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Pt 6 Withdrawal experience with a look at my garden and what is happening.

Warning please seek medical support prior to going off any mental health medication. Withdrawal from medication/s is a very individual experience and my experience is mine alone. I do not encourage anyone from stopping any mental health medication without support of your GP, Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I worked as a mental health qualified Registered Nurse RPN and RN I did not mean to do my cessation like this this it was very much situational.

Day 15. I know some of my readers have been missing my ‘normal posts’. I have been thinking about this a lot; I woke up this morning I decided to share my garden as it is right now. Heading towards the end of summer here where I live in the Tasmania’s Southern most Council in Australia.
I can not explain how different I am to how I was just three weeks ago. I am one very lucky woman, I as any of you have been reading my withdrawal posts know am doing cold turkey of the medication. Not deliberately but through situational a comedy of errors so to speak. You can read about that here

My vegetable garden is a sad representation of its normal self. A combination of how I was feeling on my medication, Busby my larger dog having a Cruciate Ligament operation, and no rain since December/very early January has impacted a lot.
My deck garden has been cared for and I am learning so much what I can grow on it and the possibilities for next spring and summer. I am planning and have planted seeds with the aim to have beets, carrots, brassicas and a few other bits and pieces from my deck.

My front entrance garden is basically just dirt. I have watered and fed it, the fact that my garden is one of the very few now in my area that is accessible and provides the native and non natives food and greens along with seeds and my veggie waste sees the front of my home at times a bit like Dr Doolittle’s or at least how I imagine it.

What I am finding as such a positive change is that I am just doing it. I am just getting into clearing mess and dirt including much to my mortification mice droppings and the odd dead one. So far no more nests. Today I began in the kitchen. The floor was/is revolting. I am so please that I have removed so much dirt and mice mess. I went into one of my storage cupboards where I have tinned items. Discovering that mice love labels, I am thankful that they have left parts of at least one, and I know that I stored them in like with like. I will have a few exciting unknown tins. Most of these are beans or tomatoes. I have not done any preserving/bottling of any sort this year. Knowing I had quite a lot of tinned items I had purchased over the last few years on top of the things I had made last year and the year/s before. I am old enough to not care about dates on tinned or jar purchased items. Similar with dried beans. I was taught by my Gran what to look for in bad or suspect tins.

I am set for Autumn and Winter lovelies. I actually feel I could live on my pantry stores for the whole of winter and only have to purchase flour, fresh veggies I might need, meat and dog food. So incredible to have this. I feel so wealthy. I also have plenty of fresh herbs, spices, and if I can ever discover where my hens are laying their eggs, I imagine as last year the dogs and I had enough eggs for our own needs over winter.

It is so hard to attempt to explain to others, that I am beginning to feel like the memories I recall off before my breakdown and how I felt. I need to reassure you that I had ups and downs back then as any normal person. I also experienced bouts of depression over the years with the extremes that implies.

What I am incredibly aware of is the possibility is ever present that once off my medication and completed the withdrawal process, there is always a chance I will need to go on medication.

The difference for me now to previous is I have changed my thinking process. I have worked through and continue to work through the feelings and life issues that created what I have lived with for way too many years. No contact with those who abused and neglected me throughout my life was the biggest intentional change along with telling them they were not welcome in my home ever again.
I am also privileged and am very very aware of how fortunate I have been to be seeing at now cost to me ever the same psychologist for several years perhaps four. Someone I respect greatly because as anyone who has mental health illness is aware so often, especially when you are on low income or as I was and remain on Government support. Your psychologist/counsellor/psychiatrist seems to change regularly. Which for me in the past has been detrimental and to have to begin again sees me avoid the whole process. It was also the problem of not connecting with quite a few of the psychologists over the years. I am not one for lectures and homework, goal setting or those positive/mindful platitudes that so many folk have seemed to feel helpful for my mental illness and getting well. If they work for you great. Treatment for mental health illnesses are as varied as the individuals experience of the illness.
Under the Disabilty pension I am on now I have access to the National Disablity Insurance Scheme gives me a certain amount of financial access to support and service to enable me to live my life. I am able to continue to see my psychologist. I pay nothing for this and I am able to see her every 3 weeks. We have been Zooming since COVID. I am appreciative as I do not have to do a return trip to Hobart every 3 weeks a round trip of almost 200kms. We are also currently paying over $1.85AUD/1.34 USD/ 1GBP/1.19euro per liter/0.26th gallon(1 gallon is equal to 3.74 litres, so one gallon of petrol cheapes andlowest rated in Australia cost $6.92AUD/$5.00USD) so for the cheapest petrol pump your own. The petrol station in Cygnet(closest village to me) has a full service petrol station. I am not aware of the price there but is several cents a litre more expensive. Oops of on a tangent. I will have a face to face appointment in a few months probably.

For me I am delighted with how I am feeling, and doing things, even with the negative withdrawal symptoms of coming suddenly off Desvenalfaxine/Pristiq. There are some that continue such as joint and muscle pain, and short shape pains like a needle prick regularly. I am still a little dizzy at times and or light headed. I am no longer nauseous. I still feel cold often and no my iron levels and all other vitamin levels that impact your body feeling cold nor am I menopausal. We are having warm humid weather summertime here!. I put it down to withdrawing. I continue to not be hungry and eating simple but pretty healthily. I cooked a whole chicken and generally eating a chicken wrap with salad. Nuts and some apples from last year. (new seasons coming Yipee). Or as tonight I made a beef laska from my left over roast.
I have to really work at myself to get to bed at good time for me. Lights out no later than 10:30pm. Preferably earlier.

As the withdrawal symptoms play around with me, I know that considering I stopped cold turkey I have been very fortunate with how little they have really impacted me. For this I am so appreciative. I know that I am one of the lucky ones so far with my experience of sudden withdrawal.

blessings to You, Tazzie

Pristiq (Desvenalfaxine) withdrawal P3

Warning please seek medical support prior to going off any mental health medication. Withdrawal from medication/s is a very individual experience and my experience is mine alone. I do not encourage anyone from stopping any mental health medication without support of your GP, Psychiatrist and Psychologist. I worked as a mental health qualified Registered Nurse RPN and RN I did not mean to do my cessation like this this it was very much situational.

Day 11. I had to go out into the real world today and tend to some important things I had been putting off. My car was booked in to have all new tyres, balance and alignment. for 11:15 Along with this I was hopeful that in the larger town near me Huonville where the tyres were being done that the Animal Tuckerbox one of the animal feed and animal supplies (not really farm but small holdings and pets suppliers) would have frozen dog meat and the RAW roll of dog prepared meat frozen as well. My dogs love it and I have it in my freezer along with the other frozen raw meats for them. The price of this RAW diet (mixed with vegies fruit and other items no grains but I add some oats or wheat to it). The 2kg roll provides 3 meals for my dogs which gives me great value AUS $12.99, USA $ 9.38 Euro 8.29 and British pound 6.90 so makes it very good quality food that I do not have to prepare. That I know my dogs love and they are so great on it.
I had slept really well on the pain medication for my toe I broke yesterday, and woke up in good spirits knowing I had planed the time I was to be away from home and get several things done.
Busby and I went outside to feed the chooks, and fill all the water containers for chooks birds wallabies echidna, and all the lizards and my local snake (if required ) along with ensuring bees and wasps also had access to water.

Busby had been with me, I moved to a different location out of sight of him, and he came across one of the hens…bugger! He would not come he would not stop chasing her, she was under the house he was under the house. I was doing all I could to not get angry. I knew time was rapidly passing and I would have to leave soon, and bloody Busby ignored me. Eventually he took off up the road! Noooo I got in the car and made him get home and I am not proud of this but I hit him with a stick three time on his rump. I did not even regret it or feel upset at the time for resorting to hitting him. (he has been hit twice in his almost 6years of life sharing this so you understand I do not hit my dogs when they are naughty. I looked at the time and had to leave. I took Treacle with me leaving Busby at home (inside with cool water and comfy bed a fan going so he was fine). Treacle and I left she was so distressed at my anger. She had been shaking. I patted her and told her she was not in trouble she was a good girl. So it was to be Miss Treacle and I two gals out on the town in HUonville.
First stop Animal Tucker Box:
I put my mask on (here in Tasmania we are required to wear a mask if indoors in shops only can have it off if eating drinking.
Walked into the shop and they had 6 rolls in the freezer not having had any for almost two months. I was down to the last two in the freezer. (The shortages are down to staffing levels due to Covid contacts, issues pertaining to hunting licenses for wild hunters, and problems with diesel for trucks and transportation supply issues. I was paying for the rolls and going to pick them up after my tyres were done. Well this went well and I was feeling very happy. I was paying for my items and a couple came into the store, neither wearing masks. I just mentioned to them that they were meant to be wearing masks inside the store. He made some smart ass comment, and I well all I can say is I could have been described a Karen. Yep triggered.. why why why! I knew with my withdrawal happening there was so much unknown on this outing. I just could not stop but he could not either. I apologised to the staff. I left but even then found there car and oh I really wanted to scratch it or cut their tyre. WHERE the FUCK is that shit coming from? Seriously Tazzie I did end up writing in the dust on their rear wiindow back to front(cause I can write that way so clever) I am a huge dick! so when He looked in the mirror to reverse he would see it. I guess I sort of vandalised his car. butt… arrrrgh…

So I have been in Huonville for all of 10minutes and that happened. My poor Miss Treacle who is sort of my good conscious was trembling. She would have heard my loud angry voice in the shop. I may quite rightly be on a Karen video. I can laugh about it now. I tried to shut up in the store and breathe but nope.

Calmed myself and my gorgeous dog down and we headed to the tyre shop. Parked the car went into see them and well I had given them the wrong tyre information. oh heck. Here I was calm and no trigger. I was highly anxious for screwing up their orders. I imagined we would have to reschedule. thankfully the owner had 3 tyres to fit, and my spare was great. I just have to call in next week when the 4th tyre will be there. all Great.

Left the car for the required hour and half as needed a alignment and balance and they were as usual so busy. Went to a great local cafe DS and one of my friends was there with her gorgeous rescue greyhound and two other human friends. I ordered lunch and milkshake realised I had not had any food this morning not even a few nuts which is a normal first thing. This would not have helped the previous situation hangry is a very real thing for me. I was able to sit and eat with these lovely interesting women. Angels were making sure I was OK. It helped so much food and frienship.

They left and I read the local paper, sitting in the shade on a glorious summer day. Blue sky and hot. My vehicle was ready at 12.30 so Miss Treacle and I went and picked it up. I thought I had transferred enough money over to my cash account so I could pay for the work. Alas an alack insufficient fund. (bugger). fortunately my bank is just across the road so I was able to sort that out very quickly. No issues apart from embarrassment at how dipsy I must seem to the owner of the place. I lost track of the number of apologies.
Interestingly as hot a day as it was I was quite cold when sitting eating my hot meal. So my body thermostat is still all over the place.
I have not had much in the way of dizzyness/vertigo. But I have not walked far. As it is too painful on my broken toe. I have had vaugeness and blankness certainly is present at times.
I was very happy to achieve the rest of my day with no more triggers. I am deeply concerned that this will be an ongoing issue. I did go on Facebook yesterday and posted a thankyou to the water cartage companies who have been working overtime providing water to those on tanks who have run out. Seems my post and mentioning the folk complaining about the chlorine in the water the cartage companies are deliverying(it is town water so both chlorine and fluoride present. Someone even complained about dust getting into their drinking water from the dirt road they live. (we have had no rain or insignificant rain since December. Not sure what people expect. Even got told off for whinging…I was thanking hard working people who had been out delivering water to folk in need after midnight.. my response to that person was show a lot more about you than me. SO no more FACEBOOK…lol
Blogging about my experience helps. Other symptoms I am having is not being super hungry. (heat could also be part of that) though my home is cool. Feeling very tired (trigger situations always feel that way post), also very hot, also in pain, pain relief may make me tired.
LAst night I was cold even with a down doona on and it was not a cold night.

My thoughts are racing and all over the place and I seem to want to shop a lot. (I normally hate shopping). I also need to replace my rear brakes, and so now am looking at how to videos not sure if I am delusional in feeling I could do it and save a lot of money. I do see my new GP for the second time tomorrow, so I am being supported in my withdrawal in a manner. I am pondering if I should just stay at home to avoid triggers, and then realise that Busby and the chooks have been a BIG trigger the last two days OMG, I know it will get better I know these are symptoms of withdrawal. Not knowing where the finite experience of withdrawal is. Reading a lot of personal experiences but so unique to each person, and whether sudden stop like me or tapered off, what other issues/mental health illnesses/ previous drug/alcohol use withdrawal, all seem to impact coming off Pristiq Desvenalfaxine.

I did clear out my boot of my car today so that is a big plus, though every thing is now sitting on a chair I am throwing away as no one wants it outside in the drive. I will deal with that tomorrow.
I am so exhausted and disappointed that I was triggered and it went so badly.

I am very much on the positives side of coming off this medication for me. It was brilliant and I am so thankful I was put on it as it got me through and I am still alive and extremely happy to wake up each morning. Thankful to be aware of what is/has triggered me and even when it is negative I have insight and understanding along with tools to manage and move through and hopefuly minimise my responses to being triggered. I know anxiety was huge and when all my plans went belly up, because of Busbys antics. I know I am much more susceptible to being triggered when I am overwhelmed and frought. As I was this morning before leaving home.
As bad as the morning went. The positives weigh out the negatives. I did not just flee home, and hide ashamed and mortified. I continued on with what I planned and the day grew into a pleasant one. I read a beautiful post by a lovely lady Rhapsody Boheme I connected very much too. I am hopeful that it is huge changes for me and new directions.

I am thankful to both my dogs, to my chooks even if they are hiding all their eggs. I am thankful to others whose writings and personal blogs encourage, help and support in so many ways. I am thankful I am doing well on withdrawing from the medication cold turkey.

blessing to You, Tazzie.

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