Dave. I thought they were one seedling in each pot when I read his post on what he had available. So I ordered three of each of four cabbages, two red and two white, and four cauliflowers two different varieties. When the order was picked up they were punnets. So I have so many to plant. I am attempting to put them in pots and in the veggie garden.

If You look at the photograph above you an see seedlings basically in the middle of the photo these are some of the seedlings. I have to take out the tomatoes I have picked them all and wait for them to ripen.

New England Honey Eater

I love my garden this salvia is loved by these birds. This wee New Holland Honey Eater was happily getting nectar as I was potting up seedlings on my deck.

Above are the 3kgs/6,61Lbs for $12AUS/$7.28USD/5.89UK Pound of tomatoes I purchased from my friends who had a veggie store at the Cygnet Market,(which is closed due to the Covid-19 virus). They are selling their produce from their gate, you order and they book you to come one at a time to pick up.
I wanted them for sauce. I had not told them this and they had picked me a lovely lot of varied ripeness tomatoes. I had to think fast. How could I ripen them all at once? I put them in my car, with the windows up. The next two days were gorgeous. Hot sunny and clear. This is how the box of tomatoes looked (photo above) when I took them out of the car/glass house. I have also used my car as a greenhouse for seedlings in the past.

I started the sauce yesterday (Tuesday). I had picked some rose hips in the morning to make some rose hip syrup. I put them on to cook, I just took the tails and heads of them, popped them in the saucepan whole put them on to come to a boil and left them to soften. I came back twice and mixed them to break the hips up and to release the juices. I then strained the seed and skins overnight catching all the juices. I then added some sugar. I do not add a huge amount as I do not like it too sweet.

The history of rosehip syrup

During the war, government scientists realised that, weight for weight, rosehips have over 20 times the vitamin C of oranges. So the Ministry of Food (UK) recommended rosehip syrup and a generation of children began receiving a daily dose.

During World War II, a national week for the collection of rosehips was established in late September. Scouts, guides and other groups would head out to harvest the nation’s hedgerows. In 1941 this produced a 200 ton haul of hips which made 600,000 bottles of commercially produced syrup!

With the growing popularity of foraging, the vitamin saviour of World War II has been making a welcome comeback.

As well as vitamin C, rosehips are a great source of vitamin A, D and E. They contain an anti-inflammatory and have been shown to help relieve the symptoms of arthritis.

https://www.woodlandtrust.org.uk/blog/2019/07/raw-rosehip-syrup/

Home goods for my pantry.

In the photo above the tomato sauce is in the large jars on the left( with the seeds in them). The small jars in front with the red colour are my four jars of rosehip syrup for over autumn and winter. To the right of that t

Blackberry Thyme Oxymel

Based on a recipe from “Wild Drinks and Cocktails” by Emily Han

Ingredients

6 oz container of organic blackberries (approx. 1-1/4 cup)

½ cup roughly chopped thyme

1 ½ cups of raw apple cider vinegar

1 cup local raw honey

Directions

Place berries in a bowl and lightly crush.

Coarsely chop thyme and combine with blackberries in a glass mason jar.

Cover with vinegar, making sure thyme and blackberries are submerged with at least 1/4 inch of headspace.

Use a non-reactive lid and store in a cool, dark space for 2 to 4 weeks.

Strain the mixture using cheesecloth, add honey and store in the refrigerator for up to 1 year.

Add your oxymel to seltzer or use as a base for sauces, marinades or salad dressing.  It’s a great way to stay healthy through the winter.
Recipe from https://soulholistichealth.com/blackberry-thyme-oxymel/

The final jar the tall jar on the far right with all the chopped up things in it is my Fire Cider Vinegar. I followed the recipe from Danus Irish Herb Garden. on Youtube. It is not quite ready to be strained.


I feel happy to have these items to go in my pantry in any year. This year with all that is happening as we here in the Southern Hemisphere are heading into Winter and the normal cold and flu season. The added concern of Covid-19. Well I want to be as prepared to have things to assist me and my body as best I can.

My garden provides so much the rosehips, the black berries, the garlic. All for free, as I now grow garlic from my own previous years supply. Horseradish seems to have fallen out of favour with Wasabi seeming to be many peoples preferred heat these days. I am very content with Horseradish.

I am thankful that Mother Earth provides me with so much free food. I am also thankful that she has given me the ability to grow things for myself.
I am thankful that I was able to go out and do what I needed to today. I am thankful to be home, in my safe, isolation with my two dogs. I am thankful for the lovely fresh produce that is grown around me in this beautiful valley.

keep well blessings to you all Tazzie





6

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